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Mercy was many things, but at her core she was as her named described her. Though, tempered somewhat by adversity, pain, and the loss of certain parts of her innocence. She would still be able to approach and pet a unicorn though - that innocence she still retained and was like to retain it for at least another year or more, her relationship with her boyfriend moving at a proper - dignified (i.e. glacial) pace. (Much to her chagrin, but she’d never openly admit as much.) All the same, her tempered mercy was more than enough to drive her to see Julian out of her older brother’s musty old hand-me-downs. Thankfully they had fit the older man, but Jonathan had inherited the fullness of the Haynes tall genes, so he had already been quite large near the end of his high school term. Still, she’d rather find Julian clothes that fit HIM, instead of the castoffs of her prep-jock brother. Not just his frame, which was thinner and more lanky than her brother’s, but his inner self, his style.

Her outfit had been carefully prepared for the coming cool. It still allowed her to show off her figure - something she was finding herself more comfortable with, if slowly. She had no need to impress Julian, granted, but there was always the chance they could bump into Nick and if Mercy could invade his thought anymore than she already had - well - all the better. She was a patient and well mannered girl - true - but she was also spoilt and sometimes it showed. Her father’s insistence on sheltering her at Crystal had not helped matters either. Still, she’d focused her attention on the older man who might as well been younger - it felt odd, but she had told herself she would not allow the darkness inside of her to win.

She loved him out of spite - which was hardly a healthy way to start a friendship or even a pseudo-family with someone - because, there was a dark, vile thing inside of her that would have seen him scoured from existence. There was guilt there, deep down at the core of things, but she refused to let it color her treatment of him. Julian was not who he had been. She probably could have argued he was innocent of anything he’d done while a youma - having not had any humanity left to reason beyond the instincts of his baser needs. Could have if she had not met a half-youma and known that some still possessed reason and faculties. But, Julian was not on trial for the crimes of Bazzite. The two were not one and the same.

The same, however, could not be said of Sabine and Mercy. She was sure she had blood on her hands, one way or another. But, it didn’t do to dwell, and Julien’s newly bought innocence did not deserve to be sullied by her guilts. So she talked of birdsongs and changing leaves, enjoying the fresh faced innocence as it was. Once she knew she had been that pure of heart - but no longer.

As she wandered the racks, she did try to keep an eye out for purple labels, not that it really mattered. Her allowance would net them what they needed and then some - discounts or no. She pulled a plaid flannel shirt from the rack and turned to give Julian a smile.d

“If you see anything you like feel free to grab it. We’ll sort it all before we pay to make sure you have a few outfits before we go.”

Mercy’s discomfort stemmed - mainly - from Julian’s past as Bazzite. But, there were other, small things too, that worried her. Out of politeness she’d never voice how offputting it was for her that a grown man spoke with the same cadence and flow as a child. She supposed that made her… what was the term? Ableist, yes, right… Tumblr was teaching her so many new and interesting terms… She knew - hoped - that with time and practice he would get better, but that didn’t make it any easier in the now. It also shamed her deeply, and she resolved to get better about it. One of the benefits of dealing with her post traumatic stress on her own for so long was she’d been able to fake happiness, using the saccharine shell she’d developed over the years as a shield to keep the sadness and pain inside. Her therapist called it internalizing - said that it would delay her overall recovery. But it was that or break. She didn’t have time to break.

The blouse was lovely though, and she quiety added it to the pile. “Thank you-” she had said, about to downplay the compliment when Julian said he wanted to buy her something. For a moment - the merest flash of a second it wasn’t Julian standing there, tall and awkward, but Nathaniel, young, with big hopeful eyes because she had taken her to the store with him and he wanted to be a big boy and buy her something and he found the beanbag unicorn (third shelf, fifth from the left, Ser Glitterhoof) and had still had enough left to get himself a candy bar. She blinked back tears, and carefully wiped at her eyes, faking a yawn to try and cover it up.

“That is very sweet of you Julian, thank you,” she said with a small nod, glad that her voice held steady and did not reveal the warring emotions in her heart. She gave him another smile, and nodded her head. “But save some for yourself too - it's your money.”

