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 Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:30 pm
‘Icy’ ‘mountains’ ought to have hinted at enough of a combination of ‘cold’ and ‘high’ that Damissan never would have considered going near them. But, after a number of weeks’ travel through ice and snow on uphill rock, Damis would have to have said that he’d almost gotten used to it. There were pleasanter, more important aspects involved so as to make it more bearable than not, in any case.
The landscape of Zena and nature of its cities’ locations meant that the trek from Etine up toward Zidel involved few civilized rest stops. None, to date, partly because they hadn’t needed to use them and funding was no longer limitless. This meant that a great many nights had been spent camped, either within their tent or by making use of the landscape, on various portions of Zena’s mountainside. The night prior had been no different.
Damissan woke to hair in his face.
He shut his eyes again, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as he nuzzled forward until the tip of his nose touched the nape of Xilarn’s neck. The furs were warm. Xilarn was warm. It was wholly likely nothing else was and so under the circumstances he felt no rush to change his position, particularly when just a little shifting brought all of the shorter man’s backside flush against his front. He had lost track of exactly how much time he and Xilarn had spent together traveling, but suffice to say it had now been a generous number of months all told, and in the last segment there had been no one else even about, let alone involved.
It was a peculiar thing to experience, though not unpleasant. Without the distraction of society, it was all but effortless to simply imagine that the world was theirs. Out in endless expanses of mountains and white with only Xilarn for company there might as well have been no one else. And Damissan found himself curiously addicted. So long as it was solely the two of them, they didn't need to concern themselves with anyone else, and that was more of a relief than Damissan had previously appreciated—particularly as he began to appreciate the encroaching reality of their travels eventually coming to an end.
It wasn’t a prospect he liked to dwell on, but as it was one he couldn’t avoid, he had managed to at least set a few goals for the time in between. Whenever he did make it back to Oba, he didn’t want to start fresh on any path that did not involve Xilarn going forward. By that token, all that remained to be done here was to convince Xilarn of the same beforehand—and make his proposition such that the other man took him seriously.
His fingers traced the back curve of Xilarn’s arse. “Xilarn…” he murmured to the junction of the man’s shoulder blades and nape, “…are you awake?” His hand slid down as he spoke. “I want-”
Whatever he might have said was lost, interrupted first by irritating-but-ignorable squawking, a dog bark, and then—at first, Damissan did not know what he was listening to, only that it was loud, enough so to vibrate the air about them, like thunder but immediately upon them, or an earthquake? Suffice to say, regardless, that if he wasn’t awake and moving before, he did then, scrambling to snatch up the first pieces of immediately available clothing so that he could go look.
They had set their tent on this particular occasion as opposed to holing up within a mountain nook, and though he had moved with all due immediacy at the sound, the air was quiet again by the time he stepped out from the tent flap to look. Mountain breezes skirted over the ice and snow and out over the valleys beyond, but otherwise, the view was still. Calm, but for a lingering bark or two from the excitement.
Then, Damissan saw the source. Not immediately upon them, but not far enough ahead to eliminate concern for what could have been, a large section of ice and rocks appeared to have shifted, sliding a decent way down the mountainside and leaving a trail of turned earth and snow in its wake. He breathed out, his breath making a white mist in the frosty air. Surely it couldn’t be more than a minor impediment, and at least it had not slid atop them—but it had managed to interrupt him, and-
A pecking, followed by what he could only have described as ‘needy bird noises’, drew his attention downward to the moving collection of feathers at his feet, chirruping and attempting to pull any lace, buckle, or otherwise she could get her beak on. “Kaluura…” he said. “Come, you know better, you don’t have to walk…you have wings.” He held out an arm. “Up.”
