She pulled one wine glass out of the cupboard, and pulled her flask from its pocket at her hip. “Makes me look like a drunk keeping it on me,” she mused. Maybe that was why it was always under the coat. Sherry unscrewed the lid and tilted the contents into the glass. Blue liquid, a faintly glowing blue that she thought of as “runic”, filled the glass. It honestly looked more radioactive than safe. It didn’t fill too quickly; hip flasks weren’t designed to be decanters.
Sherry didn’t drink often, and she rarely drank much. Her mother had been the drunk of the family - Sherry was fairly certain it wasn’t an accident that she shared her name with a type of wine. Even though she’d never seen anyone in her family drink sherry. Which was just as well.
“They didn’t want me.” Sherry recapped the flask and carried both it and the wine glass to the couch.
“Yeah.” Sherry sighed and took a sip of her wine. “You know, I never realized before how terrible it is that little kid me would think my mom actually sold me. I’m actually a bit surprised she never did. She was very much the sort to do something like that.”
Armagnac grumbled.
Sherry didn’t need to go into details, Armagnac knew the stories. “Never wanted me, blamed me for everything. You know if I had left at 14 I bet she would have been a lot happier. Dad might have left sooner, too. Better all around. I sometimes wonder,” she took another sip, “about how they felt when I ‘died’.”
“I know.” Sherry downed the contents of her glass and set about refilling it. They'd gotten what Sherry knew they had long wanted- a world without her there to muck up their worlds by existing. Her family wasn't alone in wanting her out of their lives. “He didn’t want me, either. At least my mom had the guts to tell me.” She sounded as bitter as she felt.
“No.” Another gulp of wine. “Who does that though? He just stopped talking to me.” A swallow of wine. “Like, what the hell?” And another glass-full went bottoms up.
And then Sherry threw the glass just so she could hear it break against the wall. It shattered with a satisfying sound. “And what kind of fool am I? I waited months for him to come back. MONTHS.” She reached for her flask. She wasn't a drinker, she could appreciate a Drink, but she wasn't one to drown her sorrows. Usually. Maybe it had been the thinking about her old home so much over the last week. She'd always wondered what her mom saw in being drunk. “Younger you was right. I am pretty stupid.”
“Not as foolish as I was. Months,” she said. “A year, nearly. I waited. I hoped. I waited some more. What do I have to show for it?” Sherry laughed. “Nothing but some trinkets.”
She couldn't bring herself to wear the jewelry he'd given her anymore; it was a testament to her stupidity. Her shame at being so stupid. It was hard to admit that she'd been so stupid for so long, even to herself. She'd just...held on. Wore that heart pendant all the time. All the damn time. Until one day she'd taken off to look at it, and simply not put it back on. It had hurt to much to wear it. It still would. The pendant rested with the silver ring and silver bracelet in a music box that was in the back corner of her closet. A little music box too full of memories to even look at. It hurt, and reminded her just how stupid she really was. How naive, how clingy, how hopeful. "Stupid me."
She still wore some jewelry, of course. But only her things, that she'd bought herself. The only piece of jewelry she wore but hadn't bought herself was the gold dragon shaped ring on her left hand.
Her wine still tasted like a red wine, full bodied with a hint of sweet. It had been red when she found it. He'd been there then, hadn’t he? She’d almost forgotten that, after all that had happened. He’d been there and they’d helped each other and she’d been happy. “Things change, I guess. My wine is now blue, and I’m…” She hardly had a thought to not finish. Instead her mind had moved onto other questions. “What about me isn’t good enough? I'm stupid, I know that. Maybe that's it."
"You always say that. I'm too 'squishy in the heart'." Sherry laughed and took another sip, both actions meant to hide the fact that her eyes were watering. Hide from who she didn't know, since both she and Armagnac were well aware of the stinging. "Maybe that's it though. If I cared less it would be better?" That was dumb and she knew it. Her parents had always seen her as a burden and a responsibility they didn't' anyway. It had nothing to do with how much she cared, it had always been. "It would hurt less if I didn't care."
Armagnac rumbled her agreement as Sherry put her feet on the couch and hugged her knees. "I'm glad I left. I'd still be there if I hadn't, still be dealing with Mom's s**t, at the very least." Her dad had his other family to deal with, but her mom had always called her up with she needed something. Ugh. Why did she have to spend a week as her child self? Why did she have to remember what it was like to want to be home, to want to make her family proud? Another swallow of wine.
"Time will help," she whispered. "It always does."
She sat in silence for a while, trying not to think while she sipped at her wine. Her family had got what they wanted - a life without her. It had taken them twenty-two years, but they'd gotten it. Jake had finally gotten what he wanted too. Her out of his life - though it had take her a the better part of a year to get the hint. But they'd all gotten exactly what they really wanted all along. No more Sherry. No more of her calling to check up on them, no more her dropping everything to help them. No more her at all.
"I hope they are happy." She meant it. With every fiber of her being, she meant it.