As they passed the rack of leggings she opened her mouth to point out that - no, generally boys did not wear leggings - when she felt the disapproving glare of Ginger upon her, and instead bit the tip of her tongue.

“You can wear anything you want, Julian,” she said, hoping the lie would not come back to bite her square in the rear. “If you want some leggings grab some.”

She was also snagging him warm weather clothing as she could find it - it would not be winter forever.

Mercy had nodded and had been about to turn around when Julian's words struck deep. Mercy had been tortured before - well, close enough to it by her standards. Had the cut on her back (the only evidence of its existence being a long, thin, white scar on the small of her back) been any deeper, it would have been very likely she'd of never walked again - or been there to save Julian. It had been a close thing - and the doctors had been AMAZED at her recovery. That had been the night they had summoned their wand... Had truly become a court. The first time they had purified a youma as well - though it had drained her completely and it had been all she could have done to stay alive.

Julian - in contrast - had been easy. He'd come willingly. Had wanted to be freed of the pain of his monstrosity. There had been no bloodshed - a light scuffle with the General she had sworn to kill. One day - she would. She would not tell Julian. She was sure - despite all the pain and the torment, that the man still loved the General he'd served. Some bonds were hard to break. But she would not see him come to harm again.

But his words stung. They brought back memories of sleepless nights. Of tears, and cold sweat. Of rushing to the bathroom and retching and heaving from the panic and the fear. The fire, the blood. The looming youma, her body cradling the pain beneath her as she gave herself up for lost, knees too weak to move from fear. The one person who had tried to help her - help that she had turned down as she sobbed and shook from fear. From weakness.

The innocent, bright eye girl that had been both Sailor Sabine, and Mercy Haynes had died that night in that fiery hell. Even now, fire made her twitch. Smoke make her heart race. Sweat sticking to her skin as she bolted awake in terror from a dream she didn't want to remember on waking, both frozen cold and blazing hot. If she closed her eyes - she could feel the fire on her face, hear the screams. She the dying, the dead. Her stomach churned, the world spun.

And then Julian started to cry.

This poor man - who had been a monster until just recently, with no place to call his own, no family to speak of save the ones he so desperately clung to now because they had saved him. She looked at him, as he started to shake, standing there in the thrift store aisle, trying his best not to cry openly in public.

She moved to him, and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close to her smaller body as best she could. Surely it could be easily misunderstood - but she didn't care. She gave the poor lost boy a hug like he was the only sold thing in a raging gale.

"It's okay to cry, Julian." She said softly. "I have bad dreams too. They can be really scary sometimes. There are nights I don't sleep after. Nights I wake up in a cold sweat and just curl up in my bed and cry. It's okay to cry."

"Crying means you're human."

His words burned.

There wasn't a better way to describe the pain his innocent words lashed upon her heart. She wanted to tell him how wrong he was to put so much faith in her. How she was not the girl he thought she was. That his love could be so much better placed in the others than her. They would love him unconditionally. She knew Ginger did. Sita didn't have a single hateful bone in her body, and Phact was the elder sister she'd never had - one she did not want to share with Julian - but knew at the end of all things, that nothing could stay the same after what had happened between the five of them.

They had plucked him from terror, pain, and endless torture - to a life that might hold the promise of redemption. But a part of her, that dark - angry part, had desired nothing more than the removal of his existence. She had quelled it that night - for the most part. The guilt had remained and it still did. She bit her lip and squeezed him harder for a moment, her own body shaking as before she slowly relaxed.

She should tell him. She - HAD - to tell him. But not now, not here. Not in this place.

Pulling back, she gave him her best sisterly smile and bowed her head. "Awww, of course we can Julian! Thank you." She smiled. "Then we should grab some lunch - my treat."

Then she turned slowly, making sure to stay close to him as she guided him to the toy section. Doing her best to play the part - the role she needed to play. She did not want to hurt him. But, she couldn't bear to lie to him anymore either.

It killed her inside - to hide from him. But until this was done - it was all she could do.