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 Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:24 pm
"Actually," Arias said after a moment of silence, "Maybe you could stay a little longer?"
Nick had come over for dinner at his request, and while the meal had been pleasant enough, it wasn't like how things used to be. It hadn't been for a while, and Arias just kept putting it off.
He'd noticed--a lot of things. He'd notice how there was less intimacy, less teasing. He'd noticed that Nick wasn't coming around as often; he wasn't just dropping by to say hello or flirt or steal quick kiss. He'd reply to texts, but he hadn't texted Arias first in weeks. Nick would come on dates, but he was always finding an excuse to leave.
Like tonight.
Dinner had been pleasant and well cooked, but Nick had barely been over for an hour and was already grabbing his jacket. Arias had been stalling for a while now, trying to build up the nerve to ask what was going on.
He was afraid this was all his fault; he had tried harder to make sure Nick knew he wanted to talk, to spend time, to feel wanted.
It just wasn't working. He had one over a thousand different reasons why this might be his fault--but he wasn't sleeping at night. He was obsessing over it.
And that needed to stop.
Arias set the dirty dishes down on the counter in the kitchen and turned towards Nick. "I sort of wanted to talk to you a little bit. We haven't gotten to spend much time together, and I suppose I've had a few things I wanted to talk to you about. If you're okay with that?" he prompted, trying not to sound too desperate.
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:37 pm
Nick hadn’t really been happy for a while. Not since the breakup with Ashanite, and honestly...if he had to point the blame at someone, besides himself that is, it would have to be Arias’s fault. Arias who didn’t understand him like he wished he would. Arias who...who he thought about as he was being corrupted...and then suddenly wasn’t being corrupted anymore. Arias who he had been trying to be a good boyfriend to, who ended up getting him dumped...even as he was going to do the dumping.
Arias who he felt guilty for deceiving, and that guilt just ended up making him even more angry at the other male. It was misplaced anger...but...anger nonetheless.
He paused when Arias said he wanted to talk, and inwardly he sighed. Fantastic. Because great things always happened when you talked to someone. Like when he talked to Ashanite. That had been such a great conversation.
Flashing a smile, the blonde hung his coat back up. “Yeah sure, that sounds fine. You want some help with those dishes…?”
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:39 pm
Arias was sure he could feel the tension in the air. His heart was pounding loudly in his chest but he tried to play it cool and look collected. This didn't have to be a serious talk, this wasn't going to be anything bad. It was just to touch base and make sure they were on the same page--good couples did that, right? They talked when there was a problem, and they fixed the problem.
Arias just wanted to make sure there wasn't a problem and--heaven forbid--if there was, he wanted to fix it before things got worse.
"Oh, I'm not worried about the dishes," he said, relieved that Nick was able to stay. "I'll get them later. Actually, we can just sit on the couch, maybe?"
It was only slightly a question; after he put the plates down, he moved to the living room, catching Nick's hand and drawing him to the couch. He offered a moment for the other male to get comfortable and, in that moment, nearly chickened out of this conversation altogether.
He forced a soft smile back onto his face and kept Nick's hand in his own. He had to force the words out, too: "I'm worried about you. You've been acting a little off. I just...wanted to make sure you were okay? Is...is something going on?"
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:40 pm
Nick nodded, he hadn’t really wanted to do the dishes anyway...he had just been hoping for a chance to not talk. If he was busy, then he wouldn’t have a chance to really talk...plus there would have been that buffer to take time to really think about his answers.
Once on the couch, Nick pulled his hand out of Arias’s and instead put his arm around the brunette’s shoulders, pulling him closer, trying to at least...seem more intimate. It wasn’t that he didn’t...didn’t want to be, he just…
It was complicated.
Giving a smile, Nick looked at Arias. “Of course i’m okay, nothing’s going on...gosh you worry so much, Arias...it’s cute.”
It was annoying. Very, very annoying. He was never happy with anything, and it was beginning to really drive Nick nuts.
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:43 pm
An arm around his shoulders had been a good sign, Arias thought, but it left hi with nothing to focus his hands on. After a brief uncertainty, he just laced his fingers together and lay them in his lap.
Things were going well so far; he tried to keep a little smile, but he couldn't keep Nick's gaze and wound up looking down.
"I know I worry," he confessed. "...And I'm sorry for it. I don't mean to intrude, really. It's just...we haven't been talking as much, lately. And you seem like you're busy with things. Which I respect! I know you've got your own life to live, and I just..."
...How was he supposed to word this?
"I just want to make sure I'm not doing something wrong. I want to make sure you're not bottling things up."
Again.
