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Quicksilver the Archangel
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 Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 6:56 pm
It was no single incident that led him to this moment. He had not stumbled across a picture lodged deep within his wallet or forgotten some prearranged meeting only to rush in at the last I second. He had not moped or drunk himself into a stupor, and he had not sent out feeler Facebook messages hoping for re-entry. He had not hung around the places they used to be seen together--though he hadn’t avoided them, either. Krishna had simply lived his life as it had been before he had ever caught sight of Sekani.
He ran the shop. He drank with Richard. He carried his partner home when Richard drank a little too much. He trained, he patrolled, he gathered energy. Even if all of this had not been enough, the news of his father’s death had come. Brahma’s generosity insured Krishna a proper place to live again, after crashing among his flowers far longer than originally intended. Planning the reunion with his younger brother began to take up his time and energy.
It had all been going smoothly… and then, something in him changed. He could not explain it. The back of his mind itched as though he had forgotten something, something truly important, but no matter how hard he tried he could not pin down more concrete details or where the feeling may have originated. He had literally woken up one night knowing three things with every fiber of his considerable will.
First, he could not allow Richard to become General King--or it would destroy him. That could be done easily enough, despite his friend’s ambitious nature. While his loyalty to the cause remained true, Krishna had never been a blind follower. Richard had given more than enough.
Second, he needed to bring Brahma home. While he had fully intended to offer his brother the chance to return with him, now Krishna felt he had no choice. If he left Brahma behind… something terrible, undefinable, could happen. He knew it was foolish, but he would not ignore the instinctual fear in his gut. He relied on those instincts too often to doubt them.
Third?
Third was what led him to lift his cell phone and then lower it again just as quickly. Third was what led to pacing his office, trying to deny what he knew to be true. Third was what made his shoulders sink momentarily before rising again in resolution. Third led him to dressing quickly, sloppily, and heading out with keys in hand. Third was what had brought him before this door, getting progressively more soaked the longer he stood in the rain. Third was what led him banging more loudly than he had the first time, demanding to be heard. “Sekani. Open the door.”
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:04 pm
Sitting perched in front of a computer screen was a terrible way to spend the wee hours of the night. Yet, there he was, limbs askew in the chair in some form that was somehow the most comfortable at the moment, as the night continued quietly around him. It was, in a word, uncaring. The stars, moon, storm, and sun on the other side of the Earth had their own duties. He could blame it on loneliness, on letting him go. But that was going on two months ago now. The hurt had hollowed. Sekani really wanted a donut.
Checking the little clock at the corner of his desktop again, Sekani was continually surprised (and frustrated) at how the hours flowed on effortlessly. In the cocoon of night surrounding his station, time felt meaningless and lost until the heavy reality that yes, another hour has passed slammed into him at the next glance. Hadn't he only checked 15 minutes ago? A scream welled in his throat - body full of impotent rage and fatigue looking for any outlet to cleanse itself - and died subdued, paradoxically, from a lack of will. Though it resulted in little more than a trance, all available energy was going into keeping his a** upright while he haphazardly edited videos at stupid o'clock am. Nevermind that attempting actual rest was somehow a worse experience. A snake consuming itself. Flinching, the thought snapped him awake before his face could get more friendly with the keyboard.
Lately, sleep had not come easily. Instead, it was dragged fitfully out of hiding every night to do battle with the lump of anxiousness that had taken residence in his chest. Passing out would seem effortless enough until actually laying down filled him with the unidentifiable dread. At some point, his body began to associate sleep with dread, and every night it grew. A snake...
A bleary blink at the computer screen did little to clear Sekani's vision. He shifted the tangle of limbs into a different tangle. The storm pitter-pattered against the window. The city was wet with the rest of it, making a blissful hum that enticed Sekani to try for sleep early tonight.
So he did, right there at the computer.
And 15 minutes later, a heavy and pointed thumping against the apartment's front door roared over the hum of the storm. Just barely under, Sekani jerked awake at the sound. With not even basic instinct coordinated yet, he half fell out of the chair. Sleep was ushered out quickly, but it's a sloppy drunk, and leaves a mess behind it.
Is it morning..?" The heavy darkness still eroding the edges of his bedroom answered that.
"Go away," he says, unable to muster a yell. Sekani sounds like a petulant child, but he feels like one, too. The affront repeats itself, accompanied by a voice he hadn't heard in awhile. A voice he wanted to hear, admittedly, though not at - he dragged his eyes to the clock - 2am. Nonetheless, he was moving somewhat steadily towards the door. He was turning the locks. He was leaning heavily against the door frame to steady himself as he blinked against the darkness. He was feeling the pitter-patter against his skin as the rain came sideways. And he still didn't know what to feel. So, he picked up the first flotsam that formed from the disjointed mess in his head.
