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[APPROVED] Elienne Elresienne

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Geyser Eelborn

Sergeant Hellraiser

24,625 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Alchemy Level 10 100
  • Dragon Master 50
PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2016 1:28 pm


Name: Elienne Elresienne
Gender: Female
Race: Fallen
University: Asterion (graduated)
Sign: the Wreath

Starting Stage: Senior, graduated university
Body Base Ty[e: C, face 14

Custom Form:

Username: Geyser Eelborn
Starting Stage: Senior, graduated university
Race: Fallen
Base: C, face 14

Description:
  • Body: #F0DACA with slightly darker freckles
  • Eyes: #1A9DDE
  • Hair: #ECBD4D in princess braids
  • Clothes: pink and blue vintage dress and shoes.
  • Wings: #EB8597 and #4DAFE7 gradient.

References (if applicable): palette, dress, shoes, hair style
Cost: 600k


[b]Username:[/b] Geyser Eelborn
[b]Starting Stage:[/b] Senior, graduated university
[b]Race:[/b] Fallen
[b]Base:[/b] C, face 14

[b]Description:[/b]
[list][*][i]Body:[/i] #F0DACA with slightly darker freckles
[*][i]Eyes:[/i] #1A9DDE
[*][i]Hair:[/i] #ECBD4D in princess braids
[*][i]Clothes:[/i] pink and blue vintage dress and shoes.
[*][i]Wings:[/i] #EB8597 and #4DAFE7 gradient.
[/list]
[b]References (if applicable):[/b] [url= http://www.colourlovers.com/palette/4343595/Elienne_Palette]palette[/url], [url= https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/b8/2d/ec/b82dec65a592adbbbee387617e7e39b8.jpg]dress[/url], [url= https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/98/c8/56/98c856dfebb4518c2cfe36ca2c4d7489.jpg]shoes[/url], [url= https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/a5/7c/21/a57c21102d42b8e0699a669ea0178000.jpg]hair style[/url]
[b]Cost:[/b] 600k


First Glance and Appearance | Life History | Personality | RP Prompt
PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2016 1:29 pm


Elienne was not awoken from the great Alcyone cache. She was imbued, awoken, and raised in Cassiel’s Watch, where she was a fairly typical Fallen child. She respected her elders, she studied hard, she put her schoolwork ahead of her pleasure activities, and she venerated the saints. There was this one boy in their neighborhood, though, who wasn’t from around there—his mother had come from the Alcyone cache and had moved to Cassiel’s Watch to reconnect with her heritage. Her son, who was about Elienne’s age, was the social outcast of their school. He was rude, harsh, and a little too critical of his fellow students. Everyone agreed that it was his mother’s fault; as a “foreign” Fallen, she hadn’t had enough exposure to the ways of her homeland to know that her son’s behavior was unacceptable, and thus discipline him properly.

Most of her classsmates had disdain for this boy, but Elienne felt sorry for him and his lack of social graces. Instead of shunning him for his behavior, she befriended him. They became fast friends, sticking together through thick and thin, protecting and aiding each other with their problems. He taught her about the lands outside of Fallen territory, and she taught him how to be properly accepted in Cassiel’s Watch. In time, he became better accepted at his school and better adjusted to life in Cassiel’s Watch. When Elienne and the boy graduated from high school, they got married and began living together. Elienne was in love with him, and he had enormous affection for her.

As time wore on, Elienne began to doubt her relationship with her husband. She’d worked hard to teach him how to be kind and polite, and indeed, he was the epitome of Fallen civility. Unfortunately, this extended only to the public—in private, her husband had a tendency towards a short temper and name-calling. Elienne knew that this was just the strain of his upbringing clashing with the society in which he lived, so she was willing to overlook this behavior and let him continue to vent at her. Even if he started being outride rude to her, denying her the things she wanted and constantly belittling her, she accepted it. He needed a way to vent, and she was willing to be his vent. Besides, he really did love her, and she couldn’t abandon someone who’d given his feather to her! In spite of her willingness to soldier on, she was relieved when he more and more often spent his evenings and free times away from home.

