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 Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2017 10:22 pm
A home away from home, that was the definition of Negaspace to Sarabauite.
An escape to the darkness within the Earth always seemed to quell any hesitation or upset thought she encountered as Jinxi Carmen, but her visit now was due to her sudden terrors as a captain. The strong atmosphere of chaos in Negaspace was akin to the comfort of a mother to the agent, but now, it felt thick; like wading through sludge flooded up to her ears. Worst of all, the hunger did not die; it seemed to intensify, and for a moment, Sarabauite couldn't move.
She collapsed against the wall of the corridor leading toward the castle's library, milliseconds away from giving into the pull of gravity and the weakness in her knees if she wasn't mentally berating herself to stand like a solider worthy of her rank. The only comfort that remained was that there was no one, currently, to see her like this. Or if there were, they were taking their dear, sweet time coming out of hiding to gawk and laugh.
How did I let it get this bad? Sarabauite grimaced, pushing herself up to halfway-standing, halfway-leaning against the wall. It's only been two days. Two. Days. I shouldn't be this weak from—her thoughts stymied as she sagged an inch down—just... two days!
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 10:56 am
In the past days, Faustite swam through a perpetual, pervading dullness that left his sharp tongue flagging and his reflexes absent. In each movement, he felt the weight of his knees and how his shins simply hung off their ends, clutching them, pulling them back down to earth. His lower lumbar felt keenly the burden of his upper body. And his mind endured the insipid bog of blankness, of blanket despair that separated him so starkly from the feverdream that once, just once, fueled his actions.
So when he watched the captain collapse a few meters ahead of him, he could only stare at her for quite some time. The motion of it all felt so raw and dreamlike that he questioned its existence. Was there truly a captain standing there, crippled against the wall? Faustite blinked, and the sleepless specter remained. No part of her changed shape into an exhausted nightmare while he watched her. No, her shaken form remained much the same - an exacting crop of white hair, a trim uniform to fit the petit hourglass shape of her body, and heels flatted against the floor in a vehement attempt to keep her standing. She looked buckled under her own weight. And in rubbing his eyes with the untouched heels of his hands, Faustite found that she did not disappear into the ether as he would have expected. Would have wanted? He wasn't sure anymore; since the incident, he lost touch with much of himself.
He did smile, however, in seeing her there. A shortlived breath of a gesture, he dismissed it as soon as he was upon her. "You look like you've seen better days, Captain." While he kept his blacked hands tucked conveniently behind his back, he could do nothing for his gaze. Perhaps it wouldn't matter; he spoke not with any caring tone or reverence, but instead with that of soft mockery.
Faustite considered, then offered her a hand. "Wouldn't want the youma to see you like this. It's unbecoming." I'm sure they'd delight in defying all law by chewing through the corpse of an agent. And the Hall of Shadows is just a short walk away, isn't it? How delightfully convenient.unohime it works fine for me! do you want to wait on the scholomance/sarabauite start until some of your rps wind down? i saw you started a lot at once, so i wasn't sure if you would prefer to hold off!
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 6:34 pm
Clearly, some unseen, omniscient force had decided to take out its grievances on her. That what the only possible answer the captain could come up with her lack of strength. She had her cravings under control, and was balancing her quotas along with her addiction amiably. There shouldn't have been a problem, right? Either this was divine karma for stripping so many of their lives... or she'd worsened.
Sarabauite's conviction was slowly dissipating into nothingness. How long could she remain like this before she was flat on the floor? She gave one final push to stand squarely on her feet, but her attempt was stymied by her greatest fear then: Someone seeing her. Shame and embarrassment triggered an erratic thumping in her chest, and with what energy that remained, craned her neck over her shoulder to see the witness.
Someone younger, a new recruit? No, her judgement fell when she saw his eyes, and then the hand offered. Someone who'd probably seen more than her, if only to an end she wanted desperately to avoid.
"Agent," she responded in kind, taking his hand to lift herself to standing, but quickly pulling it away as if his fingers were covered in some sticky, disgusting substance. "You're right, it is... unbecoming. Nor a good example for others, thank you. Just... a tad overworked, that's all. Excuse me."
Sarabauite swallowed thickly, and turned from the other with a deep, ragged breath. I just have to make it to my office, she told herself. And then I'll be fine. Just beyond the library, so just... a few more steps.
Yet Sarabauite estimated herself wrongly, and her next step brought her parallel to the wall once again. What would this elicit this time? A laugh, maybe? Mockery? Tattling to a general or beyond?
