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[Q] Upgrade - Salar de Uyuni Knight of Cosmos

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Shanyume

Anxious Friend

PostPosted: Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:39 pm


Upgrading Natalie
PostPosted: Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:52 pm


Knight Title: Salar de Uyuni Page of Cosmos.

The sketch is already done.

Challenge:


Weapon & Magic


Page Weapon: Simple mirror about the size of a Frisbee with a basic frame

Squire: The mirror is now slightly larger with a more elaborate frame; a shooting star encircling the reflective surface as if it is chasing its tail.

Channeling her magic, the surface of Salar de Uyuni's mirror begins to glow to which she angles her weapon so it faces the ground up to 10' away from her creating a 4.5' radius AOE.

Opponents standing on the AOE become 'trapped' in an illusion that appears to extend for all of eternity. For as far as the eye can see the ground has seemingly disappeared. Up is down and down is up as the sky is reflected beneath them. In this light they feel trapped as if they are floating alone in that empty space between the real world and its mirror world. Sensations such as light lightheadedness, disoriented, nauseous and vertigo may occur.**

Range: Up to 10 feet away
Time: 35 seconds
**Optional: The effects may have the ability to last up to 15 seconds once she has canceled her magic or the character standing on her AOE somehow manages to stagger out of the effected area for the character to reorient themselves.

Knight Weapon: The mirror itself remains the same size as her previous stage however the frame has changed drastically into an elaborate decorative golden staff.

Channeling her magic, the surface of Salar de Uyuni's mirror begins to glow to which she angles her weapon so it faces the ground up to 10' away from her creating a 4.5' radius AOE.

Opponents standing on the AOE become 'trapped' in an illusion that appears to extend for all of eternity. For as far as the eye can see the ground has seemingly disappeared. Up is down and down is up as the sky is reflected beneath them. In this light they feel trapped as if they are floating alone in that empty space between the real world and its mirror world. Sensations such as light lightheadedness, disoriented, nauseous or vertigo may occur.**

Allies standing in the AOE find themselves in a similar illusion feel a calming sense of wonder and peace (or if the player really wants them to feel the same effects as chaos they may)**. As long Salar channels her magic for at least 30 seconds allies gain back either up to 1/3 of their max magic, not to exceed their total, or up to +1 spent super attack. Can only benefit from this once per battle.

Range: Up to 10 feet away
Time: 60 seconds
**Optional: The effects may have the ability to last up to 15 seconds once she has canceled her magic or the character standing on her AOE somehow manages to stagger out of the effected area for the character to reorient themselves.


Summons
Celestial/ Astral Spider the size of a banana spider.

It spins a web-like bandage around her targets wounds healing:
15 seconds - minor wounds (scrapes, light scratches, blisters, and bruises)
30 seconds - moderate wounds (2nd degree burns, deeper scratches/ cuts)
45 seconds - severe wounds (slashes, rended flesh from youma bites, gashes that have not ruptured vital organs or main arteries, also no broken bones or bones protruding through flesh as bandages cannot mend such things.)

Shanyume

Anxious Friend



LP


Kawaii Bear

29,500 Points
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  • Unleash the Beast 100
  • Lapin Patrol Avior: Victory! 50
PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 4:05 pm


Congratulations on Salar! I think this wonder is really neat, and I can't wait to see her!

She has some really neat magic and I just want to make sure I understand it! I might need a few clarifications before I can stamp her profile but this should be quick!

First off, with her mirror, I believe you could take out the minimum of 2' diameter circle but leave the attack area written as "an area up to 4.5' radius". I kept rereading this wrong and getting confused if the diameter was 2' or 4.5' so I think to help your RP partner understand how big it can get, it might help to just say that the attack area can expand as large as 4.5'!

The second question I have is about how the timing works with the attack. From what I'm reading, her magic pool is thirty five seconds, and then sixty seconds. These are totally fine! A Knight's magic ends immediately after they stop casting, so I think the illusion would have to end at the 35/60 second mark. You mention that the effects last for 15 seconds after casting ends or they make it out of the AOE, but this would mean that her magic and last for a total of 50 seconds for squire stage and 75 for knight, so I think that time frame is a little long. However, you could make the extra 15 seconds optional and if a player wanted to have their character taking up to 15 seconds after her casting ended to get back to normal, that would be fair! You would just need to add a small phrase like, 'If a player would like their character to, the character may spend up to an additional 15 seconds shaking off the effects of the magic before they return to normal'.

