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It was early morning but thankfully not too early. Hyeon was forever happy to not have to get up as early as he used to. And though he did still got to bed late at times depending on how late he spent out on patrol it was no where near how late he had before thanks to his previous job. Getting the actual amount of sleep he needed was something that still hadn’t lost it’s novelty even after having been free from his contract for over half a year now, though to be fair he still had trouble sleeping at times so there was that.

Either way, he had gotten enough sleep and now was up sitting on his couch while checking any email or messages he might have gotten through the night after having checked his phone a few minutes ago for any texts. As he let kakaotalk sign in he deleted some junk mail so he wasn’t paying attention to it when it came up completely and was surprised when a message popped up. Hyeon paused for a moment seeing who it was from and just when it had been send, only a minute ago, then with a bright smile replied.

~I did indeed hear about them getting in and did start to vote for them. I was going to send you guys a message about it sometime today to see if you had heard yet. How have you all been?~

After he hit the send button he stared at the screen waiting for a reply, not going back to deleting emails. It had been a while since he had talked to any of the guys and he wasn’t about to pull his attention anywhere else during it if he could help it.


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It was late and he didn’t think Hyeon would be up so early, not when he didn’t need to be, as he remembered the time difference they now shared. The time between them was vast….it made talking difficult...a stream of texts not answered till hours later, voices messages left back and forth. It wasn’t something he enjoyed, and he doubted the other did either, but it was what they had left to them.

He was surprised when kakaotalk pinged back a message. Reading over the message he felt a smile tug at his lips as he started to type back a message before hitting send.

~I’m voting now. I don’t think I’ll stay awake long enough for the tweeting votes, 100 is a lot. I voted on the site though. We’ve been well, we still don’t know what they are going to do with us. Too many comebacks this year I think. I’m hoping we don’t wind up forgotten about.~

He didn’t mention that he wanted to just up and leave, that he’d talked to Myungsoo about it, about them all just up and leaving. The other didn’t like the idea though, finding it a cowardly thing, but wasn’t he just that? A coward? He’d tried to just escape school so many years ago after all. But no, he was stronger now - he had to be...for the others. It was why he remained here and continued with training and continued to sit in this dorm wondering what their fate would be, if they’d one day be disbanded and kicked out.


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The return message got an even brighter smile out of the young man, both from parts of the message itself and from the fact they hadn’t missed each other again. It was hard enough trying to get used to being without them, to being on his own, but to constantly miss texts, emails, phone calls, and more was hard. Every time they had to play message tag it would just hit home once again just how far away they were from him.

~lol I can see how that would be a bit of a problem at the moment. At least if you want to vote later when you have more time you can. I’m glad you all are doing well but sorry they still haven’t told you what their plan is. I’m sure they won’t forget you all and will let you know soon. I’m sorry that I lef~

The smile had dropped out of guilt as he had started the last sentence then he hit backspace to erase that part. He didn’t want to bring it up, he didn’t want to make the other feel worse, and he himself wanted to stop feeling guilty over leaving and posing he was sorry for it wouldn’t be good.


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~We had a long day. We still have schedules but it’s like we are trainees again. Nothing towards an album or shows. Just training and lessons.~ Hitting send he shifted about in his bed, getting comfortable as his plans to sleep were no longer a thing; at least not right now.

The game of communications tag had been bothering him for such a long while so now that he could talk to Hyeon, that they weren’t leaving messages to each other, he wanted to keep the conversation going as long as he could. He wanted to enjoy this moment, even if it cost him some precious sleep.

Leaning back against the headboard of his bed, pulling another pillow behind his back for better support, he sat there and stared down at his laptop screen - waiting.


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Hyeon bit his bottom lip as he read the new response as the guilt hit him once again for his part in the mess. If he hadn’t left they wouldn’t have been put on hiatus, if he hadn’t have left they wouldn’t be left wondering. What if they shelved them permanently against the other’s wishes? What if they split them up and shoved everyone to new groups? He hadn’t wanted to say anything before but now he couldn’t help it.

