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 Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 2:57 pm
For the first time in what could almost be three months, Shiloh had a day off! And when it came down to it, he had no idea what he wanted to do with it. Why, all of a sudden, he managed to get days off at both of his jobs, he couldn’t fathom! Not that he minded, anyway. Working or not, he still found himself wanting to go back to the court house. He had a friend there, a kind and generous one whom he only ever got to see at night… What would Alexei think if all of a sudden he wasn’t there?
They had spoken with one another and enjoyed each other’s company to the point where he was pretty sure he had given Alexei a full explanation of his schedules. If he didn’t say anything, would he worry…? It didn’t really matter in the end, as Shiloh found himself with no intention on not seeing him the next day.
A few nights ago, Shiloh had found himself with an idea: Maybe, if he found out what kind of coffee he liked, he could ask the Judge to accompany him to a coffee shop one of these days. The biggest issue, though, was the fact that there weren’t many decent places open after one in the morning… But he could now that he was actually going to see the light of day! He couldn’t deny the very sweet thoughts that accompanied being out and about with the Judge he was slowly getting to know, but he quickly hushed them. It was too soon to let any feelings be shown in that regards; especially after having his own heart set aflutter again upon seeing an old friend… There was no reason NOT to find himself longing to spend more time with multiple people… Right?
After having a long inner fight with himself, convincing himself self that he was simply a friend asking another friend out for coffee, he finally found the courage to go to the Judge’s office and leave a note that was crafted carefully and as formally as he could… He couldn’t ask him out right… What if he said no?
Judge Marcellus, I was hoping to catch you before I left for the evening, but it seems I keep missing you. Tomorrow, I have the day off, and am able to be up and about freely during the daylight hours. I don’t think I’ve seen the sun with a friend in a long while, so if you would like to get some coffee tomorrow for a midday break, I’d be delighted to come to the courthouse to see you! I suppose you can’t exactly respond to this note, as I am leaving it before I see you again, so you can contact me at xxx-xxx-xxxx with your decision. I truly do hope you have some time tomorrow, but I fully understand if you do not as you seem to very much be swamped with work. Please let me know in the morning so that I may be able to come on time. Thank you, and yours truly - Shiloh Jacobs.
Nervously, he set the note on Alexei’s desk after the other had gotten up to use the restroom that night, and then darted out and around the hall before he could be seen. He could simply feel how hot his face was and how panicked he felt, blessing whatever gods there were that he had not been caught! There was no way he would have been able to speak clearly enough to ask him in person!
It was about time for him to leave, so after taking a few deep breaths to calm his pounding heart down, he put away his cleaning supplies and made to leave… All that was left was to wait for Alexei’s response…
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Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:05 pm
Though Alexei had received the note in the evening, as instructed on the note he waited until the morning to text. He only stayed up for an hour more before heading home. When he woke up, before the sun, he tried to keep himself busy until a reasonable hour.
Unfortunately, nearly all of Alexei's hours were unreasonable. Sitting at his dining room table, already down two cups of coffee, he texted the number Shiloh left him:
Quote: I have a break in my schedule, 11:15. If convenient, text me the address and I'll met you there.
He had to finish some paperwork and had a meeting, but even if it dragged on past the presumed ending time, eleven fifteen was well within his comfort zone and would have given him ample time to return to his office just in time for his next meeting after that.
Alexei didn't have much flexibility in his schedule, but for Shiloh he was at least willing to try.
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Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:06 pm
Shiloh, in his anticipation for the message from the judge, found himself almost unable to sleep during the night. He truly had expected a more prompt message, but… An hour passed… Then two, then three, then he could no longer keep his eyes open. Around 10 AM, Shiloh finally awakened with a start. His hands darted to his phone and quickly typed out a ‘yes’ and the address for the coffee shop not too far from the courthouse. For the first time ever, he thanked whoever would listen that he showered at night because it would take him AT LEAST an hour to take the bus from his little hovel to the court house. And that was IF he made it to the 10:04 bus in the first place!
