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 Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 11:59 am
This is the first time I've talked about this aside from my two closest friends. And even with them, it wasn't a long conversation.
I have had one official boyfriend in my entire life, but I've dated a lot or just had that "one guy" to go to if I needed to get some feelings out of the way.
But I've always stopped everything before it got sexual. I am so afraid of sexual intercourse for some reason. I know people say it can be uncomfortable or slightly painful at first and I think that's why.
I don't believe in going to the gynecologist unless you're sexually active or worried, so I've never even done that before.
I feel so stupid when I'm talking to a new guy because I don't want it to come up. It's the whole reason i'm afraid of commitment, and have only had one boyfriend. Hell he was 5000miles away and we skyped everyday, it wasn't physical one bit.
I am afraid of finding "the one", getting married and having sex. As much as I long for it and desire it (like every human being).. I don't know.
Does anyone else struggle with this or have advice?
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 1:04 pm
If you were and never are comfortable having sex it's ok. There is nothing defective or wrong about you. You don't need to be sexual you're not required to. If any guy or girl pressures you about it they care more about what's between your legs then they do you. I was the same way with the only guy I date many many years ago. He even tried to pressure me which made me dump his a**. I too was afraid of sex, not just because of the pain. If something went wrong I being a woman would be at the most risk. My twenty year old self did not want a baby. Now I know it was also my being asexual. Having sexual urges doesn't always mean you want to do the deed. Even asexuals can have a low sex drive and will masturbate sometimes watch porn. Remember yes you may change your mind when you're older, but if you don't there's nothing wrong with you. Sure as hell never let anyone guilt or rush you into it.
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 5:27 pm
^I agree with everything she said.
If it's any consolation, I didn't think my first time was painful. It can be awkward, especially if it's the first time for both of you, but it can be worth it. Don't feel bad about being scared, marriage and childbirth scare me.
sweatdrop
You do you and when it feels appropriate, go for it! Don't ever feel pressured into following "the norm."
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 8:15 pm
Thanks guys.. It doesn't make me feel 100% but that gave me some support. I guess I need to remind myself that it's okay.
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 8:37 pm
It's not really as painful as people make it out to be.
Also, go to the doctor XD Once your old enough you should be going regularly enough just to be sure you don't have anything wrong. It's not just stds they test for.
I see mine as a yearly checkup, so I get all the normal blood tests and crap done at the same time. It's less awkward that way.
Now.... It's okay to be scared of sex and actually pretty common. Some people never get over it and that's fine. I wouldn't worry too much about it unless it's ruining your life. You don't have to have sex to have a nice relationship. Just be sure your open enough to tell them up front.
If at some point you find you need to get passed it, they have special therapists for it.
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Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 12:31 am
I totally feel you. I've never done it ever and at this point (and age) I feel kinda weird when it comes to it cause I probably know everything about it theoretically (being a nurse and a BL fan and all) but never in actual and it just.. I don't really have an advice to give you. Know you are not alone in feeling like this. emotion_hug
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Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 6:56 am
I am open for PMs at anytime and I am not an expert by any means but I do actually sell adult items and things for sexual health so I had to have training.
I will gladly answer anyone's questions.
Always go the gyno just for check ups. It is correct it is not just for sexual activity and STDs.
Many people are actually very different in this situation. Everyone is a different shape and sometimes you don't even know that you may have already broken your own hymen but you won't know this. Also it will depend on the amount of prep work that goes in to the intercourse. Some people it is painful - some it is not... some may bleed.. some may not. This is all based on the person and prep work 3nodding . It is okay to be scared.. any new thing can be scary.
Never feel pressured or rushed and take things at your own pace.
Again for anyone I am always here to chat if anyone has questions on anything 3nodding .
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Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 9:04 am
Melena Rai I am open for PMs at anytime and I am not an expert by any means but I do actually sell adult items and things for sexual health so I had to have training. I will gladly answer anyone's questions. Always go the gyno just for check ups. It is correct it is not just for sexual activity and STDs. Many people are actually very different in this situation. Everyone is a different shape and sometimes you don't even know that you may have already broken your own hymen but you won't know this. Also it will depend on the amount of prep work that goes in to the intercourse. Some people it is painful - some it is not... some may bleed.. some may not. This is all based on the person and prep work 3nodding . It is okay to be scared.. any new thing can be scary. Never feel pressured or rushed and take things at your own pace. Again for anyone I am always here to chat if anyone has questions on anything 3nodding . Um, I'm not trying to be rude but you might want to update your info on the hymen. Here's one article on the topic. I didn't know this either until someone brought me up to speed a couple years ago, but the hymen doesn't actually break.
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Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 9:09 am
RyaZombie Melena Rai I am open for PMs at anytime and I am not an expert by any means but I do actually sell adult items and things for sexual health so I had to have training. I will gladly answer anyone's questions. Always go the gyno just for check ups. It is correct it is not just for sexual activity and STDs. Many people are actually very different in this situation. Everyone is a different shape and sometimes you don't even know that you may have already broken your own hymen but you won't know this. Also it will depend on the amount of prep work that goes in to the intercourse. Some people it is painful - some it is not... some may bleed.. some may not. This is all based on the person and prep work 3nodding . It is okay to be scared.. any new thing can be scary. Never feel pressured or rushed and take things at your own pace. Again for anyone I am always here to chat if anyone has questions on anything 3nodding . Um, I'm not trying to be rude but you might want to update your info on the hymen. Here's one article on the topic. I didn't know this either until someone told me a couple years ago but the hymen doesn't actually break. it can stretch and/or tear for what remains of the excess tissue .. most does wear away to that i agree because everyone typically does things that make it so.. so my apologies "break" is not the right term to use
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