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 Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 4:14 pm
Kerberos found himself running after every Captain aura he picked up, these days. It wasn't usually the person he was looking for, but usually he was able to withdraw before he was noticed and it got dangerous.
Sometimes it started a fight, but a touch of his magic made for a great escape mechanism.
This time, though? This time it was the right one.
"Fangite!" Kerberos called his name, leaping off the roof he was on and down to meet him. "How have you been?" His voice was gentle, and warm, and he wanted to pick him up and spin him around but he restrained himself. "It's been...a while."
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Posted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:23 pm
He'd found himself walking back to where it all happened. Back to where he'd spiraled even further into hell. The pull of a senshi aura on the edges of his sense did little to keep him from jumping when his name was shouted. He knew that voice well. "Kerberos..." He said with a sigh, wandering away from the park bench and over to the blue haired man. His fingers twitched as he reached out to tangle it in the familiar blue hair. "Kerberos..." Came the quiet reply as he moved closer, nuzzling his close despite the laurels in the other man's hair, and letting his actions push his hood back.
How have you been?
The question made his pause before a light whine crawled up his throat. It had been a while... And oh boy how he had ******** it all up. "...Can... Just... Hold me for a bit alright?" He muttered, trying to hide his face. "I'm tired Kerb... I've ******** up... Everything's so messed up. I'm so confused."
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Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:00 am
to say Kerberos was surprised by the blatant display of affection was to rather vastly understate. Still, he wrapped his arms around Fangite and held him close, because there was nothing else he could do. He absolutely wasn't going to let go, certainly, no matter how long it had been or whatever Fangite thought he had messed up.
"I've got you," he said, reaching up to run his fingers through Fangite's hair. It was funny - even though Fangite was leaning on him, clearly distressed, there was no changing that being close to him made Kerberos feel safe in a way few other things did. "I'll hold you for as long as you need me to, and then we can talk when you're ready, okay?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:52 pm
He doesn't say anything as Kerberos pulls back just the slightest to lead them over to some trees, where they hide in the shadows. But by the time Kerb has guided them to the ground and has cradled his body with his own, there's a steady stream of tears flowing. Fangite isn't sure how long he sits in silence, letting Kerberos coddle him and whisper soft things to him as the tears roll down.
"I've really made a mess of things.. haven't I?" He said finally. Fangite stared past Kerberos at nothing in particular. "Do... do you remember those dreams?" He asked again, after another moment of silence. "Those dreams... where I was a nameless knight?" Where he acted like nothing more then a zombie. A brainless pet for a brainwashed Kerberos, who was just the pet of another alienated corrupt. "...I feel like I'm there again... Like I've been living that life for the last few years... But I only just realized it recently." The Captain mumbled quietly.
"I... I did something bad, Alex."
Noir Songbird Yeah.... that's not a typo... Fangite is feeling very very small right now
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2017 1:23 am
Kerberos was content to hold Fangite for as long as he needed; cradling the man he loved against his chest and letting him cry wasn't exactly an imposition. There was so little he could do to make things right for Fangite, but this was, tangibly, something.
"I remember," Kerberos said. As if he could forget being cracked open and remade. As if he could forget the terrible, awful future he'd run from. "I remember all of it. Fangite, why didn't..." His breath hitched on a sob of his own. It was a terrible thought to imagine him living like that again, broken apart. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." He said, finally.
The name was like a shard of glass in his heart. He knew it - it was the name he'd signed on his letter to Fangite before he purified - but it wasn't his anymore.
"What did you do?" He asked, gently. "Whatever it is, I promise, I won't judge you."
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2017 10:36 am
Fangite tilted his head slightly, gaze flickering to Kerberos. "Why didn't I what?" He asked softly. "Come find you? You.... You've got your own life now... You've got friends and people who..." The Captain found himself tripping over his next word choice. "Who... love you... You're free of this chaos... I wasn't going to take that away from you... You didn't need that."
His gaze slipped away and again Fangite stared off at nothing. "You were there though. For a bit. You made it easier to deal with." It was easier to manage with Alex there as a distraction... Something to keep himself focused on. "You left... yeah but... I was never mad at you for it." Fangite sighed quietly.