Scuffle. Peck. Peck, peck-
Damissan huffed and crouched, snapping his fingers for attention and then re-gesturing with his arm to demonstrate availability. “Kaluura, up.” She had been responding fairly reliably, with food rewards at stake, but Damissan almost thought she wouldn’t now- And then, she stretched her wings, feathers stirring a moment before she flapped, and hopped, catching her talons on his forearm. It was at least as pleasing as it had any right to be. “Good girl…”
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 3:16 pm
Zenan territory was not new to Xilarn. Despite the rather shallow pool of available specimens, coupled with an overall scarcity of life to begin with, he still considered it a viable and useful hunting ground. The weather rarely turned as cold in Sauti as it did in Zena, but that didn't keep the thick pelts sported by Zenan wildlife from being anything less than a coveted commodity, particularly at the turn of the season, when snows could bluster across the plains from the mountains without warning. The mountains provided what needed providing, they were a beautiful backdrop to his home, they were so different from what he'd known all his life. As soon as Xilarn had seen the mountains from Sauti's borders, he knew he liked Zena. Admittedly, he had never traveled all the way through Zena, never for such a lengthy, continuous time on end, and never with a partner. Or rather, not with a partner who couldn't fly, anyway. If he would've thought on it at all, Xilarn would've assumed that fighting a sluggish, uphill battle through a chill enough to make his face numb would've somewhat dampened his positivity toward Zena. It didn't. He still wasn't thrilled with walking in general, but the beauty of the landscape was still there. All in various shades of white and grey, sometimes such that the horizon and the earth beneath it seemed to meld together into an infinite path before them. He enjoyed the cold, liked the travel, and appreciated the thought that came with such a vision: that for all its muted colors and repetitive shapes there still felt like endless possibilities ahead. It was an inhospitable place that he never would have tried raising a child in, but he still liked it and still found himself entirely capable of feeling at ease, despite how treacherous the climate could be. There was something else, too. Something about actually having a place he enjoyed and mingling it with various other activities he enjoyed, a person he enjoyed... It wouldn't have been the same with anyone else. Xilarn liked Zena, as much as he liked Sauti enough to build a home there, but there was no denying that the places he 'liked' wouldn't be all that they once were, now that he'd had the opportunity to experience them with Damissan. He'd always thought it would be enough to live in his home, raise his son alone, and be content with the not-too-exciting normalcy of the situation as it had arisen. There wasn't anything else he could hope for. Nowhere else he could go, nothing else he could expect to do. But it wasn't enough anymore. He didn't want to be 'content.' He wanted to be happy. Damis made him happy. His touch, his charm, his smile… The slew of antics he brought upon them that often seemed so frustrating while they were happening were still decidedly good memories. It couldn’t even be described as a simple fondness that should expected from traveling together for so long and having the same boy in his charge. It should be simple, though. It should be. But acknowledging these things in any way more than he was already doing just begged complication. Things would turn messy and unpleasant with any further complication… There would be enough of that at the time of their parting, he was sure. Too much to not glean all the enjoyment he could out of this moment. Xilarn groaned mutedly in response to Damis’ initial query, looping his arms from beneath the piles of blanket and fur atop them and shifting enough so as to invite the notion that even if he wasn’t awake fully, he was ready to greet the morning and all the blessings it might bring- Or noise. The first sounds of animals signaling warning were easy enough to tune out, considering that Xilarn was far more used to hearing the calls of his beasts. But the more notable ripple of change in the air, coupled with vibrations as though the earth were tilting were enough to rouse him to alertness with quick immediacy. Xilarn had known Zena was inhospitable and held dangers of its own different than the heat of the desert or poisons of the jungle. He was at Damis’ heel the instant the younger man made it out of the tent, and managed to be grimacing all but as soon as he’d fully righted himself. A rockslide. Enough of one that it easily could have boded poorly for them if it was any closer. Xilarn grunted. It felt as though he should remind Damis that they needed to be careful in this territory, but there wasn’t much to actually be done to prevent such things or avoid them if they happened to be directly in the slide’s path. Instead, Xil’s grimace slid away with a huff of a sigh. It could be a pain to get around, potentially very difficult for their pack animal… Xilarn’s clay-colored gaze flicked back to Damis and his almost-unruly bird, and that too inspired a vein of amusement. The younger man had thought he didn’t like animals, but here they were, traveling with four of them and even training two far-from-grown kinfa. With decent success, it seemed like. The abrupt startle that had come from being rudely woken up melted back and Xilarn eased into a smile. “We’re probably pretty fortunate that none of ours were-” He gave a sharp glance around, assuring himself that no, neither of his were buried beneath piles of snow, and, sure enough, Gadot was trotting near to the rubble with a plume of blond-and-black feathers situated atop his head. “None of ours were caught in the slide.” And then, because the first opportunity had been stolen from him, “Good morning, Damissan,” Xil hummed as he tucked a kiss to the back of the other man’s shoulder.