"What the hell, man?"
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Quicksilver the Archangel
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:05 pm
When the door swung open, Krishna had thought he was ready. He was wrong. The evident fatigue and confusion were to be expected, but the casual form of address… the searching stare that questioned his presence? Those were harder to swallow.
But swallow them he did. He kept his head high and announced, “We must talk.”
Without waiting for an invitation, he crossed into the apartment and walked straight for the linen closet. Things looked more or less the same as the last time he had spent time in here. The kitchen was worse for the wear, the scent of spices mingling in ways that were unexpected--though not fully unpleasant. The computer station was worse, but that was usually the case if the kitchen needed tending. His stomach protested his arrival, but the memories that danced across his tongue were worse. He had not watched a single episode of the webshow since that night, but the tastes… good, and bad, and just plain strange? Those he could not possibly forget.
The thin shirt he had plucked from the clean clothes pile was drenched, leaving him to peel it off with a grunt and toss it aside to dry. He took the largest towel he could see and immediately tended to his hair, rubbing vigorously to try and keep it somewhat presentable. Then he moved on to his arms and chest. There was a comfort to the task, the focused action, even if it merely delayed the inevitable a few moments more.
As he worked, he shot a glance over to Sekani. There was one thing he had to know first. Whatever happened afterwards… a least he would have his answer. “Why did you leave?”
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:11 pm
Sekani stepped aside thoughtlessly, the easy acquiescence stemming from many sources, but mainly curiosity. He was punchdrunk on the small amount of sleep, slow to react; he wanted to tell him off for waking him up; he was excited to see that dark rainbow fluff of hair coming through his doorway so casually; he wanted to be excited; he missed... But mainly curiosity.
It was still curiosity when Sekani had to force himself not to react when the sticky-wet shirt was peeled away. He wasn't sure what, with the state he was in, the reaction would be, and he was just in control enough to want to remain that way. It was a conscious restraint to stop himself from drying Krishna's hair into a fluffy Chia-pet. (And then dragging the florist to bed until his quiet presence lulled him to amazingblissfulsoft sleep.) He ran a hand through his own loose hair instead, fingers catching the ends and fiddling with them in a slight betrayal.
Sekani caught the look from the golden eyes and held them, a slight scowl surfacing above the heavy blanket of sleep deprivation.
"Please, come in. No, it's no problem, it's only," he pauses in an exaggerated look at the nearest clock that he doesn't need to check, "2 in the Goddamn morning. I'd be angry if you didn't! How've you been? Oh, it's a bit rainy, isn't it? I've been great, thanks for asking," he finishes, proud that he only stumbled over a few words.
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Quicksilver the Archangel
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:12 pm
It was a simple question. Krishna had been sure to make himself plain, removing any hint of ambiguity. He acknowledged that the answer could be difficult, but he was willing to devote however much time was required to the task. He also knew that it was likely Sekani would have questions of his own that the florist would be expected to answer. Some discomfort was inevitable.
The scowl on that normally cheerful face might have been painful if Sekani hadn’t been so petulant. Standing in the doorway, filling the air with words but saying nothing… preferring the rain that puddled on the floor to just speaking with him. Why didn’t he close the door? Why didn’t he just answer the question?!
Crushed pride demanded recompense. Krishna draped the towel over his shoulder and crossed the room quickly. He took hold of the edge of the door and slammed it shut. No more distractions. No more potential eavesdroppers. No more running. He all but growled, in many ways as frustrated with himself as he was with his former lover. “I deserve to know. Can’t you be serious, for once? I’ve always told you the truth.”
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:20 pm
Stunned and wide-eyed, the door slipped easily from Sekani's hand. The sharp slam swallowed up the soft sound of the storm, summoning up an involuntary cringe.
Yes, the rain had been getting in but he also subconsciously considered it a way out. It was a last bit of control over this wild situation taking over his own home. Under - very, very - different circumstances, he could have welcomed a friend showing up at strange hours for shenanigans. Not this man, not like this. Now, Sekani was trapped with his mistakes, one pissed off Krishna, and a failing mental capacity to turn this around in his own favor. The weakened cardboard walls of his resolve folded in on itself, coming down quickly and quietly. He wasn't scared of Krishna, physically; he could probably take him in a fight and he could have called the police or simply screamed for help by now. Hell, he could have opened the door again and walked out, leaving his apartment forfeit for however long it took.