A broken laugh ripped it's way from Fangite's throat then. It was odd, with the tears that ran down his cheeks "If you judged me for this, you'd be a bit of a hypocrit... Considering you did this same thing, once." To Caledonia.
"I had someone corrupted."
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Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2017 10:53 pm
Kerberos winced. "Not...like you," he said, voice soft. There was Judas, and he adored Judas, but Fangite was a hole in his heart that remained unfilled. He ached to have him back. It had been the hardest choice he had made, to leave him. "I can't say I'd have gone back to the Negaverse, but...I could have...I don't know," he confessed finally. "I just wish I could have been...more."
He swallowed. It hurt, in a way, to know Fangite wasn't angry, because Kerberos felt like he should be.
He waited, patiently, for Fangite to explain, suppressing the desire to flinch away at the reminder of his own mistakes. This wasn't about him.
"Tell me about it," Kerberos urged, gently.
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:37 am
Fangite's gaze flickered back to Kerberos for a moment. The question of 'Who is it' hung between them, unspoken and unanswered. Instead Fangite sighed, closing his eyes and nuzzling against Kerberos' neck. "I wouldn't have wanted you to... I knew you were miserable." Alex had probably told him once or twice, but he never listened. "I wasn't about to drag you back into all this.."
"You did what you could." He said quietly. "It was enough. You didn't have to stick around for me, but you did." Even when all Kerb wanted to do was run. He stayed. "You helped more then you could imagine."
Fangite sighed, waving a hand listlessly. "Her name was Mimisbrunnr. She was a Squire of Mercury I believe... I found her one night. She told me she was... Chaos poisoned... or something. I don't know, it didn't make sense to me but I just rolled with it. I told her I could help, but I lied. I called a Sovereign and had him 'help' her..." A choked noise crawled out of his throat. "...She was my friend... And I betrayed her without so much as a second thought."
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Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:42 pm
Kerberos held Fangite against him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "I was happy, for a little while, when I was with you," he said. It was the closest to a good thing he'd had in the Negaverse, even if he'd let it feel poisoned. He loved Fangite - as far as he knew, he always had. "And I could have just....been there for you. Looked for you more. Found you more often."
There were a hundred could haves and should haves.
"I tried," Kerberos said. "And I stayed. because I love you." It deserved to be said. Fangite deserved to hear it, to be reminded.
He listened to the story and felt a pang of grief - for Fangite, burdened with the same terrible guilt he carried in his heart around Caledonite, and for Mimisbrunnr, whoever she was, whose light had been blackened by Chaos.
"That's what Chaos does to you," Kerberos said quietly. "It....crawls into all of the darkest places in your heart, and it makes you do things you never would otherwise." He sat back, parting just a little from Fangite so he could look him in the eyes. "You made a terrible choice," he said, because he wasn't going to sugarcoat it, "but it isn't the end of the world. You regret it, and that matters, and I think your friend would forgive you, if she could."
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Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2017 10:26 pm
"I know you were." Fangite said quietly. It had showed. "No.. You did your best with what you could. I'm sure it was tough on you, but you made a choice that would put you better off... You staying here was only hurting you. I knew that." Fangite could see the underlying panic and worry that Kerberos had had with the Negaverse. Even if the purification was a surprise, it was not completely unexpected.
"I know." He repeated. "You did and I love you."
"I'm... not that bad. Am I?" Fangite wanted to hope, to believe that his mishap with Mimsbrunnr was just because he had been tired and burned out from everything. "If... If I had been more together, more aware... of things. Had a better handle on myself... I want to think I wouldn't have done it." He shifted when Kerberos moved, and turned to look at him. He flinched at the senshi's words, sucking in a breathe of air in a hiss. He was right of course. He had made a terrible choice, and now he had to live with it, and himself.
"It gets... better." He mumbled. "Or worse... I suppose, depending on who you ask." Fangite sighed and scrubbed at his face before rubbing his neck almost awkwardly. "...Do... Do you remember Ga- I mean Natron?" He asked, suddenly avoiding the senshi's gaze. "Mimsy... She didn't like my attitude about the whole Natron situation I guess. She thought it was stupid that I hadn't gone to look. So... She dragged me into the rift on a '50/50 chance of him not being dead.'." He mimicked, even going so far as to add air quotes.. "And well... She... She was right..." Fangite suddenly felt oddly defeated.