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 6:23 pm
Damissan had known in theory that the landscape and climate of Zena were treacherous, adding elements of danger both avoidable and unavoidable to their trek. Still, thus far their path had been relatively hazard free, a blessing given the range of possibilities he supposed, and it was one thing to understand that a potential for danger existed but quite another to witness it first hand. Damissan had never actually seen or experienced a rockslide or snowstorm before Zena. Perhaps he should have been more concerned. Somehow, though, however naive the perception, he felt safe traveling with Xilarn. The danger was out there, but it wasn’t going to affect them. It wasn’t as though he had any power over it regardless, so it did him no harm to feel secure in that regard, he guessed. Still, when Xilarn’s voice, and touch, drew his attention from the scene, it seemed appropriate under the circumstances to feel especially appreciative of the opportunity to be standing there at all. So when he turned, he dipped, catching Xilarn in a lingering kiss because he could—and because the universe had already robbed him of the opportunity to do so naked, for the time being. When he broke, he was grinning. “Good morning…” he greeted. “Have I told you what a pleasure you are to wake to?” After Kaluura decided she didn’t need to remain on his arm for the full public display of affection, Damissan let his hand drop and slip to a loose hold around the other man’s waist. There were things to be done that could probably stand getting to, now that they were both up and dressed. Breakfast to be made, a day to plan… But Xilarn had been right there until the mountain had so rudely interjected, and his skin was still warm under his clothes when Damissan’s thumb skirted there—until his palms came to a full and happy rest over what he had had so readily available only minutes before. Perhaps there were any number of things that they could have been getting to, but none of them felt urgent enough to forgo the opportunity to at least suggest: “I feel like we got out of bed too quickly…”
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Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 11:02 am
Xilarn exhaled a soft sigh of contentment as Damis dipped to catch his lips and was pointedly reminded of how unaccustomed he'd grown to having his morning interrupted by anything other than a desire for forward progress. Even though the scenery was ever changing and they were on the move most days, there was still a simple and expected comfort in knowing that when Xil awoke, he would do so with Damissan at his side. His only constant was this boy. And Xilarn couldn't find a fault in that except what came with the 'expectation:' that Damissan would be there. But only for some undetermined, yet certainly very finite amount of time going forward. The thought had his arm circling about Damis shoulder, fingers splaying out across the nape of his neck and holding him there long enough to have a better appreciation for the heat of their proximity, the fullness of Damis' lips, and the smile Xil could feel forming there. "Not in so many words, I think," Xilarn retorted as he smoothed a hand appreciatively down Damis' clothed chest. "Though I imagine when the alternative is waking alone amidst a pile of cold bedding, near anyone would be a pleasure..." He thought they would part then, at least enough to pack their things, scavenge through bags for edibles, or tend to their clearly-already-awake beasts, but Damis' hands found purchase around him, and Xil wasn't inclined to argue. With a muted sound somewhere between a scoff at a chuckle at Damis' roaming fingers, Xil touched his forehead to the younger man's shoulder. Though he would've argued against wasting the effort they'd already gone through to rise, get dressed, and head out into the cold, he wasn't sure he could argue, either with will or reason, that there was any harm in lingering just a bit longer... They'd had quite a long break in Sauti, and Damissan had had a rather substantial one in Tale as well, during the time Xilarn had traveled ahead. It stood to reason that there would also be time for one in Zena, though Xilarn would've assumed it would be in the region's capitol, Zidel and not secluded away from any civilization... Maybe this wasn't a 'break,' then. They were just biding their time until- until the day warmed. It should be fine to start moving once the sun had risen a little higher and had an opportunity to cast its rays upon their surroundings. "Mm, well, it is only just there," Xil hummed as he notched his head back toward their tent. "Hardly far at all. ...And if you waited just a moment more, you might be able to find it exactly as you left it."
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Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:16 pm
“You are a special pleasure,” Damissan felt the need to note. Xilarn had always been—hesitant in his interest before eventually giving in to it, and while for the most part, Damis had ignored whatever role his prior experience may have played — Xilarn simply wasn’t interested in over-eager teenagers, that was all, it seemed reasonable enough, moderately — but eventually, he had come to admit to himself that perhaps his own lack of prior commitment may have played some role in the man’s wariness.
Xilarn had more going on in his past than Damissan had ever appreciated in the earlier portions of their experience together, and he had reason not to want to leap into anything on a moment’s notice. He had done that already. And it had lead to loss Damissan hadn’t pried to understand in full, and a child he had ended up raising on his own.
Perhaps Damis had enjoyed the uncomplicated ease of engaging with people at whim, just for the sake of doing so, but that wasn’t how Xilarn did things, and it seemed silly to avoid paying token to the fact—Xilarn had conditioned, in his own way, his engagement with Damissan in intimate aspects on the fact that Damis had promised it was different now than it ever had been before. And it was. And he felt he had demonstrated that each day of their time together thus far since the date he had promised to do so if Xilarn gifted him the chance.
It didn’t seem to hurt his position despite all to emphasize the fact again, that Xilarn was different, even if he must have known so, than any of his prior interests — ‘conquests’ — though surely it couldn’t have been anything but obvious by now that they weren’t comparable.
‘Anyone’ to warm his bed in the morning would not have been remotely the same.
