Quote:
Backdated for the 31st of Jan.


Quote:
Terry was currently sitting at his desk finishing up on some of the homework was close to being due. The trip with Seung to South Korea had ended up setting him back on completing it but had been worth it and he didn’t mind the ‘crunch time pressure’. It also helped that the homework was all topics and problems that he knew the solutions to so he just had to make sure he had the time to write and program it all. As he wrote down what was meant to be the second to last problem on the sheet he accidently pressed a bit too hard and ended up breaking the pencil tip, breaking his concentration and causing him to stop. “Been awhile since I’ve done that.” He said to himself with a small amused smile before shaking his head and started to look for a pencil sharpener.

He searched through his desk drawers first, figuring that they would be the most likely choice for it, but when he didn’t find one in any of them he started to look else where in the room. None were in the side dresser by the bed, nor did he find one in his backpack which was strange since he normally had one in there. He was just about to just grab another pencil when his eyes fell onto Seung’s school bag and with a shrug he check in his boyfriend’s bag real quick for a sharpener. He did indeed find a sharpener but in the end he only gave it a cursory glance because something else had caught his eye.

The young man stared at the crystal that sat inside the bag innocently as if it’s presence wasn’t a problem then carefully picked it up to look at it better in the light, making sure not to touch it with his skin. It was easy for him to recognise the energy gathering crystal for what it was, having carried one around for awhile himself but the fact that it clearly had quite a bit of energy inside it and that it was here in the first place made him frown. Seung hadn’t told him that he was still seeing Caedus, he would have liked to join him and see the ancient being again at least, and he had certainly hadn’t said that he was donating his energy again. Sure he had seen the other had been tired off and on for a while now and had been sure to push him to sleep and eat more as well as tried to take him on relaxing outings but he didn’t suspect that Seung was purposefully tiring himself out even if it was likely for a good cause. Why hadn’t he said anything?


Quote:
Tired - he was tired. It wasn’t anything new, almost never had been. He had been tired a lot in his life but donating energy on top of everything, for the second time in his life, was no easier than the first. This time he was fairly certain he was alone in the endeavor, not that he minded, he just wanted to help and didn’t care if anyone else wanted to do the same. He’d actually kept it to himself, preferring to do things without drawing attention to himself. He was used to it - to keeping secrets.

He had been out patrolling, while Terry worked on school work, but after dusting a youma he had decided to return home where he could try and get through some of the school work he had himself. Powered down he opened the front door and slipped inside and headed up to his and Terry’s room, his shoes left by the door as usual.

Up the stairs and down the hall he reached for the doorknob and gave it a turn. He didn’t call out, Terry would figure it was someone in his family and since the bedroom was theirs now it was his right to just wander in - which was just what he did. One hand up to his mouth covering up a yawn.


Quote:
When he heard the sound of the door opening, Terry turned his head to look as Seung stood in the doorway yawning. The site on top of what he had just found caused a stirring of both anger and worry over the idiot who was going to end up working himself to death if he wasn’t more careful. He stood up from where he was crouching over the bag, the crystal still in hand, then moved over to his boyfriend. When he was in arms reach of him the memory of what the other man found acceptable when he was tired came to mind and without warning or even greeting Seung, he reached out with his free hand and yanked up the other’s long sleeve.

Immediately the iv holes were obvious, some more faded than others but clear that the idiot had been doing drips recently and the anger in him grew. “You lied to me.” He said, voice flat as his eyes stayed locked on the evidence in front of him. “And when were you going to tell me about this?” The crystal in his hand was raised slightly to draw attention to it even as his tone didn’t change.


Quote:
Tired as he was he saw the other approaching and something said this wasn’t good, he felt it...he just knew. He’d gotten used to feeling the other, from their shared gemstone, that he didn’t even realize where the others feelings came from. It was just something that was there - and it was warning him. Moving to step back, parting his lips to speak, he didn’t get to do anything as he found his arm being grabbed and his sleeve raised.

Squeaking in surprise he went to pull his arm free, eyes wide and doe like...like a deer caught in the headlights. He was staring while his mind blanked. He knew he’d promised, long ago...month's back...and he knew he’d broken it. He knew he likely would even when giving that promise. He hadn’t planned on being caught though, and he’d done well so far...really well.

The other was pissed...this wasn’t good. He wanted to move, turn around and leave - escape. But he stood grounded to the floor, someone might as well nail his feet to the floor, as he saw the next nail in the coffin come in to view - the crystal. “I-I wasn’t…” At least he was honest here, he wasn’t planning to tell the other.

This really wasn’t good.


