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 Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 6:11 pm
Shiloh didn't care where he was going. He didn't care where he was running and he didn't care where he ended up. He didn't know why his hand was grasping onto Jamie's so tightly, or why he even cared on getting them out at all. Melany was still alive. That thought gnawed at his gut like an disease, made him sick, turned his blood into bile. He couldn't see straight anymore, eyes clouded with inhumane rage and tears.
Why would they do that? What justice came from saving an abuser? What about the abused? Him? Thorne? Lady?
Lady.
He stopped immediately, realizing she was still probably back there, sobbing brokenly over Melany's body. His vision shook. His body shook. He let go of Jamie's hand.
They should have stuck together, they should have—where was Thorne? Where was—
He left them behind. A sob ripped out of his throat, raw with emotion, hands covering his face. He shook his head wildly, shoulders scrunched, body wracked with convulsing ripples.
"T-T-They—" he couldn't get the words out, there was no way he could. They let her live they let her live they let her live they—
Shiloh stumbled towards the wall, dry heaving, not even caring or knowing if Jamie was still behind him anymore. Let it die. Let it die. Let it die.
Let him die.
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Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 6:28 pm
Jamie Delacroix | 20/25 All relief faded from Jamie's eyes. A heart once full became so over-encumbered it was heavy, pulling itself to his feet. No, their reunion hadn't meant things would be okay, but he also hadn't expected it to herald so much death and loss and confusion in a matter of seconds.
Adoelle had fallen. Melany had fallen, but she hadn't perished. Hadn't she hurt people? Why were they-
There wasn't time to think about it.
The Otherworld passed in a blur around him as Shiloh tugged him away and more than once he tried to open his mouth only to find words failing him. Once they were free of the silver hall he thought he might get an explanation. Instead, Shiloh broke down.
"W-What-?" he tried, but again couldn't muster the words he needed right away. "Shiloh??" One hand on his friend's shoulder and the other on his upper arm, he tried to steady him, but found himself shaking.
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Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 7:10 pm
He shook. He shook and his body started to buckle under him, the roar of angered spirits and otherworld beings muffled behind them. A realization struck him; freedom was a blessing, sure, but now there was the chance of getting caught again. He trembled. He trembled and cried and couldn't muster his feet forward any longer.
"I-I can't," he breathed between a sob, "I can't." a hoarse cough found its way through his chapped lips, arms wrapping around himself.
"T-They let her live. They—" another shaky inhale, "S-She'll come back, she— mother—"
Amidst the sound were quiet, thoughtful footsteps.
"She, yes, mother." the voice was unmistakably Shiloh's, but it came behind the twosome. With equally redden eyes, Beel stood there, hallway light a backdrop along his frame. His expression was wild like an uncaged animal, unhinged and crazed.
"They tried to kill her, but she'll never die." He took a step forward, "She'll always come back. She loved your curls," reaching into a coat pocket, Beel produced a rectangular object.
"This was always your weapon of choice, yeah?" he flicked the box cutter up, "Your curls, your eyes," his hand was shaking, his body was shaking, he was weak from the fight he endured before, but now he was propelled with anxious energy. He couldn't die here. He wouldn't die here. "Let me wear them again, you couldn't survive in the real world anymore anyway."
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Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 7:26 pm
Jamie Delacroix | 20/25 Seeing Shiloh this way, it wrenched Jamie's already crumbling heart. It was impossible to fathom what they went through here; he hadn't experienced it, he'd never truly understand, but seeing the person he knew had already been through so much break into pieces at his feet over what he'd been forced to deal with made it all so disgustingly real.
She'll come back.
Shiloh's realization made Jamie's stomach flip.
She'll never die.
This time, Jamie's eyes widened. That hadn't been Shiloh, but the tone belonged to him. Hearing it in such stark contrast to Shiloh's current state was...
"Beel..." Jamie hissed, spinning on the fetch, reluctant to leave Shiloh's side but quick to stand between them anyway. "Y-You..." He looked desperately at the box cutter and back at Shiloh. "D-Don't touch him!"
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Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 7:53 pm
Shiloh didn't even react. He was still, despondent, shivering. His frame slumped against the wall, slowly sliding down until he crumpled to the floor. He didn't care. Let him die, let all of them die. Melany would come for him if he was alive. He could escape her in death. His eyes were fixated on the ground.
