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 Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 1:54 pm
Rodney was almost never angry about anything, mostly scared, but he'd been in a not great mood recently.
Lawrence was still acting like everything was over and okay now (and that it was a matter of course that Melvin would be living with them, and everything would be completely above board). Rodney wanted it to be.
And he felt touched by the small gestures, the careful cleaning and fixing of the house (as if the house was the root of the problem), and the romantic letters and gifts and lunches, and when he was with Lawrence he was warm and his attitude softened.
He just hadn't been back to the house since the meeting with Melvin.
He hadn't talked with Lawrence about the dream, either. Or the apple.
Lawrence never ate, when he brought food over to the house. It was like he had two lives, now, his house- and Melvin, and...the people he'd lived with. Rodney just felt...well, angry. He felt angry when he thought about it, angry and sick and he wasn't sure how long it was going to take to not feel that way again.
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 2:47 pm
Lawrence was still around Rodney a lot these days. It just wasn't always obvious that he was. In between bouts of obsessive cleaning, spending time with Melvin and carefully avoiding eating, he spent time watching the other man's house the same way he'd watched America's once upon a time.
Sometimes he'd get up on the roof as an owl, other times he'd simply find somewhere out of the way and sit, watching the comings and goings of the house's inhabitants.
It was only after lunch that he'd permit himself a daily visit, and today was no different, lunch had been provided an hour earlier, a carefully prepared meal accompanied by a small drawing of one of Rodney's angel statues and now Lawr felt safe to approach.
He knocked the door, made sure he was smiling, and waited. He felt more prepared carrying hunger with him like a concealed weapon, even though Butch hated it most of all.
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 4:10 pm
Rodney answered the door, smiling a little back and leaning gently on the frame.
It was difficult for Lawrence, and he knew...a great deal of effort was being made, to make reparations, to make him feel comfortable again, but...
"Hello," he said. "I got your letter. And, um, the pictures. Did you want to come in?"
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 4:16 pm
Lawrence couldn't help the way his expression lit up when Rodney answered the door. He'd been sitting outside all day thinking about the object of his fixation and it was always wonderfully satisfying to get a look at it in the flesh. However, along with the pleasure was mingled a tension and uncertainty. Rodney had been acting really weird lately and every encounter was underpinned by the though that no matter how well things seemed to be going, it was primarily deceptive and at the end of whatever time he got to spend with the other man, he'd be going home alone.
"I hope lunch was all right." he said. "And I'm sorry about the letter, I just wanted to avoid bottling anything up, and you weren't with me at the time, when I was thinking about it."
His gaze shifted to the somewhat dilapidated looking hallway behind Rodney.
"I can come in" he said, though for just a beat hesitated. "if you want me to."
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 4:17 pm
Lawrence couldn't help the way his expression lit up when Rodney answered the door. He'd been sitting outside all day thinking about the object of his fixation and it was always wonderfully satisfying to get a look at it in the flesh. However, along with the pleasure was mingled a tension and uncertainty. Rodney had been acting really weird lately and every encounter was underpinned by the though that no matter how well things seemed to be going, it was primarily deceptive and at the end of whatever time he got to spend with the other man, he'd be going home alone.
"I hope lunch was all right." he said. "And I'm sorry about the letter, I just wanted to avoid bottling anything up, and you weren't with me at the time, when I was thinking about it."
His gaze shifted to the somewhat dilapidated looking hallway behind Rodney.
"I can come in" he said, though for just a beat hesitated. "if you want me to."
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 3:04 pm
"Of course you can," Rodney said, easing off the doorway and holding the door for his...still husband.
"The food's been um, d-delicious, as always, I don't know how you- oh, it was so difficult, going back to b-boxed rice and um, canned beans, but I-" he looked at Lawrence timidly, "have missed you, more than- more than anything. I'm...thinking about you all the time too. And I know...we don't have, forever,
I wouldn't want...a mission or something, to happen, while- while we were still-
h-hadn't made up, entirely, I just still th-think about you, and then- I think about him with you-" He reddened in pain and frustration at that.
