Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.
(Arthur Golden)
(Arthur Golden)
The sky was a piece of black velvet, the stars spilled out over that vast expanse as if someone had upended a bucket of gemstones, they winked and glittered, so cold and so far away. Jezabelle gazed up at the sky and envied them their impartiality. Sometimes, life hurt.
Throughout her life, she had been to hell and back again. More than once. From the very moment she had emerged, pure and pristine from her basket, her mother's most treasured prisoner, it had seemed life was bound and determined to throw challenge after challenge into her face, whether it was spite or simply random chance she could never say. She was beginning to think that life itself was about overcoming obstacles, burning away the weakness, the fear, the shame. The part that was left was whatever had been strong enough to keep going was scoured clean, your core, your inner strength, without all the trappings. All of her pain and suffering, she had burned it as fuel, determined to rise above the cards life had dealt her and find happiness.
When Laertes had left with Desdemona, she had drawn strength from her children, she had been a shadow of her former self but she had survived. Her grandfather had found her and she had found something to be passionate about, seeking out her family and bringing them home, showing them a place where it was safe to be themselves, shadows and all. She had even survived the reunion with her mother, although she loved Jessamine, she could never find it in her heart to trust her, so she had raised her children on the outskirts of the herdlands. Her family had become a source of strength and comfort by the time her children were grown enough to be able to take care of themselves, but something was still missing. She had ventured out into the world again for a while, to heal, to try to find herself again... And she had found Wisp. Her lifemate, she loved him with every ounce of her being, loving Wisp made her realize her previous relationship had been but a pale imitation of love, easily broken by the first test.
By far the worst thing she had weathered had been the loss of her daughter, her Claudette. The child she had sworn up and down to protect from any and all harm. When she had found her daughter's bloody scarf on that trail, a part of her had died. Attacked herself, and injured, she had been unable to follow the trail. She had no idea where Claudette's final resting place was, no idea if she had been able to fight her way through the 'walker or make it home for help if she would have been able to save her. That wondering had nearly tortured her into madness, when Wisp had found her, she had been broken. A shadow of her former self, begging for death and yet unable to seek it out for fear of what it would do to her last child, Saxon. He had been the thread that had held her together long enough to be guided back. Wisp had brought her home, had started her down the path to healing. She had nearly broken again when she had had to relive her story to the rest of the herd, but she had survived, yet again. Over time her body healed and, with Wisp, her heart had begun to mend as well. But she had not been able to escape the need for vengeance. The madness, fed by rage and despair, had unfurled itself to become a steady burn in her soul. She needed to kill the walker that had taken her daughter, convinced it was the only way she could ever find peace, so she had trained, in secret, seeking out those who excelled at tracking and killing skinwalkers of all kinds. She hadn't told her family of her plans, she knew they would try to stop her, she would not be swayed.
When Belle had finally deemed herself as prepared as she could ever be, she had tracked a skinwalker in that same patch of woods. She couldn't bring herself to return to the scene of her own attack, but she had found one of them. Or rather, it had found her. The battle had been fierce, she was outmatched, but driven to prevail, lost in the lust of battle she had been prepared to fight tooth and hoof to the death, until she had taken shelter for a quick breather and felt the kick, and realized in a sudden crash of clarity it was not only her own life that would end if she perished here. She thought of Wisp, her younger sisters, her son. She thought of putting her own mother through the pain she herself was buckling under.
Through sheer willpower and more than an ounce of luck, she had escaped that encounter with her life, as well as a few more scars to add to her growing tally. She had gone to Wisp immediately and repented for misleading him. He had been so overjoyed at her good news that he had forgiven her almost immediately for her duplicity. They had lifemated in front of their friends and family. Vincento, seeing the fire that burned in his granddaughters eye, had realized the flames that had eaten at Belle's soul for years had subsided, her weakness had burned away, she was a pillar of strength and sound judgement. He had asked her to become an official advisor to the herd, and she had accepted. She had found the power within and she was no longer willing to sit aside and let others decide her fate, she would have a say in it from now on.
Belle did not fear suffering, for she had suffered. She did not fear vulnerability, for she had already survived her deepest fears. She was damaged. And because she was damaged, she was a force to be reckoned with, because she had survived the worst life could throw at her and found she could come out the other side.
Her second set of children had grown and gone now, Augustyn, Devereau, and Seraph were out in the world forging their way through their own challenges. But she had Wisp, and she had her herd. For the first time in her life, she realized there was a place she was needed, and a place she belonged. With that realization, and a smile on her face, Belle walked back to her cave. The sun was beginning to color the horizon, sending shards of pain into her eyes. She slipped inside and curled up next to her sleeping lifemate, closing her eyes.
She was home.