“I think I could wait almost any number of moments for the opportunity to find it ‘exactly’ as I left it,” he said. “I seem to recall a particular combined state of undress and cooperation that I would be happy to partake in helping to bring about again, though, unless you’re especially inspired to scurry back and make yourself as you were without my help…”
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Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 4:08 pm
The corner of Xilarn's lips lifted into a lopsided grin. "Fortunately, I didn't intend to keep you waiting for more than one or two..." But be his intentions as they were, the rest of the words from the other man's mouth elicited a less distinctly amused response. Neither was Xil expressly angry or annoyed so much as incredulous that the word of choice was something more befitting a frightened rodent. Far from sexy. And perhaps just a fraction too close to condescending to come from a just-barely-not-a-teenager boy. "Ss sscurry," Xilarn repeated in a soft hiss, as his fingers skated up to clutch at the fabric nearest to Damis' collar and tug lightly, tense as though he might do something else entirely and expression alight in that way that was just on the edge of acting out. And Xil did consider it. It was always particularly and unfairly easy to be irate, even over entirely inconsequential things... Then it wasn't, and Xilarn smoothed down the rumpled cloth of Damis' shirt with a dusting of his fingers and a flash of teeth. "Oh, I remember the state of things quite well, I think," Xil assured as he took a step back. "And I am not so inept that I couldn't manage getting back to said state without aid. But I do appreciate-" He leaned, touching his mouth lightly and fleeting to Damis' lip before fully retreating away. "Your concern for my capabilities, Sssire." He turned, then, back toward their tent and moved away with something my reminiscent of a 'strut' than a 'scurry.' "You can wait, and I will let you know when I'm 'as I was.'"
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Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 2:05 am
Xilarn’s moods were not always the most predictable of things. And he had always had an appreciation for the finer details of vocabulary such that when he fixated on the word and tugged, for a moment Damissan thought perhaps he could have spent a second more considering his exact word choice. They had such a promising start, and he certainly hadn’t intended-
But then, Xilarn apparently decided it wasn’t worth changing his mind over, and Damis didn’t quite catch the brief sigh of relief that escaped him just before Xilarn’s lips dusted his again. He watched the man’s retreat with some combination of fond amusement, interest of an adult variety—and something else which lingered in his chest even after Xilarn’s shape had disappeared into the tent.
Zidel was approaching.
Even at a walking pace and even with delays, it would be upon them in a matter of days to a week at most, and while there were few acute deadlines associated with anything currently ongoing, this felt like something close to one. He and Xilarn had spent thousands of hours together now all told, and yet, though they had been more open of late no doubt, there was still much that remained unsaid between them, and Damissan could not have said he knew exactly where Xilarn stood in it, or what the older man expected of their paths going forward.
Once upon a time, Damissan had left his homeland with the intent of traveling every nation, the islands of Matori included, to spread his inspired ‘faith.’ Everything had changed since then. But any changes to the plan of travel as a result had not yet been addressed—among other, more personal matters necessarily involved with the logistics.
He knew Xilarn cared about him. Xilarn had felt free to say as much, but more than that Damis couldn’t fathom any reason not to believe it under the circumstances, based upon words and action. Thus, he felt every certainty Xilarn was sincere in that regard, at least. But he was less certain of Xilarn’s readiness, at least with regard to him in particular, to invest any further than that. The older man had expressed—reluctance at earlier stages, and though things had been proceeding well since then, Damissan had not been eager to push his luck.
Xilarn had a way of deciding for himself what was ‘impossible’ between them and being offended by or refusing to take seriously anything that challenged that. It had been one other reason Damissan had resorted to language not meant in and of itself to be taken seriously at the time—Would you marry me?—in lieu of words he would have been less ready to have scoffed off. Xilarn had had much going on at the time, regardless, and it had seemed a worthwhile endeavor to wait and give them opportunity to simply appreciate the road in each other’s company.
So, he had waited. And now, after having been a very good and patient boy, he felt he was ready to be done waiting. Whatever Xilarn’s position was, it was unlikely to change in the handful of days between where they stood and the capitol and there was no time like the present.
As his eyes strayed to their tent’s entrance flap, he reasoned it had likely been ample time and he could follow after. But I will let you know, is what Xilarn had said, and after only a second Damissan concluded that ‘one or two’ moments more was almost always manageable.
Particularly when what came after was well worth it. He did want Xilarn in a good mood, after all.