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:44 pm
Nick was quiet for a moment, trying to think of what to say. Finally he just chuckled and leaned closer, pressing his lips against Arias’s neck, kissing the tender flesh gently. “Don’t you worry, honey. I’m doing just fine. I love you, don’t worry about anything. I’m sorry I’ve been distant...you’ve just seemed so busy, what with your sister trying to usurp you with her cookie sales and everything...and her getting attacked by that Negaverse chick...I’ve been trying to give you space to make sure everything’s all right…”
His other hand found Arias’s and he gently slipped his fingers between the male’s and squeezed the hand gently.
“You know I love you, don’t you worry about anything. I’m just fine.”
Even though he knew he was lying through his teeth...some part of him still wanted these words to be true. Even though he wanted to give up everything for that stupid ******** Ashanite...a small part of him still wanted this.
“...We’re just fine.”
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:44 pm
Arias shivered at the touch and tried to tell himself that he really just needed to stop worrying. "Okay," he said, just a bit uncertainly. Maybe his timeline was messed up? Maybe he'd misjudged how long this has been, and...
No. Something still just wasn't adding up. The handholding was wonderful, this kissing was wonderful. But Arias still wasn't sure if Nick was being honest with him, and the worried little butterflies were back.
He tried a slightly different approach. "...I feel like sometimes...Right now, for example...Carlee is over at my parents' house. Technically...We could have all night together, but you're still heading for the door. I just wondered if..."
Hell.
"...Is there someone else, or am I doing something to push you away?"
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:45 pm
Nick pulled away, frowning slightly. “Arias. You hate sex.” The words came from him before he could stop them and he sighed slightly. It wasn’t a lie. It was a factor in all of it. Intimacy was something that Nick loved more than anything...and Arias almost always shied away from it...so why would he…?
“I keep waiting for you to ask me to stay the night. I was starting to feel like I was pushing myself on you, and you always get so embarrassed, so I just...stopped. I don’t want to force myself on you, so...I keep leaving early, that’s all. I don’t want to put you in a situation you don’t want to be in.”
He shrugged and drew his hands back, feeling more annoyed than he had to begin with.
Why did Arias have to keep prying? Couldn’t he just...let this rest.
If he kept asking questions…
Well. It wouldn't end well.
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:45 pm
Arias blinked. "I don't hate sex," he said. "I'm just...still getting used to it. I like spending time with you, I admit--I like the PG interaction. I like talking, holding hands, sitting on the couch. But I know that a relationship comes with certain needs--and I don't mind them! I enjoy that time with you," he insisted.
He was feeling guilty and kept glancing at Nick, partially to try and read him and partially for a bit of reassurance.
...He didn't know what he was afraid of. Arias knew what he wanted, he just kept worrying that he was going to say the wrong thing. But was it any better than beating around the bush?
"...I love you, Nick. Really, truly. It's just felt like you didn't want to talk to me for a while. I...I'm feeling a bit obsessive and foolish now, worrying that all of this is in my head. It's just...little things. You used to drop by, just to say hello. You used to seem more relaxed around me. You used to text me first. Now, I'm doing all of it--and I'm just..."
He wasn't tired of it, he just felt like he was a nuisance. He had this nagging feeling--not just about him, but about Nick. It wasn't just how Arias felt, it was about how Nick felt. But Nick wasn't talking to him, and it was just making Arias anxious; he could tell that he wasn't getting the full truth. He just didn't know which questions he needed to ask to get to the truth.
He had one in mind, though.
"...Am I boring?"
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:46 pm
“What?” Nick looked at Arias, an expression of utter annoyance plain on his face. He wasn’t even trying to bother to hide it. “Are you boring? Seriously? Arias, there is nothing wrong. Not with you. Not with me. I really wish you would stop thinking that things are wrong and seeing things when they aren’t there, because...it’s starting to get on my nerves.”
He stood up, shaking his head. “If you keep asking if there’s something wrong, yeah, there’s going to be something wrong. I never realized you were this...this…paranoid.”
The blonde shook his head, trying very hard to not be as annoyed as he was, trying so hard just to calm down...but it wasn’t working that well.
“Arias, I’m sorry, but I can’t handle you acting like this. I’ve said multiple times now that nothing's wrong, and you can’t seem to trust what I say. I don’t understand why that is, but if that’s how tonight’s going to go, I really can’t deal with it. So, for both our sake’s, I’m going to go home now.”
He started back towards the door, intent on getting his coat and getting the heck out of there.
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:46 pm
Arias' face fell. The words stung, of course, and rather than reassure him that it was paranoia, it just felt like it was hammering in the fact that something was wrong.
Before, Nick would have teased him.