One day while cleaning his nightstand, Elienne found a half-imbued soul stone. Her husband had made it absolutely clear to her that he did not want children, so the presence of this stone was a mystery. Elienne tried to put it out of mind, but she could not stop thinking about that soul stone. She hid the stone where her husband could not find it and tried not to think too much about it. Her husband’s temper became shorter and shorter—it was clear that he had noticed the soul stone was missing, but he refused to tell her what was wrong. Finally, Elienne became suspicious enough to start digging around in her husband’s affairs. She hated invading his privacy, but she was increasingly worried that his behavior was not mere venting.

It turned out that her husband was seeing someone else, and that the soul stone had been for his other lover. He had already imbued his half of the magic, and they had been waiting for an opportunity for his other lover to imbue their half. Confused, hurt, and not thinking straight, Elienne stole the soul stone, packed her bags, and left her husband. He contacted her, begging her to come back, insisting that he was in love with her and that his other lover was just “a mistake.” In anticipation of an apology for the way he had treated her, Elienne decided to imbue the soul stone the rest of the way and made arrangements to return to her husband and their house. A week later, she arrived at their home, and as soon as she saw her husband waiting for her with open arms, she awoke their child.

At midnight. On September the 30th.

When her fingers touched the stone, it awoke into a Hallowed child. Elienne’s husband was furious, and a row ensued. First he began by berating her for her stupidity, then continued on to criticizing her lack of proper Fallen virtues. How rude to imbue a soul stone with someone without asking their permission! As he got into full swing, his true intentions came to light: he really had never wanted to imbue with Elienne, yes, he had actually intended to have a family on the side with his other lover, and no, he would never apologize for any of this, it wasn’t his fault, Elienne just wasn’t enough, he needed more, and he needed something she couldn’t give him, and she was being selfish, and…

Honestly, Elienne stopped paying attention around the time he started calling the squalling baby in her arms an “abomination.” Shocked and hurt, not for the loss of the man she so deeply loved, but for the way he had dismissed the child as nothing more than a monster, Elienne scooped her bags back up and stormed off, never to return. She returned to her parents’ house, where she asked them for their advice. There was some debate on both sides—Elienne’s mother pointed out that the best place for a Hallowed child was with other Hallowed children, and that the largest concentration of Hallowed children was, according to rumor at least, the Asphodel Gardens Academy. On the other hand, Elienne’s zither pointed out that a child raised at the Academy would learn to be rude, just as Elienne’s soon-to-be ex-husband’s mother had done.

In the end, the Elresienne family finally agreed that being accepted was more important than growing up properly. Elienne assured them that there was no need to worry about any of that—she would not be abandoning her Hallowed child at the Academy. She would raise her child there, even if it meant leaving her homeland. With her bags packed and a fond farewell and well-wishings from her family, Elienne set off to move to Asphodel to raise her daughter, Callessa.

The move to Asphodel was, without doubt, the most important, life-changing event in Elienne’s life. Where before she had been a homemaker, Elienne now had to support herself without a family in a strange land with strange traditions. She enrolled at Asterion University, where she majored in business, and set up a business breeding and selling Fennekits. She saved up money to buy a small farm on the outskirts of town from which to run her business and raise her daughter. She has worked hard for years to raise the money necessary to send her daughter to the Academy (helped somewhat by the fact that Callessa’s paternal grandmother was an Academy graduate). By the time Callessa was a teenager, Elienne was mildly prosperous, enough to adopt a new child from an orphanage. Histeol fit in quite well with her family, and she loves him as much as she loves her own biological daughter.

