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 Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2016 12:32 pm
I'm pretty confident that I'll be single forever. Why? Because I'm disabled. #1 I'm unable to get out and meet people. I'm unsafe, can't drive and can't pay.
If I do win over a male by some crazy miracle, he's gonna have to keep an eye on me at all times. Like a child. He's gonna have to do all the driving and all the paying(probably make all the money too) and manage and plan and clean EVERYTHING. And watch out for my personal safety.
I can't imagine just asking someone to do all that. That's like a three person job.
I'm a feminist and not allowed to hold a job. Who's gonna see that as ok?? I don't.
I'm beautiful and smart and all of it. But once a guy figures out how much work I am, he's gonna leave.
And I also want the passion and affection and dates and cute gifts and silly surprises too.
I'm not sure any guy would be up for ALL of that.
What I can offer him really pails in comparison to what I need him to give me. What I ask is totally unfair. Even if the guy WANTS to do all of it, what can I offer in return? I can cook, but nothing outside of the basics. And even then he'd have to bring me to the store and more of then likely pay for his surprise dinner.
Passion and love, I can do. But giving him something in return is what's iffy. What if I want to buy something to show my love or whatever?? HE has to take me AND pay. It's not fair.
I put the cart way before the horse but do you see my problem? I'm just thinking ahead to what the interactions will ACTUALLY be like. And then there's gonna be fights bc I'm not doing my fair share of work in this relationship. Even if he enjoys all this and has no problem with any of it, I'm gonna be feeling it and crying over it and feeling like I don't deserve this kind gentleman.
I know how it's gonna happen. I'm not comfy being single forever, but it's how it's gonna be. ******** the damage. I don't want it anymore. I wanna be normal!! And make my own money like everyone else.
and most men my age want to have kids right now or coming up. Nothing's wrong with my body. I am medically fine. But I'm afraid of the pain and things I will "force" him to do. And IF I do have a child with this man, he will be the guardian and caregiver. Not me. I suck at responsibility and keeping my own self on track. I'm afraid of what I will show/do to this child and what he/she will learn from me. I'm not intending to suffocate them, but that may be what I do, totally without thought. They may die under my watch because my brain damage says "oooooo look over there!" Or "I DARE YOU..." Or even like, "give her a push..."Or makes an appearance in some unprectable and dangerous way.
I'm so scared no one will want me. Even if it begins well, mistakes will be made, and just dries it all up.
And "sorry" doesn't cover the death of a child or pet. Cooking a grilled cheese won't make him forgive me for whatever huge mistake I've just made.
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 8:53 pm
I firmly believe there is someone out there for everyone.
You just gotta be patient and keep being positive.
I'd focus on trying to better yourself. Build more skills that you could offer you partner when they show up 3nodding <3333
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 9:05 pm
DefauIt I firmly believe there is someone out there for everyone. You just gotta be patient and keep being positive. I'd focus on trying to better yourself. Build more skills that you could offer you partner when they show up 3nodding <3333 true. I'm pretty fun and silly with gifts and make my own cards. Didn't think of it that way
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 9:14 pm
Green_crayon42 DefauIt I firmly believe there is someone out there for everyone. You just gotta be patient and keep being positive. I'd focus on trying to better yourself. Build more skills that you could offer you partner when they show up 3nodding <3333 true. I'm pretty fun and silly with gifts and make my own cards. Didn't think of it that way Yeah... Dating is hard for everyone>< They need invent a better way of doing it. Lol
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 9:50 pm
DefauIt Green_crayon42 DefauIt I firmly believe there is someone out there for everyone. You just gotta be patient and keep being positive. I'd focus on trying to better yourself. Build more skills that you could offer you partner when they show up 3nodding <3333 true. I'm pretty fun and silly with gifts and make my own cards. Didn't think of it that way Yeah... Dating is hard for everyone>< They need invent a better way of doing it. Lol Since mingling isn't an option, I'm thinking speed dating?? Trying to think of a way to convince mom. Sites would work, but mom reeeeeLly distrusts anything Internet related.
