[Reg]After hour walks. (Acubens and Kiuchi.)

[Sleet Tempest Snape]

After his talk with Remarque, which had gone well, the dark mirror senshi of gorgon's had decided to take a walk and hope not to be caught. He really didn't think being caught walking about would be a good thing, it could look really bad for them if someone wanted to look at it as such. It could look like sneaking about, like he'd sorta just done with Remarque.

It was a risk though but it was one he was taking in the hopes of exploring a bit...and tiring himself out. He was a bit too awake to sleep, which was unusual for him, he figured the issue was just his nerves over being in such a unfamiliar place and feeling unsure of his safety here. He liked to think the Queen really was safe though, he hadn't seen anything indicating otherwise. He didn't believe everything which left her lips though, especially not about her being tired. She might have been tired but he was sure there was more to it than that.

Moving on slippered feet down another hall he was surprised to hear noise, more than he was expecting to hear, and went to investigate. Finding the room the noise was coming from he peeked into the room, not sure what to expect. He was spying in someone else's home after all, and she had said all the living people on this planet lived here in this one building. So it really could be anything he would encounter. He was figuring it would be a native to this planet, not a dark mirror senshi...it was hard to tell really since everyone was powered up and everyone was in this building. He couldn't tell, not without more focus, that it was a dark mirror inside the room. Not with all the auras so close - all in this palace. It was too fine a thing...trying to pin point everyone more precisely.

Sweenys_Revenge

 

[Sweenys_Revenge]

As calm as Kiuchi's talk with Remarque might have been, talking with Acubens presented a distinct danger of explosion. Not that it would have been Kiuchi's fault if Acubens did lose it, but she was, however, have a very difficult time keeping her tamper in check. She was frightened. Frightened not only for herself, but for her court. For everyone in this castle, both trusting and untrusting of their captor... or host, if you preferred. It was evident in the way her already naturally wild curls seemed to somehow come alive in the blur of her constant motion. The way they were frayed and frizzy now, having raked her hands through them millions of times in the last hour as she poured over volume after volume. It was evident in her wild eyes, pupils blown into panicked black holes that betrayed the calm she worked so hard to maintain on her face. Even her movements were twitchy and erratic.

Needless to say, Acubens was nervous.

She flipped through the volumes that lay open in a ring on the floor around her. She moved like a hummingbird, flitting from one volume to the next, muttering uselessly to herself as she copied down portraits and maps and endless pages of text that she might try and puzzle out later. She recorded anything and everything. Without a clear lens through which to look, however, it all felt useless. She was, in every sense of the phrase, busying herself.

And it was grating on her.  

[Sleet Tempest Snape]

Spying Acubens on the floor, she really seemed distraught...or maybe just...yper. He wasn't sure what term to use, what applied to her right now. Kiuchi couldn't know, he didn't know what she was feeling and thinking. Whatever was going on though she seemed filled with energy. "Acubens....?" He whispered while slipping into the room and closing the door behind himself.

It really wouldn't' do if someone walked in on them and saw this. he didn't know what anyone else would think of her inviting herself into the library and poking around. It might offend or upset someone.

"Are you ok?" He whispered while shuffling his way towards her. While she seemed rather wild in appearance, at least her hair did anyway, he seemed set for bed given that he was in what had to be pajamas though they were a bit large on him and the fabric hung a bit so it fluttered around him some. It did a good job of hiding his slender, lean, frame as the fabric made him look a bit bigger than he was.

"Acubens...." Whispering again as he drew closer to the other senshi.

Sweenys_Revenge

 

[Sweenys_Revenge]

Sleet Tempest Snape

Acubens was silent for a long moment, and it almost looked like she hadn't seen or heard Kiuchi at all. Or anything for that matter. She settled on one book and began scratching out notes. It wasn't until her notations suddenly stopped that Kiuchi might have noticed that something was very... very wrong. Inside of her head every single last insecurity blazed into existence. They burned into her mind like a brand, smoking and stinking of cooking flesh. They set up tents and made a camp fire on her front lobe, looking for all the world like they were never ever going to let her be alone ever again. She sat, hunched over a book and her journal, motionless as the weight of her short comings came crashing down on her.

She wanted to jump up and scream. She wanted to hurl the books across the room as hard as she could. She wanted to break everything in sight. She wanted to make a mess and bleed and scream and stomp and cry because anger was so much easier to deal with than abject helplessness. Agony ripped through her veins like a wild fire, rending her flesh and leaving it to smolder, stinking on the floor beneath her. It blazed white hot in her eyes, blinding her to anything but her own pain. Her own suffering.

