Communication barriers had been crippling Evan's self esteem of late; he and Airi had their fair share of bad bumps and bruises but healing was just a batter of time. This lack of being able to express himself was the real pain.

Things had been a bit busy of late; Sanidine was on the move, summoning him more often than not. Part of the time it was to patrol with, just because Sanidine liked to have him close--even if he couldn't really seem to look at him much. Part of the time, Sanidine seemed like he just wanted some company, or to have Evan close.

But Evan was worse with communicating with Sanidine than he was with Airi. Words came out as chirps and clicks, and the less Evan thought about talking...the more he was forgetting about thinking. About speech and words altogether. In a brief moment of clarity, he realized that he needed to find some way to communicate other than just forcing everyone to play a guessing game.

He had borrowed some of Sanidine's supplies--a marker and some sheets of paper--and when he'd gone back to the Rift, he'd stolen them away with him. He was sitting on the floor, hunched near to the ground. His face was only inches from the paper as he carefully tried to practice his penmanship.

Only, he'd entirely forgotten what letters looked like and was totally oblivious to the fact that all his hard work presently just looked like scribbles and noodles.

--

Airi yawned widely as he crawled through the gap of the cave. If it weren’t for the faint sounds of scribbles, Airi would have missed Evan all together in the corner. With a slow blink, he cocked his head to the side, watching the smaller youma for a moment before padding over. “...What are you doing?” Airi asked softly, his body contorting to take on its more human like physique, before taking a seat behind Evan to peer over him.

The wolf blinked curiously at the scribbles on the page as he scratched at his shoulder. A jagged scar had formed there, a leftover ‘souvenir’ from his recent ‘crowd control’ mission. One of many, but thankfully most of them remained hidden in his fur. While Airi didn’t particularly mind the scars… He knew Evan focused on them. He knew Evan worried over them. If Evan couldn’t see them, he couldn’t fret over them… Right?

“...Are you drawing?” He prompted, turning his head this way and that trying to figure out what the scribbles were or meant. “...Or are you writing things?”

--

Evan's ears folded low and he huffed when ­­­­­­­­Airi asked if he was drawing but he seemed to immediately perk up when the other youma asked about writing. He looked hopeful and nodded, holding the paper up so that Airi could get a closer look. He seemed like he was proud of what he'd done, even though his brows were sort of knit. He tilted the page a little to the left and then the right, and then just tilted his head back so he could look up at Airi.

He tried to stay still and seemed expectantly waiting for Airi to read what he'd written; his little stub of a tail started wagging as he scooted backwards to be closer to him.

--

“What? It was an honest guess.” Airi mumbled when Evan huffed. Though when Evan perked up, Airi chuckled, running the tips of his claws through the fur on the back of Eva’s head. The wolf’s head mirrored the page, once again turning this way and that, only to look down when Evan looked ********. Talk about awkward.

Airi’s ears tilted back as he dragged his eyes back to the paper in an attempt to read it. “It’s… very good.” He said slowly, his large paw meeting the smaller creature half way and dragging him back against him. “It’s better than I could do… My hands are a bit too big to hold pens or pencils in this form.” Awkward, awkward, awkward. “...Where did you get this stuff? Sanidine?”

Ooooh god, Evan was gonna beat him for being so obvious.

--

A happy tremor ran down Evan's spine when Airi ran his claws lightly through his fur; his tail wagged more and then slowly stopped.

His eyes were still trained on Airi's face and he looked like he was searching for something. Apparently, he didn't find it; he huffed again and drew away for just a few seconds to reach for another marker. He found a clean space on the paper and scribbled something quickly before holding it up.

The letters were entirely indistinguishable--but he managed to draw something that looked almost like a question mark.

Whatever Evan had written, he was asking something--and he was looking at Airi with such a scrutinizing expression that it was clear he wasn't going to be satisfied unless Airi gave him an answer...

To whatever strange thing he had scribbled on the paper.

--

And he was instantly caught.