Luck smiled down on the flustered and anxious young man as the bus made its rounds. Traffic was light, the lights were green, and hardly anyone pulled the line to stop the bus. When it pulled to Shiloh’s stop, the clock struck 11:03, and he stumbled off, walking as quickly as he could and muttering ‘excuse me!’ to everyone he found himself brushing past. Normally, he would never even think of touching another person’s arm when about, or rushing anywhere for that matter. He hated doing such a thing, making other people feel like they were going too slow, yet none of that was on his mind right now. Only the judge and his gentle smile and laugh occupied his thought. That, and the crippling fear that he would be late. His father’s voice was already echoing in his mind, useless as always, late, can’t follow orders, deserves to be alone, why would anyone want to spare any time for you---
The sound of a bell on the front door of the cafe managed to pull himself out of his downward spiral. He was there, on time! Barely, anyway, as the time on his phone said 11:14. Now that he was here and inside, Shiloh seemed to freeze at the front door, uncertain what to do next… Where was Alexei…?
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Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:10 pm
Alexei had arrived not but two minutes earlier; in a constant need of coffee, he had already settled himself in line by the time Shiloh entered. Now, he was behind only one woman--who was painstakingly taking her time to inquire what the difference was between one flavor and another.
He glanced at his watched, face expression no emotion.
When he glanced up, by sheer luck and definitely not eyes in the back of his head, he caught Shiloh's reflection in the glass display case. His phone was already out and, rather than sacrifice his place in line to fetch Shiloh--or wave or call out to him--he simply texted:
'Join me in line.'
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Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:32 pm
Before his panicky nature forced him to spiral out of control, Shiloh felt the phone vibrate in his hand. To his relief, it was the judge and... Wait, he was already in line? For some slight reason, Shiloh felt a little let down that the older man didn't have the patience to wait for him... It wasn't as if he was late, and he did want to get coffee together, preferably without putting himself out there by being rude and cutting in line.
But... With how obedient he was, the young man just couldn't refuse, and walked forward.
"E-excuse me... I'm sorry, e-excuse me..." He spoke softly, gently trying to make his way to the part of the line where Alexei was. It felt like all eyes were on him after having pushed past so many people, and he couldn't understand WHY there were so many right now. Yes, it was a coffee shop in the late hours of the morning, but even then it seemed crowded.
Finally, FINALLY he had made it to the judges side, pressing closer to the taller man to where their arms almost touched since there was very little space left in the tightly packed line. His face was slightly flushed from the ordeal he just went to, and he could, once again, feel panic beginning to bubble. For just a moment he desperately wished Ellis was there; the other wouldn't hesitate to take his hand and calm his frazzled nerves. But the judge was not him, not even close. Alexei was far more refined, professional, and probably would scold him for doing such a thing, so instead Shiloh cast his eyes down towards the ground, trying his best
In the meekest voice he had, Shiloh managed out a soft greeting. "H-hello, sir... I-I'm happy to see you.."
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Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 2:08 am
Alexei glanced at Shiloh, one brow raised at his particularly meek demeanor. "I'm surprised you can see me, your eyes seem glued to the door. Chin up," he instructed, but it wasn't as pushy as might have been expected of him.
He was analyzing Shiloh's appearance, trying to understand the seeming shyness. His eyes lifted to the people in line behind them and he wondered if Shiloh was nervous about being in such a crowd.
Probably; Shiloh reminded him of a timid little mouse.
"I'm glad to see you, too," he continued. "I am a busy man and value my time. I hope you don't mind me getting in line. It will all be one order, of course. I'll pay."
He nodded towards the menu. "Do you know what you want?"
There would be time to talk, later. Not surrounded by all these people.
While the line was long, there were several booths and tables opened; he'd been eying one out of the way and off of to the side. It seemed perfectly cozy--and positioned to give them the right about of openness and privacy.
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Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 10:04 pm
"I'm sorry, habit, I suppose..." Despite his hesitance, Shiloh listened to the judge, turning his bright blue gaze to meet the taller man's. Atleast he tried, anyway, as keeping eye contact for too long seemed to fluster him more and he looked away, but this time not back at the floor. Instead of that, he glanced at the menu, confirming that the drink he had the other night was also available here. Thank goodness it was, other wise he would have spent a long time in a confused and uncomfortable state where he just stared blankly up at the menu until something forced him to make the choice. And that typically involved him being yelled at.
