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Acubens could feel the aura before she spoke. A small one, but no less powerful than another of her rank. It popped along her nerves like fizzing candy and although it grated on Acubens' nerves, she still welcomed the companionship. Irritating auras or no, she still felt no enmity towards the White Mirror Court. Not anymore. She turned towards the chibi senshi to greet her, forcing a smile despite herself. A lot had happened since Acubens had last seen the chibi Senshi that addressed her, and it might have even shown on her face. She always seemed to feel tired, now that the dust had settled and she was slowly working on healing her own long-ignored wounds. Could the chibi see that fatigue? Could she see the shadow of pain that still lingered when Acubens was alone?

"Of course I remember you," she answered, face easily lighting now as her brain made the false smile into a genuine one. "Our lord and savior. The Senshi that struck the killing blow." She held out her hand to the chibi. "Please, just Acubens. We're both soldiers, no need to pretend that I'm any better than you.

"How have you been? Well, I hope. I don't think the madness go to you too terribly."

Like a bully on the playground. The innocence of the statement made Acubens laugh, if only slightly. The first time she'd laughed in a while. For all of their maturity, Acubens had to remember that the chibi senshi were still children. Younger even than her when she got started. It was for this reason that Acubens felt torn between telling the other soldier the truth of her suffering and protecting her from whatever unnecessary harm she could. All knowledge was good knowledge, Acubens supposed. Even if it inflicted pain... but did the child have to suffer with her? Children had the unfortunate habit of feeling too deeply, unable in most cases to shut themselves off from the event horizons of the despair of others... maybe now it was time for this child to learn.

"There was two wraith that night. One here and one across town. They were the reason you said the things that you did. The reason that I attacked my allies and my princess went off the deep end... That smoke that they emitted was a form of toxin that infected the brain with madness. I think, somewhere deep inside, you meant them. The same way I meant a lot of what I said and did. The same way Leto meant every single word that she said to Scylla. That's what the madness does. It feeds on existing darkness." Her darkness. Did she tell Ara about that? All of her fears and her terrors?

She had to learn sometime.

Just not from her.

"You don't need to share my darkness, Ara. It is my burden to bear."

Acubens watched Ara carefully as she spoke. She had learned a long time ago to never underestimate these child soldiers, nor to write their input off as childish. After all, she'd been trained by a chibi as a White Moon. She wouldn't be where she was today without one. War had a habit of making adults out of the smallest of them, including Ara it would seem. It didn't stop the sinking in Acubens' gut at the thought of someone having to grow up so fast... but it did cause her to stop and pay more respect to those unsuspecting around her.

"There may be some truth to both of your perspectives," Acubens agreed. "It's not that you're not grown up Ara, trust me. You might be more grown up than a lot of people... that's the nature of what you are. Of who you are Ara." Acubens tapped the broach on the younger girl's chest. "It's just that it's my burden to bear. My sin to repent for. That's all. No need for anyone else to shoulder that darkness..." It was hard for Acubens to keep the sadness from her voice and the darkness from her face... Her brother whispered into her ear and somewhere behind her a bone chilling cackle took wing on the winds, chasing her wits to the far corners of her mind.

The mention of Remarque brought her back to her senses.

"Remarque," she parroted with a smile. "Yeah, I know him! I knew him before he was royal, actually. He was part of the reason I corrupted to Dark Mirror."

"Well, he's a prince," Acubens smiled, "and Leto is a princess. They ought to be powerful." They earned it. She hoped to one day join them in those echelons but... something told Acubens that it would be a long long time before she did if she was able to at all. It wasn't the power that she craved -- she could take or leave that -- it was the recognition from the Mirror that she had done well. That was she sacrificed and what she laid down before the Mirror had all been worth it. That she was worth it in the end. The idea that she could use whatever power the Mirror could give her to better protect her new little family... it was her dream. Anything for them. Everything for them.

Ara's words cut through her musing again -- as cutting words often did. Leave it to a child to speak the truth so plain there was no argument. Something about never having been able to dabble in grey made it so that they were not yet blind to the simple answers in life. It made Acubens smile in response and gently squeeze the hand that had patted her.

"I know... it seems simple. But as you no doubt already know, what people know rationally and how they react emotionally almost never match up the way that they should." And learning to forgive yourself was so much harder than forgiving someone else. Especially when Acubens knew what she had done. What she had thought. What she had believed. "But you're right. All things considered, I suppose I should forgive myself but..." But what? "I just need to know that what I did was worth it."

Acubens' lips cocked into a half smile, painfully aware that Ara was right, but still wrestling with the part of her that screamed it's not that simple! It was that simple. She had done what she had done, and if given a second chance, she would do it again. She had passed through the mirror and joined the Dark Mirror Court with the knowledge that she had done it to protect her family. Too many people who could hurt them knew who she was. Besides that, Bischofite had changed her on a fundamental level. She couldn't go on being Micah Elizabeth Anne Driscoll. She couldn't live that lie.

It had been as much a selfish venture as it had been a selfless one.

And somehow that understanding lifted something from Acubens that she hadn't known she was carrying. Some stone of immeasurable weight. The burden she carried was still far too much for her, but at least that had been taken.

Acubens sniffed suddenly and pulled her hands from Ara's, wiping her nose to hide the mist in her eyes.

"Well, grown up beyond your years though you may be, people your age still need sleep. And it's getting awfully late. You should go home and rest, kid."

One of them should rest, and Acubens knew it wasn't going to be her.