Having been raised by her own family, Elienne has a bit of trouble understanding the lives of orphans. She’s grown up always knowing where she came from, which, as a proud Fallen, she considers to be very important. Elienne pities orphans enormously—she can’t imagine what it must be like to be “adrift” in the world with no knowledge of your personal history or your family. This combined with her natural inclinations to mother other people results in an individual who values family highly and tends to smother everyone who doesn’t move fast enough. In addition to orphans, another thing that Elienne doesn’t understand very well is the amount of house pride that goes on at the Academy. The school she attended as a child did not have houses, so when her daughter comes home proudly boasting about how Enoch’s Haunted Hallows decorations are way better than Eldritch’s, poor Elienne can only nod and smile and pretend to understand why that matters at all. Elienne also isn’t particularly proud of her alma mater. To her, Asterion was a means to an end—that end being financial independence, and she honestly doesn’t care that much about the goings-on at her old university. However, she does consider college to be very important—it helped her get started in her new life, and so she wants her children to attend college, too. She’d prefer if they returned to their homeland, though, so that they can learn the ways of a Fallen and shed the ways of a Demon…

As mentioned previously, Elienne is very proud of being a Fallen; she doesn’t understand why other people aren’t more like Fallen are. She has some difficulty with how rude her neighbors are, but in the past sixteen years, she’s grown slowly used to how rough-and-ready her neighbors seem to her. She still gets confused sometimes as to whether they’re trying to insult her or not, but she’s better now at distinguishing habitual rudeness from genuine bile. The only thing she doesn’t agree with on Fallen society is the small families. Elienne loves children, and wants a large family rather than a small one.

Elienne’s goals in life are very simple. She thinks that goals should be attainable and practical, not airy-fairy (as she’s fond of saying). Her goals in life are to provide a safe and stable home for herself and her family (however many children she ends up having) and to raise her children to be productive and civil citizens. She’s doing pretty well with that last goal in regards to Histeol, her adopted son. Her own biological daughter, however, is proving to be difficult (in the civility department, anyway)


First Glance and Appearance | Life History | Personality | RP Prompt

Geyser Eelborn

Sergeant Hellraiser

24,625 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Alchemy Level 10 100
  • Dragon Master 50

Geyser Eelborn

Sergeant Hellraiser

24,625 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Alchemy Level 10 100
  • Dragon Master 50
PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2016 2:28 pm


Positive Traits: forgiving, gentle, understanding, pacifistic, polite
Negative Traits: anxious, smothering, hidebound, insecure, indecisive
Likes: children, fennekits, holidays with the family, harmony, the changing seasons
Dislikes: arguments, disagreements, loneliness, making bad decisions, bad language
Hobbies: knitting, sewing, listening to the radio
Secrets: thinks that Cal has too much of her father in her; thinks that she handled the situation with her husband very badly
Fears: anything happening to her family on her watch
Magic: Battery

If you’ve ever done anything wrong, but feel really, really sorry about it, Elienne will be there for you. She believes that everyone deserves a chance to be happy, and that everyone deserves a second chance at being a good person, and, if necessary, third, fourth, and fifth chances. Even people who have hurt her deserve her compassion (with the exception of her ex-husband). She is eager to help people work through their problems, help them gain extra perspective on what they’ve done and how other people may feel about it, and she’s always available to give people her advice on how they can solve the problems they’ve made for themselves. If you’ve ever hurt Elienne or a stranger, you won’t have to work hard for her to be willing to help you out and forgive you for your deeds. However, if you have ever hurt her children, she will have considerable difficulty forgiving you. This is why she can’t forgive her husband—he rejected Callessa and refused to even acknowledge her as a person, and thus she struggles to find it in her heart to forgive him.