Airi whined as Evan drew away, even if it was to just reach for another marker and start scribbling something else. He’d been about to protest Evan’s distancing when the new piece was shoved in front of his nose. Blinking, he scanned the scribbles over, noticing the question mark. Evan was asking him something… But the question was, what. Airi cast another glance down at Evan before looking back at the paper… He hoped Evan didn’t get mad at him for guessing at the question.

“...It is a little bit hard to read… Yes.” He said, wincing at the sound of his own voice. “But!” He added, quick to cover his tracks… “Perhaps we can ask Iolite if she can find those book that help with writing?” Oh god he was so dead meat. “It is a very good first attempt though, for what it’s worth. I think you’re doing just fine.” All he needed was some practice.

---

For a moment more, Evan looked up at him with the same scrutinizing gaze--and this his little tail started to wag again. He let out a pleasant chirp at the idea and drew the paper back down so he could keep trying to write.

His eyes were sparkling and he was smiling; he might not be good at writing, but Airi's response had been satisfactory--and he certainly missed Iolite.

Evan tried to write a few more things--slowly, and carefully, so that Airi could read over his shoulder.

Only, the words were still illegible and after a few quick looks up to see if Airi was getting it he caved and sighed loudly. He grabbed a black pen and drew his best rendition of a fluffy black cat--which, while no piece of art, was still leagues better than his handwriting.

He drew an arrow, then, pointing from the cat to a blank space. Evan reached for a few of his different colors; he finally settled on a peach colored marker and started drawing in the empty spot in front of the arrow. Without much thought he drew a stick figure human wearing all black, with a mop of black hair that he went to color red at the tips. He dotted two eyes and just before he drew the lips, he paused.

For a long moment, ,Evan stared at his picture and seemed absolutely lost. Then, slowly, he reached for a larger black marker and crossed out the person he'd drawn.

Instead, next to it, he drew a fluffy black blob with yellow eyes.

His lips were pursed and his tail had long since stopped wagging; his hand was trembling. He swallowed and put the markers down.

--

“We can ask the others too.. Maybe they can find you some things.” Airi said, his claws dipping back into Evan’s fur making lazy circles as he pushed the hair this way and that. The larger youma watched quietly, trying to decipher Evan’s scribbles. So when Evan caved and sighed, Airi glanced his way before leaning down and pressing his muzzle against his cheek, offering him a soft encouraging ‘Keep Trying. You’ve got this.”

When the cat appeared on the paper, Airi snorted. “It looks just like her.” Really, it did. “Don’t forget her star.” He said, offering the red and yellow markers. He grew quiet as Evan started to draw once more, however, Airi had expected anything else but what he say. He watched as the human took shape, watched as it became more than just a picture.

Oh.

“...Evan…” He said softly, when the smaller youma paused, reaching down to pull the picture a bit closer. “Evan, is this y-” But, just as fast as the human was there, it suddenly wasn’t. In it’s place was a youma. In it’s place was Evan.

“Okay…” He said, as if answering some question only he could hear. Air pulled Evan close with a practiced grace and softness. “I’m going to say something… and I want you to listen to me alright?” Airi said, cradling the body against him as if he was afraid to let go. “Iolite isn’t going to care what you look like. Human or youma… You are still Evan to her. She’s going to stick with you no matter what.” If the mauvian hadn’t given up on Evan at this point, Airi doubted she would any time soon. “That goes for me too.” He said, pulling Evan’s face back out of his face and brushing his large thumbs under the smaller youma’s eyes. “I didn’t know you as a human but that doesn’t matter… You are still Evan.” Airi pulled him back, hugging and nuzzling him close.

“I’ll get you back there. I promise, Sweetheart. Whatever it takes.”

--

Evan’s eyes stayed on the paper, on the black spot he’d crossed off. He registered that Airi was holding him because he seemed to relax a bit more, but there was a certain limpness to Eva’s form--like he just didn’t care.