How can you keep them safe when you don't know what's happening? You aren't trying hard enough to uncover the answers... you don't really love them do you?

"Yes I do," came a broken whisper that maybe only she could hear.

If you did you would have already solved this riddle. Laverna is right. You. Are. Useless.

Some small tortured sound escaped Acubens' lips signalling the breaking of the damn that held Acubens together. Maybe Laverna was right. Maybe she wasn't fit to lead. Maybe she was prideful and blind. Maybe Avior was right. Maybe she didn't care about anyone but herself. Maybe Diadem was right. Maybe she was jealous of the Queen reign. Maybe... maybe...

Acubens doubled over, her arms wrapping around herself to keep the crack that she was sure was blossoming on her chest from growing any larger. She hadn't felt like this since she was still Micah. This endless riptide of panic washing over her, dragging her under over and over until she finally sucked in a lungful of water and lost it. Was she making any sound? Her vision narrowed to the marble floor beneath her and all she could hear was the mockery and vitriol in the three voices in her mind. Their cruel hands rending her apart. Their wicked smiles as they stood over her mangled corpse. She was rocking, back and forth, as she doubled over on herself, trying to soothe the panic that threatened to take her life but to no avail. There were only the caricatures of Laverna, Avior, and Diadem standing over her. There were only their vicious smile smiles. There was only her own panic.  

[Sleet Tempest Snape]

Watching, silently, she didn't seem to be moving...or doing anything. She had been writing, though what he didn't know, and then she just...stopped and it seemed like she had done so for no particular reason. Silent and unmoving....it worried him. Moving closer, but not touching incase he got her attention and it was in some violent manner, he went to find a desk nearby to settle himself on so he could watch her.

It wasn't until he heard her words that he moved. The swinging of his leg stopped and he stared for a moment before slipping off the desk and onto his feet, being as silent as possible, he moved closer to her again. Stepping over books circling the other. He wasn't expecting what happened next - none of it.

He wasn't sure what he was witnessing but he didn't like it, it needed to stop. Acubens looked to helpless doubled over on the ground. She should never look like that, it wasn't normal for her. Moving over to her he knelt down and hesitating for a moment he reached out to touch her. Waiting to see if there was a reaction. Finding nothing, not winding up clawed or hit, Kiuchi finally moved as close as he could and wrapped his arms about the others figure.

"Acubens..." Was this what a panic attack looked like? Was that what was going on? If so should he get help? But he couldn't leave her like this on her own...right? "Acubens...please..."

Sweenys_Revenge

 

[Sweenys_Revenge]

Sleet Tempest Snape

Somewhere, in the roar and torrent of her own personal hell, Acubens picked out a sound that did not belong. It was a thin thread dancing on firey winds, but it was enough. She caught the reedy sound in greedy hands and held on tight, grasping the sound to her heart like the life line that it was. The sound was followed closely by a sensation. A weight, hardly noticeable in her current state, but like the whisper that tied itself around her and refused to let her go, this sensation wrapped itself around her shoulders like a blanket and warded off what it could of the flames. And like the thin voice, she clung to the feeling of weight on her back desperately.

She looked up with ruined eyes when her hands met material. She should recognize the face... she knew it... but there was nothing. But she knew that the face was dear to her, as she was to the owner of the clothing to which she now clung, and for the moment, that was enough for her. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, Acubens knew that crushing shame would wash over her, though the reason for that shame was beyond her... she would find out soon enough, she supposed.

Her panic raged on, albeit calmed and shortened god only knew how much by the presence of her companion, and soon enough her white knuckled hold on his fuku loosened and her wild cries diminished into broken sobbing.

She knew that face. God damn it, she was supposed to be strong for him. And here he was, holding her head above water while she flooded. That shame that she knew she would face washed over her with the same ferocity that panic had taken her, and she hid her face behind a fall of thick red curls.

"I'm sorry Kiuchi," she whispered. "I'm sorry." Though what for was beyond her.  

[Sleet Tempest Snape]

He'd never witnessed a panic attack, never had one himself. It was something he was unfamiliar with but he wasn't an idiot. He had noticed when she seemed to calm, at least a fraction. It wasn't a lot but he would take what he could get. He let her grip at his clothing as he held onto the older senshi. He would have tried running his fingers through her hair, but honestly he thought his fingers might get tangled in those wild curls of hers. Her hair was wilder than usual and he didn't want to pull on any knots or get his fingers tangled in the curls. It would only hurt the already panicked senshi of raptors.

