opticpeach
Text to M:
This never got easier. She'd done it so many times but there was still this awkward guilt that came associated with the phrase. Knowing that she was going to ruin the poor girl's day. Maybe worse yet was the fear that the girl's day would continue on just fine; maybe this was expected for Mel. Maybe she totally saw it coming and had already made peace with it.
Yes, the scariest thought of all was being inconsequential.
So she avoided it for weeks. She slept with Jack after the fair and with Connor once on a really drunk night. Even if it wasn't as extreme, she flirted with Diana, she winked at strangers.
The truth was that Chel, for all the relationships she'd been in, didn't know how to be in a relationship. She could throw around the word girlfriend all she wanted and it still didn't mean diddly s**t. It was exemplified in the question she'd asked Mel: how do you want to do this? Chel didn't know how to do it; she depended on other people to define the question for her.
If she thought about it that way, it was really Mel's fault for being too vague with her. For not saying if their relationship was open or closed, for not getting mad when Chel did things she wasn't supposed to. Hell, Mel hadn't even defined what she wasn't supposed to do. So really, it was her fault.
She could justify it like that endlessly.
It didn't make sleeping alone later any easier. It was hard to argue with a bedroom ceiling. Especially when the ceiling wasn't hers.
Quote:
Text to M: hey m. gota b real with u
For you see, Chel was beginning to realize her own shortcomings. You could only putter on empty air for so many years before the machine started breaking down to its individual parts.
This wasn't Mel's ******** fault and she knew it. You weren't supposed to sleep with other people if you were someone's girlfriend if that person didn't know about it. That was just cheating and being a d**k. Even worse if you didn't fess up to the crime.
So Chel was fessing up, because she had realized she had been a d**k. When you were a jerk to people, you owned up to it; that was what she believed and she was sticking to it even if it was going to hurt Mel a little. Even if, in the long run, Mel would heal. Even if, in the long run, Chel would just become a story for Mel to tell her next partner. "That one d**k that dumped me without warning."
Which begged the question- what happened to Chel? Did she only really exist in stories that people told to one another? That d**k that dumped me. That drunk from the bar. That poor scraped up soul I saw walking down the street. It's all descriptions and labels and no wonder Chel tells people I'm bi but I don't really like labels.
(She's pansexual: to be clear).
No, what happened to Chel was she continued on to the next person just like Mel. Hell, she already had plans to make amends with Shun.
Quote:
Text to M: i dnt rly think this is workn. m just not redy 4 the whol gf thiug. u did nothiu rong m just not doin this right. need som tim 2 b just me.
It just worried her what was going to happen to the next person she tried to pull this s**t out. Maybe she'd actually take her own advice; maybe she really would take some time to be single.
Maybe the whole car thing really was a slap of karma to her face. A big ******** you from the universe for how childish she'd been acting with Mel.
Either way, it made Chel a bit sad to think about. Maybe she really was a piece of s**t better suited to sleeping with people when they needed it. It seemed like that was what she was good at. Some people didn't get relationships, and she had long since convinced herself that that was True and Right. It was just her lot in life, and the faster she acquainted herself with it, the faster she'd shake the gnawing feeling in her stomach.
Quote:
Text to M: sry. find a bigr fish lol