They were kind words--words he appreciated, but words that he didn’t much know if he could put stock in. So far, all he could tell was that there was no going back. There was no undoing it. If there was a way--wouldn’t they have made Evan human by now? And Airi?

...Well, Airi was at least a competent youma, Evan just sucked at everything. He wasn’t good fighter, or tracker, or anything. He wasn’t even good at hiding, and he’d been doing that since before he was a youma.

Eventually, he just sort of shrugged, like it wasn’t worth getting his hopes up. His brows knit after a while and he hesitated before picking up the markers again. He started drawing, slower. This time, it was another picture of him, a youma, and then next to him he drew Airi. He did his best to draw them smiling and holding hands, but on the other side of the sheet of paper drew the same human form he’d been starting before. Only, this time he drew him frowning, and drew Airi next to him looking mad.

It was hard to translate what he was thinking, but when he finished he drew a question mark underneath the second picture and held it up so Airi could see.

The picture might have meant a hundred different things, but all Evan wanted to know was, what if Airi didn’t like him as a human.

If he ever got to be one again, at least.

--

“We’ll find a way to change you back. I promise.” Airi said softly. He’d do anything to get Evan back to his former life. “I’ll stay with you the whole time… No matter what. You know that Evan…” When Evan moved to start drawing again, Airi released him, letting the smaller youma have the mobility to reach what he needed, but Airi still pressed close all the same.

“I like that picture.” He said, watching as Evan drew the two of them, happy and having fun. “Is that really what I look like?” Jeez, now he could understand why Evan was so scared of him at first. “I’m a bit intimidating aren’t I?” Now he felt bad. Then suddenly the picture flipped and Evan was drawing them again… Only this time Airi was mad, at Evan.

The wolf grimaced as his ears flattened against his skull. Evan didn’t need to talk for him to understand this question. “...You’re asking if I’d be mad if you were a human again, while I’m still a youma.” Gently, he took the picture from Evan and just looked at it. Airi wondered, just what it was that drove Evan to ask this. Why he would even want to know.

“No.” He said softly. “I wouldn’t be mad at you.” How could he be? How could Evan expect him to be? “If anything… I would be happy. For you, I mean. That’s what you want right? To be human again?” That’s what I want for you. He thought. “You… You don’t need to be down here forever.” He wasn’t made to be. “You should be up there. In the human world, where the humans are, as a human Evan. That is where you belong.” Up there.

Without him.

Airi set the picture down before cupping Evan’s face and nuzzling against it gently. “...I would be something else though.”

While he was being honest…

--

Evan wanted to be human, more than anything. But he'd grown accustomed to spending his time with Airi. Airi was the friend he didn't have while he was human. Cambria was there for him, but she was dating Zack. They were probably married by now and had forgotten all about him.

Well, maybe she did; Zack probably didn't, since he was Sanidine and Evan had just seen him earlier today, but what other friends had he lost? He couldn't really remember the faces or names of many people--and if he couldn't remember, how could they? His parents weren't looking for him. They probably didn't care; he hadn't spoken with them in months.

...And Zack was probably only missing him because he had a hard time even cooking a grilled cheese sandwich, and needed someone to do his laundry and keep his bed warm while Cambria was busy.

His thoughts wandered, even though Airi was cupping his face and being so nice.

The question had been half answered, but there was more to it than that--more to it than just if Airi would be mad at him for being human. But he held onto that question and instead tilted his head slowly, one ear perking up while the other lay flat on his head.

--

"...I will be sad.” He said softly, almost entirely too quietly. “I won’t be together with you anymore at that point. I won’t be able to keep you safe.. I won’t be able to keep you…” With me. Close. Warm. Safe. Forever. “I will miss you.” Airi said, nuzzling close again. “I will miss you so much.” The wolf’s ears hang low, and were it not for the fact he was sitting, his tail would have likely been curled between his legs. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.

“I will be scared.” Airi continued, drawing Evan back against him, close, this time actually afraid to let go. “A youma’s track record with a human is never a good one… I am scared I might hurt you someday. I’m scared that I could hurt you.” Or worse. Airi knew he could do a whole lot worse then just hurt him. “I’m scared I might not be able to keep you safe from myself. I don’t want to see that happen, Evan.” I would die if I hurt you.

