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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 1:52 pm
It had been sudden, but perhaps not unexpected. There'd been some offer of explanation, some 'it's not you, it's me' sort of thing - needing to sort one's self out before dealing with a relationship. It made sense. After a month of dating, it was a fair assessment. There were no words of dissuasion or anger offered, just mute understanding and well wishes. It ended with less fanfare than it began, but it was a chapter closed, one he'd thought was just beginning. Once ways had been parted, however, Lucas had gone numb. He stared into space as the shock had settled and could only distantly hear Rylan's voice in his ears, muffled and indistinct. He was ushered into a vehicle and even that passage was a blur, words spoken (probably 'are you alright?' and his atypical answer of 'I'm fine' given) but only with half a heart. The next thing he was aware of, he was staring at a wall in Rylan's house, the door audibly closing behind him drawing some semblance of self. Shellshocked, he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Lucas turned to look at Rylan, lips parted in words unspoken, searching his face for...what? Maybe a similar feeling, maybe his famed neutrality, maybe nothing at all, but the firefighter was all that made sense in the fractured pieces of his thoughts. Finally, words came, and they weren't what he expected. "Do you think it was me?" His voice was quiet and thin. "The whole 'were' thing?"
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 7:18 am
Rylan had bundled Lucas into his truck, knowing neither of them would want to stay in the apartment, and driven back to his house. The place was dark when they got back and quiet - Cas had taken Fidget on a long run to burn off the restless energy he still had from transitioning back into civilian life. Rylan vaguely remembered reminding him, only half in jest, to avoid the main roads because he might find something resembling an IED. He guided Lucas into the still house, flipping on light switches as they went, through the foyer, past the stairs, into the living room. As many lights as possible, and he sat Lucas down on a sofa, smoothing back the man's dark hair with a strong, quiet hand before going to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. "Maybe it was," he said finally, handing Lucas the glass and dropping himself onto the couch with a weariness that didn't come from any physical strain. "Maybe it wasn't. I think, at the end of the day, he's still who he is, struggling with the things we always knew he was struggling with."
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 11:14 am
He allowed himself to moved, a doll with metal parts, eyes fluttering beneath the soothing touch and remaining closed until Rylan's return. There was a strangeness, in the loss of the other, and dimly - gratefully - he was aware he was at ease in the firefighter's house. There was no more fear there, no, but at his own place, with open windows and traversing cats... Lucas took the glass and let it rest on his leg, opening his eyes to gaze at it blankly, listening. "But he didn't have to do it alone." The words were empty, mostly because he was certain the man in question wasn't doing it alone. He had plenty of friends and those who supported him that the absence of others was a choice. Maybe that's where he was more concerned. Drawing in a breath that wavered, he moved his good hand to Rylan's knee, turning his eyes to him with some measure of purpose. Lucas had to remember that he wasn't alone, in this. "You okay?" he asked softly, thumb tracing over the fabric of the man's jeans. "I mean. All things considered." He offered a tentative smile, fleeting and at a loss.
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 1:49 pm
"Let him worry about himself," Rylan said, hunkering down on the couch and leaning his head back against the cushions. The mental toll this all took was exhausting in a way that nothing else could match, and in a way, he wasn't quite willing to let it get to him that much. "Those are things he'll have to realize on his own. You take care of you." He understood, better than most, that it always took two. Maybe in their case, three. These were things that no amount effort could make work if but one person had let go. For that reason alone, Rylan was willing to let things lie. Maybe he just didn't have the energy to fight a battle he knew he'd lost before even trying. Sometimes, you had to know when to let go. "I'll be alright," he said to Lucas. "I don't let these things bother me too much." Whether that was actually the case or just reassuring words, it was hard to tell. But he wasn't as stunned as Lucas seemed to be. Just tired. Tired and ready to be done with the night.