Elienne does not like thinking ill of people. She will always pick the most positive interpretation of a person’s actions to believe, and even if she disagrees with someone’s decision, she will accept it. She will, however, ask you to explain yourself—not out of hostility, but out of a genuine desire to understand another person’s point of view. She seeks to always improve her understanding of other people so that she can continue to think well of them. Thinking poorly of people makes her anxious…

Elienne is happy with her life in Asphodel, but the events that led her here haunt her still. She didn’t trust her husband, she stole a soul stone from him, she hid a precious object from him (which she now knows is a favored tactic of abusers such as her ex-husband), and she put her daughter’s life in danger by awakening her when she did—if she had only awoken her a few minutes earlier, or a month later, she might not have run the risk of losing her daughter. She is very, very aware of the fact that it was only by a miracle that her daughter survived. All of this piles on to her to give her a great deal of anxiety. She does not experience the physical effects of anxiety, so her condition could be considered a mild one, but it does affect the way she makes decisions and the way she acts on a daily basis. She easily gets weepy when thinking about the past or the future, and she sometimes finds the need to sit somewhere alone to detox and try to think about happier things. She believes that a good deal of her compassion and charity stems from the shame of having been untrusting and rude towards her husband and having stolen Callessa’s stone from him. Her family often has to remind her that she has always been forgiving and compassionate towards other people—though they must often leave out the fact that it was this very quality in her that led her to marry her ex-husband. Elienne knows this, and it’s just one more thing that adds to her constant worry.

Elienne is a worry-wart in general—she worries about her kids and their future, she worries about their social interactions, and she worries about her business. She always knows what the weather is going to be like and takes preparations days in advance of storms. She keeps track of every exam, test, and quiz that her kids have and reminds them constantly to study for them. This constant worry combined with her natural need to mother turns her into the dreaded Smother. She always wants to be a part of every aspect of her children’s lives so that she can make sure that they aren’t messing things up or making too many mistakes. She wants to be able to step in at a moment’s notice to fix things up. To some extent, this is also a product of her upbringing—as the eldest member of her family in Euros, she feels that it is her responsibility to advise and guide her family, no matter how small it is.

She will consult with her parents and grandparents if she is unsure about how to handle a situation, however—and considering how little she trusts herself, she consults with them a lot. She believes that her own past “transgressions,” as she melodramatically calls them, invalidates her as a decision-maker. Some of the biggest decisions she’s ever made have put her daughter in danger and uprooted her entire life. Most of her consultations with her elders turn into impromptu therapy sessions where her parents try to comfort her and reassure her that she’s made the right decision. As her elders, they know that it is their duty to guide her on her path, but they also understand that being as far away as she is, she has to have a certain amount of independence. Elienne can hear this conflict and frustration in their voices when they talk to her, and sometimes she dreams of moving back home to Cassiel’s Watch. But honestly, she’s built so much of her life here, and most of her adulthood has been spent in Euros. She would rather stay here than have to move again, even if it puts the responsibility of a family on her shoulders rather than the shoulders of her elders.

As a Fallen “in exile,” as she used to think of herself, Elienne tries to keep the old traditions alive. She remembers her neighbor, her former mother-in-law, and how much trouble she had fitting in. Her former mother-in-law was too rough and rude for the tastes of the neighborhood, and the old adage that Fallen learn rudeness from other races tended to get thrown around a lot. Elienne is very much aware that she has put her daughter in the same situation that Cal’s grandmother was in. Wherever Cal goes around Asphodel, she is constantly being exposed to races less genteel than Fallen are; in particular, Elienne worries about her daughter becoming ambitious like a Demon or inconsiderate like a Geist. She wants her daughter to be a “proper” Fallen, and so she tries to impose the values of her homeland on her children. She’s less harsh with Histeol—he being part Litch, she’s willing to let him be coarser than her daughter (after all, his ancestors were Litches, and a child must be in harmony with their past if they are to find their future). This causes some tension with Cal and makes Elienne seem a little hidebound. She’s quite old-fashioned; she prefers old traditions to new ones, will not replace an appliance or piece of electronics until it is spitting sparks, and she tries to be the source of authority in her household. She has rejected television as being too “coarse,” so their family’s major source of entertainment comes from books and the radio. Although they do have a computer, it is strictly for work, e-mail, and homework only, something else that bothers her children. She hates conflict and argument and avoids it when she can, but Elienne considers raising her children “right” to be more important than her own distaste for disharmony.