"Jamie," his smile wavered, lips curling in a way that was far from affectionate despite the warmth in his voice, "Jamie, we don't have to do this." he was trying to console the were, arms open wide like god absolving ones sins.
"Think about it, he doesn't even remember you anymore, not like I remember you." he was still stepping closer, manic chuckles rolling out of his throat like thunder, "We could both be happy, I could love you just as much as he could. More—"
He beckoned him with his open palms.
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Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 8:19 pm
Jamie Delacroix | 20/25 Hearing those words was like being stabbed in the back all over again with a knife drowned in poison. They were alluring in theory, but in practice all wrong. Nothing Beel said could be taken as truth, not when Jamie could still hear the echo of his betrayal in his ears. You're weak, you're pathetic, and you'll never make a goddamn difference.
"I-It doesn't matter. He's... still Shiloh." Even if he didn't remember, that didn't mean Jamie would give up on him or discard him like trash.
"And you..." He was trying so hard to be strong, but he was shaking and his voice was wavering pitifully. "You d-don't love me." Though he wanted to step back from Beel's approach, he stood his ground, memories of their innocent kisses peppering his thoughts. "I-It wouldn't be happiness... it would be a joke."
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Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 8:32 pm
"But Jamie, I could, I could." he was stepping towards him still, "All I want is a chance at life—A chance to live. You understand, right?"
"Look, he doesn't even want to live" His smile twisted into something sour and nasty and poisonous, "He was given so many things and he just threw them all away. He wants this!"
Shiloh's head slowly lifted, turning towards the two as they argued. Don't fight he thought, seeing an image of his father there, arguing with someone that looked like him, Don't fight over me. It struck a chord, like Melany's hand in his rib cage pulling out all the sinews that connected his heart to his body.
"I could be your Shiloh," Beel went on, flicking the blade back and forth in its holder, "We could be friends again, I could get you icees and— and we could watch all of your favorite movies. I still remember them; such a good friend, right? Right?" his voice was tinged with desperation, wound up like a spring ready to snap. "Just give up on him, let him go. I know his life and his thoughts and— I know what he's capable of because he's tried it before; I remember."
"If you take him back, he'll just end up dead in a ditch again anyway. And then you'll be alone again, alone Jamie." his arms slowly drooped, "I would never leave you again. Never. It wouldn't be a joke Jamie, I would try," he swallowed hard, "I would try for you."
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Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 9:15 pm
Jamie Delacroix | 20/25 | A single split second, that's all the doubt Jamie allowed into his heart. He wouldn't deny it had been there. It made sense that Beel fought to survive, that he wanted to a chance to live, because dying was undeniably scary, at least to people like Jamie.
Pity, that's what he felt, but then it was gone like a passing breeze. Beel began to blame Shiloh, as if he'd chosen this, as if he should be grateful for the piss poor hand he was dealt over and over from an obviously stacked deck. It was true in that moment Jamie had no idea the turmoil he was causing the true Shiloh behind him, but if he did, he'd ask his friend to try and find it in his heart to forgive him. He couldn't back down now.
All night Jamie had dealt with this foreign feeling of anger that stirred in his gut. It made him sick but he couldn't resist it. Jamie who was meek and tired couldn't simply allow Beel to say whatever he wanted.
"S-Shut up!" he yelled, "You have no right." How dare he. How dare he. "A good friend wouldn't talk that way. I-I don't need friends who aren't supportive, who would tear people down... I'm n-not... I'm not ever going to give up on Shiloh because of what's happened in the past. I'm going to be there for him s-so he doesn't have to be alone, either. I'm not scared.
So, stop lying to me... j-just stop."
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Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 9:22 pm
All the smiles, all the nervous laughing, it came to a head. Something snapped in Beel's form, and it showed on his expression, terrified and enraged and inconsolable all at once.
"How can you even ******** say that!" his voice cracked, hoarse with anger, "How long have you know him? How long?!" he waited for the realization to sink in, for his point of view to simmer down and have Jamie come to the same conclusion. "Four months Jamie, four, and do you know how many of those were with him...?"
His grip on the box cutter tightened, "ONE. One goddamn MONTH. You knew me for three—me—you didn't know him! You still don't know him! He wasn't your goddamn friend all that time! I WAS."
Beel heaved, breathing labored with effort and intensity.
