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 Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 4:47 pm
He wasn’t expecting to run into anyone, honestly he’d gone a little out of his way to avoid seeing anyone given the state of mind the Ball had left him in. Dazed, more than a little useless, and the memory of a knife parting the slender throat. Imagination played it over and over again. But then he saw Thorne. It wasn’t the first time they had parted, and not spoken after. Last time, he’d…well he’d been Dead for a while. He never did get to ask if Thorne had made it safely away from the ‘Angler Spider’, the very thought of it made him rub, almost absently at his chest where the limb had… well punctured was the technical word that best applied, but there were…nuances that lingered in his nightmares. Popping sensations and crunches. He had a thing for Thorne, it clicked into mind that he’d actually brought it, that some small part of him had intended it when he walked out the door, but that he’d become lost in thought and wandered instead. He had the preternatural knack for being unseen, but some people, the people that, even If he didn’t realize he wanted them to, he wanted them to notice him. At least this time he opted to reach out, with everything that it seemed Thorne had been through, and for how long he doubted that he was in better mental state. Very likely worse than him, it would be selfish and horrible if he didn’t… “Th-Thorne?” He called cautiously, meaning to catch the man’s attention without startling him or worse. “Prrrrmp!” Added Mogget, who was riding inside Zac’s shoulder bag with the rolled up gift, well, gifts but only one person was in sight for now. A small white head squeezed out from under the flap of the bag, blinking golden eyes and starting to purr.
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Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:36 pm
Thorne, someone called, and for a moment, Thorne didn't hear. He was caught up in breathing - ever since he'd been thrust back into the real world, it had been an actual chore. The crowd itself, even as thin as it was near where Zac and him were, was grating on his nerves. Everywhere he turned, Melany was staring at him with a latte in her hands, or Corr was laughing along to the beat of someones joke.
Shiloh was on the ground, dying, dead, in every blond that crossed him on the street. Adoelle bled. The world spun like a coin on a table, wobbling between reality and nightmare. He never knew which way it would tumble until it was too late.
Thorne, Zac said, and his look was feral and guarded when he turned. His body coiled, tense and prepared to leave as soon as the other boot dropped. But it was only Zac. Only.
He breathed out, a tight hiss of sound.
"Zac," he said, as though tasting the name for the first time in a very long time. A small part of him was glad to see the other escape. The larger, heavier part of him still raged. They let her live.
"There's supposed to be a storm coming in." His eyes fell to Mogget and back up to the smaller boy. "You should get inside before you get drenched out here."endejester he's a prickly pear im sorry q___q
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Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2016 5:24 am
He flinched; pulling back into himself like he could return to hiding from this ragged eyed tortured soul. He couldn’t though… He glanced away for a moment escape routes, even less than optimal ones like ‘oh look, traffic’ to simple things like ‘say sorry and leave him alone’, wandered through his head. “I…” He started and stopped, Mogget wiggling out of the bag and dropping to the ground to take hesitant steps towards Thorne, neck craning and golden eyes staring at him with intensity beneath perpetual worried ‘moon’ brows. “mmmm-eh-eh-eh?” Mogget chattered before leaning in to bump his forehead lightly against Thorne’s leg like he were asking permission to do the classic cat ‘twine’ about the ankles. “I, I wanted…” Zac started again. “I wanted to ask… If you, if you would tell me what I didn’t know.” He said almost a whisper. “I talked to, Alois, with the spider… and he just, he said that…” There was a muscle twitch in his face as he paused, clearly bothered by what he’d heard from Alois. “He said that… Ezra wasn’t so bad. But t-that was during the ball.” He hesitated and then opened his bag, fumbling with it as though the simple flap were a living thing that he couldn’t quite bring to heel before pulling out a bundle of fabric. It looked like a duffle rolled up around itself, around, things honestly, there were square corners and it crinkled like plastic and perhaps other things pressing against each other. “If you’d rather not see me again, that’s ok. I, I just…I brought you this in case you find that place again.” He thrust his hands out, offering the rolled up bundle like it was a shield, or a distraction that if taken could offer him escape.
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Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2016 2:07 pm
Thorne glanced down at the offered cat, staring at Mogget with a strange sort of confusion. He was still trying to remake himself into the person he'd been. He liked cats, he liked gardening. The smell of ink made him sleep easier.
Oh, it all felt like a lie.
"Hello," he said, his voice a low raw rumble of sound, like a thunderclap. He bent down to stroke his fingers over Mogget's fur. When Zac speaks again though, his spine goes taut and his fingers still. He looks up at the other and the density of that storm is clustered in his eyes, cruelly melded.
"Alois's patron was Ezra, the Burning Man," Thorne says, like he's been called on to talk in class, the empty facts sick in his throat. "My patron was the Spinel Lady, Melany. We were never even in the same world, him and I. Ezra - " his breath sharpens, volatile. "Ezra thinks of his as children. But in Melany's court, exquisite beauty and absolute obedience are paramount."