~I’m sorry, it’s my fault you guys are stuck in limbo. Did they at least give you better schedules with more breaks than before? You guys are making sure to eat and rest as much as possible right?~

The last question made him glance at the time and just what the time would be there for Minsoo. He almost said something about it but ended up not since he didn’t want to stop talking now that they finally were.


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~You did what you had to - for your health. We talked about this. It’s what was best for you. It’s my duty to keep every member safe and well. I’ll handle things here. Don’t worry.” It was Minsoo’s job to worry about everyone in the group, which still in his mind included Hyeon. He just forgot, or willfully, ignored himself and his own needs. He was good at it. Like right now he could feel the guilt welling up inside of himself, as it seemed he had upset Hyeon. They didn’t need to be close for him to be able to tell, he didn’t need to hear the other's voice or see his face.

~Of course, I’m making sure everyone is taken care of. What kind of leader would I be if I didn’t?~ He almost put parent, his nickname in the group being what it was it was something of a habit for him to call himself a parent to the group. He certainly acted like it, enough that fans noticed.

Fans...that was another thing...did they even have any left? How many had they lost? Damn, he shouldn’t be thinking about such things right now - or ever really.


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He stared at the message for a moment, not sure how to respond. Like how Minsoo knew that he had gotten upset he knew full well he had gotten the older man upset with his words. “Great job, you messed up again.” He muttered to himself.

~I know it was best for my health but that doesn’t mean it was the best for the group. I am grateful that you are always watching out for us and know you do your best no matter what. I’ll try not to worry.~

Hyeon ran a hand over his face knowing his words probably weren’t enough and wishing he was there with Minsoo now so he could cuddle with the other man. Maybe that would have helped the other.

~Good, I’m glad they are in your hands. Just make sure to take care of yourself too alright?~


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~And it would have hurt the group if you had continued to hurt yourself and suffer. This is the better way - you know that.~ Tapping at his keys he hit send and shook his head, smiling to himself as he did so. That was typical Hyeon - it really was. The other was easy to predict...or Minsoo had just lived with him long enough, they had all lived together long enough really.

~I’ll try but my focus is keeping us all together, and keeping us on schedule.” Since that wasn’t at the top of everyone else's list of things to do, since it seemed they had no performances, shows, or albums in the near future it seemed the idea of slacking some was appealing.

~How are you doing in Destiny City? Your health is better? And are you happy?~


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Hyeon gave a sigh at the response, having expected it but still feeling guilty. He did know that it was for the best for everyone that he quit but that didn’t make it easier to accept in the long run. It would have hurt the other’s just as much as it would have hurt him to continue, though in different ways, and what’s done was done at this point but there would forever be that little nagging ‘what if’ in his mind. Finally the smile came back and he shook his head at Minsoo after reading the part where he was focusing more on the others. It was just such a Minsoo thing he couldn’t help but to smile.

~I know, I just apparently needed to be reminded of that, thanks. Well, make sure to keep trying hard, it wouldn’t help anyone if you end up following my example and overworking to the point of passing out.~

He paused a bit at the questions though and he looked around his lonely apartment before he responded.

~I’m doing okay, got an apartment like I told you guys before, I get to spend more time with my two cousins as well and my health is much better yes.~

He did not however respond to the question if he was happy or not and just left it as that.


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~I know you did. Either way you, and the group, would suffer. It was a matter of where the least pain would be.~ Hitting send he smiled softly. He had done his best, even if it hurt to lose the other. Even if he’d wanted to cling to him and not let him go, because they were as good as family, he had done what was best for them all. He knew it hurt, of course it did, but it had been the best option. He couldn’t go diving off a stage every time the other fell off it due to health reasons, he couldn’t follow the other about like a mother hen waiting for when he’d have to dive in and catch him.

For a moment he considered telling the other that, hoping it would make him laugh as the mental image made him raise an arm in order to cover up his own laughter. He didn’t need to wake up his roommate. Even if he was the eldest, and the leader, he knew he’d be scolded and told to get to bed and he didn’t want to deal with that - not now...not when he finally could talk to Hyeon.

