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 Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2017 5:45 pm
It felt freeing not to have the ring on anymore and the luxury of lying and not answering at all came back like a warm blanket from having been exposed to a chilling wind.
With the noise of the others growing fainter and the flickering of the fire, soon they were just under starlight and could just hear the waves on the shoreline and the rustling of the palm trees.
"Why do you care about me so much? I was an a*****e back there." He said, looking over at him.
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2017 8:52 pm
He told America simply that if he didn't text her within an hour, she could make a Jones Island Rescue Brigade to come find him. This wasn't because he feared Mevin, but rather because he really, really didn't want to deal with more sea crap, but was paranoid enough to set up a backup plan.
"You," he said simply, "need someone t'talk to."
Dawson walked along the shoreline, one hand in his pocket, the other holding the runic torch.
"Or a walk," he added casually. "Walks're pretty good."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:45 am
"I need someone to take a mallet to my brain and fix whatever is wrong with me." He said, looking out and then back at Dawson.
"I didn't say a single damn thing to him. I left him alone. I know stuff about Rep and I didn't even touch any of that and then he had to butt in and be a complete a*****e to bring up everything. I don't have my s**t together but neither does he."
"I should have slugged him for that." But he hadn't because he waited to hear his own answers pulled from the ring. If anything, it had been the best therapy he had in years - not that he actually had sought out any therapy.
"Do you think I need a counselor?" It was a stupid question to ask someone else, especially since he and Dawson didn't meet regularly for him to know much, but maybe an outsider looking in could give him the most unbiased answer.
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 6:24 am
Dawson opened his mouth, closed it, and thought.
"I don' know you too well, Melvin," he began after a moment, "but from what I unnerstand, you been through a lot've pain n' heartache, n' you might not be runnin' in good company t'deal with it. Question ain' about what I think; question is, would you wanna do counseling?" He looked to Melvin. "What d'you wanna get from it if yer thinkin' about it?"
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 7:17 am
He thought about it a moment. "Back on track? I don't think growing to change is bad but I don't know where I'm even headed anymore. Everything feels loose. There isn't any grip to it. I'm not the person I once was but I'm not great either. I'm not even sure where I am half the time."
He ran a hand through his hair and a little seastar fell out. "I don't know. You saw it back there at the bonfire. Do you think thats normal?"
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 8:01 am
"I don' think it's fair callin' bein' magically forced t'tell the truth normal," Dawson pointed out, mouth quirking. "C'mon. Pop a squat with me fer a bit."
He stopped walking and took a seat in the sand, inviting Melvin to do the same. After planting the torch upright between them, he faced the sea. He'd always thought watching the waves go in and out was relaxing in a hypnotic way.
"It's normal t'feel lost sometimes, though," Dawson continued. "Mean, stuff we go through ain' exactly what people oughta. I ain' a proper counselor, now, but I like t'think I'm a good listener. Think sometimes someone's gotta remind y'all t'take a step back, see what's up with yerself. Job's important, but so's yer wellbein', yeah?"
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 9:01 am
He slowly sat down and looked out to the water. "It's strange this island isn't being attacked too. I'm concerned about what it could mean." Out there the island could ve overrun just like it had with the horsemen. The only difference was that they didn't have a mirror to help them feel helpless.
He let his fingertips dig into the sand. "I don't know if I can properly focus on what my life is. Everything feels blurry. Like I have had this time to process and I still can't make sense of it. I feel cheated but numb. Just the idea of being angery makes me tired half the time. Feeling anything makes me feel tired. I wanted to wear the ring just to make sense of where I was at or felt. Like - I wanted answers."
"I'm not sure if that makes sense. Whatever the case, I dug at everyone else too."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 9:39 am
"Prob'ly that we'll get hit again by somethin' else if we don' get some cavalry up in here," Dawson said, still casual. "But we'll survive, yeah?" The tsunami had waterlogged him, but that wasn't the worst thing he had suffered, and it wouldn't be the last. That wasn't the focus of the conversation either way, so he let that thought get pulled in by the waves in silence.
It felt odd to just...sit still. Dawson had been on his way to try and upgrade some of his runes in HQ before being dragged to the island, and he opened a pouch at his belt to get the tools and stones out. It felt good to keep his hands busy as he talked, even if he was squinting to see by firelight.