"I don't mind, and I'm glad you would spare even just a little time of your day with me. I just feel a little bad for pushing past all those people... They were here before I was..." His voice remained low, trying his best to only allow Alexei to hear his voice. He really shouldn't admit to any wrong doing while standing among such a throng of people, you never did know what person would take such a comment and then force him to part from the judge's side. Without much of a backbone, Shiloh was easily guilted into doing most things he didn't want to.
"Yes, I do. A caramel macchiato, maybe with a little extra caramel on top... If that's okay..." A small nod was offered as they finally approached the counter where an overly bubbly young woman was ringing up orders. She seemed friendly enough and to that Shiloh offered her a small smile, slightly stepping closer again to Judge. It was hard to keep too faraway when there were so many people around making him feel so stressed out.
"Good afternoon, and Happy Valentines Day! Aren't you two so cute together, the cutest couple I've seen so far today! We have a special today, buy one drink get one free! What can I get for you?" She chirped excitedly at the two handsome men before her, prepared to take their order and memorizing what they looked like to squeal over later when she got to talk to her friends again.
Shiloh merely blinked at first, registering what she had said. What? Oh, that would explain the hearts everywhere, and the advertisements for all the chocolates... And he was standing very close to the judge, his own arm only a few inches away in the cramped space near the counter... Did she really think they were...?
In an instant, Shiloh's face burned a bright pink, crossing over the top of his nose and his freckles and all the way up to his ears that peeked out just a little through his curly hair. He could no longer stare at the floor or at the woman or even the menu behind her, only up at the man who accompanied him today, hoping, praying that he had something to say about the whole thing. There was no way in hello Shiloh could say anything coherent now, not for out of fear of his voice squeaking and causing more eyes to land on him.
He was spiraling far too easily at such a simple suggestion, and didn't quite seem too able to bring himself back.
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Posted: Sun Mar 05, 2017 3:23 am
Anything Alexei might have been prepared to say to Shiloh was lost when the cashier spoke; his eyes narrowed just slightly. There was no telling what might have caused the shift in mood; he didn't care what someone's orientation or dating life was like, but it hadn't even occurred to him that today was Valentine's Day. To him, it was merely a commercial holiday--and not one he could recall celebrating outside of grade school.
He glanced at Shiloh out of the corner of his eye even as he was pulling out his card.
"That's incredibly flattering to hear, but I'm sorry to disappoint. We aren't here under any romantic pretenses, I'm afraid. We are here with interest to your coffee, though. If you will, please," he repeated Shiloh's order and then his own--the largest cut of simple, black coffee.
Considering then, that he hadn't eaten much food recently--and considering Shiloh's eating habits--he glanced at the baked goods they were selling and added, "And two of your muffins there, please."
He kept Shiloh in his sights, even as he offered his credit card to the woman taking their order. He had not seemed angry or rude, merely polite and dismissive of her assumption. Shiloh appeared to be embarrassed and he could only hope that he wasn't slipping into a bout of social anxiety. He simply wanted to get their order and take a seat as quickly as possible to avoid any stress for the younger man.
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Posted: Sun Mar 05, 2017 10:39 pm
"Awww, I apologize! You two do really look good together, and just look at the way he looks at you!" The chipper young woman couldn't help but still inwardly find herself shipping the blushing man and his tall and stern looking companion, but she wouldn't push further, she really didn't need to be yelled at again for bothering patrons. "Thank you for your purchase! We'll have your order up right away!"
What exactly Shiloh was expecting to happen could not be said. He was flustered and panicky and almost melting into the floor, or atleast that's how he felt. But as it should have been expected, the judge was calm and collected about the situation, being the professional he was. And it brought shame down on Shiloh unintentionally. Why couldn't he manage to atleast have some sort of poise and properness like Alexei had?
Though the spiraling and stress was slowing as they moved off to the side, a whole new set of embarrassment came to him. He knew he had over reacted; it was just a simple mistake that the cashier had made, and one that was brushed off so easily by the judge in a way that wasn't rude at all. In fact, the judge almost seemed to be playful with his response, even if unintentional. The thought of the judge's gentleness and politeness of the situation had the nervous young man bite his lip in thought and turn his gaze to the floor once more.
