How had it all gone so wrong, so fast?

No… No please, no.

This wasn’t suppose to happen. How did it? How could he have let it happened. How? He was suppose to be something Evan could put his trust in. He was suppose to be someone Evan could feel safe with.

And right now, Evan was everything but that.

A youma had managed to worm its way in and attack Evan while he had been away. The offending youma had been taken care off as Airi was making his way back and had long been dusted. Airi wasn’t willing to admit he took a certain pleasure in snapping it’s neck between his jaws.

But the damage was done. It was too late.

Airi whined, soft, gentle and pleading as gently nosed and licked at Evan’s face, desperate for the smaller creature to open his eyes. “Evan… I’m here now. Open your eyes. It’s alright now… Please.” Airi wasn’t sure if he was trying to calm Evan’s nerves, or his own. “You’re safe now. I promise.”

Evan’s breathes came in short, shallow whispers that Airi had to strain his ears to even hear. On more than one occasion, the wolf could swear that Evan had stopped breathing. Evan was eerily quiet aside from his breathing,and it only fueled Airi’s fear.

Gingerly, Airi shifted to lick at one of Evan’s wounds in an attempt to clean him up, to stir some life into him.

His own whines and chirps never quieted.

When he finished with that wound, Airi curled himself around Evan, whining and licking at his own muzzle in worry. The wolf snuggled as close as he dared, ears pressed flat against the back of his skull. Soon enough though, he found himself drawing away and curling up a short distance back. He had failed Evan, what right did he have to comfort him when he was hurt now? Frazzled nerves were in control now though, and Airi found himself bouncing between curling around Evan and pulling away from him in intervals that lasted several minutes at a time. The youma was unsure what to do.

All he knew though was that he had ******** up.

All he wanted was for things to be okay again.

All he needed was Evan. To wake up. To answer him. To move. To need him. Something.

Anything

---

Youma were just youma. They were disposable. They were tools for the Negaverse, and not anything to care about—unless Metallia, or your Agent—wanted you to do something. Sometimes, Evan thought his human life must have had more value, except when he tried to think about it there was just this fog. It was thick and heavy, and if he'd tried to push through it, maybe he would have remembered more about who he was and what he used to be, but it always took so much energy.

Evan was small, and not as strong as many of the other youma the Agents chose to bond with. He wasn't good at draining energy, or fighting, and he often felt guilty—like he was letting Sanidine down.

It was his own fault he'd gotten hurt. He'd gotten complacent. He hadn't tried to spar, or get stronger, or do anything better. He'd just gotten comfortable here and waited until he could be useful.

Only, he wasn't. Sanidine didn't need him. He'd just been a burden to the General. Airi was the same; here was this youma, who for some reason had gone out of his way to try and make sure he was safe—and happy? In a way that Sanidine, obsessing over youmafication, hadn't been able to.

Evan breathed because he thought he needed to. Because, as a human, it was important. But he didn't know if youma needed to breathe because they weren't human.

They were monsters.

It was easier not to breathe. It felt like sleeping, and sometimes he almost drifted into it. He was a youma—what was the worst thing that could happen? He'd get dusted, and come back in a few days after licking his wounds?

He tried to will himself to sleep, just to stop things from hurting—but there was Airi, already licking at his wounds, like it was going to save him time or trouble. Evan tried to ignore him and go to sleep a few times, but after a few moments it was just too much trouble and he cracked an eye, tired and annoyed.

And hurting.

For a long time, he didn't move. He just lay where he'd been left—left, because Airi had gone.

That was the most confusing thing; Evan had been lost in the fog that sometime clouded his mind and cracked one eye open when he realized the warmth that had been pressed against him was now gone.

He lifted his head just slightly, using what little energy he had left, to look around. His head was heavy and the movement was awkward; he ended up dropping his chin to the ground after a quick sweep of the area. It took him a few seconds longer to spy Airi, and when he did it took him longer to understand why he was far away from him.

A nagging in the back of his head told him that it was because Airi didn't want to be associated with him. Because he was disappointing, because he wasn't strong. It had happened before—whenever he'd disappointed Zack, he'd stayed away. Like it was supposed to teach Evan a lesson to be better.

It worked, usually.

Evan always tried twice as hard to make it up to him.

He didn't want to be alone, didn't want to disappoint the people in his life that mattered.

He didn't have many, anymore, but that only meant he'd have fought that much harder. Airi was his only friend down here, and the thought of losing him made Evan freeze.

Evan only had Zack—or Sanidine, he didn't know the difference, if there even was one. And he had Iolite. And he had Airi.

But he hadn't seen any of his other friends, and the fog was slowly trying to eat away their memories.

Right now, he didn't have the energy to stop it. He didn't have the energy to do anything—except release a soft, tired, confused chirp as he stared at Airi.