~I don’t plan to follow your example. I’m supposed to be setting examples after all. I’m glad your health is better, you’ve been to a doctor to make sure?~ He didn’t comment on the other leaving out an answer to if he was happy. He had a feeling he already knew the answer...and how could he not already know it? He felt it too, he was sure of it, it felt like a piece of himself was missing. Like he couldn’t be as comfortable as before. That something was off, missing, and he couldn’t get it back and make it right.

He knew well enough what was wrong but he couldn’t fix it and that just...he felt helpless. He couldn’t do anything with their agency, with the group, or with making their dorm feel like home again. He felt useless as a leader - like he wasn’t a leader...just another member.

He’d told Myungsoo most of this already, the other was the support he had when he finally needed it. While everyone came to him he had Myungsoo come to him looking to provide support, not gain support, which was different from the others. He was grateful for the other but never sought to burden him too much.


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He wasn’t sure if leaving the group was where the least amount of pain would be but he didn’t contest that. After all he could think of how much pain there would have been had he ended up seriously hurt or dead while working for the company and he wouldn’t want to do that to his friends, his family, so that could have been more pain then him just leaving he supposed.

~Good, I can safely say it’s not fun. Yes I have been to the doctor and he said there was improvement. Still not 100% but improved.~

He still had to watch how much he and what ate to keep his levels normal but he already knew that would likely stick with him for a long while so it wasn’t too much of a burden at this point. It was easier to keep in hand now after all when he got to set his on schedule for the most part other than the job he had to pay the bills. And even that was part time since his Dad had told him he would cover at least half of his expenses while he figured out what he wanted to do next and recover, something he was eternally grateful for even if it also added to his guilt.


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~No, of course not. It’ll take time. You were bad before you left. So long as you eat well and do what the doctor says you’ll be good.~ Never mind the way Hyeon ate was the way they all had. They still were on strict control on what they ate, though he was sure some of them were cheating. He just didn’t say anything, not right now anyway, if they went back to working...to doing shows he would get them in line. He was still keeping to things though, keeping in shape.

~I’m glad I was able to catch you….I don’t know what I’d have done if you hit the ground.~ The injuries...he didn’t want to think about. He still couldn’t get the scene out of his head of Hyeon falling off that stage. Whenever he talked about it, thought about it, and even sometimes when he dreamed he saw it all over again. Sometimes in his dreams he failed to catch him….those were never good dreams - they were nightmares.

Shifting, yawning, he moved to lay down in his bed as he stared at his phone. The glow of the screen starting to bother his eyes. Minsoo reached up and grasped his pillow and pulled it down, moving it back to where it had previously been and leaving it there for now.

~Maybe we can visit sometime…~ Since they really weren't doing anything, though he had a feeling that might give their manager a heart attack as the man was likely to think they were going to up and quit suddenly. He honestly didn’t care though as he wasn’t fond of their manager as of late...hadn’t been for a while - not since Hyeon really.


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~I’ve been sure to follow the doctor’s orders for that. You guys haven’t needed to go to any check ups right? Though you probably should soon if not just in case.~ If nothing else they should probably get checked up on now that it’s been half a year since the split to make sure they weren’t having any problems too since he knew they were just as overworked as he was back then.

~I’m glad you were able to as well, though I’m sorry it was necessary. On the bright side it probably wouldn’t have been too bad if you hadn’t, bruises yes but probably not too much beyond a sprain or something since the stage wasn’t that high?~ He was quick to add on, not wanting the other man to dwell on those types of thoughts.

At the offer of them visiting Hyeon’s heart soared even with the knowledge it wouldn’t be likely, it was the thought that counted and the hope it could happen after all. ~I wouldn’t want you all to get into trouble but if you guys could get a vacation to visit I wouldn’t say no.~


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~No, we haven’t been in a while. I’ll have to talk to manager-hyung about appointments.” Since they’d need security and to get brought in and try and keep it from turning into some fan thing. Though by now he wondered just how many fans they even had. At this point it might not be an issue at all, had terrible.

