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 Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 5:46 pm
Rodney rushed over as soon as he got Melvin's text (although some part of him was annoyed to be getting it from Melvin, of all people), but he was grateful that he'd been thought of at all.
When he arrived, Lawrence was by himself, looking tired and pale, and Rodney went immediately to him.
"Lawrence, what happened? I thought you were helping with the Orientation,"
he asked softly. "Mikael and Malkam will be over, too. Oh, your wrist. Are you alright?"
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 5:56 pm
Lawrence felt uncomfortable in the infirmary, at least when his medication wore off enough that he was really capable of paying much attention to what was going on around him. He didn't feel dressed or prepared and was glad whenever he was left on his own with his pain, irritation and further schemes.
Rodney's arrival however brought sunlight into his grim thoughts and he looked over with a weak smile. His old accent crept through a little and some of his words were a little slurred.
"I wasss." he said. "I was at the orientation. I brought food and everything. Caelius threw us all into the desert, Caelius also did this to my arm. Lovely man."
He shook his head. "No nnneed for the boys to come over. Malkam doesn't care, he doesn't need to see me. He never cared."
He sighed dramatically. "Rodney I almost died. I almost died and you weren't there."
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 6:08 pm
"It's very dangerous here," Rodney said, sitting next to him, but the upset reaching his voice, "but...the Sahara. You said he threw...the new hunters in, too? On purpose?" Rodney's throat felt thick.
"If I had been there, you probably would have died," Rodney said, doubting he would have been much help. "I've...I've been here years, without a promotion. I'm....not much better off than the new hunters. Of-of course they care about you, Lawrence. They're...your family."
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 6:27 pm
"Why are you even surprised?" he said. "It's par for the course. He's meaaan." and he sung the word a little. Mean didn't cover it, his arm really hurt, but the moment where he'd found himself thinking that he'd get to play the piano again had hurt even more.
"Maybe." he said. "I want..I want you to be stronger. I want you to be able to protect me the way I protect you. Y're already so big and strong. Put those arms to use."
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 6:45 pm
"I've...been thinking on it, lately. I'd like to, if I'm able. Y-you know it's not- philosophical. I think- what you do is important, that protecting the people you care about, fighting to help. It's- it's me. I lock up. But-"
He couldn't even grip Lawrence's sheet's tightly, simply resting his hand on the blankets.
"I've- h-helped a few times. It's- easier with you. I feel more confident. And in the moment- it's easier to focus on helping you instead of- everything else."
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 6:56 pm
Lawrence moved to reach over and take hold of Rodney's hand, a movement which took a lot of effort and caused him a bit of pain. He didn't care. "I would do anything I could to help you." he said. "I just need to know that it's possible for you."
"Or that you are willing to tryy."
He exhaled and looked away. "You are going to be mad at me." he said.
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 4:53 pm
"I do, want to try," Rodney said.
He smiled a little at Lawrence, trying not to let his voice falter. "If...that's so, I'd rather know. Whatever it is. And...and I love you, and appreciate, your confidence and honesty with me."
With Lawrence, he knew, it could be very, very bad.
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:01 pm
Lawr exhaled, hating more than anything the fact that he had to admit things to Rodney but knowing that as long as he wanted to maintain a genuine relationship that it was simply the way of things.
"There were centipedes there they offered me a thing. A nice thing. If I turned someone over, they were going to kill me if I didn't. So I just.. I just needed to touch someone. I did and it got me my hand back, all of it. It was whole and good and red."
He sighed. "I wasn't thinking, I never think. And now its gone again. The people I touched are fine, thank god."
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:16 pm
"That's why you're here?" Rodney asked softly, leaning back to take it in. "Oh, oh, this whole time I thought, I couldn't have done...anything to help out there, or to help you, wh-when- it all came down to a bad moral choice. You're- you're strong in so many ways, but-"
He leaned forward, this time, face in his hand.
"Lawrence, why- is it so important to you? These...these things they offer to you. B-being...younger, or being here longer, or...getting you back these things you've lost? And why...do those same things for other people, their- their whole lives, m-mean...so little?"
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:31 pm
Lawrence just kept his eyes closed. "I don't know. I don't know why its important to me, I just don't want to get old, I want it more than anything else. I want to be perfect again. I was perfect once. I can't stand this. So any chance I get, I take it, I don't think, it's easier not to think, I just reach out and take it."
He gave Rodney a soft look. "I don't blame you for not being there, but I wish you had been. I earned this pain, it's just really horrible to endure."
He'd be fine again eventually, just a little less, a little older and a little less perfect.
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:59 pm
"Lawrence, you...you don't need those things," Rodney said, "And you must know they aren't important to me. If you're...older, or younger, or if you have sc-scars. Those...won't change things between us."
Rodney looked back at him.
"But if you, b-bought something, for you, or for us, with someone else's blood- that's...Lawrence, that's something that I don't want in our lives."
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 6:12 pm
"When you say it like that it seems to obvious, but when I'm out there and its in front of me the choice seems so simple." He wanted to reach out for Rodney but didn't just yet, once again somehow feeling like to do so was stepping further than it was right for him to go.
"I find it difficult Rodney." he said. "When I feel imperfect or find myself loathing myself there is a very clear decisive drive to cut out or drive out all imperfections, to purify."
He stared into the middle distance flatly.
"I prefer to turn it outward, rather than inward."
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 6:26 pm
Rodney reached to him instead, taking hold of his hand gently.
"For them...we- were them, Lawrence. We saw what they saw. Felt what they felt. The Horsemen...want to enslave humanity. And th-that's just normal humans. N-not us. Me, you, Mikael, Malkam, M-Melody, our...your family, all of us, they want dead. So you must know that...anything they give you it's...it's with that goal. Of- of getting to us, through you."
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 6:34 pm
"I know. I guess." he said. "I suppose I was fine with it being anyone else, just not family. But that's not right either is it?"
He felt weak, vulnerable and the pain in his arm was throbbing.
"I'm sorry Rodney." he said. "I love you and I want to do the right thing I just.. am so broken."
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Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 6:58 pm
"No, it's not right," Rodney said softly. "But...if you knew I'd be angry, then...even with me not being there, you- knew it was wrong. I know- for you, as you said, it's difficult. It's- difficult for everyone. Turning down an easy chance to change things for the better. But...easy things always have a price. You've...just spent a long time, thinking someone else could pay it without it having any toll on you. B-but it does have a toll."
Rodney gripped Lawrence's hand.
"I love you too. And you- wanting to do the right thing, it's- it's so important. I'm,"
he sniffed, "I'm so glad, as you said- that this time, n-nobody was h-hurt, I'm....I'm sorry about your hand, I'm sorry- I'm sorry I wasn't there-"
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