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2016 10:24 pm
Green_crayon42 DefauIt Green_crayon42 DefauIt I firmly believe there is someone out there for everyone. You just gotta be patient and keep being positive. I'd focus on trying to better yourself. Build more skills that you could offer you partner when they show up 3nodding <3333 true. I'm pretty fun and silly with gifts and make my own cards. Didn't think of it that way Yeah... Dating is hard for everyone>< They need invent a better way of doing it. Lol Since mingling isn't an option, I'm thinking speed dating?? Trying to think of a way to convince mom. Sites would work, but mom reeeeeLly distrusts anything Internet related. I'd actually suggest taking a cooking class. Or maybe joining a book club? Speed dating would work but you'll be more likely to find creepy people XD lol
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:32 am
I think that sometimes the person we need is being strengthened and needs time to grow as themselves before fate puts us together so that it can be a beautiful and ripened relationship. And when the time comes where that person comes along, he will take you on whether it's the hardest season in your disability or hardest mood swings you've ever given (; But you can't speak doubt into your life! Speak life over your relationships every day! <3
ps. I feel the same way with some of my health issues. you're not alone haha.
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:51 am
DefauIt Green_crayon42 DefauIt Green_crayon42 DefauIt I firmly believe there is someone out there for everyone. You just gotta be patient and keep being positive. I'd focus on trying to better yourself. Build more skills that you could offer you partner when they show up 3nodding <3333 true. I'm pretty fun and silly with gifts and make my own cards. Didn't think of it that way Yeah... Dating is hard for everyone>< They need invent a better way of doing it. Lol Since mingling isn't an option, I'm thinking speed dating?? Trying to think of a way to convince mom. Sites would work, but mom reeeeeLly distrusts anything Internet related. I'd actually suggest taking a cooking class. Or maybe joining a book club? Speed dating would work but you'll be more likely to find creepy people XD lol theres nothing here to join. sad
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 6:04 am
hey, there.
i just wanted to say that while i don't know your disabilities, i'm in a similar situation to you, and i have been in an amazing relationship for two years, and living with him for about 7 months. i also wanted to let you know that what you are asking is not 'unfair.' every relationship requires work as well as taking care of the other in ways that the other can't take care of themselves, and this goes for every able-body person out there. a relationship is about giving back equal love, not services.
i have a condition (one of several) that does not allow me to drive, and living in an area with poor public transportation, i've had to work from home most of my life. he knew this before our first date and has never once ever complained about it. some days i wake up and i can't do much. some days i can't even stand, or make myself food. but he understands this, and he understands that i work very hard to stay healthy and manage my conditions, and the only thing he ever says about it is, "i just wish you weren't in pain so much," or, "i just want you to feel better soon." he has never once complained about having to take care of me.
for the driving situation, we enjoy going out on a once a weekend trip to the grocery store and buying food for the week. cooking him meals, making him breakfast and packing his lunch are where i'm able to give back the most to him. i also keep our place really nice and clean, just about anything i can do to make his life easier (he's got two jobs and school, so his time is really stretched.)
for the job situation, he knows and understands that i'm probably not ever going to be in a situation where i'm making substantial, or even steady money. i've been an artist since i was younger due to it being the only thing i can work on from being sick in bed, so i've developed that the most i can and work from home. i'm able to work on projects on my own time (save for commissions) and then put them up online for sale. crafting from home, especially with etsy now, is a really, really great way to make money. but there are a ton of other options for you as well when it comes to working from home.
on the personal safety bit, it sounds like you may need assistance being alone in a house by yourself? or to accomplish certain tasks? since most can't work from home, i think it'd be wiser in this instance to have a friend or family nearby if you need them over that day to help you, or maybe consider a live-in assistant. when he's at home from work, he's going to want to spend time with you, and 'looking after your personal safety' won't be at the forefront of his mind but he will be able to in tandem. even with that said, i don't need looking after all the time, but even if i did, both of us are such hermits that we almost always want to stay home and spend time with each other rather than going out and socializing. believe me, many of these hermits exist and will be happy to have cozy nights in with you.