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Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:03 am
When Xilarn stepped into their shared tent, tamping snow from his boots so as not to drag it about, he couldn’t help but think that there had been a very real potential to have not even made it this far, not this far in the physical distance they had covered nor so far in their personal relationship. Even at the outset, he’d thought he’d be with Damissan for no more than a month, and each day it had dragged on after that only served to infuriate him… Up to a point. But if things had continued on as they’d been- confusing, frustrating, helpless- there was no doubt in his mind that even if Damissan had persisted, Xil wouldn’t have been able to. He wouldn’t have gone on like that definitely, not for the months and months they’d been together now. He couldn’t possibly know what the exact terms of their separation might have been, but it wouldn’t have been pleasant. And it certainly wouldn’t have even been in the realm of comparable substitutes for what he had now. ’I don’t trust you.’ ‘I don’t like you.’ ‘You’re annoying, Damissan.’ ’Get out of my face.’ If he’d been as adamant with those feelings as initially intended, he wouldn’t be here now. He wouldn’t be happy, comfortable, excited to be exploring the future’s possibilities with this boy. He would just be at home. Sad, angry, and alone. It had been a very real possibility that would have led him to miss out on all of this… Xilarn shed the outer layer of his garments, dropping the heavy, furred fabric off to the corner of their space before offering the same treatment to his shirt, his boots, his pants, and everything else. He’d always known he and Damis were never going to be just ‘friends.’ Even upon meeting him, Xilarn hadn’t thought them compatible enough to form any lasting or lingering impressions. Why should they be? They were very different people at very different stages in their lives. But after that, after spending more than a few passing days with him, after learning more and more about Damis and experiencing his personality in full, Xilarn had known that ‘friends’ was well beyond his reach. Damissan wasn’t unlikable, and as soon as Xilarn had become aware of this fact, he hated it all the more. Because if he tried to be just friends, if he was companionable and open and interested in Damissan beyond a surface-level while they continued to travel together, Xil was always going to want more. He wasn’t so foolish or blind that he was unaware of that. It wasn’t that he’d been opposed to developing a relationship as it concerned Damis in particular, at least not entirely. But the ‘more’ of it came with such a daunting potential for further unfortunate mishaps that Xilarn couldn’t have said with certainty that he was ready to face them should they arise. He was horrified of how broken and defeated that particular brand of loss could make him feel. However, despite that and with his fears aside, he wouldn’t be happy now if he’d continued to be inflexible with how he was willing to let their future unfold. With a muted puff of an exhale to pull his attention back to the present, Xil’s attention flicked back to the tent’s entrance. “Come here, Damissan…”
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Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 3:42 pm
Come here, Damissan…Damis’ feet moved at Xilarn’s voice all but before the invitation itself even registered, ready for the words and already knowing what they would be, though his hand did pause for just a moment at the tent’s entrance as he drew a breath. Then, he stepped in. Habitually, he scuffed his boots to clear them of snow, but his eyes upon entry had immediately fixated, and thereafter remained locked, on the only object of true interest in the space. He felt an anticipatory heat prickle under his skin at the sight as he crouched, unfastening and removing his boots by feel while his gaze traced the open display of Xilarn’s body. He truly was a lovely man. Though Damissan had perhaps not fully appreciated it immediately upon meeting him, being that he was not in the ‘category’ Damis had been used to pursuing such interests from at that time, it was still true. And certainly appreciated now, from his solid, well-defined physique, to his weathered bronze skin, to exceptionally brown eyes—among several other very fine assets. Damissan’s eyes lingered a moment low on Xilarn’s body as his fingers found the fastenings of his cloak, worked them loose, and allowed the fabric to drop and pool behind him. He stepped forward. “I love looking at you…” he confessed, bare toes curling against the furs as he came to a stand at Xilarn’s side, and perhaps he could have speeded the process by seeing to his own shirt and pants. But it seemed easier to take a knee, brace a hand just over the other man’s head, and lean to touch their noses—and then kiss, the fingers of his spare hand coming to a light perch at the man’s hip. “I love waking and knowing I can expect to have you beside me…” He touched his lips to Xilarn’s jaw, his hand tracing in to the low middle of the man’s stomach. “Traveling with you, learning to be a better lover to you…but, perhaps most importantly-” He leaned back, touch withdrawing just long enough to rid himself of shirt and pants before he shifted his weight and was leaning back in, one leg fitting itself between Xilarn’s two as his body braced over him—enough such that when he dipped, he could bring near all of them into flush contact at once. Damissan buried a soft grunt against the skin of Xilarn’s throat, and nosed upward so that he could kiss just beneath the man’s ear. “I love you, Xilarn…and I want to have you this morning knowing that you know that I do…”
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Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 9:29 am
All but as soon as Damissan entered the tent, Xil’s attention held on him, pinning to Damis’ frame in a lazily expectant way. He wouldn’t have thought he’d appreciate so much of Damis’ focus while his companion was still entirely dressed, since he didn’t hold to the notion that Damissan thought there was anything of special interest about him. Not that Xilarn thought he was unattractive, as far as middle aged men went, but he did assume the younger man was accustomed to— and maybe even preferred— classically ‘pretty’ people in his bed, when they were available.
The deliberate and almost reserved nature of Damis’ words elicited first a confused blink, then an altogether unexpected thrill that set his heart racing. He kept his fingers from wandering, instead remaining as he’d been besides just tipping enough to catch lightly at the other man’s mouth with his teeth as they kissed. “And I will stand by you for as long as you’ll have me,” Xil replied once Damis broke away to finish removing the rest of his garments.
He reached as Damis returned to him, one hand reaching low to settle on the other man’s leg while the other curled around the back of his neck, holding him near even as Xil turned his head to allow Damis room to kiss. And then his voice was directly in Xilarn’s ear, tone soft with the heat of his breath skirting over the side of his throat. Xil’s hold around the man in his arms tensed.