It wasn't like Nick didn't know he had some insecurities, but it wasn't like him to use them against him. To make him feel worse.
This wasn't a gradual slip into annoyance. Arias hadn't been able to pinpoint when it had started; all he knew was that they were talking, and then Nick was leaving. He had been trying to broach the topic softly because he didn't want to corner Nick, but he didn't know what this was.
Aside from Nick being angry and defensive and...lashing out?
"...Why can't you deal with it?" he asked, standing up from the couch. It wasn't an unkind question; Arias had no tone. "What am I 'acting like'? Paranoid--paranoid? Nick," he seemed exasperated but was careful to keep his tone calm and as non confrontational as he could. "You make me sound crazy when you say it like that. I'm just worried about you. You're good at keeping secrets, but I thought we were trying to be more open?"
Wasn't that the whole point of Nick telling him about the others?
"What am I supposed to do here? What am I supposed to do when I'm worried that something's going on and you're not talking to me about it? You're not acting like yourself, and it just worries me. I'd have believed you if you didn't seem in such a rush to get away from me. So--I get it. I'm doing something wrong, and now I've made you mad at me. I don't know what I did, but I want to know. Don't leave, Nick. Please. Please work this out with me."
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:47 pm
“You’re stressing me out, Arias. I want to leave because I don’t want to keep getting stressed out by your stressing out. You’re going to give me grey hair, you’re going to give yourself grey hair.” Nick slipped his arms into his jacket and shot Arias a look. “Why can’t you just trust me that there’s nothing wrong? I’ve said it over and over now, and you keep picking at me, and I don’t want to deal with it right now. If you don’t believe me, fine. But there was nothing wrong.”
Past tense, because now he was even more annoyed than he had been before. When had Arias turned into such a….nuisance…? Had he always been this way? Was love really just...blind? Or was he getting worse?
“There wasn’t anything to work out, Arias. There was nothing. Wrong.”
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 5:47 pm
Arias looked at Nick; he bit the inside of his cheek and forced himself to hold his tongue. His hands tried to clench into fists but instead, he just slid them into the back pockets of his jeans.
Arias breathed out a sigh. "Okay," he said. "I'm sorry."
He looked at the ground for a second and then back up at Nick. "I didn't mean to upset you."
Especially because now he didn't know what to do. This was the opposite of an improvement.
He couldn't look at him; he was afraid that even making eye contact right now might just piss Nick off. "...Will you text me when you get home safely or should I just text you sometime tomorrow?"
He didn't want to do this whole cold shoulder, awkward silence thing. Truthfully, he didn't know what was going on; he had a sinking feeling in his stomach and was already chastising himself for broaching the topic. He'd tried to be nice, respectful. But he'd pushed too hard? He couldn't figure out where he'd gone wrong, what he'd said that was so bad.
It was hard to know what to fix when you didn't know what was broken, but Nick didn't seem like he wanted to fix anything. He just wanted to leave.
That scared Arias more than any of it.
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 10:43 pm
Nick counted to ten. He counted to ten three times before he finally let out a breath and crossed the room back to Arias, pulling him into a tight hug. “I love you. I’m sorry. I know you’re worried about something being wrong, but literally, nothing is wrong, okay? And your worrying...it’s just getting under my skin and I don’t know why. You almost are making me feel like you want something to be wrong, and I just think, tonight I should go.”
He pulled away and kissed the brunette’s forehead. “I’ll let you know when I get home, and I’ll text you in the morning. I am not angry at you, okay? I’m not angry at you. Nothing is wrong. I promise.”
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Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 10:44 pm
Arias had found it was easier to prepare for a fight than it was to prepare for this. There was a lump in his throat and he found that when Nick stepped closer, his eyes instinctively went to the ground. He had to bite his lip to stop it from trembling. The emotion were running off of him; his adrenaline had built up and now that the situation had deescalated it just left him feeling weak.
"Okay," he said. It wasn't emotionless, just tired. It was acceptance. He nodded and tried to look up, but even his eyes felt like they were too tired to drag themselves up from the ground.
He didn't want anything to be wrong. Arias never wanted anything to be wrong. It's why he tried to pay such close attention to everything; he wanted to pick up problems before they worsened, and he wanted to fix them. He wanted the people around him to be happy, to trust him, to let him help when he could.
But Nick said nothing was wrong, and Arias didn't want to fight about it. He was afraid to apologize, even, in case that just made things worse. Just nod and let him go. Just let him leave so nothing could get worse. Just back off and stop being overwhelming.
Stop getting under his skin.
Just stop.
He nodded again, just slightly, and repeated, "Okay."
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