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 2:23 pm
"Mm. You're right, as usual," he returned in a mild tone, on the edge of trying to pull himself out of his haze or sinking into it. The words did resound with him, and though Lucas was traversing the silhouette of happier memories, the sight of the amber-eyed man near to him was more of a wake up call than anything spoken could be. He couldn't be brittle and bitter over what was or what could have been; a decision had been made, and all he could do was learn from it. Sitting up a bit more straighter, he took a sip from the water he held and put it on the coffee table before leaning over and onto Rylan's shoulder. "Yeah. You've had longer nights than this, we both have." He tilted his chin to look up towards the man he was near against. "I'll take my hurt in spades, but...you're kind of an inspiration, you know? I'll get there." Besides, he had to prepare for the next full moon. He did have to take care of himself. Lucas let the silence stretch for a moment in comfort before he sighed, "I'm gonna have to move."
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 3:01 pm
"I try not to be disappointed in anyone but myself," he said with a shake of his head. "That's the only person I can control." He gave Lucas' hand a comforting squeeze, knowing that it was all easier said than done. Attachment was inevitable, especially in a relationship such as the one they had had, and to lose part of it wasn't easy. It was never easy. "One day, you'll think of those memories and be happy you have them, rather than sad that they won't repeat themselves," he added. "Aim for that." As for himself, well. He had Lucas, he had Cas, and he had work. Between those three, there wasn't much time to dwell on things. Maybe it was even better that way, the forced distance. Not, perhaps, the healthiest way of dealing with things but it usually worked. "If you need to stay here for a while, that'd be alright," Rylan added, eyes half closed.
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 4:02 pm
Lucas snorted softly at Rylan's words and was not in the least bit surprised by them. He was fairly certain that the man didn't see anything as a challenge or a hurdle other than himself. "Can't imagine you disappointing yourself. That's like...a shark deciding to stop moving." The squeezed hand earned a soft, shuddering sigh, not wanting to touch on disappointment or any other negative feelings just then. He didn't want to give voice to the wild dance of courtship that was gone - because it was just that, gone, and he had a really great thing in his present that he would not overlook. "No, I think I'd like to make new, better memories. It's already a staple of my experience, it'll always be there. I am not a big advocate of looking back, and besides..." He shrugged a little, his tone a touch warmer, "...I've got you to look forward to." The invitation gave him a start of surprise, lifting himself up on his elbow against the back cushions of the couch to look at Rylan. " Really? Even with Cas here?" Lucas managed a smile that was more familiar on his face, leaning over and kissing the man sweetly on his cheek. "I'd like that tonight," he ventured lightly. Not that he didn't want to stay longer, but he'd faced more than a break up in his years. He'd make do. "But it's...not long til the full moon. I get all achy and can hear every damn thing going on, I wouldn't want to risk keeping you up with my wolfish woes." That wasn't entirely true, but Lucas was still looking out for Rylan in his own way. "There were a few places I checked out closer to work that I'm sure are still a fast grab."
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 7:32 am
"It's happened before," Rylan answered with a small smile. Not often, but maybe it was fear or something that made him push himself like he did. That feeling of disappointment was a tough pill to swallow on the best of days, most of all when it came from himself. His hand came to a rest on the back of Lucas' head. "New ones, then," he agreed. There was plenty left to look forward to, Lucas was right, and right then Rylan decided the memories to come would far surpass any they'd had before. He would make sure of that. "Cas will understand," he added with a smile. "He's not actually an a*****e, you know." Not nearly. That was a lesson that had taken Rylan a year to learn in college, but he knew better now and he'd go as far as to say Cas was one of the best people he'd ever met. - Speak of the devil. Right then, a key turned int the front door and in came Cas with Fidget panting happily beside him. "Who's not actually an a*****e?" he asked, a twinkle in his sharp eyes because he could figure out more or less who they were talking about. Unclipping Fidget, who went straight for his water bowl, Cas kicked off his shoes and went to the kitchen to fill up his own glass of water, which he downed in one gulp.