It was the way Krishna's golden eyes leveled at him that was scary. It was the earnestness he brought with him, imbuing his already thick presence with issues Sekani didn't want to face. It was a far cry from the cool easiness he once enjoyed.
"Why did you let me? Just to come back now?" Sekani followed quickly, because he knew the simple-why. "That isn't like you. Give me that answer and you can have mine."
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Quicksilver the Archangel
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:23 pm
The question that he had known would come. The only question that mattered, wasn’t it? Or one of the only ones. Krishna had the answer on the tip of his tongue before the follow up question, but he had to pause in order to reconsider. The answers were intertwined to some extent. He pursed his lips and went, as always, with the truth, “I never intended to come back. I thought you would come to me, if anything.”
It was too simple, even for him. The emotion bubbling within him felt like a raw blister, but nothing would make the intensity go away. “What did you expect? Theatrics? Debasing pleas? Never.” The words were huffed more than spoken, a chest swollen with bruised vanity demanding release. A nervous hand sought still wet hair, tufts of rainbow brushed back in subconscious preening as he scrambled for how to proceed, how to express what he knew.
Because the third thing he knew, as much as he did that Richard could not be General King, that Brahma needed to return with him… was that he needed Sekani. It was a reality as concrete as the process of photosynthesis. Yet, how could he say that? How could he admit to such a weakness, such a need? How could words express what he felt?
They couldn’t. He turned from Sekani and headed towards the couch, as though distance would somehow make it easier. It was likely that he would be rejected.He had known that somewhere between turning the key in the ignition and pounding on the apartment door. He straightened as he sat, the anchoring cushion giving him support he hadn’t known he needed.
“I thought I could do without you. I was… wrong.” He hated the sound of his voice, the way his hands trembled until tightened into fists. “I love you, Sekani. If you don’t want me, then just say it.”
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:26 pm
Hearing that Krishna had never intended to come back, heartache came in a single beat and passed as quickly. Muscle memory squelched it down, his thoughts clamoring to echo the sentiment - remind him that ending everything was exactly the aim, dipshit. "You didn't go back because you got exactly what you wanted." Sortof. If everyone survived this, "my crazy ex barged into my apartment last night" would make a popular vlog post.
Given the prompt and a quick moment, Sekani supposed he expected yelling. Or maybe a cool, solid defense. Could there be both at the same time? If anyone could, he reasoned, it would have been his ex. Truthfully, he had never seen Krishna distraught like this, seemingly dragged in like an embarrassed child forced to apologize. Except no one forced Krishna to do anything except Krishna. This was akin to how ancient peoples felt seeing a solar eclipse. It was off putting.
Sekani remained planted in the slightly damp carpet near the door. Deer in headlights. He didn't know which way to move or, more dangerously, where Krishna would. Physically, the answer was simply his couch.
Emotionally, it was closer to the side of the sun exploding. (Theatrics were definitely more suited to Sekani.) The pit opened in his chest again, this time gaping before the resistance could contain it again. This was scary in a tactile way - his palms warmed uncomfortably, wrists following quickly due to nervous rubbing, his heart in his ears, possibly trying to escape the death pit of hornets his chest had turned into. He didn’t handle this sort of heavy emotional stuff.
And then to make it worse, Krishna said he loved him.
Of course he did. All of the signs were there. That’s why he cut things off. But now, to hear it, to see how much Krishna was giving up was oddly grounding. More or less, everything was out in the open. More or less. Sekani opened his mouth to speak about three times before the proper sound came out. He had to be responsible for once in his life. It was harrowing.
“I left because I’m a jerk. I.. don’t let things get serious… like that.” His toes curled in the damp carpet. “I lost track of us, I guess. I didn’t think about how far it was going, until… I guess one day I did. I think we either both bail or they try to pull ‘I love you,’ out a bit sooner.” A small, dead laugh. “My usual relationships aren’t like us. Besides, you have Richard, right? He sounds like a much better, um, match. More helpful, too.” In a small voice, affected by the mess of tears threatening to overflow, he slipped in, “How do we even get along?”
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Quicksilver the Archangel
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:28 pm
Krishna’s eyes closed and his fists curled in his lap as he waited for what Sekani had to say. The florist was not prone to hysterics or in need of bracing himself any further, but to face rejection head on was more than he chose to bear. He had peeled back his dignity and left himself vulnerable, mentally, emotionally, in ways that he had not been in years. He had given his best efforts. He could do no more.