He stands back up, and his height is somehow more imposing now. He isn't Thorne who has been saved from that place, because they hadn't saved him. But he isn't quite the creature Melany had carved into his flesh either. The in between is disorienting.
"The first night I disobeyed her, she dragged Shiloh in front of me and had him beaten." He gestures. That was an old scar, it was easy enough to say it out loud, but the tremble at the edge of his fingers said that everything inside of him was on a hairline trigger. "Sometimes they just made me watch. Sometimes they made him watch instead, while she had them beat me. Sometimes I had to do it myself to keep him from having his throat slit."
And suddenly, Thorne isn't in control of his body anymore. A distant part of him understands the sudden rip - it's dissociation. He's a backseat driver. Watching from somewhere off-scene. He'll slam back into his body when it crashes though. When he breaks down again, inevitably.
"That was the first month. And I was there for three. And as soon as we started to grow complacent in punishment, she chose something new." He takes the bundle, turned it over in his hands. He looks up at Zac. Not there. Not there.
"I don't mind seeing you, Zac. You chose to run when I told you to stop." He remembers seeing Isobel and him running in the chaos, until Corr had stripped him from the room. "But make no mistake. I will never forgive the people that chose to continue saving her life. I will never forgive them, because that was a choice they made, to keep her alive while this - "
He gestures to the mottled black and blue that spreads out from the corner of his right eye. His split knuckles. The ugly red sclera where a vessel had broke.
"While we continued to endure her own machinations."
His eyes flicked to Zac.
"She'll come back for us," he says simply. "And then she'll take more. So until then, until that happens, you can talk to me. You can find me, if that is what you choose."
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Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2016 2:33 pm
“I…” His voice cracks on the words; there is a haunted look in his face at the words he hears. If he understands something akin to it, he also knows that nothing he knows will come close to even scratching the surface of real understanding. “I didn’t know…. I didn’t know.” The words trip over each other with the horror of them. “….I…I don’t know if they did either, I…It’s… I…” He stammered trying to find words, any words. He should have more to say; healers…take an oath don’t they? “Th…hey are healers, and…and do no harm but…” He stammered. “I…” He stopped, cheeks hot but feeling the world slip and tilt underfoot; A wave of nausea and dizziness returning at the information, though he had to keep a level head, or try. He reaches a hand towards that black and blue that bled crimson into the eye. He dosen’t touch, dosen’t even come very close before he draws back. “I…I’m sorry.” He said feeling sick. “I…I wish she’d taken me instead. I wish, I wish I could help. I… “ He shook his head helpless. “I’ll do everything I can, I promise. I’m good at; I’m good at finding things sometimes. If I can find a way to keep you safe, I’ll share it I promise.” His hands are shaking, though he still holds the shoulder bag, wrapped up around its contents. He offers it again, before starting to let it fall back. “…I never ask the right questions though. I didn’t know people were missing, I’d been so busy researching… and… I.” he takes half a step back, part of him wants to run because he’ll start belittling himself, and that’s not right. It’s not about him. “Is there anything I can do, I…”
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Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2016 9:56 pm
Thorne watches Zac the way someone watches building during demolition, or a train wreck in slow motion. There's a distanced sort of concern there, a quiet apathy. He'd already fallen apart once. Watching another do it - some ghost in him rattles, shaking with concern, but he'd swallowed a pill and killed it long ago.
He was too tired to push himself out. To let his mind curl with closeness to another, apart from one, right now.
"It doesn't matter," Thorne says, and his voice is a quiet bite. "It doesn't matter anymore. And shouldn't they question their state as players in another world? We could commit any number of crimes in that place that will never carry over here." He pauses, collecting himself. "Is it alright to bring killers here, if it means letting them walk free?"
He sighs, a sharp sound.
"Don't be," he responds, mild. "This wasn't your fault."
And even it was - even if Thorne blamed all of them - it wouldn't change things. Thorne felt the bite of grudges lasting in his body, an infestation that hadn't existed in his time three months before. But they were his and his alone.
"No," Thorne responded immediately, and his eyes cut to Zac. "She would have broken you."
It was an honest truth, a cruel one maybe, but no less honest in his mouth.
Thorne didn't say that he had been broken too. That he had died there, that night. That what he was now wasn't what he'd been before.
Instead he says, "Look to the others, your friends, your healers. Save them. I don't need to be protected. I won't ask you for that."
He reaches out, places his hand gently on Zac's head and smiles. The softness of it makes it cruel.
"There's nothing," he says. "But thank you, Zac. You're a good person. This place is lucky to have you."