--

Airi also missed the chirp, nearly drowned out by his own whines. But he certainly didn’t miss the tired eyes staring back at him. The wolf scrambled from his spot, nearly stepping on his large tail in the process of bee lining towards Evan.

Airi curled around him as tightly as we would allow himself to. The bigger youma terrified that he was going to further jar Evan’s injuries. “I’m sorry Evan.” He whimpered. “I am so sorry…” The words tumbled from his mouth like a mantra. Always the same, never changing.

While Airi found it a little easier to breathe now that he knew Evan was infact alive, the wolf’s chest was still painfully tight. Airi wanted nothing more than for this nightmare to be over.

He licked at another wound carefully, trying to clean Evan up some. When he was done Airi hesitated a moment before softly nuzzling at Evan’s cheek and throat. “I am so sorry...” He repeated. Airi fidgeted, unsure what to do with himself. The wolf eyed the blankets and pillows, not far away but was torn. He didn’t want to move Evan and risk worsening an injury, and he didn’t want to leave him alone in the short distance and time it would take to get them.

Ignoring the fact he had already left Evan alone the few times he pulled away from him already, however.

With a defeated sigh, Airi picked himself up once more and padded to their little nest. He sifted through, nosing blankets out of the way until he found Evan’s, and kicking a few pillows towards his friend for good measure. Airi returned, and draped the blanket over him, using his teeth to gently pull it where he wanted it. With a little encouragement, Airi was able to get a pillow under Evan’s head before resuming his post at his side. This time however, instead of curling around him, Airi settled down seating his massive paws protectively on each side of Evan’s body before gently laying his head down, effectively tucking Evan under his throat.

--

Evan's brows furrowed at Airi's apology and it seemed a struggle to understand what the youma was even apologizing for. It hadn't even entirely crossed his mind that Airi might be blaming himself, or might be guilty. Evan was blaming himself and couldn’t figure out why Airi was apologizing.

Zack had never done that, not when Evan got hurt. Usually he would have gotten mad and chastised him. Sometimes, Zack would yell. Sometimes, he'd get tired of bitching and draw Evan into his arms and just stay quiet and hold him.

But Airi had skipped through the anger, the chastising, the yelling or bitching.

Every time he moved too far away, Evan's eyes followed him a little more intently.

He always tensed—until Airi returned. He didn't put up a fight or struggle when the other youma tucked him in. He just lay limply, like a discarded rag doll, and let Airi manipulate what he needed. At first, he wasn't quite sure what to do when Airi lay down. He wasn't sure if he felt smothered or if he should be afraid, but it took only a moment underneath the warm fluffiness before he breathed a small sigh of relief.

Beneath Airi, Evan's stubby fluff of a tail thumped weakly.

--

Airi was blaming himself, and he did feel guilty. It was his fault. If only he’d come back sooner. Maybe he could have stopped the youma from getting in and getting to Evan. Maybe it could have been him with scratches, gashes and bruises against his body and fur and not Evan.

Except it wasn’t.

And that would be the only wound Airi would receive in this fight. Airi knew already, this would was going to be an everlasting scar.

“I failed you.” The words tumbled from his mouth without a second thought, and each word stung worse than the one before it. “I told you, promised you, that I would keep you safe. That you had no reason to fear me, or when I was around.” Fat lot those words must have meant now. Look at where it landed Evan. “It’s my fault you got hurt.”

“Do… Do you want me to get Sanidine?” He asked weakly. “You… you might be safer with…” He let the words trail off. Safer with him. Safer without Airi. Airi didn’t want to lose Evan. Whether that was towards the General or another youma.

He nearly had today.

Evan, alone in the cave. Crying out for him until he was dusted. It very well could have been that, had Airi stay with his own General. The wolf shivered at the thought, a pained noise escaping him as his ears drooped. His head turned then, nuzzling Evan close and not wanting to let go, regardless of what Evan ultimately decided he wanted.

---

A part of Evan wanted Sanidine there. He missed the material comforts. He missed the way Sanidine—Zack—could make him feel safe just by being there. He missed the house, the air conditioning, the television on in the background. The heavy front door with extra locks because Evan had begged and Zack gave him that one accommodation. He missed the kitchen, and the smell of food. He missed cooking. Missed the couch. Pajamas. Taking showers.

He missed so many stupid pieces of his life.

But there were the pieces he didn't miss. The things that could happen to Evan the human, but not Evan the youma.

Apparently being assaulted and maimed was one of those things that could happen to either.

Evan was still afraid. And he should be—as a youma, death might not have been a constant threat, but an eternity as a monster, whose sanity was slowly slipping away barely seemed like it was a better option. The things that kept him grounded were starting to feel few and far between. Sometimes he wondered if he was a better youma if he'd at least be able to talk, to communicate.

It was eating him up inside, it was a pain that burned and stung more than any injury he currently held. He could say nothing.

He couldn't assure Airi that he wasn't upset with him. He couldn't tell him he was fine, that it was okay. That this was just one more nightmare for him to dream about in nights to come.

