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It was another one of those long days. Those days where Xander went to work a night shift in the ER. Though it was close to noon the next day; he hadn’t left the hospital. All the chaotic things going on these days making his job so busy. And, She understood. Really she did. Lindsey did her best to never begrudge any of it. She knew way back when she first met him about his life and career with this hospital. Doing this was a part of him. Even more part of herself at one time would have thought nothing of it. She had so much life to fill her free time while he was away. These days were so different. She was struggling with finding new definition for herself. She struggled with staying away from her parents’ home still. Though that struggle had finally started to grow easier. She found more relief in just staying away completely. Her avoidance kept her away from that side of town. She would never go close enough to see the house. She wouldn’t visit the places her parents shopped at. Though she caved and bought a few of the books her father’s photography had been published in. Her solitary link to her old past. She kept them in their room. She mostly told anyone who noticed that she was interested in developing photography; but she knew that Xander knew why. She knew he understood.
So much time having spent the last four months becoming rather introspective; she had woke up that morning feeling in a mood to get out. She went down to the kitchen and prepared some tasty things the way she used to. She packed them in a white wicker picnic basket. Complete with a checked flannel blanket with a rubber underside. The kind made to be used for the beach or parks. When she had made it to the hospital and asked for Xander; She was told he was busy and with a patient. She wasn't’ angry. She tried to pull a surprise after all; she knew she came with a chance that’d be the case. Instead, she sent a text asking if he was due for lunch anytime soon. She left a message at the desk for him. It read:
“When you’re ready for lunch, meet me at the park a few blocks east of the hospital. The one with the cherry blossom trees.” Signed with just a heart and not her name.
There she spread the blanket out. She kept smoothing it making sure it was down well. She only took out a magazine, a glass, and a bottle of wine. She settled down to wait for him. She came ready just in case he ran an hour or more.
So much time having spent the last four months becoming rather introspective; she had woke up that morning feeling in a mood to get out. She went down to the kitchen and prepared some tasty things the way she used to. She packed them in a white wicker picnic basket. Complete with a checked flannel blanket with a rubber underside. The kind made to be used for the beach or parks. When she had made it to the hospital and asked for Xander; She was told he was busy and with a patient. She wasn't’ angry. She tried to pull a surprise after all; she knew she came with a chance that’d be the case. Instead, she sent a text asking if he was due for lunch anytime soon. She left a message at the desk for him. It read:
“When you’re ready for lunch, meet me at the park a few blocks east of the hospital. The one with the cherry blossom trees.” Signed with just a heart and not her name.
There she spread the blanket out. She kept smoothing it making sure it was down well. She only took out a magazine, a glass, and a bottle of wine. She settled down to wait for him. She came ready just in case he ran an hour or more.
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Xander really should have been off, but the night was busy, more so than usually and he had stay to help with the overflow. He couldn’t help it as much as he would have like to have breakfast or even lunch with his fiance he also didn’t want to leave his teammate hanging, especially when they dealt with kids.
It wasn’t long after Lindsey came into the hospital and left again that his boss found him, “Lindsey was here looking for you. You should finish up and head out for the day. Things are winding down and we can handle the rest. Emma comes in soon, so she can jump right in. You Dr. Jacobs I'm sure still have some last minute wedding details to work out.”
Xander chuckled, “I think we’re just about ready, but I’ll head out for the day. Call me if you need me of course.”
Xander laughed when he heard his boss say he wouldn’t as he walked away heading into the office the somehow stayed his over the past two years. Yes, he was an pediatric E.R. doctor, but he also did many of the pediatric surgeries and often took on the follows up, so he got to keep the office for now. He hoped in the future more would join the profession, and lighten his load, but at least he loved his job.
Inside the office he found the note on his desk and smirked. He was definitely hungry and a picnic was a prime way to spend the afternoon with his fiance. He loved her so much and she just seemed to get him, in such a unique way. He tucked the note away, locked up and headed to the park. When he spotted Lindsey with the picnic set up for them, waiting for him he went over and sat down on the blanket. He leaned across kissing her gently on the lips, “sorry I got held up at work, it was a really busy night. Town seemed to be in an uproar last night, or something.”
He kicked off his shoes and settled beside her, “Did you sleep okay?”
It wasn’t long after Lindsey came into the hospital and left again that his boss found him, “Lindsey was here looking for you. You should finish up and head out for the day. Things are winding down and we can handle the rest. Emma comes in soon, so she can jump right in. You Dr. Jacobs I'm sure still have some last minute wedding details to work out.”
Xander chuckled, “I think we’re just about ready, but I’ll head out for the day. Call me if you need me of course.”
Xander laughed when he heard his boss say he wouldn’t as he walked away heading into the office the somehow stayed his over the past two years. Yes, he was an pediatric E.R. doctor, but he also did many of the pediatric surgeries and often took on the follows up, so he got to keep the office for now. He hoped in the future more would join the profession, and lighten his load, but at least he loved his job.
Inside the office he found the note on his desk and smirked. He was definitely hungry and a picnic was a prime way to spend the afternoon with his fiance. He loved her so much and she just seemed to get him, in such a unique way. He tucked the note away, locked up and headed to the park. When he spotted Lindsey with the picnic set up for them, waiting for him he went over and sat down on the blanket. He leaned across kissing her gently on the lips, “sorry I got held up at work, it was a really busy night. Town seemed to be in an uproar last night, or something.”