Meekly, she looked back to Faustite, expectant of his next response.
Strickenized yes, please! it'd be much appreciated;;; maybe when i complete about half of them i can ping you for the battle~
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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 4:13 pm
She reacted with disgust when she touched his hand, to which he only smirked. The black hand he offered was no blacker than hers, he wagered. Is that how you save yourself, Captain? Denial? Chanting 'at least I'm not like him' while stumbling down the hall on legs that don't want to carry you anymore? Faustite tracked her in her steps, in how she hauled her exhausted body toward the end of the hall and away from him. Was this what it meant to hold power?
With eyes and hands already blacked, had he any excuse to hide himself from it? Was abstinence here an idealism or a weakness? He would play for the moment. He would find out.
Faustite stood with arms crossed, surveying the girl in her pitifully slow crawl across the stony walkway. She trembled, stuttered, stumbled in her step yet again and trusted her weight to the wall with more commitment than the trust she gave to him, a subordinate. A body to whom she could bid any command. Interesting. "My dear Captain," he called from where he stood, "you're not even fooling yourself." A few steady strides carried him to where she lay, crumpled and gasping, her body too weak and desperate for simple movement. How embarrassing it must have been for a lieutenant to look upon her like this. Any ego and bravado she might've possessed sat unfounded now.
But a captive audience was still an audience, and no matter the quality of her forced companionship here, he found her good enough for an ear. Conversation proved utterly hard to come by in the halls of the Cathedral. She would have to do. "It must be hard to keep up appearances when your body betrays you." He spoke knowingly, the irony thick on his tongue. "Suddenly your weaknesses are staring you down… And they're not going to listen to you anymore." He looked to his hands, now fettered with pointed black nails. Their dark pattern splattered halfway down his fingers.
Pointing further down the hallway, he looked to her again. "That's where you're trying to go, isn't it? Tell me, Captain. What's stopping you from pulling authority and having me carry you there? Pride looks a little expensive for you now. It must be something else."
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Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 5:44 am
Fool, fool, fool. Look what's become of you. You've forsaken not just Metallia, but yourself. How she'd laugh if she saw you now.
Sarabauite knew he was right; almost nodded her head in agreement to his words. Honestly, who was she fooling? All eyes could see her front was a flimsy one, phony. Her mind could lie, convince with fog and mirror, but not the waning strength of her body. She wanted reprieve for the sake of an image, but it hungered for survival; a basic instinct only starseeds could fulfill.
The wall was cool against the flat of her palm, her cheek. A comfort to the anger that was surging its way through every capillary and vein. She wanted so desperately, so desperately, to run from the lieutenant's chiding; his words like needles pressing themselves deep into the skin of her neck. How she willed herself to beg his to just stop, to leave her alone and never look back, to rid herself of the monolith whose shadow she was forced shelter under. He seemed so higher than her, even when she outranked him.
I've the authority, yes, she thought, echoing his sentiment. I could just order him away. Tell him to continue on and forget me, but... She looked down the corridor, and saw a journey, not a leisurely walk. She'd certainly pass out if she attempted it. It was either his help, or risk another pair of eyes seeing her.
And the rumors, oh Metallia, the rumors...
"Fine... You've... You've seen through the front. Congratulations," Sarabauite said, the terseness of her voice unlike her. She was never one to be impolite or cop an attitude, even to a lieutenant. "Then I won't bother with excuses, since you seem... seem to be familiar with this, lieutenant. Since you're so well-informed, please"—she swallowed thickly, mentally berating herself for the crack in her voice—"please, keep it to yourself."
The captain was so desperate to turn his help away, but knew continuing was impossible was without it. "It bothers me to even ask for your assistance, let alone order it. I would rather—" Punishment? Death? Sarabauite caught herself before she could finish. "Yes, just down the corridor. To the captain offices. I'd like to go to mine. So, if you don't mind..."
She relinquished her strength to her outstretched hand, despising herself all of the while as her eyes remained trained on the blackened tips of the other's. How vile it will be to be touched by those things...
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Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2017 10:02 am
Congratulations, she said, like he won a prize at a local fair. Like those bright, flashing scam ads on nearly every website. Congratulations, like the word alone encapsulated all of her misery.
Congratulations, like the word alone drew him into her personal hell.