Elienne puts her children’s needs above her own to an extent that her family back home find a little worrying. However, Elienne feels that she was born to be a mother, and even when the going gets tough, even when she doubts her own decisions and her own abilities as a mother, she perseveres for the sake of her kids. She would do anything for them, including sacrifice her own life for them, and whatever her flaws, her kids know and value this. But Elienne’s love for children extends well beyond her own and even beyond actual children; she loves small, defenseless things, and hates hurting anything for any reason. She refuses to use poisons around her household and will only use catch-and-release traps for vermin. The thought of violence makes her queasy. She’s even kind to plants, watering and fertilizing them on a regular basis. This makes her a terrible gardener, as her daughter is quick to point out, as it makes her reluctant to perform basic tasks such as weeding. However, it also means that she is unlikely to eradicate a plant for being ugly, and that she will not kill an insect or a spider merely for being in her house. She wants her home to be a safe place for all things, no matter how hideous or disturbing they are.

Other than compassion in all forms and respect for the past, Elienne considers the most important virtue to be civility and politeness. Rude words are not allowed in her house, nor are rude actions. Please and thank you are magical words as powerful as any spoken by saints. Cursing, even without magic behind it, is not allowed, and disrespect to the saints, the gods and to other people is forbidden.

One might ask, and rightly so, why Elienne breeds Fennekits. The answer is very simple: Elienne loves Fennekits. So much. She loves how soft and fluffy they are, she loves the cute sounds they make, and she loves how loyal they are. This combined with their natural activity gives them an affectionate affect that Elienne just adores. There are some things that make Fennekits less than ideal in Elienne’s opinion, mind you—their finnickiness bothers her, and they like outdoor exercise (which Elienne is not always keen on). But she finds that their many virtues make up for their few and minor flaws. It surprises her family, at least, then, that she’s never taken a Fennekit to be her personal pet. The truth of the matter is that if she let herself keep one of her Fennekits, she’d start keeping them all, and that just wouldn’t do. So it is with all of the self-control that she can muster that she leaves the ‘kits for her customers.

Relationships


Elienne’s three most important relationships are her relationships with her parents back home and with her children.

Elienne’s relationship with her parents is genial. Her parents are proud of how well she turned out, even if circumstances have led her far away from Cassiel’s Watch. Elienne is worried that they are disappointed in her nonetheless, even if she has no evidence for such. She often takes her children home to Cassiel’s Watch in the summer to visit their grandparents and reconnect with their family.

Elienne’s relationship with Callessa is…complicated. Cal considers her mother to be melodramatic, smothering, and hidebound; Elienne considers her daughter to be rude, rebellious, and moody. On the other hand, Cal is proud of her mother—her mother’s courage to abandon her homeland for the good of her own daughter, her mother’s fortitude, and her mother’s ability to run a business and raise a family in spite of her [many] faults. Elienne is proud of her daughter, as well—of her intelligence, of her abilities as a scholar (even if it’s in science instead of history), and her daughter’s love of nature also brings a smile to Elienne’s face. In general, they have spats a couple times a week, but they are also quick to work together and spend time together. Cal will drop everything to do chores without complaint, which Elienne finds surprising, but gratifying. Elienne has trouble letting go of her image of her daughter as a little helpless baby in her arms, but when she can, she steps back to admire the young lady she’s raised.