Wouldn’t have been too bad? Minsoo wished Hyeon was right here, right in his room, so he could shout at him and shake him. A sprain and bruises - not that bad?! ~That doesn’t matter. Those were injuries you didn’t need! They aren’t that little and not something you can just shake off.” Especially not a sprain! The fact was even if the height hadn’t been all that great you could still do allot of damage with a fall if you twisted or went down wrong - at a bad angle and he knew that. Sometimes he wondered about the younger members, and yes he still considered Hyeon a member.

~We aren’t doing anything drastic schedule wise...we might. Maybe in the summer - maybe around KCon...we’d just be going somewhere else...other than to New York. I’ll talk to the others before we bring it up to manager-hyung.~ He wouldn’t use the man's name, it seemed to personal and he didn’t like their manager all that much right now. This was as much as he could do in order to show his dislike and displeasure, since the man was older than he was...and was his manager - thus he was in charge and not Minsoo.


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~Probably a good idea to do so then.~ He would rather they had to go through the hassle of everything to get into an appointment then for there to be something wrong and it was missed. After all he would hate to hear that any of the other’s collapsed like he had or worse. It was bad enough the guys had to see him when it happened but at least they hadn’t had to wait long for information.

When he got the next message he worried his lower lip, guilt rising again as he clearly had touched a nerve of Minsoo’s. ~I’m sorry. I do know it could have been bad but I don’t want you thinking about that. It’s done and over with. You saved me from the worst of it, you protected me, there isn’t any more reason to dwell on the what if’s okay?~ Hyeon didn’t want Minsoo to follow along that thought thread, not when it wouldn’t take much for the older man to realise that one of the possible outcomes could have been Hyeon hitting his head and doing all sorts of damage that way.

~If it’s possible then I will look forward to it. I know I could always try and visit you guys too but that would still depend on your schedule.~ Not to mention it hadn’t been that long since the split and it wouldn’t be that hard for fans and former fans to recognise him if he went and hung out with the guys so that could be an obstacle there.


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~I suppose. I think since we haven’t been working I haven’t thought about it.” As they didn’t need to keep check on their health since they weren’t stressing themselves so much, perhaps that was still a bad thing for him to put to the back burner and forget. He supposed he would have to talk to their manager in the morning, perhaps once they arrived at their first schedule. He could pull him aside to talk to, so the others didn’t hear.

Of course it was a sensitive topic, so much had changed after that. He’d been so scared and worried for Hyeon after the incident and stayed up talking to him about what to do next, assuring the other that leaving was ok - it was for the best. It bothered him even now, as he remembered seeing the other fall in his dreams. It was rare now, thankfully, but he doubted he’d forget it anytime soon. With the others next text he felt himself smiling, glad for the change in topic, though he did feel bad. ~Of course, and nothing to be sorry for. It’s just...I was worried for you that night and it’s still sensitive. You could have gotten really hurt - because of them.~

Minsoo didn’t want the other to know how much it bothered him still, that he still saw it at night while he slept. He wasn’t going to worry the other, he didn’t want to.

~Yeah, we’ll see. It would be dangerous for you to come back. The few fans we still have would no doubt mob you...and us if we were spotted together. It might give them false hope as well.~


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~Well, it would probably be a good thing to do before they get you going on a full schedule again whenever they decide to let you know what was happening.~ Hyeon hoped for their sake that they would find out soon rather than this stuck in limbo that they had been. Even if it meant they got disbanded as a group and put elsewhere, something he hoped against as he would rather they at least got to stick together, it was better knowing than not.

He looked away from the computer for a moment, biting back the feelings that welled up in him at the continued show of concern. Seung and Eunkyung were busy with their own lives and he wasn’t about to burden them with how needy he felt for his friends so he hadn’t quite gotten a handle on them yet since he hadn’t talked about it with anyone. To get these little reminders just brought it all back. It didn’t help that he had some mixed feelings about some of them. The type of feelings that ended up in wet dreams. ~Thank you for caring Minsoo-kyung, just remember that the worst didn’t happen and I’m no longer forced to worry about them controlling me.~

Hyeon gave a low laugh that was part amused and part sadness. ~I would hate to give them false hope if they had been loyal enough to hang in there. This Magician is all washed up as far as Kpop goes after all.~


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~Of course, they’d likely do that themselves beforehand. Scold the others then for eating like they’ve wanted and put us all on a diet.” Even though it was obvious, by his text, that he hadn’t been eating like the others. He’d been keeping himself in line with what he’d been eating. Yet he would, like the others, be hit with a diet. He knew if they were to start things again, a full schedule, he’d wind up on a diet and he wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Minsoo would do it though, had to, in order to set an example for the others.