When she finally spoke he shook his head, moving to pull her against himself. "Nothing to be sorry for. You worried me...are you ok now? Or...better?" Since he doubted she was all good, as if she hadn't just had a panic attack and wasn't now hiding her face from him.

"You don't need to be sorry. You're human." He was just glad he was here for her when she needed him, not that he'd timed it. It just seemed to work out well for her, which he was glad for. He couldn't imagine going through what she just had and with no one here for her.

"Do you want me to help you to your room?"

Sweenys_Revenge

 

[Sweenys_Revenge]

Sleet Tempest Snape

He wasn't running. And, Acubens realized with a sudden surge of pride that almost brought her to tears all over again, that he was actually standing strong by her side, holding her up with his own strength. Would that have happened when they first met? Would it have happened last month? As the fog cleared from Acubens brain she saw Kiuchi with new clarity. He held on to her and propped her up both physically and emotionally, and Acubens sat, a ruined mess, in absolute wonder at what Kiuchi had grown into. When had this happened? When had he gotten so strong?

She actually smiled as realization dawned on her like a sunrise.

It had happened right underneath her nose. When she wasn't looking and when she was. While she was with him and when he was away from her. Had it been his star or his calling or the mirror? Did it matter?

In the end it didn't. Acubens pivoted in her knees and pulled his to her, fighting another wave of emotions that pulled at her. Kiuchi had grown. She remembered the fightened senshi at the battle in the park, discovering himself as they went. She remembered him when he moved in, garbage bag in hand, looking for a home. And now here he was, taking care of her when it was her job to be the caretaker. She knew he was right, of course. That she wasn't the superhuman that she wanted to be, impervious to panic and to sorrow. And that she had to lean on the people who care about her. And somehow, knowing that Kiuchi had grown so much made it easier to surrender some of that control to him and be taken care of. So she leaned in to his much more slender frame and let herself cry. A less panicked sound than before, and mixed with the overwhelming pride she felt for him.  

[Sleet Tempest Snape]

Shifting a bit, as kneeling was rather uncomfortable for long periods of time, he plopped down onto his a** and pulled the other closer than she'd already been. It seemed, at least he thought so anyway, that was calming down despite the tears that were soaking his bed clothing. Hopefully it dried before he finally found sleep, he rather liked this set of clothing.

"Acubens...." Trailing off, unsure of what to say, and how to say it, he held her for a few silent moments before finding his voice once more. "What happened?" It was simple, it had to be. If he got wordy he'd just stumble over things and worry about wording things poorly, or potentially upsetting the other in some way. She was vulnerable at the moment, in an emotional sense, and he didn't want to hurt her.

"I can help you to your room...umm I mean - if you want to go. Rest might be good." Considering she had just had a panic attack and what not. Rest would be a good idea - right? At least he thought it was, that it made sense.

Sweenys_Revenge

 

[Sweenys_Revenge]

Sleet Tempest Snape

What happened? Well, that was certainly a good question. One moment Acubens had been alright and then in the next, she wasn't. That was it. But that was how panic worked, wasn't it? Since she corrupted it had happened once before with this intensity -- during the battle in the park, when she'd seen her brother's specter, blaming her for his death. This time it had come upon her when she had, once again, failed to find any answers. Had the two been connected in some way? Folded protectively into her best friends' arms, she was able to think a little more clearly, using the weight of his body as an anchor to this reality. She sniffed and calmed the last aftershocks of her panic, her mind growing ever sharper as she did so.

"I just feel so..." So what? What was this feeling? This hollow... emptiness within her? This strange aching thing in her gut? The voice in the back of her mind whispered in her ear again, giving her the answer as soon as she asked the question.

Useless

"Useless. I feel useless. Like I'm all talk and no action. Maybe everyone right, and I'm not half as good as I think I am. Maybe I do keep ******** up."  

[Sleet Tempest Snape]

"Don't think that. Right now we are all useless. We don't have information and without it we can't do anything." Shaking his head gently, even if she couldn't see it. Shifting a bit he kept his hold on the other, the bed shirt he wore falling off of one shoulder, as he fought off the urge to yawn. He should get to sleep soon, or at least try to. It just seemed like tonight would be the first time ever where he couldn't find sleep, though he really did want to sleep. His own nerves over being in such an unfamiliar place were bothering him, he was nervous and scared...uncomfortable.