Elienne’s relationship with Histeol is, surprisingly, less complex. Elienne and Histeol are very similar people, both Wreaths that abhor violence and value compassion. This is not to say that raising her son has been without difficulty on Elienne’s part—she has had to learn that her son is capable of taking care of himself in spite of being blind. His heritage as a hybrid has also been a little trying for Elienne; she has a tendency to think of him as being a Fallen and ignoring the Litch part of his heritage. Although most of his body is Litch-like, he has the full tactile range of a Fallen and a small wing. It is only with effort that Elienne can remind herself that Teo is also a Litch, and that his heritage as a Litch is as important as his heritage as a Fallen. She therefore approves of the friends he has made at school, which include three pure-blooded Litch from Boreas. She hopes that they can teach him about his heritage as a Litch while she teaches him about his heritage as a Fallen. The one sticking point she has with Teo is with his friend Perigor, who is a little too loud for Elienne’s delicate tastes, and has a foul mouth to boot. In spite of that, she sees that Perigor is as gentle as her son at heart, being all bark and no bite, and so she tries to accept him as much as she has accepted Prometheus, Ustule, and Xeizii, as well as Cal’s friend Eidil.

First Glance and Appearance | Life History | Personality | RP Prompt
PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2016 2:30 pm


Prompt Six
Something has just reminded your Nightmare of a poignant memory. What was it, and what was the memory?



Winter Solstice was coming soon, although to look outside was to see that winter had already arrived in Asphodel. It had been snowing gently since last night, resulting in white drifts accumulating outside. Silver light glinted off the mounds and into the farm house where Elienne was sorting through the solstice decorations. The children would be home in less than half an hour, and she hadn’t gotten started on the decorating yet! There was just so much to do, so much work, so much preparation. The fennekits had needed a vet’s visit this morning, dinner had to be started in the crockpot, there were bills to pay, and just like that, Elienne’s morning and afternoon had flown away like geese for the winter. Only now was she getting around to what she had meant to be the big chore of the day: decorating the house for Winter Solstice. She pulled the boxes out of storage in the attic and brought them downstairs, piling them up in the living room and going through them. There was just so much to go through, so many decorations…

She opened the first box of decorations and felt her heart stop. Lying on the top of the decorations was a crude plaster snowmare painted with black and red paint. Elienne’s trembling hands picked it up carefully—it was a delicate thing. As she ran her fingers over it reverentially, a memory came flooding back to her.

Callessa, in her oversized school uniform, with her stuffed alicorn sticking out of her backpack. Cal was holding up a plaster snowmare and gabbing on and on. “We made this in class today, it was so neat! Our teacher said that to make a proper snowman, you havta have the pro-por-shuns right, otherwise it falls apart or it doesn’t form or anything.” Cal looked up at Elienne, waiting for a reply.

Elienne looked it over. The snowmare had wings, she thought with pride. It was a
Fallen snowmare. She thought she could see the design of feathers in the fingerprints her daughter had left. “It’s lovely,” she murmured. “I like the eyes.”

Cal nodded. “I asked the teacher, and he said it’s okay if our snowmares are Hallowed like we are, so I gave mine extra eyes!”

Elienne looked at her daughter. Last week they’d gone to the optician and it had been confirmed—Cal was farsighted in her doubled eye. Glasses still weren’t available for the polyoptical, and a contact lens might not be practical for a doubled eye—it would be too small. Cal hadn’t let that bother her, though—she’d asked the optician if contact lenses hurt and if they were expensive. Just in case they might not be able to afford it, she’d added. Elienne wasn’t sure whether she should be proud of her daughter for being so…well…
proud of her, her—Hallow. She wasn’t afraid of herself or her appearance; she didn’t mind having four eyes and five pupils. It was just so strange. People had been looking askance at them for years because Cal was polyoptical, looking askance at Elienne for having dared wake her daughter in October. But Cal didn’t mind all that, she realized. Cal didn’t care. Cal was…comfortable with herself, in a way that Elienne had never dared to hope she could be.

She felt ashamed that her daughter had noticed their financial…hiccups of late. A child her age shouldn’t worry about that. It was the responsibility of her elders to worry about raising herself. Instead, she should be worried about…um, child stuff. Like how to make a good mix of plaster for a snowmare.