~I know. I’m glad - you have no idea.~ He sent back with a smile. Fingers ran through his brown hair, he should get it re-dyed soon as the roots were starting to show. It was a sorta secret in the group that Minsoo and at least one of the other members were close - really close. There was no dating between himself and the other member but there was certainly something physical there. Minsoo just kept silent about it, it wasn’t a big thing and didn’t need to be, and he may have slipped himself into another members bed as well. To be honest Minsoo wasn’t some slut but rather he cared for his members and in some cases it had changed a bit, or a lot, and he just went with it. Hyeon was another of those people he had feelings for, though nothing had happened there, so his worry was perhaps just a bit more than it would be for some of the other members. Though that was a big maybe, as he was a mother hen to all his youngers.

~I know, trust me I know. I wouldn’t want you back either, and not because I don’t want you.~ He added the last part and found himself flushing over the fact it could, and for himself, had a double meaning - damn it.

~It would do you more harm than good and I don’t want that. We still have some fans...I’ve seen the fan cafe.~ It was just a lot less. If they continued on, with or without a new member, what they even be able to gain more fans? Bring back the old ones? Minsoo honestly wasn’t sure.

Looking at the clock on his laptop he sighed. ~I should get going. I have vocals in the morning.~


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~I guess if you do it now you can always see about a lowkey diet for the other’s so they can be prepared if they need it so you all don’t get stuck on one.~ Granted it was more likely that they all would be stuck on one no matter what but it was an option. He knew full well how touchy both the company and the fans could be about the idol’s weight after all.

The smiley face got a smile out of Hyeon as well as a chuckle and he sent one back before his next response. ~I’m glad too and I shall end up thanking you forever for it.~ When he read the next bit his heart almost sank as the words ‘wouldn’t want you back’ hit him but the depressed feeling creeping up was quickly banished by the next few words and he ended up with a flush of his own at the double meaning. ~I’m glad there are at least some of them and hopefully more will come back when you guys start up again.~

His fingers froze in their ready to type position as he read the last message and this time his heart did sink. ~I’ll let you go then, sleep well and have pleasant dreams.~ He sent along with another smiley even if it didn’t actually show what he was feeling. Sure he was happy that he got to spend some time talking to Minsoo, any amount is better than none, but it still didn’t feel like enough. He however wasn’t going to force the other to lose even more precious sleep by keeping him up longer.


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~That’s the best thing I can do.~ Though he wasn’t sure how easy it would be to get the others to be more mindful of what they ate. He was sure with a small talk though they’d understand, whether they liked it or not - it made sense.

~I hope, but that’s if we have a come back. I don’t know right now. I’m hoping we don’t wind up like Nu’est.~ He really hoped that didn’t happen to them, no one deserved that. He felt for them, he’d been watching them on Produce 101 and voting for them, trying to help the poor group. Shifting in his bed he settled for laying down on his side with his laptop on the bed next to him so he could type.

~Thank you. You have a good day and keep safe - please. I care about you, you’re still one of us - always will be.~ Adding a little smily face and a heart. He really did miss the other, so much time between them and land and water...it was all too much. He wished they could just leave and join him, but he wouldn’t just leave on his own. He had a group and had the others to worry about and care for as well. He had duties.

Logging out of kakaotalk he shifted about and turned his laptop off. As it powered down he put it back on the bedside table he had and curled up to sleep. While he went to sleep Hyeon was starting his day...he hoped it was a good day, he always hoped that for the other and for those living under the same roof as himself. They were one family, and he loved them all.