"Everyone has a time when they are useless...when they are out of their element and can't do anything. I'd say here we all are allowed to be...I mean...not to upset you. But it makes sense....so don't let others words bother you." Trying to take the sting out of his words, or at least the self perceived sting.

"What can we do here?" Nothing, wait, learn, explore. There wasn't much at all.

Sweenys_Revenge

 

[Sweenys_Revenge]

Sleet Tempest Snape

Acubens straightened herself and wiped the tears and possibly snot away from her face. She made a sad sound as she wiped at the wet spot that she'd left on Kuichi's shoulder. He was right... there wasn't anything that they could do except... try... and she wasn't willing to stop trying.

"When did you get so strong, anyway," she asked with a small smile. "Pretty soon you won't need to cling to anyone anymore. You're getting your own pair of strong legs to stand on." There was more wonder in her voice than sadness. It was parenting in extreme miniature, she supposed. Pride was not the word she was looking for. There was so much more inside her at the moment. Every emotion to the absolute extreme. It caused her tears to flow all over again, though for a much different reason. She threw her arms around Kiuchi and pressed a kiss to the side of his head.

"Have I told you that I'm proud of you," she inquired. "You're right... we can't do anything right now. Just sit and wait but... well you know that I've never been good at just sitting around waiting for something to happen."  

[Sleet Tempest Snape]

"I didn't - I'm not...I - I just...I mean you looked out of it and then you needed help." So he'd done what he could, figuring it wouldn't be good to leave the eternal on her own especially not in a place like this. He could leave her...she was a friend and like family - she had taken him in. She'd offered him a home, though she hadn't been the first to offer him a roof over his head.

"Doubt that...I still get nervous and want the comfort." He needed the comfort really, it was perhaps what gave him strength and confidence as he lacked both on his own. "I think...I think what I'm getting from everyone, whether I know them or not, is giving me what I need. On my own...I don't - I can't." But with others, when he was needed, he could manage on his own a bit more. He was growing, he knew it, but he didn't remain so strong on his own. It just seemed to evaporate like it had never been there. For now though he could be strong because Acubens needed it and because she was here, even though he was still nervous over this new place and wasn't sure what to make of it all.

"I think you have..." Wiping at her tears as he held her, her arms about her and her lips pressing to his head. "I know...but we need to - for now. We can observe...and learn. For all my own weaknesses and insecurities...I did go to Azure Valley High and Romano's." Both of which had good reputations for their education, especially Azure Valley High. He was smart was what he was saying. He was smart he just...lacked in many other areas.

Sweenys_Revenge

 

[Sweenys_Revenge]

Sleet Tempest Snape

"That is strength, love," she cooed softly, wiping happy tears from her face. "Stepping up when you need to. Fool hardiness is easy. Hell, look at me. But being there when you're needed... that's special." Her smile widened to reach her ears, threatening to split her face in two. Not everyone could say that... she certainly couldn't. Chione's face fluttered into her mind, but she pushed it away. If she was with Chione, that made her a target. Not just for insidious figures that may or may not be lurking around every corner but... to those of their own. Looking for reasons to cause friction.

Offering opinions no one asked for...

"And you're right. Observation is going to be our best chance... try and find something. That's why I'm here." She swept her arm at the circle of books that she had positioned herself within. She wasn't gaining anything but... it made her feel at least a little useful.

"You go on a head to bed. I'm going to stay up a little bit more." Or all night if her nerves stayed as scattered and frayed as they were in that moment. "Thank you, Kiuchi. For just... being you."  

[Sleet Tempest Snape]

Was what he'd done special? He really didn't think so, it was just doing what was needed - what was right. Right? Watching Acubens smile he was sure it meant a lot to her, more than it meant to him...or just something different. Maybe there was something he wasn't seeing, possibly because he was on the inside and trying to evaluate his own actions? Because he was him and Acubens had a different view because she was she?

"I don't think it'll help here...words here are different. I wonder how words here are different but we understand her spoken...." That was odd now that he was thinking about it. Was nothing written in English? She was speaking as they did...or was that something magical? If it was magic why didn't it apply to what was written down in the books? Maybe magic was in fact limited in some way? It had, till now, seemed rather limitless but perhaps that was due to him still having those wide, awe filled, eyes of someone who had just discovered a whole big universe.

"Ok...but go to bed -please. We need the sleep." Unknowing of the fact he'd be unable to find sleep tonight, and that sleep would play hide and seek with him for the next few nights...and he'd lose.

Sweenys_Revenge