The reward for his patience was the answer he sought, though it was slower in coming than anticipated. He grit his teeth at being compared to former boyfriends, though he had been in his share of relationships as well. It was more the manner in which Sekani implied that he, like those others, should have either left sooner or confessed the extent of his emotions. That what they had… the moments they shared had been comparable to those that had come before. How could he think of it as something cheap and meaningless?
Yet, as he listened more, that raw jealousy proved unjustified to his mind. If his boyfriend had lost track of the time they had spent together, then he must have invested more than he had expected to do. If his ‘usual relationships’ were not like his one with Krishna… then he, too, must feel the connection between them. The venom churning within him died down to a mild burn. Sekani was as torn as he was. The distance he kept, the hush and hesitation that were alien compared to his routine energy and spontaneity… these had to indicate that his feelings were returned.
Didn’t they?
Krishna’s eyes flew open at the mention of Richard. He felt queerly flushed as he pushed himself from the couch, yet shivering slightly from his remaining soaked clothes. It was akin to having a fever, and it took until the end of Sekani’s statement for the Indian to trust his footing. The towel fell from his shoulder in his haste as he spat, “Richard? He has nothing to do with us.”
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:31 pm
Nerves tightened when Krishna stood up - Sekani much preferred the sitting. Sitting meant everything was a bit more at ease - that he could at the very least escape eyesight if he desired. In his own apartment. The same sentiment bubbled up: why was he even putting up with this? Events were going the opposite way again, though he wasn’t entirely sure which way was the good way, anyway. It was the first time he would have preferred advanced physics.
“I’m just saying--” he said on the heels of Krishna’s harsh rebuttal, then slowed to try and pick his words more carefully. A clever voice in his mind yelled out, “just blow him already,” because that had proven useful before. No, really - Distracting Sex™ could do a lot for many kinds of relationships. He’d considered writing a book once before remembering that he hates writing. Here, however, it was as useless as convincing himself to move a step forward. Nothing felt correct or safe.
“I’m just saying maybe he’s better for you? It sounded like you guys got along really well. More in common, yeah?” He was trying to smile now. Dredging up his usual, natural chipperness was difficult under the golden scrutiny. Another laugh, less hollow, but filled with something no more pleasant. The dam was broken at effort. “But I’m pretty s**t at relationship advice.”
“I’m pretty s**t at a lot of things - a lot of things I’m not, too, but, --” He cut himself off, desperate to get these emotions out and not sidetracked, hoping his slightly erratic hand motions showed he was going somewhere eventually. “When we met, it was like ‘Look at this a*****e, he’s friggin Nanook of the North,’ though there’s something I really like about him, too. How weird is that?” His nose started to do that tingly thing that happens when his eyes were trying to signal that no, it’s cool, we have enough water. “And then you started making plans. Plans for us. I woke up one day with more on my schedule than school, sports, and a silly webshow, and I got spooked.” It was so, so hard to hide from everything when it was staring at you shirtless. Tears wiped away were quickly replaced.
“It was so easy for you!” Like a proper domestic dispute, he was overtaken with the need to throw something. Luckily with all of the kitchen equipment left lying out, it ended up being Krishna’s sodden shirt. “I started thinking about things. And yeah, I thought about Richard. God, he owns a store - all super responsible dependable guy like you. I thought we weren’t a good fit, but the problem was that we were. Somehow!” He was still yelling, anger and petulance over the whole situation spilling over in what would otherwise be the big sappy moment in a romantic movie.
“I couldn’t -- I couldn’t treat you like other people anymore. You are special! And... I don’t know how... to treat you special.” Words were failing. Everything was failing. He was failing, just like he knew he would.
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Quicksilver the Archangel
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:36 pm
Krishna always listened. He did not always believe or agree with what others said, but he always listened. He made no attempt to interrupt Sekani now that he finally spoke of their relationship. When the wet shirt came through the air, slow and sodden, the darker man stepped aside to avoid it. It was unnecessary; it landed with a squelch somewhere between them. He grit his teeth at the action, but the anger that would normally fuel retaliation did not come to head. With each step towards crying and screaming that Sekani took, unfamiliar, unwelcome barbs of guilt instead zigzagged into his listener.
The florist was a man of action, not of words. His affinity showed as clearly this night as it had in their relationship. Hearing now how that had affected Sekani was eye-opening, but he could not say anything in his own defense. It was his nature to cultivate and to tend to that which was his. All he could do now was press forward and continue what he had begun. His shivers, though increasing, meant nothing as he bridged the distance between them and guided the blunette to the couch to sit, lest his legs give out.
