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 Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2016 4:19 pm
He'd never been to Fiona's house before, but it was where she'd said they would go so that she could take a look at his hand. The brace was still wrapped around Fritz's left, though he tried not to think of it - difficult, when it was his dominant hand, but he was nothing if not stubborn.
He stood just outside of the car, waiting for Fiona to get out from the driver's side, and leaned against it, rubbing at his temple. A persistent headache was growing between his eyes, though he wasn't thinking about that, either, because it was making it worse.
"So - is this where you live?"
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Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2016 5:28 pm
Most of the construction was done, outside of the special requests she'd employed Pasi to do, and as such Fiona felt comfortable finally letting one of her friends know about her purchase and the secret project she had been working on. The house wasn't as accessible as her flat in the middle of the city, it required a vehicle to get to and wasn't more than twenty minutes outside of the city.
It also wasn't surrounded by too many other houses and Fiona had chosen it on purpose because it meant that it would be less likely for them to attract attention if they had to power up at her home for one reason or another.
She stepped out of the car and shut the door as she slung her bag over her shoulder and walked up the cobblestone steps to the front door. She was still waiting on the garage door people but manually unlocking the door would do for now. "Yeah, sorta. It's new. There's still some things that need to be done and I don't have all the furniture but - " she paused to find the right key and unlock the door, pushing it open and gesturing for Fritz to go in before her.
It was a beautiful home, with a nicely decorated sitting room that had hallways on either side of it. To the left, the kitchen could be seen and to the right there were several doors that indicated bedrooms. "I still have the flat, but I thought that having more room would be better for us."
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 6:07 am
Fritz was somewhat awed - half by the fact that Fiona had kept things quiet all this time, half by the fact that she'd bought a house. Fritz himself had enough money saved up to do just that, but he hadn't exactly figured out what he wanted to do with it yet, now that Rhys was living with Hitch.
The house was lovely, large without being unreasonable, and spacious, and Fritz trailed after Fiona inside, his eyes moving across the open areas; the kitchen, with all of its shiny appliances, the sitting room, comfortable and inviting, and then the rest, Fritz peering curiously down one hallway, and the next.
His hand gave a twinge, which he ignored in favor of saying, "This is pretty bloody awesome. I can't believe you've bought a house, that's brilliant."
He padded forward, stopped, then stooped and toed off his shoes, Fritz using one hand to brace against the foyer wall in order to keep his balance. Common decency and politeness were important, after all, and Fritz stepped forward in just his cat printed socks after that.
"Are you going to put like, a theater in the basement or something? A giant slumber party room?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 10:08 am
"Technically my parents purchased it, but as a 'bonus' for all the work I do for the firm here." Fiona brushed aside Fritz's wonder. It would have been incredible had she done it alone but she hadn't. "All of the renovations and additions and what not have all been paid out of pocket though." And there had been quite a bit of work done.
But she was old money, with a steady income. It wasn't much of an expense in the end and Fiona had always been frugal enough.
"I didn't think about that, but I might? The living room down there is sizable. I uh - I did set up bedrooms for everyone? Nothing too fancy really but you, Cordelia, and Khaleel all have designated rooms." There were a number of spares too for those in between folks. "The most important thing was a medical wing. I've been taking courses." After stitching up her friends numerous times, she figured it was time to take practical classes. "I could - I could maybe help with your hand?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 7:09 pm
Fritz waved a hand, clearly waving away Fiona's waving away. "That's still bloody amazing, it looks wonderful."
He didn't mind the fact that it had been Fiona's parents that had bought the house, it was still hers, and a lovely place. He wandered around, glancing this way and that until she was dragging him back to reality with what she was saying, Fritz turning his head to look at her.
"I have a room?" he asked, sounding startled by this fact. "Really?"
He was floored by her kindness and the idea that she had thought of this, Fritz's smile affectionate as he looked at her. Reaching out with his good hand, he patted Fiona's shoulder fondly and then let it drop away, wincing slightly at the reminder of his brace.
"Well...I suppose that should happen, yes," he said with a sigh, glancing down at it. "I admittedly...try not to think of it too much."
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Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 8:49 am
"Of course you do," Fiona replied, like it was never something she questioned. Or like it was an disputable fact that he'd have his own room in her house if she could provide one. "I know you have your own place but - " she hesitated, biting down on her lip as her brow furrowed.
She knew of his brother's impending wedding nuptials and wondered if that left Fritz feeling lonely or not.
"You're welcome here whenever. I've actually - Now that most of the work is done, I have a key for you." She smiled at him, crossing the kitchen to open a drawer and produce a house key. "I'd prefer if you let me know if you'd be having any overnight guests, but otherwise you're welcome to come and go as you please." She held it out to his good hand, mismatched eyes glancing at his wounded one.
"I don't blame you. I've been learning some physical therapy techniques for hand injuries." She'd been thinking about everything Fritz had been going through and had done what she could to make it so she was able to help. "It doesn't have to be now, but whenever you're ready."