"I'm sorry..." For what, he did not know. It seemed like somehow in all of this he had managed to bring more attention to the judge in their outing than intended. And then he must have had the older man worrying about him, given how often he noticed that his eyes were on him. Now guilt had begun to set in, and in his mind, he began to wonder if he really was just wasting the judge's time here today... Had he really been staring at the judge in a way that implied anything...? His gaze often times was searching for some sort of small comfort within Alexei's own, but he hadn't thought too much about it before... And the middle of a busy coffee shop wasn't the place to think about it either.
When their drinks came, Shiloh grabbed his own and his muffin, then waiting for Alexei to lead them to a proper seat, eyes re-fixated on the ground for now.
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Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2017 2:36 am
Alexei guided Shiloh to the booth he'd been eying, pleased that no one else found it as appealing as he had. "You have nothing to apologize for," he reassured. "You haven't done anything."
He raised a brow at him. "Who taught you that you needed to apologize for everything? I'm not criticizing, of course."
He had learned to be more cautious of his words around Shiloh. He took his seat carefully, setting his briefcase down next to him. He treated it with great care, as though it were some precious treasure. He offered Shiloh a small smile. "I only mean, it must be stressful if you feel you are responsible for everything that happens around you. I hope you don't apologize because you think it's because I want to hear. My skin is a bit harder thank you give me credit for. Or," he tilted his head just slightly. "Were you embarrassed by what she suggested?"
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Posted: Sat Mar 11, 2017 11:05 am
Shiloh smiled at the judge ever so sheepishly when he was reassured once again. He had finally noticed how often the judge said such things, trying to make sure that he didn't panic or feel bad for too long anyway. It wasn't quite the same as the touches and soft sweet words he got from Ellis every now and then; Alexei's words felt more sincere in a way, like the words were only ever said to him and only him. Then again, it might just be Shiloh thinking too deeply about it, which was often the case these days.
As the judge guided him to the booth and they both took a seat, Shiloh just continued to look at his hands and the cup he held between them. He knew the answer, but was it appropriate to say? It wasn't something he was entirely ashamed of, as it was just a simple fact but...
"No, it's not that I'm embarrassed by what she said... I-if anything, I am flattered... Because who wouldn't be honored to have you as their significant other? Y-you're very kind and empathetic... And you've shown me nothing but patience since we've met... To be even briefly mentioned as being the one by your side isn't something I would ever think to be embarrassed by... It's just... Well, as you said, you value your time... And when you let me share even just a little bit with you, I don't want to inconvenience you in any way. I don't want to see you upset or angry or uncomfortable... If it happens because you are in a situation that I have asked you to be in, then it would be my fault, and it's for that, I am sorry..."
He paused for another moment, using his thumb to gently roll over the opening where he would drink the coffee from. His appetite wasn't really there right now. Actually, he wasn't hungry at all. The outing was never about the food or the drinks, it was just because he really wanted to see Alexei, even on his day off. The man worked way too hard and certainly deserved a break every now and then. If Shiloh could be the excuse for him to step away, he was happy to oblige.
"As for who taught me... I've always been told I was a little useless... A waste of space, those sorts of things... From my father, from my peers... And though I know it's not... It's not entirely true, I do feel guilty for many things, even if it's not in my control at this point... "
The grip on the coffee cup became just a little tighter. Tears weren't forming, but the guilt was beginning to cover come him. He was resigned to have this outing end sooner rather than later. Of course that was what the judge wanted, right? Why waste his time with him when he could be working? It wasn't like the twilight hours where there was no one else around. Certainly there must be people back at the courthouse waiting for him.
"Ah... I-I'm sorry, I meant for this to be a nice little break, not one weighed down by my own personal guilt... If you'd rather get back to work, I understand... I can walk with you back to the building, if you'd like..."
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Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:56 pm
Alexei watched Shiloh closely. He was silent, but he usually was. At least, until he couldn't bear it anymore.
"Nonsense," he said simply, as though it were the simplest thing in the world. "Don't worry yourself trying to presume my sentiments. I'm a blunt man, Shiloh, when I need to be. If I want to get back to work, I'll make it very clear that I intend to get back to work. I thought you'd be proud that I haven't checked my phone since texting you."
It sounded like something he was proud of. But then, Alexei generally seemed like he was too busy to feign modesty or humility. He was an accomplished man and wasn't going to pretend like he wasn't.
"I will tell you something about me, that perhaps you have not learned for yourself."
