Quote:
Advertised around town on available bulletins, a carolling group has been requesting volunteers to join them. There doesn't seem to be any catches--it's just a fun little opportunity to spread some Holiday cheer while making some new friends! Of course, you don't have to if you don't want to--maybe, instead, you're the sort to chase carollers off your doorstep?
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten, and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow
Shahar's grip on her bottle tightened as the carolers began to start on their next song. Seriously, she'd ignored them for so long, but they were right on the doorstep of her tiny apartment, trying so very hard to be the change that people deserved in the season, but she'd already drank her way through We Three Kings, Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful, The First Noel, Good King Wenceslas, and all 12 of the s**t days of Christmas. Now she got to listen to them and their terribly racist Christmas. What if she wanted to have a Blue Christmas? Preferably without any carolers.
“Go to hell!” she howled at the door, breaking at last. As if in response, the demons yowled louder, almost shrilling in their pitch, and she took another swig of the cheapest brandy she had been able to steal off the shelves of the nearest ABC. “I'm not Christian! I don't celebrate Christmas! I'm not even American! Leave me alone!” but they did not seem so inclined; in fact, a piece of paper was slipped under the door. Even from over here, she could see that it was a pamphlet inviting her to join them at their church. “Go sodomize yourself with a pike!” she yelled back.
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding; Oh, bring us a figgy pudding; Oh, bring us a figgy pudding and a cup of good cheer... We won't go until we get some.
As far as responses went, she mused, that wasn't a bad one. But if they weren't careful, she was going to completely lose her cool and go Deck their Halls- and it wouldn't be with boughs of holly, but with her fists. She might even drain some energy and snatch a starseed or two to put in a stocking for one of the General Kings. She still missed Marthozite, but Axinite had a pleasantly squishy face, and a good heart. Lepidolite was less appealing, but he had a beard- it was to be expected.
She took another deep swallow, wondering just how much longer this hellish concert would continue, or if she could call the police. Stretching out her legs, she stared at her neon orange and black pants, with little skulls on them. Halloween pants, and it was already Christmas? What had happened to American Thanksgiving? Had she drunk it all away, or had she been on something worse? Did she really care about obtaining an answer? Her brain was doing the workey thing far too much right now.
And if she heard one more Christmas Carol- Here we come a-wassailing, Among the leaves so green
With a strangled shriek of fury, Titanite slammed her bottle to the carpet, ignoring the cheap crap spilling over her carpet, and made her way to the kitchen. She knew exactly where the object of her focus was. One-handed, she jerked the fire extinguisher off the wall and primed it.
The carolers would have no warning. They had gotten enough.
As she opened her door, turning the hose on them, their screams of panic and frustration rang sweetly in her ears. “******** all of you!” she screamed at them, watching them turn tail at last. “If you come back, you'll get worse! HO HO HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