“I will be jealous…” Here Airi laughed, somewhat bitterly. “I know that must sound stupid but… I’d be jealous of the people who get to spend time with you as a human.. Knowing I can’t do that anymore.” While his collar hid who he was, it couldn’t change what he was. He was still a youma… “You’d be able to spend time with normal people and not…” ...Not him. Not some creature that could possibly kill him at a moment's notice. I would do anything to stay with you.

Airi would have been so many things without Evan. Sad. Scared. Jealous. Lost. Alone. The wolf had grown so used to spending his time with Evan, that Airi wasn’t sure he could go back to living without him. Things would be so much duller in his life, without Evan.

“But…” He said softly, flexing his fingers, carding them through Evan’s fur yet again. “Above all else… Do you know what I will be?” He asked, staring at gold eyes, and trying to imagine they were a different color. “I will be happy. I will be happy because you will be where you are suppose to be. Be who you are meant to be. I will be happy because you are happy. I might be sad, or scared, but I want nothing more for you to be whole again. You…” Mean too much to me. I have no right to be petty. “You deserve that much… After everything you’ve been through… You deserve to be human and happy Evan.. That’s all I want for you, more than anything.”

--

Though Evan seemed to have his own thoughts he was battling with, he again seemed to take some comfort in Airi's words. Finally, he just relaxed and flopped against him. There was more to say, but Evan could not speak, or write. He could draw silly pictures and nuzzle against Airi and chirp.

And for now, that would have to be enough.

Eventually, he sighed, exasperated and content and just kept rolling over on Airi as he tried to get comfortable. He wound up sprawled atop of him, making sure to keep his back where Airi could easily reach it. He wasn't trying very hard to hide the fact that he enjoyed the sensation of the youma's fingers combing through his fur.

He chirped a few things but even Evan didn't know if they had any meaning. Maybe he just wanted there to be something other than the sound of silence. It was hard to focus though, and after a moment, a low purr rumbled in the back of his throat.
Life, if you could call it that, wasn't perfect.

But Airi was pretty good at making him forget that.

--

When Evan flopped against him, Airi laid back, stretching out. He knew there was more to this than what had already been said, but both seemed content to let the subject drop. For now.

Airi quirked a brow as Evan rolled around on top of him, before settling on his stomach. “You really are like a cat, you know.” He said, vaguely wondering when Evan would end up headbutting his face or doing that weird arching thing cats do with their body. Still, he ran his claws through Evan’s fur, wherever he wanted it. “You know…” He said, picking up on Evan’s intentions… “If you wanted me to keep doing that you could have just told me.” The larger youma brought a hand up and scratched behind one of Evan’s ears. “I know you can’t talk but… You still would have figured out someway to tell me what you want.”

Airi grew silent then as he held Evan close, relaxing under the sound of the smaller youma’s purr as he ran his claws through black fur. He mulled things over, the pictures Evan drew, the unanswered questions, everything. But mostly, Evan. Airi glanced at the small creature once more… “So…. Green huh?” While Airi was partial to the golden yellow he’d grown accustomed to… He was sure he could get use to green too.

---

Evan might have figured out some way to tell him something, but he figured there wasn’t any way to translate what he wanted to say.

But, then again, when Evan tried to think about it, he couldn’t think of the right words anyway.

He had seemed content to lay there and purr while Airi continued his ministrations; his eyelids had been drooping but he was instantly alert when Airi mentioned green. He tilted his head and glanced over to the picture he’d drawn, now discarded on the ground.

He nodded, looking at the picture for a few more seconds before he groped for it and flipped it over. He rolled onto his side, just a bit, so his back was to it and his face was still pressed close to Airi.

He could think about things like that later. Now, he just wanted to focus on the warmth.

And maybe, if he allowed himself to dream, what it would be like to talk to Airi.