Krishna touched his arm, fingers focusing on the swirl of rose and snake that had been needled into his skin. He could not fully explain the symbolism, of course, not without revealing both his and Richard's association with the Negaverse. He had no intention of such betrayal. It was enough that Sekani know the bond between the two of them was deep. To imply otherwise would not only be dishonest, but also suggest shame, which he certainly didn't feel.
Yet, he had to clarify that relationship, as best he could, for Sekani's sake. The anguish and anger in him, the implication of inadequacy and incompatibility, set Krishna flushing once again. He crouched in front of the other man, disliking the distance between them but trying, in his awkward way, to give Sekani some space. "Richard is dear to me. He is my friend, partner, bonded brother." Here his hand moved from his arm to the other man's face, brushing a few vibrant strands gently behind his ear. "But never lover. If I wanted--or needed--him as I do you, I wouldn't be here.”
He stopped here, uncertain for a moment what else to say. All of the words spoken between them buzzed in his ears. He wished he could fade into comforting silence, that his physical presence would be enough… but he spoke on, quietly, unwilling to relent when they had come so far. “Dammit, Sekani… I love you. That covers all you are, are not, and will be. Who cares why or how? You don’t know how to treat me? I’ve don’t know how to treat you. What we had… what I hope we rekindle… is special. I would not have come like this for anything less.”
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:37 pm
Grateful for a calm port after the storm - spent and out of air - Sekani allowed himself to be led to the couch. A few snuffles escaped, but he was determined to keep it together. Just this once, because it felt important.
He thought it would be impossible if Krishna confirmed anything about Richard. He would get angry - actually angry, rage bubbling up from whatever cellar he stored it in - or start bawling again. Instead, the impact left a quiet acceptance. Sekani wanted to fall over and be done with the whole night.
But then Krishna kept talking. He touched him in one of those silly soft ways and kept talking. Sekani was admittedly a mess: rather irresponsible, an unaware doof in public, he snores after drinking too much. Eats basically all of the chips. But he was loved, and, somehow, needed in some special way by this amazing man kneeling in front of him. A lifetime suddenly felt much more doable, if that was how everything panned out.
Sekani flopped forward with little grace, though purpose enough not to entirely slam his forehead into Krishna's. The words slipped out easily, like they belonged there in the small space between them,
"I love you, too. I… I'm glad you came over."
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Quicksilver the Archangel
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:40 pm
The contact cooled his fevered brow, but Sekani’s response soothed his heart. Krishna remained still, silent, savoring the moment. Peace was rare for him, but here, in this place, with this man, he was rooted. The war, Richard, Brahma… all could, if only momentarily, wait. He was home.
When he moved it was to wrap his arms around the other man and pull him to his chest. He wanted, no, needed further contact. To take hold of what he had been missing and never let it go again.
“I should have come sooner. You look like crap. Not sleeping?”
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:42 pm
A muffled grunt was Krishna's answer. Sekani was reluctant to move out of the comfort of the other man's chest, residual clamminess and all. The familiarity of Krishna's style of caring effortlessly pulled a smile to his face. (Sekani knew he definitely looked like crap, possibly snotty crap.) The warm thought of being someone's important person settled the war in his guts.
"Long nights," he added simply. "I have some questions for a guy who runs off at dark o'clock in a rainstorm, too, but I think we both get a pass." A deep breath followed, but the words that came were content and strong.
"Look, around you, I think of things like 'forever.' I don’t know how to fix any of this, if it needs fixing. I’m not even being lazy this time, I swear," a little snort of a laugh escapes and looks up, up into golden eyes in the half light. "But I know that you make me want to try. I’m sorry if I’m terrible at it, but I will try. I’ll do the cooking. And windows. And you. But... not tonight."
Sekani eased out of the death-grip of a hug, seamlessly snatched up one of Krishna's hands, and stood wobbly, pulling his ex-ex-boyfriend along.
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Quicksilver the Archangel
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:47 pm
Krishna softened under Sekani’s words, but more so at his gaze. Fatigue was evident, the puffiness of tears, but under those was the spark that had first drawn him. As they shifted in their closeness, he easily followed the other’s lead, squeezing his hand in reassurance of his presence.
His throat ached from talking. He could not remember the last time he had spoken this long, with this much emotion, and he felt drained. All he wanted was to stay close, in silence, and soak in the presence of his companion. Still, he managed a whisper of reply, “Tonight, this is enough.”
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