“I think that your Hallowed snowmare is a masterpiece, Cal,” Elienne said. She leaned forward to kiss her daughter on the forehead. “Help me find a place to put it, dear, we should put it someplace prominent.”

“What’s prom-i-nunt?” Cal asked.

Elienne smiled. “It means easily seen,” she said. “Seen, and cherished.”


Elienne wiped away a tear at the memory. The door behind her was opening and Cal and Teo were taking off their wet backpacks and snowy boots in the mudroom. “Hey, Mom, what’s—hey,” Cal said, rushing over to Elienne. “What’s wrong, Mom?”

“N-nothing,” Elienne sniffed. “I was just…” She held up the snowmare.

Cal made a face that looked like disgust. “Ugh. Mom, that old thing?”

Elienne nodded. “Uh huh. It reminds me of when you were a little child. Remember?”

Cal made the face again. “Yeah, Mom, I remember. But why are you keeping it?”

Teo had entered the room by this point, led by a still-damp Haint. Elienne handed the snowmare to her son, who ran his claws delicately over the fragile plaster, then smiled. Elienne looked over at Cal. “It’s part of your past—our past,” she said. “And the past—”

“—Leads to the future,” Cal said. The teenager sighed. Both pairs of shoulders sagged. Elienne knew Cal enough to know that she had just won a victory over her headstrong daughter. “Okay, Mom. I…I can see your point.” She leaned over to her mother and wrapped her arms around the older Fallen. Elienne wrapped her arms around Cal and squeezed tight. When had Cal grown so tall? When had she grown up?

Teo had finished his inspection of the snowmare. “This is really nice, for something you made when you were little, Cal,” he said. “Where should we put it?”

Elienne and Callessa answered in perfect unison. “Somewhere prominent!”



First Glance and Appearance | Life History | Personality | RP Prompt

Geyser Eelborn

Sergeant Hellraiser

24,625 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Alchemy Level 10 100
  • Dragon Master 50

smolderingskies
Crew

Adorable Autobiographer

PostPosted: Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:07 pm


critique incoming!

    Basic Information:
  • Looks good!

    Appearance:
  • Also looks good! Just a reminder that your form is very simple, so if you want extra accessories or anything you'll have to specify. You don't have to edit anything.

    Personality:
  • Looks good!

    Backstory:
  • Great! Elienne's backstory is both interesting and fits very well with Fallen lore.
  • Not required. One thing, though: you mention that Elienne is breeding Fennekits. Is there any specific reason for this? Does she have a soft spot for Fennekits, or is there another reason for this choice?
  • Another small (unrequired) note: at one point, you refer to Elienne's ex as her "boyfriend" while they are still married. You might want to change that!

    RP Prompt:
  • Beautiful! So cute! No problems here.

    Since I don't see any real/significant problems and I'm just an over-the-top nitpicker, I'm going to go ahead and call this quest APPROVED!


Geyser Eelborn
PostPosted: Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:11 pm


smolderingskies

  • Not required. One thing, though: you mention that Elienne is breeding Fennekits. Is there any specific reason for this? Does she have a soft spot for Fennekits, or is there another reason for this choice?
  • Another small (unrequired) note: at one point, you refer to Elienne's ex as her "boyfriend" while they are still married. You might want to change that!


It's okay, I'm a nitpicker extraordinaire!

1: Because Fennekits are the best. That's her opinion, anyway--she loves them, she loves how affectionate they are, she loves how fluffy they are. I'll add a paragraph about that for completion's sake. ^^

2: Hahahahahahaha, yes, running change when halfway through I realized Elienne was probably married, not just dating the guy. I thought I'd caught all instances of "boyfriend," but clearly I did not. [Goes to edit]

Thank you, Skies!

Geyser Eelborn

Sergeant Hellraiser

24,625 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Alchemy Level 10 100
  • Dragon Master 50
Reply
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