For the span of no more than a moment, Xilarn felt the erratic thrum of his heart in his throat, could almost taste anxiety on his tongue, and had little coherent thought except unwavering refusal because why. Things had been going so smoothly between them that interjecting any amount of change into it begged complication that he didn’t want and hadn’t asked for and probably couldn’t handle. They’d been so good together, and the capital was still days away. There would be weeks on their journey yet once they started moving south again, and there was still so much time before they needed to work out anything more. He could not possibly believe-
Except as soon as the sensation had come, bringing with it a slew of concerns allowed to run amok in his mind for only an instant, another took its place just as adamantly, easily eclipsing the negativity in favor of the realization that things had been going smoothly. They were good together.
Whether whatever he’d started with Damissan had initially been born from a necessity for something easy— they couldn’t have continued on as they had when they set off— or from a genuine mutual attraction, the reasons didn’t much matter now. Even if he’d been wary, even if he hadn’t trusted Damis with the prospect of ‘more’ and was stubbornly insistent on maintaining those beliefs, there wasn’t any evidence that the younger man would lie to him. There wasn’t any evidence that he was insincere. With all they’d done together, all the miles they’d traveled, all the nights they’d shared, all the dangers they’d faced, it should be obvious.
It was obvious.
And it should come as no surprise that for as much as Xilarn treasured their time together and dreaded— feared— an end to it, Damis might have grown some sort of appreciation for the differences between what they had now and what he was accustomed to. Xil could argue that there was just as much chance as not, but it didn’t feel like it in this moment, with Damis’ body hovering over him and unusually soft voice in his ear, with the world around them entirely devoid of another person for miles and miles on end. As it turned out, he could ‘possibly believe’ the truth of the words, and, more importantly, had already believed them before they were even spoken. There was too much behind them to question it.
He’d known even before they’d slept together that if Xil allowed himself that openness, Damissan was a boy he could easily fall for. What he hadn’t expected was for Damis to feel the same because why should he? Now that the words were in the air, and Damis had been the one to take that initial plunge, he couldn’t not admit to wanting them voiced.
In only a few suspended moments from Damis’ initial confession, Xilarn’s thoughts latched and clung to that notion. “I know,” he murmured. “I know you do, Damissan. If I do nothing else, I will try to be worthy of that for as long as we’re together. You don’t deserve less than everything I can give you.”
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Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 4:52 pm
When Xilarn tensed, Damissan felt certain for a moment that he did not breathe. It had occurred to him—no, he had thought, to the extent that he had thought about it at all, that he would wait, if not much longer then at least until the very earliest of the morning’s activities had concluded so as to avoid spoiling it on the chance that things went far worse than he hoped. But that had felt like a similar excuse to the one he’d given himself every day prior for some time and in the moment it had seemed that the potential benefit outweighed risk.
He wanted the words between them, and he didn’t want to regret that.
Fortunately, Xilarn’s tension did not last long, and whatever thoughts might have flit through the man’s head at the time, he didn’t feel inspired to share any words that were immediately dissuading.
‘I know…’ was perhaps not the most ideal of all possible responses that could have been hoped for, but combined with Xilarn’s touch, it was enough to have Damissan shuddering, rocking forward, and it occurred to him to argue as the man went on. Xilarn didn’t need to ‘try’ to be ‘worthy.’ He already loved him and it wasn’t a matter of worthiness besides. ‘As long as we are together’ sounded distressingly indefinite as always, and why even mention it if not to emphasize the impermanence of it?
And it didn’t matter what he ‘deserved.’
People didn’t always get what they deserved, and no one deserved anyone else by virtue of wanting them, no matter how sincerely, and it felt almost maddeningly frustrating for a moment to be told he deserved ‘everything’ Xilarn could give him—but somehow that ‘everything’ did not include an answer. A single, simple answer since Damissan had already done the hard part by inviting rejection or any answer in between. Quite against his better wishes, the small seed of anxiety that he had carried with him into the tent—which he had hoped to have extinguished by now, small as it had been—blossomed with the suggestion that the only logical reason to engage in vagary now was that Xilarn did not feel the same, and was hoping to delay an end to the pleasantness of unanswered questions without lying to him.
Damissan swallowed down the small knot in his throat and shut his eyes. Perhaps an answer simply wasn’t something Xilarn could give yet—though Damis struggled to imagine why—and if he was simply delaying inevitable disappointment until he could safely depart after depositing him with his parents and avoid upset…
Damissan decided he wasn’t ready to know.
He had thought that he was and entered with some confidence, and at this particular moment he may have hoped for more resolution and less questions. But suddenly there was too much at stake to push. If the time between them was finite, he still wanted to spend each of the days remaining kissing the man beneath him, and Xilarn hadn’t turned him away. Clearly he was welcome to at least that much…
His teeth pulled lightly at the lobe of Xilarn’s ear, and he willed himself to focus. Of all the things he might have said, he didn’t particularly trust his voice with any of them, and so it was easier to tuck his attention elsewhere: to the beat of Xilarn’s pulse in his throat, to the rise of his collarbone, to his chest. There, he pulled back, though only enough to pluck up a nearby necessity—fortunately now a staple fairly reliably within reaching distance of wherever they set their bed furs—before settling more fully between the man’s legs, and touching a kiss to his stomach.