"I think it makes sense," he said. "You come here one way, get thrown through a meat grinder've emotions n' events, come out another way 'cuz it shaped ya. N' losin' people you love, tha's hard no matter who you are." And Dawson's voice had that somber and quiet edge to it that said he knew at least something of what Melvin had felt, much as he was trying to be neutral. "So you go through a lot, 'til eventually the heart n' mind, they're anxious enough 'bout all the stuff they take care've, so they say they got enough. Tha's when you start gettin' the numbness."
He was paraphrasing from what little materials he had parsed through prior to announcing the House of Hope's casual counseling sessions, but it sounded alright.
"So, if yer feelin' like things're blurry, let's uh...Let's try clearin' that up some." Duh, Dawson. "Baby steps first. When ya get emotional, d'ya always get tired? Get any oubursts like back there? Or d'ya go through life in a haze mostly n' ya don' know? Heck," he amended, "how 'bout this: how d'you feel most days? Like jus' normally."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 9:59 am
His attention flickered to Dawson as he carved, trying to keep busy as he talked, and he had to wonder if he always fidgetted like this. His tone of voice was soft but felt solem. He wanted to ask but he had asked a lot of prying things that he decided to keep quiet.
"I usually can't tell how I'll react. I think it hurts more when it's someone I care about jabbing me back or someone who thinks they know everything about me who never bothered talking to me. That's the times I just go off. I get defensive and stop caring what the person has to say anymore.
Other times I just kinda float because it doesn't feel like any of it matters. Any of the words and people. They are just there and I'm there and what do they even care? What they say is just automatic and doesn't mean much. I just keep thinking that it's not real."
"Most days I just wanna work myself into the ground so I can be too tired to think. So when I go to bed I don't think about who else is in the house and what they are doing. Just hope I can black out and time can finally move to maybe something better. Something simple."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 12:32 pm
Dawson nodded as he picked at a niche in the rune. He needed some time to process all of that, though.
"Tell me 'bout yer livin' space," he said to Melvin. "You got roomies? Town or dorms? Big space, small space, all that."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 1:04 pm
He watched him carve.
"I have my own dorm room. It was upgraded when Lawr and I lived together before we got the house. When things changed, I moved back in and just kept it as storage or a place to nap if I was just going to go back to work. I used to keep Rin's things there. It didn't have much. I never really bothered getting nore furniture once we moved out. It got destroyed by the recent horsemen attack anyways."
"We got a house over a year ago in Town. Lawr had his vision and I just liked helping it along. It was nice to think of the futire and a place. He isn't so great with construction and I knew a little from reconstructing the greenhouse with Rin but we still had to get help with stuff. The design of it isn't much my style. Very white and modern but that's all Lawr, but it's nice to live in a house again like back home. Like normal people."
"Rodney has his own studio.. .was something that happened when he was first invited to live with us. Give him a space of his own to work - before everything happened. He sleeps with Lawr now in the master bedroom. I just took over one of the empty rooms we had. Melody, Malkam, and Mik used to live with us but they moved out. Now its just the three of us."
His viaion was unfocused as he looked in the dorection of Dawson's carving. "There is a garden Lawr tends to and a white fence. That's about it."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 1:25 pm
"After all of that, Dawson merely scratched his beard and asked, "Why not move out? Get yer own place?" Having spent quite a few months off base to help with the maintenances of other bases, he knew next to nothing about Lawr's relationship shifts and preferred to keep it that way. Though...Rodney? Really?
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 2:38 pm
He slowly looked away from the carving and at Dawson directly. "Because that's what they want and it's my house. If I leave, then they get to be happy." And he smiled.
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:19 pm
Feeling Melvin's gaze, Dawson looked up from his work and met it.
"N' goin' back to that place over n' over makes you happy too?" he asked. "You said it's yours, but from yer description, it's soundin' an awful lot more like Lawr's n' Rodney's."
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:34 pm
"But if I leave, I won't even have that. I fought to be there and to claim it. It's mine and what little I have. If I leave, they get to be happy. They get to feel like their actions deserve to be rewarded. That it was all fine, and that I should just limp out with my tail between my legs like someone who never deserved to be there in the first place. That it was the right thing because they were given some sorta blessing. My blessing. I'm not about to do that. I'd burn that place down before I let them have it. He took everything else. He won't take that." He said, looking back out to see quickly at the thought.
"Making him happy doesn't make me happy."
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