The only other thing I noticed was in the Knight magic; I think the actual effects for allies getting the bonus effect of getting 1/3rd of their magic back or up to 1 super attack back is fine, but I think it might be best to tie it into the visual aspect of the magic you already have going on! For example, to make sure that it is tying into the theme of Cosmos, I think it would read better if everyone was trapped in the illusion of endlessness, but where it sickens Chaos, it could be invigorating to Order, which is what restores their energy instead of making them feel sick? Order characters could still choose to feel dizzy or overwhelmed but be healed during the process, but I think maybe including a small bit of information about allies being in the illusion would be really helpful and give them something neat to RP while they are healing!

Her summons looks good to me so once the other things are fixed I can drop a trial stamp, but before a GM gets in, it might help to clarify what you consider a moderate wound and a severe wound! I don't think severe wounds should be anything really bad (like ruptured organs), but deep gashes would be fine!

Shanyume
PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 9:41 pm


LP


Quote:
Congratulations on Salar! I think this wonder is really neat, and I can't wait to see her!

Why wait wink boop

Quote:
First off, with her mirror, I believe you could take out the minimum of 2' diameter circle but leave the attack area written as "an area up to 4.5' radius". I kept rereading this wrong and getting confused if the diameter was 2' or 4.5' so I think to help your RP partner understand how big it can get, it might help to just say that the attack area can expand as large as 4.5'!
I apologize I was trying to write it as if it functioned like a flashlight. If you point the light infront of you it is typically smaller than if you point it down the sidewalk. But to simplify it I'll remove the 2' diameter and be like "magic! it's 4.5'" surprised

Quote:
The second question I have is about how the timing works with the attack. From what I'm reading, her magic pool is thirty five seconds, and then sixty seconds. These are totally fine! A Knight's magic ends immediately after they stop casting, so I think the illusion would have to end at the 35/60 second mark. You mention that the effects last for 15 seconds after casting ends or they make it out of the AOE, but this would mean that her magic and last for a total of 50 seconds for squire stage and 75 for knight, so I think that time frame is a little long. However, you could make the extra 15 seconds optional and if a player wanted to have their character taking up to 15 seconds after her casting ended to get back to normal, that would be fair! You would just need to add a small phrase like, 'If a player would like their character to, the character may spend up to an additional 15 seconds shaking off the effects of the magic before they return to normal'.
I edited it to make the 15 seconds optional.

Quote:
The only other thing I noticed was in the Knight magic; I think the actual effects for allies getting the bonus effect of getting 1/3rd of their magic back or up to 1 super attack back is fine, but I think it might be best to tie it into the visual aspect of the magic you already have going on! For example, to make sure that it is tying into the theme of Cosmos, I think it would read better if everyone was trapped in the illusion of endlessness, but where it sickens Chaos, it could be invigorating to Order, which is what restores their energy instead of making them feel sick? Order characters could still choose to feel dizzy or overwhelmed but be healed during the process, but I think maybe including a small bit of information about allies being in the illusion would be really helpful and give them something neat to RP while they are healing!
That's pretty much what I was going for but for the wall-o-text that became her magic I was hesitant on getting too wordy. But yes they were to appear in the same realm that Chaos sees. I do find your suggestion of them having the option of feeling the effects intriguing.

Quote:
Her summons looks good to me so once the other things are fixed I can drop a trial stamp, but before a GM gets in, it might help to clarify what you consider a moderate wound and a severe wound! I don't think severe wounds should be anything really bad (like ruptured organs), but deep gashes would be fine!
Yeah, no ruptured organs. It is pretty restricted to flesh wounds so gashes, slashes, flesh rended from a youma bite. If a character is impaled by a spear in the torso area or bone is broken or protruding through the skin there is nothing she can do but maybe alleviate some of the pain for a few seconds. Random question >_> were you hesitant on clicking on the banana spider picture?

I have made the requested changes if you could take a look and let me know how it looks.

Shanyume

Anxious Friend



LP


Kawaii Bear

29,500 Points
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Unleash the Beast 100
  • Lapin Patrol Avior: Victory! 50
PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 10:10 pm


Ahh She's going to look so good when she's finished!

Thank you so much for the simplification and the fixes! Also, I understand the hesitation on being too wordy with her eternal, however, I think you handled tweaking that very well so it wasn't too wordy or confusing and still works!

Ahah, actually I wasn't I was like OHH BANANA SPIDER!? . . . That's not what I was expecting when I saw that; but holy banana's batman that's cute!

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That said~ A GM'll be around shortly!

Shanyume
PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 10:28 pm


LP
Thank you so much for your time.

Shanyume

Anxious Friend



Kyuseisha no Hikari

Crew

Dragonslaying Dragon

PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2017 7:35 pm


Shanyume


She looks lovely! Have fun playing her!

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