He didn’t mean to look, afraid his eyes would betray something he wasn’t ready to chase if he did so too soon, but as his fingers traced in along Xilarn’s skin, it was difficult not to—and impossible to be disappointed when he did. No matter where it ended, they had come quite some ways since the first time he’d managed to find himself in this position. It was better now. It had to be.
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Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 8:36 am
Silence.
Initially, Xilarn would have thought nothing of it. His attention was sufficiently distracted elsewhere by the brush of Damis’ lips, the skim of his fingers, and the heat of his breath. Xilarn’s breath left him in a quiet rush, and his lashes fluttered shut.
It was obvious. That had been his own thought—the reason Damis’ admission had even been believable when he couldn’t fathom any more specific ones. It was obvious. If the thought had crossed his mind at all, he might have assumed the younger man either felt the same in that assumption, or maybe that he wouldn’t care to have that particular string of words mirrored back at him on the spot, that it would be enough to have them said at all between them. Xilarn was happy for that much. If nothing else, he wanted it at least known that he was pleased.
But his answer hadn’t come out quite as he’d intended. Or rather, Xilarn had said what he’d wanted to say, without the effect he’d been expecting. Despite his best intentions—’I want to make you happy, Damissan’—it was apparent that he had failed in that regard. The words were still true of course, not lies nor inaccurate to the best of his knowledge. Xilarn even thought they were among the most not-distinctly-negative things he could have said. But not satisfactory enough.
Maybe it didn’t matter terribly much. Even Damissan didn’t seem intent to comment on it…
Which probably should have been evidence enough, when he was dealing with a boy as expressive and outspoken as Damissan tended to be. When Xilarn’s eyes flicked open again and landed on the young man situated between his legs, he became more acutely aware of that fact. It was the same moment Damis’ gaze lifted to his, and ******** if Xil couldn’t suppress a muted groan of approval at the sight and a less pleasurable niggling that something was amiss when it shouldn’t be.
They should both be noticeably happy in this moment, he thought. Xil still had doubts, if not for immediate sincerity, than for what it actually meant for the time between them and whatever future lay ahead, but Damis had said he loved him, and he was happy to hear it.
“Gods, you’re so beautiful, Damissan,” Xilarn murmured as his fingers skimmed up from Damis’ shoulder to rest atop his head. He pushed himself up on an elbow, hooked a leg around his waist and tugged, gently, to coax him back up toward him. “I think I’ve tried really hard to give you everything you wanted- to make you happy, to be exciting enough to keep you entertained, to do anything that you needed me to do. I love you so much. And I have tried to be more than anyone else could give you so that our time together would be worth the struggle I put you through at our meeting.” He leaned, touching their foreheads together and angling such that his lips brushed Damis’ when he spoke. “I would keep trying, for the rest of my life, if it would please you...”
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Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 9:27 am
ADULT CONTENT REMOVED HERE Quote: Intimate relations have been pulled from the course of the RP, PG13 situation continues after love making is complete and Damis and Xilarn are free to go about their day and discuss business. For some period of time after that, it was easiest not to move, and he saw no sufficiently inspiring reason to do anything else. Xilarn was a warm, welcome weight in his arms, his pulse a gradually calming drum beat under his skin, and everything beyond that was slightly more complicated. But, perhaps given the ground already covered, it wouldn’t much of a hurdle any longer. After some indiscernible amount of time such that the facts of life demanded action be taken eventually, Damissan tucked a contented exhale against Xilarn’s hair, kissed a shoulder, and made careful work of moving back. It was still morning, and though there was no rush to anything, there was still plenty of day ahead that probably could be spent in slightly more productive ways than laying naked in their tent. And, the more he came to himself, the more appropriate it seemed to at least breach the thought that had been waiting until after other revelations. “We should probably decide where we intend to head after we reach Zidel, since we should be there in a matter of days now…” As he shifted back and finished with his own clean-up, however, there didn’t seem to be any need to immediately abandon the concept of naked-in-bed. If they were talking, that was productive on its own, surely. “I had originally thought Matori, but much has gone on since then…” He dropped to his back on the furs at Xilarn’s side and tipped his head to eye the other man. “It seems to depend less now on hitting every map point and more on how long we would like to avoid returning to Oba…I have never been to Matori before, but if you are especially eager to meet my parents again I wouldn’t feel completely indisposed to putting off that portion of…” ‘… my?’ “…our world travels until some later date. I suspect the water would be warmer than anywhere else we’ve been, though, and if you aren’t eager to meet my parents again…I don’t suppose I blame you and do promise not to hold it against you.”
