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Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2016 12:15 am
The seizures had faded, the fainting as well, and a couple days after the ball Jeremiah is feeling better even if the unease has not faded in the slightest. His back prickles, the chill rolling in as well, but it's far more preferred than the worry and fear that what he experienced would leave him permanently unwell. He does, however, have a mental list of those to check in with and this was someone on it. Certainly he had never come by before, they had met most places away from their respective homes aside from when Jeremiah could not truly leave his, but it was not unusual. Jeremiah was even bringing an extra cup of strong black tea. Double checking that he had the right door, he raised a hand and knocked. Blade 5uroda one pre-fetch jer for you!
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Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2016 6:27 am
Shun had been in the middle of an attempt to just relax for a bit, to try and clear his head some. Sleep had not been coming easy for him over the past few days. This, coupled with a number of heavy thoughts that he couldn't shake, left him in a rather rough state. The knocking at his door had him furrow his brow, and a sort of low grumbling noise escaped him as he got on up. What did Chel want now? Because it was always Chel. It was never anyone else. He got on up and made his way over to open the door. "Chel, what d--" he started, but cut himself off when he saw it actually wasn't the pink hair girl waiting out his door. He stared at Mercer, surprised, "...Jeremiah."
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 1:37 am
Jeremiah raised an eyebrow. "I assure you that I'm not Miss Craft." There was a wry twitch of his lips. "My hair is certainly not the right shade." Then he was holding up the extra cup of tea towards Shun. "I thought it was my turn to check in on you. I've already been back to work."
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 9:32 am
Once Shun got past that initial shock, he straightened up a bit, nodding to the older detective. Carefully, he took the tea, then stepped aside, out of the doorway. "Ah... thank you. Come on in."He had already been back to work as well, though he probably should have taken a couple extra days off. It was never easy for him to actually do that, though. Not unless his condition was a bit more severe. He did what he could to hide his weariness, acting as if he was perfectly fine. His constant poker face helped, but there were always little things that bled through. Most people didn't know what to look for, thankfully. "I apologize for the confusion. I do not really get visitors that are not her," he paused, "Has everything been well on your end?"
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 6:33 pm
Jeremiah knew how to read a poker face, could pick up on the subtle differences. A neutral expression was never entirely neutral. The eyes were pinched, the lines of the shoulders not as straight- Not that it was mentioned because one did not mention such things. They waited for them to come out, for it to be part of the discussion. He stepped inside with a nod, taking a small drink of his own tea because it was nice to be able to enjoy warm tea again. "It's alright, I get the feeling she drives you up the wall." Which was amusing considering there were so few things that probably could get a deep reaction out of Shun. "As well as can be expected for what happened. Algie is-" he paused for a moment. "We're dealing. Though if anything, the entire affair has proven that most, if not everyone, is clearly not prepared for the reality of the situation."
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 6:44 pm
"That is an understatement."To say that Chel was persistent, was to put it lightly. Shun closed the door after Jeremiah stepped through. His living quarters were kept neat, and there was a sort of simple approach to its furnishings. The kitchen could be seen off to the right, partially sectioned off by a counter that overlooked the living room they were currently in. A coffee table with a bonsai on top sat in front of a black couch and armchair. A set of decorative blades hung on the wall. He motioned for the older detective to have a seat, taking a careful sip of his tea in the process. "Yes... that much became all too apparent by the end of the night," he murmured as he moved over to the chair. He paused before taking a seat, closing his eyes for the moment. "Even I was not... entirely prepared, though in a different manner. My performance that evening was far less than subpar. I... apologize for that." he stated, shifting in place.
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 2:38 am
Jeremiah claimed a spot on the couch and sat down. After taking another drink of his own tea he was setting it down on the coffee table, though his eyes did drift about the apartment while he did so. One's home said a lot about an individual. Those decorative blades certainly did. He blinked at the apology, eyes finding focus on Shun once more. "That is not something you should be apologizing for. There is little to be done for preparation for what happened there. The little prophecy we heard gave us little information." Jeremiah paused. "Though I suspect you don't mean the event itself but your actions." The detective had heard, from more than one source, just what Shun had done during certain parts of the ball.
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 7:11 am
Settling down into the chair, Shun grunted and closed his eyes. "I had been less than useful. I barely got any information throughout the night, and in the end, I failed to prevent Melany's escape. She now lives... somewhere on our side because of that. The only thing I really managed to accomplish was to get my a** kicked."It probably would have been kicked twice, had Jeremiah and Algernon not showed up the second time around. His fingers clenched around the cup of tea more tightly at the thought. As much as he had tried to help that night, he knew he was really of no assistance at all. The scathing words from the illusory father he heard when Beel had triggered those hallucinations, or whatever, began to echo in the back of his mind once again. "So yes... I should be apologizing. I have failed on multiple levels, and especially so when it counted."