And maybe it did. Should he be flattered? "What left you so weak? It looks like something to watch out for." Faustite stooped at her behest, caught her hand, and wrapped it about his shoulders. Standing with her weight was no great issue when she looked as slight as she did; his only concern remained about his wrist, and keeping it protected from any accidental bumps. He rose then, his arm framed over his stomach, and started with her toward her destination of choice. And what do you expect to find in that office? If you're looking for privacy, you're better off in your own home. There's only sneering for you here. And not just from him, he supposed.
It isn't the same as losing your humanity, he wanted to comment about her condition, but every Negaverse officer he met slowly lost their humanity as power overwhelmed them. Herself included, likely. And it proved so, so terribly easy to simply give in and retire what humanity they had. He supposed there wasn't choice in it. After all, when he refused to give moral ground, chaos had its way with his soul.
Though that, too, felt a touch off from correct.
The old ghost of politeness reminded him to offer names, to ask for them. He refused the impulse - no specters of society haunted halls like these. Instead, he clutched her hand to his shoulder in silence, waiting for the story of this captain's pathetic form.
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 7:33 am
Her weight shifted to his foundation easily and gratefully, even if the uneasiness on her face still remained. It took Sarabauite a moment to collect her bearings and reply to him, considering her words carefully as to neither give herself away nor look more weak before the lieutenant. Yet her stomach tensed, and her thoughts stalled on just how to go about doing such.
"I, well, um," she began, eyes averted to the opposing wall. Sarabauite couldn't look at the other without losing her conviction. In her current state, she might've revealed everything then and there. "I'm... overworking... myself. You could say... filling two quotas? Yes, I would say two quotas, for one person. To, um, maintain? Y-yes, maintain myself. That's"—her eyes flicked to Faustite's face before glancing away again—"the best way I can put it, lieutenant."
Her excuses were a weak one, even she could tell that. Silence touched her lips again as the two of them made their way down the hall, and it was only after a few more steps did she open herself up again. However, this time, the words flowed more freely, and the truth bellied beneath became clearer.
"To be... a normal person became too much. I wanted to turn my life around, but the pressure of being a normal civilian was worse than what I do here as a Negaverse agent. Both don't even compare. It's easier to drain energy than, say, do algebra." A ghost of a laugh. "For me, at least. But than I, I overindulged myself. Once. And it turned into a problem." Her knees buckled a bit, and she had to stop on her feet. "A rather horrible problem."
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 7:22 pm
Filling two quotas for one person to maintain yourself. Someone plucked the apple from the tree, I see. Did you find its taste tantalizingly bitter, I wonder? It must've liked the taste of you.
And just look at you now, Captain. So proud and so dedicated that you can't bear to stand on your own two legs.
The captain expounded on her own condition, holding fast to every last coat of pretty paint she could apply to her dismal failures. She grasped for every justification she could, clinging with every last fingernail as if to float herself out of her predicament. Faustite made no rebuttal of it - he didn't need to, not when the girl seemed so intent on nosing up more reasons to be disappointed in herself. She was proud, and that rendered her pretty in her own right, but she faced a good few steps before she reached beautiful. Faustite snorted, then laughed to himself lowly, pessimistically. "Keep following that path, Captain. See where it takes you."
You haven't reached the rather horrible problem yet. You've got another six feet of digging before you reach it.
But you'll get there, dear Captain. Oh, I have faith in you.
"So you're eating your second quota," he wagered at once. She stopped for a breath and he waited, patiently, knowing she would make the decision to march on. She would, because he intended to make the conversation so abysmally difficult that she knew of no better choice in the matter. If she wanted to treat her office as a safe space, then he would paint it in the light of a ******** bastion.
"Can you feel their memories in the taste of their energy? Imagine what a blessing it would be if you found one that could do algebra. Do you suppose you can learn from them that way? Or are you really just biting throuhg lives to ruin your own? Man sees in the world what he carries in his heart, dear Captain. You see the world as disposable delicacies. So what do you carry in your heart?"
Or is it just dead flesh?
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 8:15 pm
The erratic thumping of her heart had flooded her ears; low, but not deafening, like a hammer hitting on cloth. Sarabauite had no idea of how to reply to him, her legs buckling even lower. She wanted so desperately to fall, but so desperately to remain standing. Her conviction was of paper mache, so brittle and weak, but she would deny his statement, and deny it again if pressed.
Nothing would happen, she thought to herself. Nothing has happened, nothing will happen. I am doing my best, I am getting by, so why... Don't challenge what I know to be true! I am nothing like you!
Yet she could feel sandpaper in the back of her throat, and the hunger like beetles gnawing her from the inside out were now crawling beneath her skin, roiling in her stomach. It knew the truth too, knew the end that laughed so lowly at her and kept her standing, yet she still refused to know it, to accept it, because the indulgence was greater than anything else she'd ever experienced.