Quote:
“You weren’t?” Terry asked, tone still flat but his eyes showing the anger that Seung was feeling. “So let me get this straight. You lied to me about getting iv’s because you are overworking yourself, didn’t bother to tell me that you were draining yourself on top of your already busy and tiring schedule, and never planned on telling me just why you were tired all the time?” By the last bit his tone has shifted slightly to show his anger as well. “Anything else I should know about that you didn’t bother to tell me as you work yourself to death?”


Quote:
This really wasn’t good….he’d never heard Terry this upset. Yeah, he’d heard him upset with things but not like this. He had tried to find a way to balance it all...to manage it all even though he knew it was a lot - even for him. He’d failed...and this wasn't good. Biting back any sound he might make, like a whimper or a whine.

“I-I think I have a new job...but it hasn’t really started yet...n-not really.” Stammering a bit, trying to speak properly while also trying not to go silent. He needed to talk, to answer the other.


Quote:
“A new job? On top of everything else? Or did you finally decide to drop something so you can actually rest?” Terry demanded, hands going to his hips as he frowned even with the crystal still in hand. His anger dropped very slightly at the stuttering and the feelings that he was getting from Seung over their connection but still we pretty strong. “I understand that you are probably helping Caedus with the crystal but you are over loading yourself and are going to burn out if you don’t stop and rest! Even with the rest you must have gotten when we were in South Korea it won’t be enough to help you when you keep piling things on!”


Quote:
“I’ll be dropping the job I have now to take this one.” He answered rather softly, as if it might placate the other and perhaps to calm him. He somehow doubted it would work though, he really doubted it. Biting down on his bottom lip, dark eyes focused on the other and unwavering.

“Will be better job...more work maybe.” He answered, again honestly, he had no reason to hide it right now. It wouldn’t be good if he did hide it - it would be really bad. Breaking off to yawn, covering it up, he finally had his arm free from Terry’s hold. His sleeve was slowly, as if trying to cover up the movement and not bring attention back to it, brought down to cover up the marks there.

“Of course trying to help him. Helped us...didn’t see point in saying anything - didn’t want attention on it.” Nope, he just wanted to work himself to death. If he removed the foundation he had on it would be easy to see the darkness under his eyes - panda eyes. He was tired. Actually he was really tired.

“Wasn’t any business what I was doing.” And maybe that was the wrong thing to say...maybe it was really not the right thing to say.


Quote:
The fact that Seung would be dropping the job he already had for the new one was a relief but the fact that he said it could be even more work was enough to overshadow that, “Just maybe or is that a most likely?” He demanded, eyes narrowed and his worried fueling his anger to do so. That anger did take a hit when Seung talked about how he had wanted to help Caedus, wavering even though the hurt of his boyfriend not telling him about it was still strong and long with the worry of the other man damaging or killing himself.

At this point he could have been talked down with just a few more words if they were the right ones. He wasn’t normally one to stay angry after all and would have just gone to hurt and concern depending on what Seung said and how he said it. But as soon as the older man said that last bit Terry froze and the words echoed in his head until his anger once again flared. “Not my business? It’s none of my business that my boyfriend, my partner, is trying to get himself killed?” The words had started out flat but by the end it was clear that he was somewhere between hurt and pissed.


Quote:
“Don’t know...don’t know what entails for job yet.” He had an idea, at least a bit of an idea, but he’d be working with Quinn and the other wasn’t likely to allow him to over work himself. He couldn't’ see Quinn working as much as Seung could...and often times did. They were friends and he was sure it wouldn’t happen, the other's father wouldn’t allow it either.

Ok...that was really not the right thing to say. He felt that as soon as the words left his mouth and Terry seemed to freeze up. They were honest but perhaps not meant in that way...or to the degree Terry was thinking...not with the same tone to them? Either way he was pretty sure it didn’t matter...this wasn’t good.

“Not trying to get killed- not going to. I am getting better...working hard to get better….at everything.” He was trying, he had been trying so hard. He had a lot to work on and he had been...slowly because it was a lot. Even as slowly as he’d been working it was a lot of things he had been throwing himself at, trying to improve upon and fix. No matter how slow he went it was a lot and he knew it. He was trying to push through it all though and address it all.

“Never been wanting to kill self…” He’d been depressed, had his darker moments, but that had never crossed his mind. He wouldn’t...couldn’t ever. He just pushed himself - a lot.