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Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2016 6:06 am
He froze for a moment under that touch, before ducking away. “I’m Not.” He said firmly. “I’m not a… good person, though I swear that sometimes sounds like a curse in this town.” He shook his head. “You’re right, I probably can’t protect you, and more than that I haven’t protected them, most of them don’t even listen to me, I’m just a teen.” He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to find grounding, trying to find something to say that would not make things worse. “I don’t know what happened after I left, you’re the first I’ve spoken to. So if they brought…that creature home…” He shook his head “I…” He stopped and started again. “Yes, she might have broken me, but then she would not have broken you. But…” he made a frustrated sound. “I wouldn’t have saved someone else.” Mogget whom had been watching the exchange, made a small mew and moved himself to plant his small white butt firmly onto Thorne’s shoe, leaning against the abducted man like a tiny anchor. “I hate what this town is doing to people.” He admitted. “Look, it… It’s too late for it to be much use. But I made this for you.” He stuffed the bag forward again. “If you don’t find it useful, maybe someone you find yourself with someone who hasn’t been dragged as deep.”
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 12:29 pm
Thorne laughs, a gentle and raw little sound. He looks down at Zac, and there's something in the cracks there. A warm fondness, a need to protect.
"Maybe it is," he says, "but that's all we should try and be. Good." He shakes his head and sighs out, a soft noise. "And I don't know if I can be anymore. But you - you're young and whole, and you should believe in yourself more."
He shakes his head and lets the conversation drop. Just because he was jagged, broken through, didn't mean that he would cut Zac on his edges.
"It's alright," he says again. "Whatever is coming will come. And I wouldn't wish that on you, Zac. I've spent my entire life beneath that boot, that heel. I know how to pick myself back up."
The lie felt acrid in his throat. "I'll be alright."
But if he said it long enough, would it make it real? Would it make it true?
"The world isn't safe," Thorne responds, languid, "The world is cruel. That's what I was raised to believe, that I would crawl forever to reach salvation. Gods grace. I hate what this place does to people too, but - "
And he thinks of Chris. Of Jeremiah, Alg, the people that had come back. Aleksy. Even Lady.
"Don't only dwell on the darkest parts of this place. There are people here that care about you. There are good memories here too."
He takes Zac's gift and shifts a little bit, eyes wild and bright. There is something dangerous in them, a ghost running in the corners.
"Thank you," he said gently, "You're more than I deserve."
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 1:12 pm
Zac shook his head, a very serious look on his young face, and… something in his eyes. Some secret, new or old that had lodged there at something that had been said. “I… I don’t know what you went through, even if I was there I’m not sure it would be enough. But, I know I still have, nightmares about, about when we went to save Autumn. Not just about the spider.” He admitted. “So, if you’re not ok… that, that IS ok.” He said firmly. “But, for what it’s worth people are glad you’re back. I’m glad you’re back… and I’m not more than you deserve. Please… I mean, Just, believe me. I’m not. But I hope that someone here is everything you NEED. Because, some of the best people I have ever known don’t believe they ‘deserve’ anything but the worst.” “And...well, I know if anything happened, I’d miss you. Even though we don’t know each other that well. I would…. I Wi… I would.”
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Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2016 12:38 am
Thorne hummed softly, and looked at Zac.
"I know," he said softly, "the nightmares are the worst part of the aftermath. And I'm sorry I couldn't do more. But don't let that be what you dwell on. We're still here. We can still do something for the rest of the people we care about."
He laughed and smiled at Zac, a fractured expression that didn't quite reach his eyes but so desperately wanted to.
"I'm glad I'm back too," he responded, "But more than that I'm glad you all are safe. I know what the Court can do to people... I know what has been done." He blinks and thinks of Chris, helplessly at the mention of need, of want.
Thorne crossed his arms and bowed his head at Zac, eyes wild-bright, warmer than they had been before.
"I would miss you too," he said, "So I'll try not to let myself disappear again. You know you can always come to me if you need me, right?" He offered it gently, a line into the dark that Zac could pull on if he ever needed it.
Because Thorne was healing, and Thorne was still groping around in the shadows, trying to find his way out. But he wasn't the only one. He wasn't the only one.
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Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2016 11:57 am
“I just… I want you to know you can come to me too, is that alright? That’s all…” He stuffed his boot on the ground. “…I… the bag it just has, like protein bars, and an emergency blanket, some medical things and, well of course a little umbrella. It folds up really small, but it looks like a big rose. I know that’s not like… manly but I thought of your tattoo.” “And, when you’re feeling better I’ll try and tell you everything I know, and maybe what you missed because maybe you’ll be safer if you know. I mean you might not, but…Maybe you can see something in the details that I missed and things.” He wanted to offer a hug, but he was really afraid it would be awkward.
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 9:26 pm
"Thank you," Thorne said, and meant it. "I'm glad to have people like you to rely on."
He hummed, a soft lullaby sound in the back of his throat, and nodded with a slight smile.
"I would like that," he said, "There's more to this than I know on my own, and I'm sure I missed a lot in those three months. More than - more than I would have liked." He tilted his head at Zac, eyes lidded and fractured, more gentle than when they'd begun.
With ease, he pulled Zac into a one armed hug, a deep hum of laughter in his throat.
"Thank you," he said again. "Contact me if you ever need it. I promise I'll be there this time."
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