His feet made rough sounds as he dragged them across the ground, eyes glancing at Jamie and then to Shiloh, full of hunger. "I'm just taking my life BACK."
He swung with the blade.
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Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 8:21 am
Jamie Delacroix | 20/25 Having that reminder shoved in his face was like throwing water onto a fire. It hissed and steamed in Jamie's ears, whispering the things that made him doubt himself the most. Life had been so lonely before he met Shiloh. Maybe he'd built a falsehood in his mind to escape that, a promise of best friends to cling to so the shadows would leave him be.
Maybe... he didn't have a right to call Shiloh his best friend.
One month, though it felt like a year or two or more. Had it felt that way to Shiloh, too? He'd thought so, but how much of that Shiloh had actually been Beel?
And maybe... Beel did deserve to have a life, too. Was it fair to deny the time they'd spend together?
The blade dug shortly into Jamie's shoulder, startling him from his stupor and stumbling him backwards. Already blood began to stain the white lace red. The sting was betrayal all over again. Guilt ate at him for his doubt.
"It's n-not your life to take back..." he grit between clenched teeth as wetness softened his cheeks. He didn't feel strong and he didn't feel any satisfaction in saying so. "I-It's Shiloh's... I... I never knew Beel. You never let me."
If things had been different, maybe he could've known Beel. Maybe they could've been friends, too.
Now wasn't the time for that, though, not when Beel might swing the box cutter a second or third or fourth time. Jamie wheeled back and kicked at his knee, hare toes splayed wide, as hard as he could manage. He would defend himself and Shiloh.
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Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 2:10 pm
Beel grinned, breathing erratic as the blade sunk into Jamie's skin. His weight was thrown into the swing, and he hung lazily against him as Jamie tried to find his words. Fight back he was daring with his smile, cheeks flushed and eyes welling with something between fear and frustration.
Jamie's kicks were strong—maybe stronger than he actually realized—and it sent Beel reeling into the adjacent wall. Two Shilohs, one slumped against either side of the long corridor. The fetch laughed, the sound entirely too hallow and ethereal to sound real. The fabric at his knee was torn open, his form an outline as he lay there like an abandoned marionette.
"It's always the same," he lamented suddenly, voice soft, "Humans always look out for each other, don't they?" they did back in the Ivory Hall when Melany commanded him to assault Shun. They did when that stupid duo dared to slight the burning man. Humans had this staggering incompetence—this dangerous empathy towards one another, and it made Beel sick. He would die alone here. Where was Corr? And Lace? Dealing with their own doubled, he presumed; trying to survive. That was what it came down to, wasn't it? He was selfish by nature, not selfless, not compassionate like Jamie Delacroix.
And to his own end, it was his undoing.
"Only one of us can leave." his voice was a tiny mouse of a whisper. Beel rose to stand again, staggering on his feet. "You can't keep running Jamie. Life always has a way of catching up." actual advice, but Beel still had his objective, and it was as real as the blade still gripped in his hand.
"Can you do it? Can you protect him?" He took another slow step towards him. "Can you kill me?"
Behind Jamie, Shiloh started to stir.
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Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 4:55 pm
Jamie Delacroix | 20/25 Jamie's gasp was sharper than the blade as it left his shoulder. The pain stood somewhere between bearable and bright, occasionally reminding him of his injury, or completely burying it beneath the cover of emotional turmoil that hurt him even more. What hurt more wasn't the wound, but instead the person who caused it, the one who continued to beat him down with words he didn't want to hear.
Did the Othercreatures think them weak, he wondered. Would they scoff at humanity and its bleeding heart? Not everyone was kind, but there was capacity for compassion in everyone. At least, that's what Jamie thought.
A hand at his shoulder, a pressure against the light bleeding, he bowed his head.
"A-Are you serious...?" he asked, avoiding the vision of his best friend's body creaking and cracking as Beel rose again. Only one of them could leave... Jamie couldn't keep running, Beel was right about that much, but he was hardly ready to accept that kind of role. He couldn't think about killing or he'd lose it.
"I-I'll... d-do what I-I have t-to d-do..." It was a cop out answer. He bit his lip so hard it split.
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Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 8:03 pm
Jamie's tiny, wavering resolve was absolutely obvious in his response. Beel roared with laughter, the sound hoarse and manic. "Of course I'm ******** SERIOUS." Did any of this seem like a joke? Like Beel was reading from a manuscript? His teeth set together tightly, grinding against each other with such force that he was sure they would crack and splinter.