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Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2016 4:23 pm
He knew, only too well, that he owed Fiona more than he could possibly say. She'd saved his a** on a multitude of times by this point, and Fritz could only dream of one day repaying her. And here, now, when he had least expected it, she was offering him a room at her house.
It was a little amazing. A lot amazing.
Fritz was still not quite up to the personal contact stage of figuring out his own head, but at least he could smile at her and pat her shoulder. He felt a warmth in his chest that spread outwards, reminding him of his ability to actually do things, to have people in his life that he cared about and who cared about him.
It was still a little overwhelming. Fritz stared at the key that was now in his palm, flexing the fingers of right hand around it. Then, carefully, he put it in his pocket, so as to not lose it.
A sigh escaped him, Fritz glancing over at her.
"No, no, now is fine. I should stop putting it off, anyway."
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 10:26 am
Fiona welcomed physical affection from her friends or loved one, but she never pushed it. She knew that Fritz was still struggling, it was abundantly clear to her. She knew that she'd probably only known him during his darker, lower time and she didn't care. He was her friend and, as far as she was concerned, he needed her in that way someone who needed to re-find their courage did.
Fiona didn't mind, she knew how to be brave for other people until they could be brave for themselves.
She smiled at him tentatively, then nodded her head towards the door that led from the kitchen to the medical wing. "If you're ready then I'm ready," she assured him. Carefully, she lead him through the doors and gestured for him to sit on one of the beds she'd had set up. "You'll have to remove your brace," she said softly, a thoughtful look on her face. "Are there some other things you ought to stop putting off?"
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 12:10 pm
If he'd been the old Fritz, he might have hugged Fiona, or taken her hand or done something other than just pat her on the shoulder. But there was no old Fritz anymore, even if this new one was simply a better version of who he'd used to be. It was taking a little bit of adjustment, but until then, he was unbelievably grateful to all of his teammates and brigade members for understanding him - especially Fiona.
He still had a lot to make up for with her, after all.
Fritz trailed after her as she led him through the house, glancing here and there until they reached the medical wing side of things. It was very well done, everything neat and tidy and organized meticulously, and Fritz sat down on the bed she was gesturing at, glancing up at Fiona, and then at his hand.
There was slight guilt on his face as he tugged at the fastenings of his brace.
"No," said Fritz delicately, which was clearly a lie. He tugged off the brace and held his hand out towards Fiona, feeling slightly stupid. "Well, maybe I haven't been eating as well as I should have."
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 8:01 am
Fiona waited quietly for Fritz to get settled, taking his hand only when he offered it to her. Gingerly she turned it so it was palm up, fit her own hands around it and ran her thumbs along the lines of muscle. She didn't say anything at first, brow crinkling and lips pursing in concentration as she worked his hands in the methods she'd been taught.
Some of them probably hurt, but all massages ached.
Blue and green eyes flicked up to catch Fritz and Fiona sighed. "Please don't lie to me Fritz," she said softly. Kam did enough of that, she didn't need the man across from her to lie to her too. Not when he was so blatantly lying too. "You don't have to tell me everything but don't lie to me." Her fingers had stilled and she didn't look away, instead simply waited to see how he would respond.
"I deserve better than that."
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Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2016 7:26 pm
He managed not to make a sound as Fiona turned his hand this way and that, Fritz watching her somewhat apprehensively. It wasn't that he didn't trust her - in fact, she was one of the few people whom he did trust - but his wrist was a problem that had plagued him for months. A devastation and a pain that ran deeper than just the physical.
He caught the look she was giving him and his shoulders slumped.
"I wasn't - " Fritz started, and then stopped, a sigh escaping. "I'm sorry," he said, after a moment, his voice quiet. "You do deserve better than that. It's just - it's a habit, to say I'm fine. It's not that easy to break, but I swear to you, I'm trying to fix it."
Hitch and Rhys as well always hated when he said things like that, and Fiona was one of his closest friends. Fritz dragged in a breath.
"I can't sleep sometimes," he said. "And it's hard to eat. I have - nightmares. And sometimes I just want to clean everything until it's practically gone, but I can't help it. I feel...off. Sick. All the time, like I'm - dizzy or nauseated or just..."
Fritz gave a helpless shrug. "I don't know."
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Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2016 8:45 am
Fiona's hands had made it to Friz's wrist, delicately pushing against the tendon. She looked away as he spoke, opting to listen instead of staring him down in a way that was likely uncomfortable. There were a dozen thoughts flickering through her mind as she worked.
Finally she lowered his arm, set it against his thigh and let go. Fiona appeared to be chewing on a thought when she stepped back and wiped her hands on her skirt, then brushed stray hair out of her eyes. "There would be less apologies in your future if you thought things through before speaking or acting." Her words were harsher than she intended but Fiona didn't think that babying Fritz would do either of them any good. "Trust the people in your life, the good ones like your brother and his fiance, or Cordelia and I a little bit more. I've seen you at some of your worsts, what makes you think I'll leave you now when you're still struggling?"
