Ever since just before Halloween - specifically, since the giant spider had proven to be a mean bully that hurt her, Rhian had been thinking a lot. Though if she was going to be more specific, she had started thinking a lot after she had recovered enough from the sickness being bitten had induced in her system. Until she was better there really hadn't been much chance to think about anything, since she had been too busy seeing things and trying not to be ill. But once she was better, she'd found her mind occupied - and not by her usual and preferred silly, happy thoughts, but by thoughts dark and dismal that she couldn't fully escape.

Mister Spider - Coffinite - had been so offended by her parents' absence, as if it was a far more terrible thing than it was. They were busy! They worked a lot, they didn't have time to deal with a daughter who spaced out and didn't conform and - and wasn't even theirs by blood, anyway... Rhian hadn't mentioned that to her friend, and had no intention of doing so. The fact that 'Brady' wasn't the last name she was born with, that she'd been given up once already - those were things she preferred not to remember, most of the time.

So she didn't.

It was... easier to fill her head with cottony thoughts, silly, wistful things like butterflies and dandelions and cotton candy. And maybe over time those thoughts had become more real to her than the unpleasant ones, certainly moreso after she had come into her power as Laodica. She only wanted to help people, to be good, why was it wrong to have nice, fluffy thoughts rather than sad and gooey ones? She didn't know, but was starting to wonder if that was why it was so hard to make friends. She tried so hard to be nice and helpful and talk to everyone she could, but she still haad ears. She knew 'airhead' was used to describe her a lot, along with 'crazy'. And... hearing those terms hurt, so she forgot them.

...Forgetting was always easier.

But ever since the spider, forgetting had been harder. Taking refuge in her happy thoughts was... harder. She hadn't been sleeping well, hadn't felt up to talking much to her classmates - even those she got along with. Right now, she was taking refuge in a cafe's corner booth, sipping a hot cocoa and staring absently at her fairy tarot deck laid out before her. She wasn't doing a reading - was afraid to find out what itmight be if she did - but rather simply peering at the cards themselves, and thinking.

Slowly, Rhian sighed and an a finger down the Tower card. Maybe... maybe things weren't going aas well as she'd like. Maybe she didn't have any idea what she would do with herself once she turned 18, once she had to learn to be an adult in a world that already didn't like her. Maybe she couldn't run from her own problems by trying to make other people happy, anymore...

But what could she do?

The short answer was that on her own, she couldn't do anything about it. She was too disconnected from the world, and she didn't want to reconnect much, not when reconnecting meant hurting, and she was far too devoted to not hurting to ever easily accept that she couldn't avoid it.
She could ask for help, Rhian supposed, but who would she ask? Coffinite had already done so much that she didn't want to impose any longer, and the nice lady she had met when the doll attacked had said they were on opposite sides and supposed to fight. She hated fighting, and besides, she didn't know how to track her down anyway... Sighing again, she packed her cards away and took another sip of her hot cocoa.

If she couldn't sort herself out on her own, if she couldn't turn to Coffinite, if she couldn't ask someone on the opposite side (what were they even supposed to be fighting over, anyway? She wished she understood more of what was going on, what was expected of her), then... what was left?

... There was one thing, if she could hunt down the information.
Sipping thoughtfully at her hot cocoa, Rhian decided to do the one thing she had always hated doing: remember the things that hurt the most. As much as she didn't want to do it - as much as she hated doing it, it might just be the only thing that could help her work out what to do. Floating along and being carefree was great... but it was starting to wear thin, and she didn't want to break into itty bitty pieces that couldn't put themselves together again.
Or maybe she already had, and this was her trying to sweep up the pieces.
"I guess I need a really good broom," she said aloud to herself, and had to fight down a giggle. It was an absurd thought, a silly thought, but she liked being absurd. Only maybe not quite to the degree she had been lately, if it was enough to make people worry about her or call her crazy.

As much as she didn't want to lean on Coffinite any more than she had been - and she wasn't going to, not for this! - she... probably could use his help in searching for the people she wanted to find. Spiders were really good searchers, she knew! And besides, this was something she could probably eventually pay her spider friend back for. Being able to pay him back and maybe help him eventually in turn would be really, really nice. Spirits beginning to rise at long last, Rhian brushed her fingers over the mostly-healed spider bite on her arm and began to hum to herself. She wasn't going to wallow in sad thoughts any more - she had a plan, or at least a plan that would help her make a plan, and maybe even a little hope.

... And more than a little curiosity, if she were to be honest with herself. Even if she didn't reconnect with anyone from her birth family, she was still curious to know how they were doing! Maybe some of them were even magical superheroes like she was! (Not that she could ask... but it was still nice to dream!)

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