He crossed his legs and leaned forward, looking Shiloh in the eye. He seemed possessive of his coffee cup and had not removed his hand from it yet. "I don't do anything I don't want to do. And, right now? I want to be here, getting coffee," he raised his cup, "With you. I want you to banish thoughts of your father, your peers. You aren't having coffee with them, you are having coffee with me. And, if it would please you to know, I enjoy your company. Although, I think you have misjudged me. My peers certainly do not think of me as kind and empathetic. Though."
The word was pointed and he paused, as if he were deep in thought. "Perhaps you simply bring out the best in me."
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Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2017 1:40 pm
"O-of course I'm proud of you... I always am! E-especially that you would spare all of your attention on me. I-It's rather... Um... It makes me extremely happy." For as much time as the two spent together, one would think that Shiloh would have noticed the habits of the older man better. Then again, he never was very observant, often times far too wrapped up in his own head to be of use to anyone. But that was extremely kind of the judge to point out, about his phone. It was such a natural thing to do these day that even if he had, Shiloh wouldn't have complained about it. Alexei wasn't like him; he was a busy man and it would feel extremely selfish to assume that he would do something like disconnect himself from his work completely just to give Shiloh some attention.
Yet he did, and repeatedly reinforced that idea into Shiloh's thick skull. Over and over again, the reassurances came, with the judge all but telling Shiloh to focus on him and only him while they were together. It was that sentiment and the intensity of Alexei's gaze into his own that forced Shiloh's heart to feel as if it were no longer beating normally. Heat quickly came to his cheeks and ears once again, but his gaze did not break, not this time. He supposed he was searching for some sort of tell in the Judge's eyes, one that would show any sort of doubt in his statements, but he found none.
"I enjoy your company too!" He finally spoke again, his voice soft but confident with that statement. "And I... I hope you would wish to keep me by your side in the coming days... If I can help to bring out the best in you, then I know you certainly bring out the best in me... I am sure I have alot to offer the world, e-even if I don't see it, but more importantly, I want to be able to offer what I can do to you... So that maybe you would wish to keep me close, at least for as long as I am useful to you."
Finally tearing his way from the other's eyes, his gaze settled on the cups in their hands, then he smiled a little.
"I can be useful for things like daytime coffee runs and stress relief, I'm sure."
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 4:50 pm
Alexei seemed pensive and leaned back in his seat. He brought his coffee up to his lips and sipped before he shrugged and returned his gaze to Shiloh.
He seemed like he was a man used to keeping his thoughts to himself so he had to give himself the extra push to actually vocalize the thoughts he had swimming around in his head.
“Useful for at least as much, I’m sure. Though, I am worried you rely on others for approval more than you need to. Someone might not always be there to encourage you. You need someone to teach you to appreciate yourself and your abilities, and to have confidence in yourself. Of which, I happen to be a professional. Perhaps you should spend more time with me until you’re able to sort out these insecurities of yours.”
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 5:29 pm
When the eyes broke away from his own, Shiloh wasn't sure how to take it. Was it a bad thing...? Had he spoken too much? It worried him greatly, and though Alexei often encouraged him to speak his mind, he still found it hard to do so. As much as he admired the man and longed for his praise, he was still intimidated by him, just a bit. The shrug just caused that worry to grow and he cast his eyes away again, wishing he hadn't said anything.
And then there was the invitation, and Shiloh just blinked in confusion, looking back up at the man and frowning ever so slightly. He never was any good at hiding his feelings on his face, after all.
"Sir, as much as I would adore your company... I don't think I'm all that important to set aside time for... What you give me now is enough, and I know, sir, that you are a man who does as he wishes, b-but I'm really nothing worth deviating from your schedule for. A-and often times our work consumes us so... If you finally get some time to yourself, you really shouldn't waste it on me." Why was he still talking!? Why did he keep saying that over and over again like it was really what he wanted. No, he wanted more than anything to spend more time with the judge, so why did he keep denying himself that?
"... I fear if... I-if I am around you too often, I-I might get annoying in my ways... It happens alot, a-all the time in fact... I-I really like of you, sir... I don't want to lose you.." His words faded into a whisper as his looked hard at his cup, beratements of himself filling his head over and over again. How he hated himself for not allowing himself what he wanted. Then again, it wasn't as if he had earned the company of the Judge. Had he, he wouldn't be a simple janitor cleaning the building.
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