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 Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:05 am
Evan had seemed distracted ever since he got home from the library. He had avoided Cambria when he was dropped off, partly because he didn’t know how to broach the topic and partly because he was afraid to. He didn’t tell her about Tobias, or that he’d gotten ice cream with him and a ride home; instead, he went straight into the kitchen and began to organize and clean everything he could there before spreading his efforts to all rooms in the house.
It was easy to avoid just her; Zac was a bit more pushy that she was, but only because he seemed to know that the only way to get Evan to talk about something was to pry, but Zac was out for tonight.
After the first fifteen minutes, Evan thought he knew what he wanted to say, but every time he tried he wound up chickening out. He would pause and turn to her, words on his lips, and always managed to shake his head and shuffle away. More than that, he was checking his phone more than normal. Sometimes he seemed like he was trying to text someone, and sometimes he just seemed paranoid.
Finally, he decided it was time to make dinner, though the real reason he drifted into the kitchen was simply because it was his safe space. It was there that he decided he was brave enough to finally speak to Cambria.
He stood over the stove, prodding at the vegetables as they simmered in the pan. He saw Cambria out of the corner of his eye and drew in a breath.
“Hey, Cambria?” he finally asked; he’d noticed that she’d been watching him, but she was so kind and respectful and always seemed to know when he needed space and when he needed someone to pull him out of his own mind. He figured she must have been close to asking, the way she seemed to stay near to him.
Just in case.
He glanced up from the stove and offered her a quick, almost shy smile. He was nervous and turned his eye back to the food, as if it needed constant attention.
“I was wondering, if you’ve got a minute. Can I borrow you? I’ve…I’ve got a question.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:08 am
Cambria had been worried, wondering just what had happened to Evan to make him start acting like this. Had he run into a Negaverse Agent? Been attacked by a youma? She hated when he got quiet and fidgety like this, it worried her more than anything, so when he finally spoke up, she gave a small sigh of relief. “You know I have all the time in the world for you, Evan. That shouldn’t ever be a question.”
She reached out and pushed a piece of hair out of Evan’s face. “Are you okay? I know you went out to the library today, did something happen on the way home? You didn’t get hurt, did you?”
Honestly, that had been something that Cambria had been concerned about ever since Evan started going to the Library alone. It was great for him to get out, she wasn’t denying that…but if he did ever end up hurt…
Well.
That would be the end of it. He wouldn’t ever want to leave the house again after that. Not for anything, and that thought frightened her.
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:09 am
Evan’s lips were pursed and he side-eyed her when she touched him, his hair. “No, I’m fine,” he promised; he leaned into her touch, finally and his eyes went back to the food he was cooking.
“Everything was okay, today. It’s not like that at all. There was this guy at the library, though. I made a fool of myself. He’s the one I told you about, the one that the youma was attacking? But I wasn’t expecting him, and he started talking to me. And then we started talking about food. Or, the recipe book I had picked up. And he said he couldn’t cook but wanted to try it, and I—well, I don’t remember how the conversation went, really, but I forgot how to say no. So he said he could come pick me up and I could cook at his place, but I didn’t want to go to someone else’s place, so I said he could come here. Tomorrow.”
He kept his gaze steady, trying to prepare himself for disappointment or reproach.
“But I didn’t have time to ask you if it was okay, first. So I was hoping it was okay, and I just wanted to ask and make sure. Can…Is that okay? I can text him and tell him if you don’t want him over, he is a stranger. I mean, mostly. We only talked some, now and the night that I rescued him. But he insisted he drive me home, because it can be dangerous, and then he bought me ice cream on the way home so I already think I owe him. At least dinner. But I wanted to make it anyway—it’s mac and cheese. And I’ll make some for you and Zac, too! I just,” he faltered and shifted positions, turning his head away to hide his gaze a little better. “I just wanted to ask now, if it was okay if he came over for a little while.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:11 am
Cambria took a few long seconds to process all of this. It wasn’t what she had been expecting to hear at all, and she was utterly delighted when she finally caught up and realized what he was asking. “Of course that’s okay! Why wouldn’t it be? You deserve to have friends, and I’m so excited you made one...he wanted to drive you home so you’d be safe? That’s really, really sweet, at least I think it is.”
She fluffed his hair once again, grinning broadly.
“You can invite over anyone you want to, I mean, Zac and I are cool with anything...do you want us here, or should we have a date night that night? I mean, I would love to have a date night, to be honest…”
It had been such a long time since she got to spend alone time with Zac...honestly they hadn’t had time together since before he purified...Evan took up so much of her time...and his time, and they were both so reluctant to leave him alone for too long, especially when they were out together.
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:12 am
Evan looked alarmed at the suggestion and couldn’t manage just a side-eye; he turned to face her, apprehension and surprise plain on his face. His brows knit and his mouth pursed shut; he’d said enough stupid things today that he didn’t want to add to the list.