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 11:18 am
His brows raised but he didn't let the question pass his lips. Rylan's expression was enough of an answer. Lucas lidded his eyes and leaned more comfortably against the other, much more relaxed with the affectionate touch. "Yeah. Here's to us." A light smile formed, though it disappeared into a soft scoff at the affirmation of the 'friend.' But the source of the subject returned, and Lucas almost visibly closed off: his eyes opened but became guarded, his lips pressed together in a tight line, his relaxed posture diminishing into rigid caution as he sat up a little more. He usually would have moved entirely to give the friends some space, but he was still tired, still drained, and Rylan was grounding him with the hand holding his. "You, supposedly." Despite his body language, his voice held a light edge of teasing - testing the waters, as it were. Pale eyes lowered to the clasped hands, squeezing gently. Continuing to talk with emotions and vulnerability laid bare in front of Cas was currently beyond Lucas - he didn't want to not talk, but he still didn't know how to act around the other.
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 11:56 am
"Ah. He's not wrong." Cas set his class down in the sink and made his way to the loveseat set perpendicular to the sofa, flopping into the seat like it had been made for him. "This guy really doesn't like me," he observed, seeing the way Lucas stiffened around him. It didn't look comfortable, and Cas though Lucas just looked too big to curl up comfortably in Rylan's arms. The man was a far cry from the cute brunette girls Cas was used to seeing with his friend. But still. He was supposed to make an effort. For someone who apparently brought his best friend joy and had done nothing to cause him hurt, Cas was willing to extend an olive branch. "Don't look so constipated, I don't have a knife on me this time," he added, only half joking. "Anyway, I thought I had the house to myself. Ry said you all had plans." He was cut off by a pointed look from the firefighter, and he paused. "What? Don't tell me 'nothing.'" Rylan took a breath, then shrugged. "The other... well, the one you never met. He broke things off tonight." Cas sat up, swinging his legs onto the ground and perching on the end of the seat cushion with his arms leaning against his knees. "I could beat someone up tonight," he said, a little too earnestly to be fully kidding. "Stab him with a cleaver. Break his face with a horseshoe." He'd done that before.
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 12:28 pm
Lucas shifted his pale gaze to the new guy, arching a brow. "You haven't given me the chance to like you - and might I remind , you you didn't have anything on you the first meeting." With some effort, he managed a smile, as if his emotions weren't teeming just beneath the surface. "Doesn't make you lesser for it." The smile was short-lived, however, biting the inside of his cheek as the two exchanged words, looking away against his will. Just hearing it out loud was enough to bring a raw flood of hurt through his thoughts, his hold on Rylan's hand probably just a little too tight. Breathe in. Breathe out."No, none of that," Lucas replied, his own voice tight in his ears. "He's -- " He looked to Rylan, grip loosening just a little, finding his grounding again and exhaling slowly. He couldn't talk about what was lost, because his knee-jerk reaction was defense and the other man was no longer his to defend. "We're gonna be okay," he finally settled on, idly rubbing his metal hand over his leg. He was a bit surprised to hear those words from Cas, though he assumed it was for Rylan's benefit. "Ry's got the sound outlook here, I'm just -- trying to follow his example." He wouldn't point out the moon was waxing and thus wreaking havoc on his ability to deal. Lucas wasn't going to use his new monthly condition as a reason to be anything less than himself.
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 12:50 pm
For his part, Rylan managed a laugh. "You enjoy big brothering people, don't you?" he said, shaking his head. Cas had never tackled any of Rylan's girl problems with equal enthusiasm. There was no doubt that Cas really would have walked out of the house, climbed into the truck, and driven to wherever the offending party was to teach him a lesson or three if anyone had shown the slightest bit of agreement. "Well, I haven't seen my sister in ten years, so it's been a while," he said with a shrug. "And since I couldn't out this one for being a cheating b***h, I figure kicking his a** would suffice." He gave Lucas a sidelong glance and the wolfish grin Rylan had grown so accustomed to over the years came across his face again, almost in disbelief. "Oh good, you stopped," he said. "If you said something in his defense, I would've had to hit you again. He's not on your side anymore, you know?" Cas jabbed a thumb in Rylan's direction. "You look more sad than this guy," he continued to Lucas. "He might have a sound outlook out loud, but I'll bet he hasn't said anything good about the dude since the breakup happened. Ask him what he really thinks. He wouldn't mind that much if I actually went and beat the kid up, I tell you."