that said, for the two years before him that i used online dating, i never found that my not being able to drive and not having a 'real job' to be a deterrent to any guys that expressed an interest in me. it was a bit surprising as i'm really insecure about it and feeling like a burden to someone taking care of you more than they should is really a terrible feeling. however, the small things you do to give back are really what counts, and the reason that you're in a relationship in the first place is based on love, not service. whoever you find will love you and want to be with you simply because their life is that much better by having you around, not because you are 'useful' to them. it took me a while to learn this for my own, but no one deserves to live with the guilt of being a burden when they can't help their conditions. i promise once you put yourself out there, you will find someone who doesn't see your flaws as flaws at all. if anything, i noticed it to be a positive to some guys because they wanted someone they could spend a lot of time with, and they really liked that i worked from home. 'house wives' are still sought after, believe it or not.
as far as children go, you'd be surprised how many people now days aren't interested in having children, me and my boyfriend being two of those people. your ineptitude with responsibility will also improve as you age naturally, not sure how old you are now.
in short, don't get down on yourself and decide you'll fail before you try.
i hope that helps.
edit: about online dating; do online dating.
it's the most efficient way to find someone and there are a ton of ways to check if someone is 'real' or legit or not. google image search their profile photos and see what pops up and google their name. you will be able to actually verify more about the person than you could if you were just meeting them in person and with your conditions, you won't be wasting time leaving the house just to meet someone you're not interested in. you'll be able to get to know them for however long before going out on an actual date, and the process as a whole will be much smoother. try okcupid. i think that's the most popular one now, and it's free. it's what i used and how i met my now boyfriend.
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 8:20 am
lmao yeah i am doomed to be alone too.. i flirt with people but anyone that "says they are interested" is like 10 + hours or even countries away sooooo yeah that isn't real for me
it is what it is.. can't change that.. just have to figure out how to help me instead 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2016 9:35 pm
Wow. I really don't know how to react to that. I wish I could convince mom. But she's anti internet. I've been raped 3 times and she's so scared about my safety. And rightly so. But she refuses to let me ATTEMPT to meet a male. Dating sites sound totally great. The problem is mom. She's my guardian, chaperone, taxi and money. I can't do s**t, literally, without her concent. You are correct about the services though. I love that you said guys want a girl to spend time with. That gives me hope. 3nodding Plus where I currently live is very sad. And has no guys who would be an option to me. Buuuuut only mom can change where I live. I have no choice. I really want her to understand my need, but I think I need my therapist to talk instead of me.
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2016 8:13 am
Green_crayon42 Wow. I really don't know how to react to that. I wish I could convince mom. But she's anti internet. I've been raped 3 times and she's so scared about my safety. And rightly so. But she refuses to let me ATTEMPT to meet a male. Dating sites sound totally great. The problem is mom. She's my guardian, chaperone, taxi and money. I can't do s**t, literally, without her concent. You are correct about the services though. I love that you said guys want a girl to spend time with. That gives me hope. 3nodding Plus where I currently live is very sad. And has no guys who would be an option to me. Buuuuut only mom can change where I live. I have no choice. I really want her to understand my need, but I think I need my therapist to talk instead of me. i know this sounds quite like a backwards recommendation but maybe instead of looking to date.. maybe you could look to get a part time job .. and I know you have issues and need her to drive you but maybe that will be the answer to 2 things - 1) you get some money and 2.) you can open yourself up to meeting people .. possibly a guy too if you can prove to your mom you can be semi independent maybe she won't be so opposed to you dating in the future 3nodding and i am not talking any crazy type of job .. and again since i don't know your disability i can't really recommend much but i am POSITIVE there are companies out there that will hire you.. maybe reach out to an organization who can place you
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2016 11:16 am
I'm not sure if this makes you feel any better but my mom never got a job after she got married, she just stayed home and did all the house cleaning and caring for the kids and all.
I understand how you feel, I'm still pretty young but I don't think that I'll ever get a boyfriend, and my parents will arrange a marriage for me. I'm very unhappyy about that because I like this one kid. I'm not sure if he would take any notice, and I don't even really know him. I have anxiety problems so talking to people face to face is not something I can do often without feeling like I'm about to kill myself.
I know that marrying out of love or dating is not going to happen in my life. I can slightly relate you, I think.