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 12:47 am
Jeremiah let out a breath, pulled one in and then looked to Shun. "You cannot do this," he said simply. "Not to yourself. I'm well aware of what happened but-" A hand flicked through the air. "This is the path that will lead you to more failure if you continue the train of thought you're on." His shoulders rolled and he sat up straighter. This was Jeremiah Mercer, not the detective, not the Detective Lieutenant, but Jeremiah Mercer. "If you feel a need to apologize, save it and push onwards. I can guarantee you that the doubt you are feeling will do nothing but hinder you further within other ashdown. It will take what ability you have and make it meaningless. Beyond that- This is not a burden you shoulder alone, nor is it something that was your fault or failure." His eyes are intent upon Shun, serious and hard. "And, if you truly feel this way, the only thing you can do is be better." He is far too familiar with what Shun was dealing with. Far too familiar.
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 6:51 am
Shun averted his gaze for the time being. He was still listening intently to Jeremiah, but he couldn't quite bring himself to make eye contact right now. He understood what was being said, but he couldn't quite shake the feeling of shame. Doubts had latched onto him, sinking its fangs deep. "How do you do it?" he finally asked, after having fallen silent for a time, "We face a virtually impossible task with still barely any knowledge. I do not even fully know why it is I am fighting."A part of him felt like he knew the answer. Mercer was better than him in virtually every possible way. As a visitor, a detective, a man... "I only know I cannot stop here. But as I am right now..." he started, trailing off. He wasn't sure if he could do anything to make a difference. He had been weak, and as much as he could try to hide weakness, it tends to show when things come down to it.
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 8:20 pm
"I don't think you want my exact answer because my exact answer doesn't apply for you but-" Jeremiah shook his head. His fingers were tight around the cup for a moment before he set it down, legs stretching out in front of him before he sat back. "If I spent my time wondering about what ifs, thinking about what has happened and cannot be undone, I would not be able to move forward at all." Jeremiah looked at Shun, expression softening only slightly. "If I'm weak, I train to become stronger. If I don't know why, I go looking for the answer. I push forward because there are those I will not see fall."
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 9:29 pm
"I already do all of that. I am constantly doing all I can to train and hone myself. To improve. It just... It is never enough," Shun quietly said. Well all except the last part. There wasn't really anyone else in specific that he fought for. He mostly only had himself to account for. To him, having other people was a double edged blade. One might be able to draw strength from the other, but at the same time they could just as easily be a liability for one another. This was not his first failure by any means. There had been plenty in the past. But when it came to the other side, the stakes were so much higher. It was what kept hooking him back, ensnaring his mind in this negative feedback loop. The younger man struggled to break free from it, but he wasn't sure how at this point. He wasn't even sure if he was strong enough to do so. He lightly rubbed his knuckles, sore from the previous night's excursion to the gym. He couldn't beat his frustrations out. "It feels as though I am miles behind you and the others who are at the forefront of all of this. My attempts to aid seem to do nothing at best, or at worse... burden instead."
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Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2016 11:12 pm
"Being on the forefront means the first to go down, the first to take damage." Jeremiah sighed then, shifting to lean forward. His elbows rested on his thighs briefly while he looked over Shun. Were he anyone else he likely would not pick up on it but he could see it there. The line of his shoulders, the pinch of his eyes. Barely noticeable but then again ... Jeremiah carried a similar neutral expression for the world and was used to seeing the cracks in it. "I do not know that you want to catch up to me. I have been stripped of a week's worth of memory that I later got back, a permanent chill to my spine and pain that persists no matter what, and the latest? Seizures. I have been a burden more of late than I have anything else." He shook his head. "So worry about cutting your own path through this and not so much the rest of it. As that is likely going to be what helps the most. Knowing yourself and your own place in this." Jeremiah straightened up, looking seriously at Shun. "Do you, Kuroda? Have you considered why you are apart of this? Why you persist? What drives you to try an do something?" As those answers? They would likely give him some guidance.
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Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2016 6:40 am
Shun almost said something along the lines of 'I can take it'. He decided to remain silent instead. A part of him wondered if Jeremiah said such things because he knew the extent of his inadequacy. Like a small dog attempting to be a wolf instead. Setting his tea down, he drew out a sigh as he leaned with his arms on his knees. "No... I do not know where my place is in all of this. I am lost, there."The younger man slowly shook his head to himself. "I have not given up yet, because to do so would be worse than failure. I stick with all this crap because I know I cannot sit idly by and play ignorant to it. I try, because there are no guarantees that others will succeed or even make an attempt to do s**t. I figure 'maybe something will change if I take matters into my own hands'. So far, that has done nothing, it seems."He wasn't even just talking about recent events. Melany was not the only person he's failed to contain or stop. She was just the most relevant one right now.
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Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2016 8:45 pm
"We are playing with a deck against us, Kuroda, and if you want to continue to do something within it ..." Jeremiah sighed. "You will need to find a reason more than just 'because I cannot sit idly by' or that 'things will change'." He leaned to pick back up his cup and take another drink of it. "Duty is not enough," he said a moment later. "... and you are likely to find yourself having to clean up the messes of others with that kind of mindset." The theatre that Shun had mentioned came to mind. "I wish I could offer you more but it is the truth: if you continue down this path you will stretch yourself thinner." Which would lead to eventually being truly overwhelmed and breaking.
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