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Username: Fatal Irony
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Name: Nicolai
Temper: Open-minded
Domain: Independence
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His story:

He hadn't always known his path. Truth be told he still doesn't feel like he knows it. When he was a foal he'd looked at the adults around him and marveled that they all knew what they were doing. As he grew he saw his friends pursue their passions and he was jealous that they all seemed so certain of what their life would hold.

He longed for that certainty, even today.

Nicolai had spent his life feeling an impossible void in his heart, a lack of something he couldn't quite name, though he has his suspicions as to what it might be.

For a long time he thought it was family. He desperately wanted to have a close and supportive family, such as ones he sees around him. On the outside his seems that way, but it is all a lie. His mother is a narcissist who manipulates and controls everyone around her. His father is barely present, always off on some trip or other. Nic suspects it's because his father can't take how broken their family is. All while growing up and even into his adulthood Nic tried to mend his broken family, serving as the mediator and trying desperately to get his family to become closer. His older brother drifted away anyway, leaving the family before he was truly grown up. Nic's younger brother became nothing better than a puppet for their parents. Nic was alone, used and emotionally abused. There were times he felt like he was nothing. A shell. Empty and numb.

((Spoilering with a warning - self harm info here))



He realized this wasn't ok. This was no way to live. He moved away on his own, alone and many miles from his family. It was here he found clarity. It was here he realized what his parents were - and that they did not deserve his help. Their family was broken and for the first time Nic realized it was not on him to fix it. He was not responsible. He was free.

He began to feel again, slowly. He pulled himself out of the darkness he hadn't even realized he'd been stuck in his entire life. The road was not easy. He was alone and unable to connect with anyone, and often couldn't see the point in living. He still feels that way sometimes. He shakes it off, reaches out to his new friends, and soldiers on.

He's managed to get out of the darkness, but he still feels lost. He's spent a lifetime in battle for his sanity, a lifetime spent being put down and told he was worthless. He knew that couldn't be true - but what worth DID he have? What was his purpose? He was no longer a shell but he didn't know where life was taking him.

He thought about it and realized he could try to make it as an artist. He couldn't recall a time he hadn't been making art, so perhaps that was his calling? He wasn't sure, but it was as good a place as any to start. So with little other fuss about it, he gave up the life he HAD made for himself and started out to learn better art techniques and see if he couldn't find happiness out there... somewhere.