“But,” he said, struggling to keep his voice even, “Is that a good idea? –Are you, I mean, are you fine with me being here alone with someone?”
It might have been sweet for Tobias to drive him home, but truthfully he had no idea if Tobias was safe at all; he barely knew him, but…
Cambria had looked so excited about the prospect of getting a date night that guilt immediately flooded him. He couldn’t deprive her of that, not when he’d already been taking up so much of her and Zac’s time. The emotion was plain on his face and his shoulders slumped to match his mood.
“You guys can go, I mean,” he insisted. “You don’t have to be here. I just, I didn’t know if you’d want to meet him first or anything like that. Since this is your house. I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries or make you guys uncomfortable. You can go, if you want. You deserve a date night.”
Away from him, away from his clinginess and insecurities. He didn’t blame her; he knew it couldn’t be easy for Cambria and Zac to deal with his needs as individuals, much less try to balance it with being a couple.
He jerked his head away at the thought of ‘couple’ and began stirring the vegetables with increased vigor.
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:13 am
Cambria hesitated, inwardly kicking herself for even mentioning that she not be here. Of course he wanted her and Zac here…he wouldn’t want to be alone with someone he didn’t know. She had been stupid to even suggest it.
Shaking her head, Cambria forced a smile. “Hey, don’t worry, Zac and I can go on a date night any old time, besides you said you’ll be cooking mac and cheese? I’d rather eat your cooking more than anyone else’s anyway, so, we can just stay here and chill out of your way, we can watch a movie in our room or something, not an issue at all.”
Slowly, she went back to stroking his hair, giving his head a light massage with her fingers as she chose her next words. “It’s your house too, Evan. Please don’t forget that. We’re a family. We live here together…and you have never, ever made me uncomfortable. Not once. I love you, and your feelings matter to me more than I think you realize, Ev. I just want you to be happy, and if you’re not comfortable with staying here alone with your new friend, then Zac and I will stay here too, it’s really not a problem at all.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:14 am
At first, Evan only shrugged. He didn’t know how to vocalize what he wanted to say—and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to say anything. But, he didn’t want to shut Cambria out; she deserved what truth he could manage to give her, and the gentle touches on his scalp were enough to encourage him to at least try.
“I’m sorry,” he said, because he was. “I know none of this is easy on you guys, and I’m sorry I’m so needy. It’s why Zack broke up with me,” he said, realizing too late that he might not want to make things worse by reminding her that he was her boyfriend’s ex. He shifted on his feet and tried to rapidly drown that thought by adding, “I haven’t had a friend over since middle school. I don’t know what you’re supposed to do and I think the playing field is a little different now. I mean, I had people come over in high school, before Zack—”
No. No, that was wrong, that was not avoiding the topic. He drew in a sharp breath and seemed like he was just getting himself more worked up. He tried again, “I mean, maybe I can just get to know Tobias a little and—no. I mean, no, you guys can go. It’s okay, don’t worry about me. You deserve a date night, you never get to get out. I know you guys both work your schedules around so one of you can be home with me, and that has to be frustrating. You should have a date night, and you shouldn’t worry about me, and I’ll just keep the food in the over so it’s warm and you can eat it when you get back, or I’ll just make it again later. Nothing is going to happen anyway, you know I’m just paranoid. Like, unrealistically paranoid. Everyone knows it, Cambria. I know it, so I know you have to, too. It’s just dinner with some guy, that’s normal. You should be able to go out and have fun and not worry about me. You and Zac deserve some time without me in your shadow.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:15 am
“I have never thought that you were needy, Evan. That’s such a silly thought to me. You’re someone I have always enjoyed spending time with. I got a little jealous of you at first, I won’t lie…but when I got to know you…I don’t know. I’ve always loved spending time with you, and I’ve never thought of it as any sort of burden.”
Her fingers continued to rub his head gently and she thought back to when she first had met Zack and was quite ready to throw this kid out on the streets, at least in her own mind she was quite ready for it. She didn’t want her new boyfriends ex living with them and the whole situation was just…
Strange.
But…it had worked out for the best in the end, so…no big deal.
“How about we stay home this first time, and if you decide you like him and trust him enough to have him over again, then Zac and I will go on a date night. This time, we’ll do in room date night. That sounds more cozy anyway, and once your friend leaves, you can join us in the cuddling and movie watching, and Evan, I know you can’t pass up that deal.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:15 am
Cambria was right, of course. He couldn’t pass that up. Secretly, he was glad that she was so insistent; he had been prepared to try to do this and be all right, but the fact was that he didn’t want to be alone with some guy he’d only just met. Her insistence was enough to make him feel like he wasn’t as needy as he thought he was, and finally, he relented.