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2016 12:26 pm
A job would be fabulous. I would love to meet people through work. But. Again, Lville is very very sad. It used to have a big icehouse that like ran the town. It is now in shambles and very overgrown. People here are farmers. There's also a bunch of car factories here. Those are all the jobs available. There's subway and McDonald's. And the ONLY place to go is Walmart. The closest slightly bigger little town is 20 minutes away. It has a movie theater, bigger Walmart, a few more fast food places, a Lowes, a Koles, a very small JCPenny and Joanne's. Also a Rural King--pet stuff, pet food, tubs of little cute babies like chicks and ducks, and a bunch of equipment for people who like outside. You're allowed to bring in dogs as long as they do what you say or are leashed. They've had some bunnies in there too. A buuunch of land is used for farming. I've seen a toooooon of soybean and corn fields. People grown pumpkins too. Fall is fun. I love watching pumpkins get bigger and bigger when we drive by. We stay here because it's where mom grew up and Bruce-dad was a very emotionalally, verbally and psychologically abusive man to both of us especially. We think he's autistic-can't invade us here.--family surrounds us. Mom adores it here. She can relax and just be retired here. I, on the other hand, am very very unhappy here. I need a bigger little place and more people and stuff to go do. I like to go out. Moms happy coming home and staying. I'm absolutely not. My disability is well handled here. But my social needs are overflowing with desperation.-why I was so giddy about pen pals- I really think we're both done here. This place is very very republican and conservative and Christian. And we've both had enough of it. Our social needs are very opposite and our perfect living space is quite opposite too. I'm living like a retired introvert!! Not what I want at all. But that's what my mom wants. No one here measures up to me or us. Selfish it may be, but I'm no farmer or factory worker. There's no way I could do those jobs. I am not suited to them. Nobody here knows a damn thing about health or Wieght loss. Nobody cares about their body. Mom and I travel, these people WILL NOT LEAVE. And don't know anything but where they live. Sorry. I've just realized I've been ranting. I can't take it anymore, but I don't make that choice. There's no one I want as a friend here. My relatives are great and nice. But they're kinda fundamental Christians too. Much less a boyfriend.
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2016 12:32 pm
Green_crayon42 A job would be fabulous. I would love to meet people through work. But. Again, Lville is very very sad. It used to have a big icehouse that like ran the town. It is now in shambles and very overgrown. People here are farmers. There's also a bunch of car factories here. Those are all the jobs available. There's subway and McDonald's. And the ONLY place to go is Walmart. The closest slightly bigger little town is 20 minutes away. It has a movie theater, bigger Walmart, a few more fast food places, a Lowes, a Koles, a very small JCPenny and Joanne's. Also a Rural King--pet stuff, pet food, tubs of little cute babies like chicks and ducks, and a bunch of equipment for people who like outside. You're allowed to bring in dogs as long as they do what you say or are leashed. They've had become bunnies in there too. A buuunch of land is used for farming. I've seen a toooooon of soybean and corn fields. People grown pumpkins too. Fall is fun. I love watching pumpkins get bigger and bigger when we drive by. We stay here because it's where mom grew up and Bruce-dad was a very emotionalally, verbally and psychologically abusive man to both of us especially. We think he's autistic-can't invade us here.--family surrounds us. Mom adores it here. She can relax and just be retired here. I, on the other hand, am very very unhappy here. I need a bigger little place and more people and stuff to go do. I like to go out. Moms happy coming home and staying. I'm absolutely not. My disability is well handled here. But my social needs are overflowing with desperation.-why I was so giddy about pen pals- I really think we're both done here. This place is very very republican and conservative and Christian. And we've both had enough of it. Our social needs are very opposite and our perfect living space is quite opposite too. I'm living like a retired introvert!! Not what I want at all. But that's what my mom wants. No one here measures up to me or us. Selfish it may be, but I'm no farmer or factory worker. There's no way I could do those jobs. I am not suited to them. Nobody here knows a damn thing about health or Wieght loss. Nobody cares about their body. Mom and I travel, these people WILL NOT LEAVE. And don't know anything but where they live. Sorry. I've just realized I've been ranting. I can't take it anymore, but I don't make that choice. There's no one I want as a friend here. My relatives are great and nice. But they're kinda fundamental Christians too. Much less a boyfriend. Maybe you need to sit with your mom and discuss this all.. be open to the fact that she will say no but in order to prove you are an adult you have to have adult conversations
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