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 1:08 pm
The look he shot Cas was both deadpan and vaguely amused. "Have you met your best friend? Like hell I'd cheat on this guy, I'd do better to cut off what limbs I have left." Not that Lucas would cheat on anybody, but he'd never do anything to hurt Rylan like that. Sitting up, the werewolf shook his head firmly, his eyes dark and stormy. "He has his own demons to face and...it's his choice." Lucas set his jaw, feeling the tight line of the scar as he did so, glancing to Rylan. He had no way of knowing if that was true, but he wasn't going to follow Cas' lead in how to deal with his boyfriend. "It's a process, Cas. Hit me if you want, I'd probably understand that better." He scoffed softly, finally letting Rylan's hand go and picking up the water, taking a drink. He knew 'the kid' would survive anything thrown at him, even Cas. It wasn't his place to tell that story, though. Not anymore. And the last thing he wanted to do was talk about the broken pieces of his heart with someone who was, for all intents and purposes, still a stranger. "Anyway, I have to prepare to move and I'd rather good memories be made than dwelling." That pretty much caught Cas up to speed. "And if you really like big brothering, I'll keep that in mind if my family comes to visit. You can lord over all eight of my kid siblings."
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 1:28 pm
"No, not you!" Cas said with a laugh. It was beyond him to make such accusations without proof, even of someone he didn't particularly like. "There was this... he had a girlfriend in college who was Lucifer in the flesh. If Lucifer was petite and tried to sound like a 12 year old all the time." "It's true," Rylan said grimly, then he managed a smile and shook his head, eyeing Cas. "And don't ask me what I really think. That would be counterproductive for all of us, except maybe for Cas." Who would no doubt take great joy in the moment. Still, it wasn't in Rylan's nature to think too poorly of anyone just for breaking up. There were a hundred other worse offenses out there, none of which had been committed here. It was a simple process - withdrawing from a relationship and nobody ought to feel too wronged in all of it. He supposed. "Big family," Cas remarked, quirking his brow. "I'm glad we didn't have a big family. Fewer kids to grow up in that shithole." But he did like kids. He liked kids about as much as he like horses, and that was a lot. Kids hadn't been in the world long enough to get messed up by it. Kids didn't suck. "I take it you're staying here tonight," he added looking from Lucas to Rylan and back. Finally leaning back now that it was established that there would be no face-breaking tonight, he brought his hands up and laced his fingers behind his head. "Just don't ******** too loudly, please. I had enough of overhearing my roommates having sex back in college."
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 1:45 pm
It said a lot about the state of things that Lucas immediately assumed Cas was talking about him. Grey eyes slid between the two as each spoke up, fingers resting around the glass of water. "You don't have to filter yourself, Ry." Lucas shrugged. "You're with the two people who would probably get it the most." They were allowed to be hurt, even if it was in different methods. Cas revealed a little more of himself and he still didn't know how to respond to it. Lucas was gathering that he had a shitty upbringing and was a nasty dog on a short leash in their college years. He had skipped college and didn't have enough experience to ask after it. "Yeah, for the night -- " And then he just stared at Cas, and then looked at Rylan in a 'seriously?' sort of way. Not about the college sex, but -- Lucas made a faint sound and shook his head. He was not going to discuss his sex life - or the lack thereof - with Cas. "It's been a long day," he finally said, metal fingers clinking softly over the glass he supported on his thigh. "Ry probably needs sleep more than anything else. We both have work."
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