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Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 9:31 am
Xilarn’s breath escaped him on a muted hum of an exhale as Damissan’s arms threaded about him, and then they were still. He reached back lazily, dusting his fingers down one of his lover’s cheeks before twisting back and laying a kiss to the opposite one. “You do, quite consistently, know how to please a man. In various ways,” he murmured, tone soft in the now near-silent confines of their tent. He settled his head back to rest against his companion’s shoulder and puffed out a sigh. At least when it was just the two of them, out amidst nothing but the wilderness, it was easy to find a moment of that perfect peace, where no one disturbed them, and there were no pressing matters clawing at the back of his thoughts, begging for attention.
He waited until Damis began to shift about, then peeled himself off and forward with a grunt, before stretching the kinks from his legs and back and… not actually feeling any pressing desire to do much beyond that. The resolve to not was strengthened as Damissan settled down onto the furs at his side, and Xilarn decided any tidying he needed to do himself could wait until he was more fully prepared to make effort toward his day. He folded his arms beneath his head and settled his chin atop them.
“I wasn’t aware there was any decision left to be made,” he retorted. Sure enough, Xilarn had been reasonably content with the ‘plan’ they currently had for going forward, despite his initial reluctance to go on any lengthy journeys at all. Even after they’d come to terms with each other in Tale, he’d still had his own personal matters such that he couldn’t simply enjoy the travel for what it was and spent too much of his thought on concern for things beyond his control.
But all of that had been taken care of. He could enjoy the trip now, and the time he had with this boy.
He tipped his head to the side, enough to shoot his companion a wary, skeptical look. If it could be helped, he did intend to stick to whatever plans they’d made, and he’s always assumed Matori was part of that plan, particularly after having already come so far.
Except… That was it, wasn’t it? They had come so far. Damissan had been away from home for months and months, and Xilarn could understand a certain desire for wanting to return to that normalcy. Extended travel could be exhausting, and they’d been at it for likely longer than Damis had ever been away from home in the past. Nevermind that Xilarn, personally, was still quite unfond of Damis’ homeland- a sensation that only grew with continued uncertainty over what might happen once they made it back…
At the specific word ‘avoid,’ though, Xil expected he wasn’t the only one with uncertainties.
“Are you tired already?” He prompted quietly. “If you are ready to go home, I don’t suppose there’s anything stopping you, but I did think it your goal to visit as many places as you could. But no. ‘Eager’ isn’t the word I’d choose to describe my feelings toward anything in Oba.”
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Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 9:34 am
I wasn’t aware there was any decision left to be made…
“Mmm…” As Damissan eyed him, he supposed he didn’t know what to have expected of Xilarn’s wants—but perhaps this was the more likely of the two in retrospect. At certain points, Xilarn had wanted for their trip to be over, but that was of course all before—everything. After that, he couldn’t recall an instance Xilarn had suggested anything with regard to making their return anywhere faster, but for his occasional cautionary words about pecuniary concerns. That still seemed more related to a general nature to be frugal combined with not wanting to run out of anything, which made particular sense if they were going to continue for as long as possible.
And to him, it was good news. A relief, even, and a promise of more time before they had to worry about anything. He was ready to — in some fraction, at least, if he needed to be — but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel it might still be more pleasant to savor the opportunity they had before them as long as it was practical.
There was nothing truly deterring them from taking one more pit stop along the way. At present, another number of weeks with Xilarn uninterrupted by exterior expectations was more welcome than not, to say the least. Thus, at — Are you tired already? — he shook his head, and grinned easily, stretching across the furs.
“Not at all. I’ve never been to Matori, you know, and I would love to see the beaches. I just thought I ought to ask, since circumstances have shifted several times since I initially laid plans for my…‘journey.’ And…” His eyes took on a playful light, “…older man that you are who appreciates stability and can find my annoying energy to be exhausting at times, I thought I might at least offer respite from travel sooner rather than later…” A pause, “…if that was something that you wanted…”
He cleared his throat, and smiled again. “But, since it isn’t, I’m excited. The water will be warmer there. And less…immediately deep. Plus it gives…time.” Which was always nice. He had things he wanted to accomplish, after all, particularly now that he had an affirmative answer under his belt with regard to at least one baseline factor. But he hadn’t let himself take any concrete steps beyond that until he had gotten this much at least and now—it left between where they lay, to Zidel, and then to Matori, and back.
Time enough, Damissan hoped. Of course he couldn’t ever be certain, but he was optimistic.
Lacing his hands behind his head, he spared Xilarn a glance. “So, in the mutual interest of delaying what is almost certain to be an at least initially mildly unpleasant reunion with the realities of the world together, do we have to get dressed? How dangerous is the periphery of a rockslide, on a scale of one to ten?”
It might have been something to have asked sooner, in retrospect. But nothing had happened yet, and so far that was a good thing on that front.
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