"Do it then Jamie," animosity dripped off his tongue like smooth, silken poison. "Do it—oh, you can't, can you? Can you?" now he was downright taunting the moonwalker, holding the blade up as he ran a careful fingertip along the blood that had collected there. "You can't because you're weak, because you're afraid, because you need people like Shiloh to make you feel like you have any worth at ALL!"
"Tell me, Delacroix, what's it like knowing you're a burden? A waste?" he guffawed, "But don't worry, he's the same way," he pointed the blade at the figure that stood behind Jamie, still and statuesque. "He needs you as much as you need him and it's disgusting. You need him for comfort and security; he needs you for validation, because so long as you need him as a crutch then he can feel useful."
"That's how it goes, isn't it? Or well, it did. Isn't like the poor b*****d remembers anymore." Beel continued to mock them both as Shiloh set a heavy hand on Jamie's shoulder, eyes hollow, expression grim. It's a look of absolute abandon. He's livid and it shows in his lack of emotion. His eyes lock with Beel's and Beel's smile twitches.
"That's what happens when two humans are so disgustingly desperate for attention," Beel actually took a step back, obviously intimidated by the presence of them both versus just a single one. "You cling to one another like a cancer; you infect one another and drag each other down." there's a snarl to the edge of his words, "Especially you—" his attention turns on Shiloh "You don't even deserve life, isn't that right? Weren't you the one who wanted to die? What about all the marks you carved all over your body? The pain? The suffering? It never did get better, did it? Oh, but you knew it never would. 'The world is s**t', right?"
Shiloh was a silent monolith, the hand on Jamie's shoulder tightening and tightening and tightening—
"It was the same way with your brother too! Always being compared, always knowing you'd never be good enough—why, look at Thorne, it's obvious there too, isn't it? You'll never be good enough, someone's always better. Doesn't that hurt you? Don't you see all your flaws? You're so inherently broken. Keep asking yourself why nobody loves YOU. It's RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU."
And it's true, in a strangely poetic way. Standing in front of Shiloh is Beel, truths spilling from his mouth that continue to strike chords in all of the strangest places. His brother? He sees his own face, and it's even more confusing. His marks? His arms burn, and he isn't sure why. Wanting to die? Well, he wished for that countless of times under Melany's thumb. Using Jamie...? His heart felt raw.
"That's not..." Not what? True? "That's..." Shiloh's voice was raw from his sobbing.
Now Beel was the one sobbing, convulsing with all these memories that weren't even his.
"Remember how father beat you? Remember how you always took the blame? You're such a filthy ******** martyr!" he was roaring now, "You always hoped you'd die saving someone so you'd be remembered a a HERO. You're just a stupid CHILD. Remember Blackfriars? Try for ******** once to remember—that was your chance Beaumont, and you almost took it, I know you did."
Shiloh's hand was a vicegrip on Jamie's. He remembered the monsters—no, people?—the claws, the blood, the rabbit.
"And YOU," he turned to Jamie again, "You think you can 'fix' him, don't you? Harbor the broken, fragmented, misunderstood bad boy. Patch his heart and maybe he'll love you." His expression twisted, "Maybe he'll love you because no one else will."
"You're both pathetic excuses for mortals." Beel heaved, his other hand coming around to grasp onto the boxcutter like a sword. "The things I could do with your life; the things I could do... and you just want to throw it away. Well? ANSWER ME SHILOH," He looked to Jamie, "NEITHER OF YOU? WHY WON'T YOU ACT."
His last word echoed from every corner of the corridor, faint and wispy, long tendrils prodding at their minds. His grip in their heads, he charged once again, sights set on Shiloh.
...Shiloh didn't need to experience Beel's nightmare. The nightmare was already right in front of him. It froze him.
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Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2016 6:00 pm
Jamie Delacroix | 20/25 It was a lot like how Jamie pictured drowning would feel; opening your mouth to breathe, to speak, to protest your fate only for more water to spill down your throat. Each and every time he tried to speak against what Beel said, his words failed him. Each and every time they lodged in his throat and strangled him, making the torment more real.
Jamie couldn't argue back because Beel's words felt pointed and truthful.