He thought often about going back, the same as he thought often about being with Lawrence again, but there was always the same barricade that froze him.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 3:49 pm
Lawrence moved to head into the house, always finding it a little strange coming in from the outside when he'd spent all day mapping out said outside in great detail in his mind. He shook his head. "You eating unsatisfactory food is not acceptable to me, this is the very least that I can do."
His expression turned a little more confused as Rodney went on, talking about while they were still..something. Something Lawrence wasn't aware of. As far as he'd been able to tell from their conversation they were back together again. Once again he found himself distressed and more than a little lost, set back to where he'd been before.
"I.." he didn't know what to say in response to the fact that Rodney still thought about Melvin and him and that somehow that was what was keeping him away. There weren't any books that told you what to say in the face of this, what were you meant to say? He couldn't say forget it, that would be upsetting, he couldn't say that he'd change it because there was no way to change it.
Instead he simply froze, as if in error, before he found himself looking at the door again, as if it was a cue to let himself out.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 4:08 pm
"Yes, sorry," Rodney said, letting out a puff of air. He looked to where Lawrence was looking.
"Did you...forget something?" He asked.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 4:15 pm
Lawrence looked back from the door as if startled. "What?" he said. "Oh. No. I just.. I thought you were doing that thing people do where they want someone to go away and imply it through their comments." It always felt very odd, explaining his thought processes out loud. "I was concerned perhaps you had changed your mind. Bringing up me and Melvin again when there is nothing I can do about it felt like a reminder that there was still an insurmountable object in the way and that I wasn't welcome."
It was awkward but he'd told Rodney that he would strive to explain himself wherever possible, even if it sounded ridiculous.
"I wasn't sure what to say in response to it, I can't undo your memory, or the act, no matter how much I would like to."
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 4:42 pm
"I can't undo it either," Rodney said sadly. "But- no, I...wasn't hinting at anything. Just...trying to explain. I'd like you to stay. You're...always welcome,
um, the b-boys like seeing you too. H-here," he took Lawrence's hand softly, drawing him past the foyer.
"How have you been keeping? You said you'd been...tidying a lot."
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 4:47 pm
The contact was as electric as it had always been and simply drove home the gulf between them both a little harder. "One of them does anyway." he said. Malkam wasn't ever glad to see him and made that fact very clear. He gently squeezed Rodney's hand, his own a little cold.
"I've been getting by. And yes. Cleaning. It keeps my mind off of other things. Helps me cope."
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 5:03 pm
"I've been having strange dreams," Rodney said, "And when I wake up,
it's...I don't know. I know we haven't been...together very long, but still," Rodney returned the squeeze, and sat down on the couch. "I miss you."
The house wasn't as nice as Lawrence's, but each of them had helped pick out some things for it. It was still badly underfurnished and underdecorated.
"The new month starts soon."
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 5:07 pm
Lawrence didn't know what to do with himself, he didn't want to just sit down, feeling like if he did so it would be overstepping some boundary, but equally feeling that to linger awkwardly was rude too.
"What sort of strange?" he asked, concerned. "Dreams can be problematic on the island, from what I've seen. Have you spoken to anyone about them?"
He looked at the couch, waiting for an invitation to sit. "It does. Have you thought of where you'd like to go? If you'd like to go."
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 5:25 pm
"Um, y-yes. They...were in a church. They said they were a devil, and that- forgiveness, always...came with a blood price," Their hands were still clasped. "You...can sit if you like. He said I'd been wronged and was owed...he seemed a bit, alone, I think. We...disagreed on it."
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 5:33 pm
"That is more than a little concerning." he said, sitting down and moving as close to Rodney as he could get away with, trapping a little warm between them. "You disagreed?" he asked. "I mean I am not surprised, but it would be easier if forgiveness came with something as simple as blood or pain. Those are things that make sense, I could live with them both."
He found himself feeling a little nauseous and dizzy as he thought back to that other him who had not lived with both of those things. It hadn't given him forgiveness, that was something that needed to come afterwards, if it ever did.
"Did you have an alternative?"
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