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 Posted: Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:11 pm
Text to Lawr I am not rid of you and I hope you have not written me off as gone now. Text to Lawr I keep wondering maybe this is all for the best. Text to Lawr Who knows if things would have gotten worse between us. Text to Lawr It is hard still loosing you when you made such a large part of my happiness. Text to Lawr Like having your heart torn up. Text to Lawr It's not easy to recover from and find an anchor.
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Posted: Mon Apr 03, 2017 1:00 pm
Lawrence finished off his shift in the infirmary not long afterwards and headed back home. It was only when he was comfortably showered and sprawled on a couch in the angel room like a satisfied cat that he got round to responding. It wasn't unusual, even when they'd been together he'd seemed to take his leisurely time when it came to texting.
Quote: I haven't written you off at all, it is exactly as I told you, you are still one of my dearest friends and a very lovely man. Quote: Perhaps it is for the best, I disappoint everyone in the end, you wouldn't have been different, I probably would have pushed and pushed till you got hurt in a way that couldn't be repaired. Quote: I would still like to make you happy as best I can, even just by chatting and I have no doubt you will find an anchor in due course, you are more clever and independent than you ever gave yourself credit for.
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Posted: Mon Apr 03, 2017 4:35 pm
Melvin had been waiting for a text back as they had been rather consistent before, and stared at his phone for minutes on end as he laid in bed because that was where he had been before, dying.
After a while, he checked Twitter, then rolled over and checked his text messages. Then he checked the weather report for Deus.
Sunny with high humidity.
Sunny with high humidity.
Sunny with high humidity.
Melvin checked his text messages again and then rolled over onto his back and set the phone on top of his forehead and closed his eyes, sighing.
When it buzzed, he jerked awake and reached down to grab his phone from where it fell off his bed onto the floor.
Checking it, he read Lawr's messages.
Quote: I noticed you were pushing for a while. Quote: It was this last one that really had me staggering back. Quote: While I hope you can find happiness, I can't deny that I'm bitter that it is with Rodney. I'm sorry but I'm not that strong to just get over it that easily. Quote: But your charisma and charm probably was hard to ignore. Quote: Just try not to make the same mistakes.
I would still like to make you happy....
Saliva twisted in his mind.
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Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 6:11 am
Quote: Honestly I have my doubts if I can last with Rodney. I certainly do care about him, but there are so many things which are critically important to him which are less important to me. I was certainly sad about slipping up and sleeping with you but only insofar as it almost cost me the life I have. I didn't regret anything about the act if that makes any sense. You are free to be bitter about it if you like, and maybe in due course you'll be proven right. Quote: I always make the same mistakes Melvin, it's why I'm here, it's why I've lost not one family but four or five. But there's no escaping the island. Quote: At least I'm a loyal friend? That's something isn't it? I'm a loyal partner so long as monogamy isn't the be all and end all.
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Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 10:41 am
Quote: Running away isn't loyalty. Maybe its good you can't escape to give you an opportunity to address what might be wrong. Quote: You also push people away because you think you will fail them. How can you stick by someone when you are working against your idea of loyalty?
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Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2017 6:11 am
Quote: Maybe. It's difficult though, I have always always run away from what I don't like. Now I can't ever run away again, not far.
Quote: The more that people know me the more they realise what I am and the more that they ultimately find me uncanny and strange. I would choose a life of never really knowing anyone, of moving from place to place and creating a new person for everywhere I go. It's easier, it ends up with less negativity. I hurt you and now I need to deal with it every single day for ever that I am here.
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Posted: Thu Apr 06, 2017 7:16 am
Quote: You don't think other people don't feel the same way. People hurt each other even when they mean well. We make mistakes. We learn. Sometimes you need to learn more than once to realize your mistakes more fully. I run away. I ran away from death and was someone I wasn't. Quote: I think having that out to always leave made you miss seeing the full picture. It also means you missed out on learning how to repair and heal. Quote: If you want love then people need to get to know the you that remains and not the one that puts on a mask for others. Quote: I hope that I can be there for you to run to and not away from regardless of any messes or pain. Quote: Aren't you lonely knowing no one has ever gotten that close?
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Posted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 8:11 am
Quote: I don't know what other people feel. At all. I can barely even speculate. So much of what people do to each other seems random and inexplicable, yet sometimes they get away with terrible things without consequence because there is some sort of emotional explanation for their actions. Quote: It was always just so much easier to leave and start again, blank slate, blank life, a new person. It felt like I didn't need to repair or heal, I was born again brand new. Quote: And I think the problem is that there isn't much of me left behind when I stop the acts. Horace hated it for one thing, and even you were hurt by it when I was as honest as I could be with you. It makes me wary of showing even a fraction of that self. Quote: I don't get lonely. Not in the same way other people seem to. I just find a gap in my day to day life, a lack of convenience I should have.
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Posted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 8:51 am
Quote: I might have been hurt but I still wanted to understand and be with you. I still wanted to be a support for you. Quote: I'm not you so I can't understand you fully. I never will. I'm Melvin. You are you. I can only try and understand in my limited field, but in my limited field, I can try and expand them by listening and trying. I might not succeed, but as Melvin, I want to try and help you in the ways I can. If you need more support from others, I want you to have that support. Quote: I don't want you to loose yourself completely. I don't want you to be chipped away. I don't want you to feel lost or lonely or devoid or even just some semblance on how that must be for you. Whatever makes you think that things aren't okay. That life isn't good. I want to help make life good again. Quote: Even if things hurt, if that hurt is to a good thing, then it's not bad.
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Posted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 11:45 am
Quote: You still are support for me, and I'm glad that you try no matter what. You've had more success than almost anyone else. I appreciate it and you. Quote: I always feel void of everything, it's normal for me. I only forget it when I'm watching someone else feel something intensely. Quote: It would be an experience to be able to hurt.
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Posted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 12:07 pm
Quote: It is an experience, but one I'm familiar with. Yet it always feel new. Quote: But I also try and imagine how you feel and operate. How it must be to not fee those things. It sounds nice to me. To just be devoid of this. To let it go. To not let these things get to you. Quote: It would be nice to trade for a while.
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Posted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 12:35 pm
Quote: I don't have anything to compare it to. Maybe it would be nice compared to normal. I wouldn't know. I consider it an improvement considering how separate I feel from the problems other people complain about. Quote: But it can be difficult to find a reason for..well anything frankly. Everything is mostly done for its entertainment value. The main thing that drives me is moving away from the sensation of boredom. Quote: You might wish to swap, but the state of being immersed in that all consuming stillness and nothingness, becoming aware that something isn't right, that there is something in the room with you that is sinister and it might be you. That restless feeling where you need to move and /act/, wether that be hurting someone or helping someone, action becomes imperative. Awake, arise, or be for ever fall'n.Quote: I don't know if it would be as nice as you think.
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Posted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 12:40 pm
Quote: I'm sorry. I suppose I idolized your misfortune. I didn't mean to, I just thought it sounded like an escape. Quote: Feeling a lot without knowing how to handle it all can feel like an overwhelming pressure where you don't want to move but know you will be continued to be crushed under if you don't act. Quote: Maybe we need to find your a outlet where you can have a more stable feeling of entertainment? One that works on the island.
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