Quote:
Terry ignored the part about Seung not knowing about the jobs work requirements, if he didn’t know then he didn’t know. Instead he was focused on what else the other man had to say. “You aren’t trying? It looks like you are trying to me! School, work, donating your energy, patrol, working out, learning a martial arts, and who knows that else that I don’t know about since apparently it’s alright to lie to your partner since it’s none of his business!” At this point he wasn’t just frowning but was scowling, an expression that if Seung had seen Julie pissed would have recognised. “Just because you think you don’t want to doesn’t seem to mean much when you constantly act like you do!” How many times had Seung gone and thrown himself into danger? How many times had he hid that from Terry? Because now that he knew that the other didn’t have a problem with lying and not telling him things it made him wonder.


Quote:
“Not a lie, just don’t say.” There was a lot he didn’t say, it was a habit of his. He had always kept secrets, kept things to himself. It wasn’t for no reason but rather to keep things like this from happening, and what happened when his parents found out about him being gay. It was just a habit, it was how he was.

Managing, though how he didn’t know, to not shrink back when the other's voice rose he shook his head once as he took a breath. This wasn’t going well, not at all, and he could feel how angry the other was. It washed over him and almost, for brief moments, overtook his own emotions and almost swept them away like an ocean wave.

“Trying to do everything! To do what I need to do!” His own voice, for the first time tonight, rose though not nearly as high as it could go. He didn’t want to escalate things. But didn’t Terry understand? He had to work and he needed to go to school. Learning a martial art was so he could do well in a fight which could happen while on a patrol. Energy donating was to help someone else...was part of his thing as a knight. He was trying to be better...he wasn’t about to add in that he did go to the gym still...separate from hopkido lessons. That could be a bad thing, since wasn’t this about such things, but also it would just add fuel to the fire...right? He wasn’t going to add that he was working on learning English, via multiple ways, or the driving lessons...that he’d gotten his license. He was working on a lot but he’d made some progress, was still making progress.

“Need to be better and do better!” As he moved he felt the room tilt for a moment before his sense of balance returned. Ok...so he was more tired than he’d thought….he didn’t need this. He couldn’t let Terry see that. It would either make this worse or the other would try and shove him to bed and as much as he’d like to sleep, he needed it, he didn’t want Terry coddling him right now.


Quote:
“Lies by omission are still lies! And you did too lie to me! You promised that you wouldn’t go get iv drips any more! You promised! If you are tired you rest and eat to build back up not go to some place where you can get a disease while pumping yourself with fluids your body needs then going right back to tiring yourself out!” Terry shouted and flung his arms up over his head in an exasperated motion.

“We are supposed to be partners here that means you don’t have to do everything alone! That means if the other person says to slow down then maybe you should slow down and let yourself rest!” He could understand the drive to become better, the need to get stronger to be able to help others, and he certainly couldn’t begrudge Seung for wanting to help Caedus but he would not stand by and watch his boyfriend work himself to an early grave. His point was proven when the other man got dizzy and could feel it through their bond. “You can’t get better if you end up dead!”


Quote:
“Only lie I told…” And he knew it was a lie even when the promise had passed his lips. He knew it was something he’d go back on and he’d made the promise anyway, a secret to keep. It was one of many and it seemed most of them were coming out of hiding now. Without even thinking, maybe he really was too tired, he let that slip even and didn’t notice that he’d admitted it out loud to the other.

“I don’t do it all alone!” Just a lot of things, but not everything. They had fought together plenty and he was living here with Terry - they did a lot together.

Reaching out he grabbed at the crystal Terry had found in his things, he’d been moving it from one hiding spot to another, and held it for a moment in his bare hand before throwing it across the room in a sudden fit of his own anger, perhaps fueled by the others anger. “I won’t end up dead! Can handle it!” That short bit of contact was enough to drain just a bit of his energy and again he felt things tilt for a moment but kept himself upright and clear headed, after that moment passed anyway.


Quote:
The admittance of lying just made Terry narrow his eyes and hold back a hiss of anger. “And again, lies of omission are still lies! You lied to my face once and then you just casually kept everything else you would have lied about from being spoken of!” He couldn’t stand lies, not when family, not when friends, not when strangers, make them. “Just most of it! You can’t seem to get it through your head that you don’t have to do any of it alone!”

He paused when Seung grabbed the crystal and throw it but was quick to retort after the other man spoke. “Really because it doesn’t look like it to me! You are too thin, you are too tired, you are too overworked! The way you are heading one day I’m going to turn around and find you dead because of exhaustion!” When Seung’s energy was drained part of Terry wanted to reach over and grip him to make sure he wouldn’t fall down, but another part of him didn’t want to make it seem like he was forcing the other man to stay still for the argument.