What did it feel like knowing he was a burden, a waste? Jamie could sum it up in one raw, simple word: painful. To say his friendship with Shiloh had given him self-satisfaction and worth wasn't a lie. He was guilty of weakness, guilty of wanting attention, guilty of telling himself he didn't matter until the one night someone had finally stopped and looked at him.
Again the question played at the fringes of his mind. Did he deserve to call Shiloh his best friend?
Swallowing hard against the lump in his throat, Jamie held fast to the one thing he could. Even if he'd made mistakes and even if his thoughts made him selfish, he had people who cared. Though Shiloh might not remember him completely, they were still together, that was still his hand like a vice on his shoulder keeping him grounded.
Neither one of them deserved Beel's harsh criticisms. It was all desperation, all an attempt to push them to the point they couldn't fight back. Jamie wouldn't back down, even as his self-worth crumpled to dust at his feet, because what Beel perceived as weakness was actually his strength.
Jamie wasn't alone.
He wasn't-
He-
Jamie was alone. Everyone he thought cared for him, even if only a tiny bit, began to disappear from his side. Gone was his pack, gone was Shiloh and Chris and Thorne, gone were Jeremiah and Algernon. It was black and it was quiet. Like the first time Beel's nightmare had fallen over him, it felt from the beginning like being trapped inside a locker, but this time the room was only as large as the curves of his skin and it slowly constricted around him. It slowly, painfully crushed him.
Unable to move, unable to breathe, Jamie nearly lost himself to the nightmare, but by blessed circumstance Beel's hold was weak. Desperation, that's all he had. Through that weakness, a small breath of fresh air, a small beam of light... Jamie could see as the fetch bore down on Shiloh, the very same Shiloh who was very much there. Not alone, Jamie was not alone.
Like breaking through a cage of papier-mache, Jamie stumbled, nearly unable to control his own force as he crashed into Beel. He could feel the box cutter knick the lace and graze his skin, but there was barely time to process it. The only thoughts on Jamie's mind were ones urging him on, begging him to be strong. Protect Shiloh, they said. It can't end this way.
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Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2016 7:20 pm
Shiloh wasn't alone.
Beel was there, Jamie was there. When he slowly forced himself out of his panic and rose to his feet, he found himself confronted with these deep, immeasurable wounds. They weren't the sort of wounds that were inflicted by other people; no, there were shadows around him and they all cackled and they all laughed, but... they left. They turned around. No, these wounds weren't done onto him by others...
He looked at his arms, watched the red soak through his sleeves, watched the red soak down his shirt from his neck. There was a moment where he couldn't breathe, where he couldn't do anything, and then—
Jamie was gone, sprung out from under his hand, but Shiloh could make no noise. There was no sound here in this room, only the white apparition of a rabbit glazed in crimson as he went after his fetch. It was poetic in a way, watching Jamie fight someone with his own face. It was like Jamie was fighting him, and in a way he was. In front of them was all of Shiloh's demons, but not just that; it was all of Jamie's demons too. If only Beel's words had more of a profound effect on Shiloh, if only they meant anything other than the empty memories they harbored...
There were two of them. Beel... and Beel beside him, only the one on the right looked so tired, so worn—worn like Shiloh was but in a different way he couldn't parse. It was a hurt sort of tired, one that came with extended pain, a touch of misery; that was what his expression encompassed, and he was so red, dressed in burgundy. It...?
"Get some rest, Shiloh," his voice cracked with all sorts of familiarity, "You look so tired."
"You too." Shiloh said back instinctively, and the apparition only smiled. Why did you lea—?
He wanted to die.
Beel screamed. It woke Shiloh, rattled him. Beel screamed because his blade nicked Jamie along the arm, but the knife now laid clattered on the floor, decorated with droplets of blood. Jamie had moved—that was right—he had charged. Beel was on the floor—pinned—and Jamie was on top of him with a terrified vehemence in his eyes. Beel writhed and screamed and cried in pain, still obviously alive, but hurt. Hurt where? Hurt...
Shiloh took a heavy step forward, bending to pick up the knife. He gripped the boxcutter in his fingers, savoring how the handle fit in his palm, creeping towards the duo once again. Beel shrieked in agony again.
"M-My rib, my ribs—" he choked, short for breath as he struggled under the were. His eyes caught Shiloh's as he stood behind Jamie, immediately noticing the weapon in his hand. He wailed.
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