He nodded and breathed a quiet sigh of relief. “Okay. That does sound like a good plan.”
He paused for a moment and chanced a glance up at her before he caved and turned around to hug her.
“I don’t know what I would do without you, but please tell me if I’m being overbearing. You and Zac are the most important people in my life and I don’t want to lose you because I’m being stupid and not doing a good job being a person. I’m trying, I promise, but I don’t remember it being this hard. I feel bad about everything. I don’t give you guys enough space, I don’t do enough around the house, I get scared of everything, I don’t have a job—I’m just mooching off of you guys, for everything, and I’m sorry. I’m trying really hard to be better but I’m worried that I’m not going to be good enough. I miss cooking. I miss cooking for lots of people. Even if it was just at the bar, but I can’t,” he faltered, trying to fight off the flashes of the Negaverse agent that broke into his bar, that attacked him, took his starseed…
A shudder ripped through him and he drew closer to her. “I can’t go back there, I can’t do that again. I don’t know what to do and I just don’t want to wind up letting you down because I’m not getting better fast enough. I just want you to know that I’m sorry, and I want to try to at least contribute more. I know we’re friends, I know you’re nice and you love me, but I don’t want there to be a day when I’m dead weight. And I’m sorry for all of this because I think all I wanted was to ask if it was okay if I invited someone over and I didn’t know I needed to say all of this too, so I’m sorry for dropping this on you.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:16 am
Cambria returned the hug and smiled quite happily. “You are my best friend, Evan. One of the best friends I have ever had in my life, honestly. There is nothing you could do that would be overbearing, so don’t worry about that. Don’t worry about getting a job, don’t worry about mooching, you’re not a mooch. We want you here, and we’re happy to take care of you.”
She thought for a moment, frowning slightly. “Well...if you miss cooking...maybe we can think about something like that...maybe you and I could start a catering business or something, or a food truck? That would be fun, getting a food truck? Those are super popular now right? I’m sure we’d be able to get a loan for one, and with your cooking skills...I’m sure it would be the most popular place in the whole city to eat.”
Cambria drew away slightly and kissed the top of Evan’s head. “You needed to get it off your chest. That’s all. Don’t apologize for telling me how you feel. I like that you trust me enough to do so. It makes me feel good.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:16 am
There were still a lot of emotions coursing through Evan but the fiery ones had settled. He didn’t feel like he had this twisting sickness in the pit of his stomach anymore and when Cambria hugged him he was able to just relax. Moments like these were few, and fleeting, so he relished it while he could.
He felt okay, happy. Safe.
He even managed to smile and mean it.
“I’m just afraid of saying the wrong things. I’d rather say nothing than the wrong thing,” he sighed. “My feelings have always gotten me in trouble. But… I do trust you.”
Even if it was hard to wrap his mind around the positives, he did trust her.
Quietly, he asked, “You really think a food truck? …I can’t drive a car, much less a truck. But. I guess that means I could be my own boss. And if a Negaverse agent showed up, I could just drive away…”
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:17 am
“I would love you even if you were calling me a fat ugly rhino, Evan.” Cambria grinned at the very thought, knowing that there was no way that Evan would ever be able to call her such a thing. Ever. But still. The thought was terribly amusing. “Well, I mean, I can drive, and I wouldn’t mind learning to drive a truck...you cook, I drive and deal with the money and talking to people, I think we could be pretty successful, I’m absolutely game if you are, Ev.” It sounded fun, and honestly it sounded like a gold mine too.
“Besides, if I’m with you, you’d always be safe, and honestly, I miss working with you, working at the bar with you was so much fun, you were one of the best parts of working there...it sucks without you and Zac being there, if you want the honest truth...so I think we should get a food truck. It’ll be perfect, and we can spread your food to the whole city and everyone can fall in love with it like I have.”
It was utterly settled in Cambria’s mine. Utterly and completely settled.
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Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:18 am
Evan looked appalled that she might even suggest such a terrible name for herself; he thought the world of her. The more she talked about it, the better it sounded.
He could get a job without having to be without Cambria. They could set their own hours. He could listen to her talk to people, but he wouldn’t have to.
And he could cook.
The idea was enough to make his heart soar and he found himself nodding. “Zac could quit his job and come work with us, if he wanted. After we get successful enough. He can come be our bouncer.”
His tone was playful, almost like he was teasing.
Which was good, because that meant he was feeling good enough to be making jokes.
“Maybe…this weekend, we can sit down and think about it a little more. I’ll do some research, I guess, on it…and we can talk about it then?”
He might not have a job himself right now, but he had time—and he was comfortable doing research online. That was easy, that was something he could do.
And, if Cambria was serious about wanting to do it, he could be to.
He could probably do anything if she was there to help.
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