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 Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2017 11:08 pm
 It wasn't as it there was a dearth of women for her to annoy in person, nor was it the fact that mares were suddenly catching wise to her act.
The fact of the matter was that she... was in love!
No really this time she swears! It was love at first sight! She had been using a newspaper to hide (unsuccessfully) from an ex when she saw it, a grainy 2x1 portrait in black and white of Phony City's very own brand new advice columnist.
And she fell hard. And this time it was real, the same thing she said all the other times she 'fell in love'.
So, she did the one thing any respectable red blooded pony would do, She made up flattering problems to force a pretty girl to talk to her.
It was foolproof.
Dear Agony aunt,
Lately I've felt like I've been working out too much, while I look amazing, I haven't had time for anything else. How am I supposed to look as gorgeous as you and have free time to myself?
Love
Gymrat Jammer
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Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2018 11:45 am
Agony Aunt squinted at the letter she'd received. When she was done squinting at it, she held it at arm's length and squinted at it some more. This didn't sound like much of a problem, but then, her column was fairly new and she didn't have a ton of options just yet. She took out her pen and wrote what appeared in the next day's paper: Dear Jammer,
It sounds like you've gone from gym rat to gym rut. Have you thought about setting up some time to show off your gains to your friends over a nice protein bowl after you finish your sets? Or working your way up to getting your hydration down with some friends offsite rather than in the gym? You don't have to start all at once: I would say, after you finish your usual reps, do your gym selfies in your mirror at home rather than at the gym itself, and work your way down from there.
Your lovely advice columnist (thank you!)
Agony Aunt.
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Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2018 1:37 am
Thank you! She said thank you! And she even called herself lovely, which she was but that was sure as hell something for a girl she's never met in person before.
And who could be described as a pony she never met at all considering her heart was all aflutter for the advice columnist persona.
One of these days Riot was bound to fall in love with a cardboard box with a pretty girl drawn on the front and she'd have nobody left to blame but herself.
But that was a problem for a future point in time. Today the problem was thinking up imaginary problems to have so a stranger is forced to talk to her. Really, her life is just so hard.
Dear Agony Aunt,
Thank you so much for your earlier advice, I tune into your column on the daily and it was so exciting to see your reply. Your writing is so witty and intelligent, I find myself getting a little jealous. I'm not really all that eloquent in my speech so all I really have to fall back on to impress the ladies is my charming good looks. But you know what they say about looks. What's your advice to a girl trying to be the whole package?
Love,
Jealous Jammer
She had never once in her life used the word "eloquent" and yet here she was busting out the ten dollar words to impress strange women in newspapers.
It had taken Riot two whole hours, and a thesaurus just to write out a question. The more she wrote the more she realized that she was trying to put the moves on an "intellectual" and the last time she tried to do that she made an utter a** out of herself because she didn't know the word 'presumptuous' and turned out, it wasn't what she thought.
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