It was bliss.
Happiness.
Life, experiences, all for a soul who willingly made herself a hermit. She didn't have to live their lives, she knew their life by the time she plucked it from their chest and swallowed it whole. And now their life were her own, keeping her going to the next day, almost dropping her to her knees.
At all the cost of an avarice she'd try again and again to justify.
"No, I... I don't!" she cried. Sarabauite could feel tears well up within her, but none came. None ever came. How the hell could she cry for herself, such a sorry piece of work? "They're... they're a threat to this planet, to Metallia, and I won't let harm come to the force that gave me courage. What use are the White Moon to the Negaverse besides fodder? They're people once they don't cross the threshold and accept the power of the cosmos. Once you're a page or senshi, you're... you're..."
J͡ust҉ ̷sa҉y it̴, capta҉in͜.̡
No.
Sa̸y͢ wha̷t you ͟wa̴n҉ţ t͢o͜ s͘a̷y҉.
No!
To ̵y̨o̡u͠, ͏t̨h͘ey'̢re ͠no̢t ̷e͝ve҉n̕ p̧e̢opl͘e.̢
It was there, chiding her again, but it wasn't the face of Faustite she saw. No, it was that low thrum given a voice, the one that guided her, the one that called her names but also soothed her with hopes the next starseed would be the last. The hunger within her, her confidant and her sin, had come to challenge her once again. Without provocation, Sarabauite suddenly pushed herself from Faustite, and fell to the ground like a bundle of sticks, bones clattering weakly. She trembled as if scared of her own shadow, but said through clenched teeth, "There's nothing there, and never was anything there. My heart has nothing. I don't even know how to feel."
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Posted: Mon May 01, 2017 10:04 pm
Faustite watched her coldly. She withered and writhed and wrought herself into knots over her own awful choices. He felt no pity for her. "The Negaverse makes monsters of men. I'm lucky enough to wear my monstrosity on the outside. But you…" Faustite knelt, arms braced against his thighs. He gestured toward her with an eternal restlessness. "Eating souls and running from your culpability makes something of you, doesn't it?
"But you're not just eating the lives of senshi. You're not ripping their souls out for the greater glory of the Negaverse. No, not like that - not when you can't raise yourself up without a helping hand from a fellow monster. You're eating your classmates, the people you know. Maybe your neighbor. That's it, isn't it, dear Captain? Why waste your well-earned energy on a hunt when you can ask your neighbor for a cup of sugar and take her starseed when her back's turned. You'll keep eating and eating and eating until there's no one left to torment you with algebra. With ordering coffee. With paying your bills. You'll just keep eating your way into the Negaverse's good graces.
"Until you look like me." Faustite smirked at her, then straightened up.
"You're right, there's nothing there. The girl who eats her fellow men must herself be soulless, if she's so starved for their very lives." Fingers laced before him, palms clasped together. He considered her, head cocked, for little more than a second. Turning, he started down the hall, opposite her intended quarters. He would carry her no further, though he would similarly take his time in excusing himself. Perhaps there was a little righteous schadenfreude in hearing her scramble for safety, her soul-starved limbs scrambling for purchase on the cold, cold floor.
"You'll start learning how to feel soon, Captain. I promise. In the mean time, show us your conviction by staying your course. I expect a good show of it." His own footfalls measured steady, sure against the rocky floor.
The only wonder left was how long it would take her to fall.
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2017 4:57 pm
The sound of his retreating footsteps were a fleeting comfort, as the truth of his words continued to sting, continued to aid the strength of her uncontrollable hunger. Something within her snapped, and Sarabauite jerked her head in his direction to shout something—anything—as if to save face, prove something of herself, but her mouth fell agape and nothing came.
Absolutely nothing.
Her words were as empty as her own heart.
The last of her strength dissipated in the sudden movement, and the captain remained crumpled in on herself; the coolness against her cheek and hands once again her only comfort. Her mind raced, but there were no thoughts. Her blood swelled, but she couldn't feel her heart. The hunger crawled and writhed beneath her skin, but she hadn't the strength to itch.
She just wanted to lay there and wait for it to consume her; let the beetles eat through her sockets to freedom, and then the rest of her. To crawl away with full bellies of a selfish, selfish girl.
It would be some time until someone else found her.
Strickenized we can end it there if you'd like.  however, if you'd like to make another post, feel free!
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