"He wasn't dead. We found him. We got him out... He's... He's alive Alex..."
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Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2017 9:28 pm
Kerberos gave Fangite a very sad smile. It was true - the Negaverse had been killing him, and if he'd stayed, he couldn't be sure what he'd become. Or maybe he could be. Maybe he'd seen it, and maybe he was desperately running from that now.
"Well, I mean," he said, "you aren't bringing me in. You coudl, you know. Just grab me and hold on and teleport off, and have me corrupted, and I'd be right back with you." He tilted his head to the side. "I don't think I'd even be able to be angry at you for it. I love you too much for that. But you're not doing that. And you wouldn't. I think that means you aren't lost."
He fell silent and listened as Fangite told the rest of his story, and his breath hitched in his throat.
Natron was alive.
Natron was alive.
He wanted to be elated. He wanted to be thrilled that he was okay, that he'd been recovered from the Rift, because he'd been a dear friend, but --
He'd thought Natron was dead. And he'd slept with Fangite. Which meant. Oh, God.
"I'm glad he's alive. I'm glad you have him back," Kerberos said sincerely, because he was. Fangite deserved that. "and. I'm sorry. Tell him I'm sorry, for leaving, and for. Um. Other....stuff."
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Posted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 9:51 pm
"I could..." He agreed. "But I just... I don't have the strength for it." He admitted. "Plus... I've already hurt you plenty of times... I don't... After everything I've done to you, you don't deserve to be treated like that." Kerberos deserved better. So much better.
"...I love you too." The words felt foreign on his tongue and Fangite found himself wondering when the last time he had said them was.
"I'm... I'm scared Alex. So much time has passed.. Things have happened, changed. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I should do... He's at home now sleeping... I should be too. Airi said I passed out not long after we got him out but... I just had to get out. I panicked and ran..." Fangite shook his head, sniffling softly. "...He doesn't know. I haven't told him about... us. I don't know if I want to... What do you think I should do?" He asked quietly.
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Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:42 am
Kerberos nodded. "See? You're still you." He said. "You're still a good person. You're still the person I love, no matter what terrible thing you've done." These were all things he had heard, and he was feeling pleased with himself for being able to say them. He actually...felt like he was helping.
He felt his heart clench when Des said those words. I love you too. He tried not to focus too much on that, or on how it made him feel. This wasn't the time.
"I can't answer those questions for you," Kerberos admitted quietly. "I think....I think it's important you be honest with him. I think you should tell him about us, because he should know." He reached out and squeezed Fangite's hand. "But it's up to you. We can...pretend we never happened. I'll. Be okay with that, if that's what needs to happen."
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Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 10:18 pm
"Don't feel like me." He mumbled, leaning back against Kerberos and closing his eyes. "I haven't in a while..." There had been times, where he felt whole. Sure. But they were far and few between. None of which had been after Kerberos had left. Fangite snorted quietly and shifted, trying to leach whatever body heat he could from the senshi. Despite the layers to his uniform, he felt as though he were freezing. "You have horrible taste in guys..." He said flatly. It was true. Fangite had lost count of how many times he had to go chase people away from Alex and random hours of the night. "I don't know, and I don't understand why you love me." He said quietly.
"I never said I wasn't going to tell him." Fangite said suddenly, wary of Kerberos' tone. "Just that I hadn't... Things... Things have been crazy since we found him. Like I said... I panicked an ran... I haven't been home since." Part of him wondered if it was instinctual to run. Just the shock and surprise of it all, he hadn't know what to do. Another part thought him a coward for it. "It happened." He said quietly. "Nothing is going to change that. I won't let it."
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Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2017 3:00 pm
Kerberos wanted to cry with relief when Fangite said that nothing could change what happened between them. It was true, of course - nothing would ever erase that for a little while, Kerberos had everything he needed. But he'd have been willing to pretend, if it made Fangite happier.
"Okay," Kerberos said, and he closed his eyes, leaning in to press his forehead against Fangite's. "I think you need to go back to him. Talk to him. Tell him you missed him -- welcome him home. He needs you right now. And if you need me, just...you know how to reach me."
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