His head was heavy, and he tried to nuzzle Airi to reassure him but it came out just a simple nod. He tried to form words, but a whispering chirp was the only thing to fall from his lips. It was almost enough to make him give up.

But he didn't. He drew in a shaky breath and tried again, this time at least managing to move his head a little closer to nuzzle the larger youma.

He could do very little, but he hoped it was enough.

He didn't like to see Airi hurting. Not even for him.

--

Airi’s chest tightened and ached as he watched and listened to Evan struggle to do anything. The youma pressed his large face into Evan’s fur and against Evan’s throat, reassuring Evan that Airi was still there, and proving to Airi, that without a shadow of a doubt, Evan’s pulse was a solid pressure against him.

“Shhh…” He sighed soothingly against the smaller youma’s fur. “I’m here…” Airi promised. The wolf’s front paws twitched as he gently pulled them away from his companion. “Shh… I’m here.” Another mantra, only different words. Airi repeated it softly in Evan’s ear, a quiet promise as he let his form shift and elongate, adapting a more human physique once more. “I’m here…” He promised one last time. “I won’t leave you.” Not again.

Not ever.

Carefully, fingers shifted and slid under and against Evan’s fur until Airi was sure he had solid enough foundation to pick Evan up. Where Evan once laid against the cold ground, he was once more cradled against warm fur as Airi padded his way the little nest they had made. While holding his friend, he picked out the torn and ripped pillows and blankets, setting them aside to be removed all while making a note to get more someday.

Carefully he sat down, using a hand to pull together a few pillows before laying down on his side, Evan still cuddled against his chest. Still tucked under his throat. “I’m here…” He promised, drawing more blankets up around Evan to make sure he was warm enough.

Much like he had on the night when Evan had his nightmares, Airi carded his clawed fingers carefully through Evan’s short fur, mindful of his wounds. Anytime Airi felt one, he mentally filed it away, as something to check over when Evan was a little more stable.

---

For a long time, Evan just laid there and sighed. He would wince and squirm occasionally, but never seemed to get far. Moving was more energy than he had. Though he laid fairly still, his eyes never closed. His breathing slowed some, as if he were sleeping, but his eyes stayed focused on something in the distance. Sometimes his muscles would ripple beneath Airi and he would tense, for just a second.

It was always short lived.

He usually went limp within a few seconds.

Evan wasn't all there, sometimes. It was more obvious now, as a youma, but Airi had never really gotten to know him as a human. Sometimes he wound up trapped in his memories, in a loop of things he wanted to escape. Things he'd rather forget. Memories and nightmares, replaying.

Sometimes, there were comforts for him. Human comforts.

He had always loved Macaroni and Cheese, and Dr. Pepper. He had a favorite pair of socks and a sweatshirt he could curl up. Movies he could put in the background. Sometimes, if he was lucky, someone to steal warmth from.

His fingers twitched, curling aimlessly around whatever he could find.

Evan didn't chirp, didn't make any noise. The silence was always the worst, because it wasn't that he didn't have anything to say. He just didn't have a way to say it. And now he was just going to lose himself to his own thoughts.

The best he could hope was to wear himself out and when he woke up everything would be okay.

As long as Airi was still there, maybe it would be.

--

Airi ears dipped as he tried to see what Evan saw. When he couldn't, the youma let out a pleading whine. Any time Evan tensed or his muscles rippled under his claws, Airi tried his best to sooth away the tension. Whether that was with another stroke of Evan's fur, or a soft, gentle noise.

Evan's fingers twitched and curled around the edge of a blanket and Airi's clawed fingers twitched and curled around Evan's hand.

Evan was so much smaller than him... Even as a youma. Airi found himself wondering what Evan looked like as a human. How much of a difference was there between the Evan he knew... and the real Evan? The Evan that was... human.

Airi's ears manage to somehow droop even further as his gaze softened. That's right... Evan was a human. He wasn't truly a youma. He wasn't suppose to be a youma. He wasn't suppose to be here.

With him.

"Hey..." Airi said softly, trying to draw Evan's attention as he gently tilted the youma's head up to meet his gaze. Tilting his head down, he gently rubbed their foreheads together. "...You can sleep..." He murmured. The words felt heavy on his tongue, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth an a heavier feeling in his stomach. Airi was terrified of the prospect that Evan not might wake up if he slept now, but there was little he could physically do to help his friend.

"I'll keep watch." He promised, his free hand coming up to cup the side of Evan's face. A clawed thumb brushed against his cheek, under his eye, brushing the short fur there. "Nothing is going to harm you again. Not tonight. Not ever again." If that meant Airi was with Evan all day, every day, then so be it. It would be the easiest way to ensure his safety.

"...I will be here when you wake up." He reassured, nuzzling his face against Evan's and drawing him and the various blankets close.

The question was... would Evan... be there when Airi woke up.