That wasn't actually what Fiona thought Fritz thought but she wasn't sure how to phrase it any other way.
"There's likely a bunch of medical reasons for your symptoms," she said after a hard swallow. "But - I'm concerned it's something magical. That code thing of yours, it's a real d**k." Both because of what she knew it had said to the man before her and what Kam had told her. She really didn't want to go to a magical space trial but she would.
"I had a friend who was experiencing difficulties with his magic, it was exploding in wild uncontrollable bursts and I suggested that he go to his wonder. You - you're transcendent. I don't really know the extent of what that means or what it takes to achieve that but," she paused, worried her lip and played with her hands. "Maybe it's testing you? If it claims that it thinks you're not worthy maybe it's just waiting for you to prove it wrong. I mean, have you even gone back to face it since they found that piece?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2016 6:02 pm
Fiona's patience was a force to be reckoned with. Fritz knew he didn't deserve it, quailing beneath the look she was giving him and the tone of voice directed at him - that he did deserve, a flush of embarrassed color creeping up his cheeks.
"I'm - I'm trying, I swear," he said, which was true. "I've been trying to do this on my own for so long that it's just - I can't help it sometimes, that's just what my brain does to me. I try to change that, and then I wind up just doing the same thing, but I swear to you, Fi, I am doing all that I can to fix that."
He wished it was not quite so hard to turn his thoughts elsewhere; that it was not quite so hard to continually remind himself that he had people he could talk to, people who loved him, who cared about him, who wanted to help him. It would do no good to constantly be pushing them away, habit ingrained.
His wrist was twinging a little, Fritz's fingers absently smoothing along his bad hand as he listened. He didn't want to think about the Code, or its laughing, taunting voice inside of his head. It felt like a lifetime ago that it had mocked him, reminded him of his worthlessness, reminded him of just how inadequate he was, and yet that too was ingrained within his mind, not so easily erased.
Fritz was frowning in thought, gaze distant, though his face had paled significantly at the thought of returning to his wonder.
"I - " His voice came out a croak, and he shook his head, the old fear and the old pain sweeping through him like a sickness, twisting inside of his stomach. "No. No. I - I can't. I haven't..."
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Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2016 10:25 am
"The thing is Fritz, you've never needed to go it alone."
Maybe he hadn't always had her or the rest of her budding court, but he'd always had his brother. There were others, that she-knight that stood by him at the gatherings called upon by Caedus and hadn't he mentioned a Jupiter knight before? The point was, he was only alone if he chose to be. There were a plethora of people who cared about him.
"People love you Fritz," she said softly, though her voice still carried to him easily. Fiona had the ability to speak quietly and still speak strongly, to draw attention to herself. A skill that took years of learning. "It's not a burden when they love you." Or at least, that's how she viewed it.
She'd spent so long on her own after Arsinoe feeling displaced and confused that she refused to let that to happen to someone else. Not when she could do something.
Fiona had a plethora of strength, she didn't mind shouldering the weight of the world if she had to.
"Yes you can." She purposely reached for his injured arm, fingers smoothing across his inner wrist. "You're going to stop running away from things right? Well, let's start there. I'll go with you if you want. You don't have to go it alone anymore. You've got me. I'm here."
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Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2016 2:08 pm
Something in Fritz's face flickered; as though a piece of him had fractured, Fritz averting his eyes from Fiona's, his heartbeat feeling painful in his chest. He could see Rhys's betrayed face, hear Hitch's derisive snarl, feel the anger in each and every one of his words.
"I thought I was," he said quietly. "I thought - since - since my brother left - there was no one, not for a long time, not until I met you and the others. It was just me, and I didn't - I didn't know what to do, so I just...I kept going by myself, and then I didn't want to put that on anyone else - "
People love you.
It's not a burden when they love you.
His eyes closed briefly, as though seeing was painful, as though living was painful. When he opened them again, he looked up at Fiona, his chest feeling tight, breathing restricted, and she was so kind. He did not deserve her kindness, but here it was, offered freely to him.
"I'm learning that, yes," Fritz said, so quietly that it was barely audible. "And I...love them as well."
He didn't even know what love was, not really, but he would have done anything for them, anything at all. Fiona's hand was gentle on his injured wrist, and he glanced down at her fingers, then back up at her, trying to push aside the lingering fears, the hesitation, the pain. Fiona was the only one who knew what it was that the Code had said to him, after all; the only one who knew that he heard it, in his head, a persistent and mocking voice.
To go back -
"It's..." His voice was hoarse. Fritz swallowed hard. "It's...been a long time since I've been there. What if..."
He didn't want to think about it, but he had to.
"What if...it doesn't want me anymore?"
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