Quote:
Omission wasn’t a lie it was just omitting something - keeping it a secret...keeping it to yourself. At least that’s how he’d always seen it. It was a good thing, something needed. He nodded though at one point, he would have lied about most of what he’d kept a secret. It was his own stuff, things he had going on...was working on. He would have kept it all that way too if it hadn’t all come out tonight, just like he’d kept that female classmate of his a secret till he couldn’t...all due to her.

“Not too thin - just fine with weight! Don’t want to be fat!” Or whatever fat was in his mind anyway. He was though thin...perhaps too thin but that wasn’t something he was noticing. He knew he’d lost some weight but he didn’t think too much of it, not like he should. The other two things weren’t even things he considered - he worked hard and he sacrificed sleep for it...it was a trade off and it was how it went.

In a burst of energy, and not knowing where it came from, Seung lashed out and pushed the other with both hands. Pushing the other back toward their bed. “I can handle myself! Stop acting like I can’t!” Accented, heavily, but at least the sentence was right..


Quote:
“Yes you are! You were already too thin for your activity level but lately even with my trying to get you eat more whether by outright asking or just putting more on your plate you have been losing even more!” While he hadn’t meant to say he added more to to Seung’s plate it wasn’t exactly a secret. “You wouldn’t be fat you would be healthy and instead you are killing yourself slowly over this!” He hadn’t been prepared at all for Seung to move closer and to shove him so out of surprise he ended up landing on the bed but was quick to get back on his feet. “I can see just how well you can handle yourself, that is not very well!” He glared as he said this.


Quote:
He’d been handling himself, and just fine, for years! The idea that he wasn’t, that he wasn’t taking care of himself, brought out his own anger and rather than throwing something else he simply found himself screaming. No words, just sound. “Can take care of myself!” He wanted to stomp his foot, like a child, but he refrained but only just. He managed to turn around and move to grab up the crystal, this time grabbing something along the way in order to do so. Pocketing it he took the time to let his mind catch up with him as things tipped again. He needed to get out of here - fast.

“Leaving….can’t stay right now.” For how long he didn’t know but this - this was too much.


Quote:
“You can barely even walk straight judging on how you are feeling, that is not taking care of yourself!” Terry yelled back as he watched Seung move around the room. He hadn’t wanted to chase Seung off when he confronted him, he hadn’t wanted to actually fight either, but clearly what he wanted when this all started didn’t mean anything. “And just where are you going to go? You aren’t in any condition to drive or power up or even to walk for very long!” It was said out of concern but the tone didn’t necessarily show that well since he was still so very angry.


Quote:
While the tone didn’t hold the concern the other felt Seung did feel it but he also felt all that anger, and his own anger was there. “I can take care of myself! Been doing it for years!” If there was a door around...he’d have slammed it by now. But he wasn’t near the door to their room, though he was fast approaching it, his temper had finally spiked and he wasn’t in the mood to stay around here. He couldn’t...he just...he needed to think and to breath - to sleep. He needed away.

Grabbing the door handle he pulled the door to their bedroom open and stepped out into the hallway.


Quote:
The mental images of just what kind of trouble Seung could find while in such a tired state flashed through Terry’s mind and it caused him to take a step forward and grab the other man’s arm to stop him. “You clearly can’t if you can’t understand your limitations! If you can’t stand to be here right now then at least get Hyeon to pick you up!” His tone was still filled with anger but his grip on Seung wasn’t tight, just meant to halt him temporarily.


Quote:
Shaking the other’s hand from his arm he turned around, dark mirror like eyes finding the others. “I’ll be fine. Going to Hyeon-hyung on my own!” He didn’t need his cousin to pick him up. He would go to his cousin. He knew Hyeon would ask him what had happened, would want to know it all, and he knew he’d have to answer at some point. He knew he’d get some sleep there but beyond that he hadn’t a clue what to expect of his elder cousin.

With his arm free he swung his hand out to grab the door so he could yank it shut and put it between himself and Terry, so the other didn’t follow him.


Quote:
Terry didn’t say anything else as Seung pulled free, said his last piece and closed the door, just stood there staring at the wood for a moment, emotions a mess as he heard Seung leave by way of the stairs. When he couldn’t hear the other man any more he turned and moved over to the bed, sinking down on it as his anger finally left leaving him just hurt and lost. What the hell had he just done?


Quote:
Once outside he managed to get himself someplace safe and did as Terry had suggested...he called his cousin. Giving him the location to pick him up. He didn’t say anything more. He let himself sink to the ground and held his legs close. For the first time ever he regretted his secret keeping...felt like he shouldn’t have kept them or at least not so many. This was another thing he’d done wrong...and this was the worst thing to mess up.