He kicked off his shoes and settled beside her, “Did you sleep okay?”
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She felt him and smelled him before he sat down. She made no move to show it though. She waited. The soft rub of his lips against her caused a deep breath up through her nostrils. As he finished, she pushed herself up from laying on her stomach to sitting on her knees. As her bum rested on her heels, her smile widened as her eyes connected with his. Her eyes brightening basking in the light that was this boundless love she felt. This feeling. This very one that made her every sacrifice worth it; the love that soothed the deep places where her soul and heart still healed from things now no longer remembered.
“Yeah. I kind of figured.” She gave a helpless sigh. “I know how things are. By now, I’ve come to expect to not expect you to be home at any certain times. Your job is just one of those things with a high unpredictability factor.”
She still smiled. Yeah. The times he was stuck there for two or three days. She hated those days. She bided it though. The memory of her parents she could no longer see gave her strength to know that one day she’d look back and probably remember something special about this time of their life. For that hope, she accepted this.
“I slept fine enough… As well as I do when you’re not there…”
Her eyes narrowing with teasing mischief as her lips made a feint pout. A habit she had fell into when wanting to tease him. She hadn’t stopped to consider whether he found it engaging or tiresome about this little habit. Sometimes as of late; she caught a look in his eyes that told her he knew. Yet, he did play along with her sometimes. She liked that. She appreciated that he knew she didn’t intend to be actually malicious.
“Well, you know how concerned I feel that you’re starving when you’re here for days. I mean.. You know… just in case you somehow end up here for one more day.”
The twinge in her voice acknowledging and accepting that’s just how it was. She no longer really gave him a hard time about it. She often tried to be more proactive and save her appearances at the hospital for those long shifts. Deep down hoping that somehow brightened his day or made him feel rejuvenated to keep saving lives. For even with all the growth and changes she had been experiencing over the past year, she was still herself after all. She had that deep need to want his every thought and motivation to be about her.
She passed him her glass of wine, and she scooted towards the basket. She lifted the lid. “Can I… feed you?” She asked with a mix of giddiness in her voice. Her smile asking him if he thinks that’s a good idea or not. Knowing herself, she had made better efforts of not starting things that escalated quickly that wasn’t appropriate to do in public. At a park.
“Yeah. I kind of figured.” She gave a helpless sigh. “I know how things are. By now, I’ve come to expect to not expect you to be home at any certain times. Your job is just one of those things with a high unpredictability factor.”
She still smiled. Yeah. The times he was stuck there for two or three days. She hated those days. She bided it though. The memory of her parents she could no longer see gave her strength to know that one day she’d look back and probably remember something special about this time of their life. For that hope, she accepted this.
“I slept fine enough… As well as I do when you’re not there…”
Her eyes narrowing with teasing mischief as her lips made a feint pout. A habit she had fell into when wanting to tease him. She hadn’t stopped to consider whether he found it engaging or tiresome about this little habit. Sometimes as of late; she caught a look in his eyes that told her he knew. Yet, he did play along with her sometimes. She liked that. She appreciated that he knew she didn’t intend to be actually malicious.
“Well, you know how concerned I feel that you’re starving when you’re here for days. I mean.. You know… just in case you somehow end up here for one more day.”
The twinge in her voice acknowledging and accepting that’s just how it was. She no longer really gave him a hard time about it. She often tried to be more proactive and save her appearances at the hospital for those long shifts. Deep down hoping that somehow brightened his day or made him feel rejuvenated to keep saving lives. For even with all the growth and changes she had been experiencing over the past year, she was still herself after all. She had that deep need to want his every thought and motivation to be about her.
She passed him her glass of wine, and she scooted towards the basket. She lifted the lid. “Can I… feed you?” She asked with a mix of giddiness in her voice. Her smile asking him if he thinks that’s a good idea or not. Knowing herself, she had made better efforts of not starting things that escalated quickly that wasn’t appropriate to do in public. At a park.
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He chuckled, “that statement makes my job sound so predictable, but I guess in a way it is. You know, really there are no guarantees, but the paycheck. I’m so glad that is a guarantee, with 6 people in the house, the food bill, man its high.”
He wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her close laying his head on hers, “well tonight you shall get plenty of sleep. I have the next two days off and I was thinking maybe would could spend them at the cabin. I know it's a bit of a drive for two days, but it’s warm enough to swim now and I think we might enjoy some alone time. I certainly wouldn’t mind sleeping in till noon.”
He kissed her temple and started to chuckle, “I’m not starving I swear. I bring lunch, I always have plenty, between you and cook I’ll never starve. I'm honestly surprised I haven’t put on a few pound. I eat very well, we all do.” He was going to chalk that one up to genes because he wasn’t as active as he use to be, though he truly needed to find more time to swim.
He kept his arms around her wanting to be close to her, having missed sleeping curled together since he’d worked overnight. He loved her, his fiance, they had been through so much together and both of them had grown and change and it made them stronger, as people as a couple. They complimented each other well. He took her wine glass and sipped it, it was red wine, he preferred white, but honestly he was never the type for alcohol.
He chuckled at her question, “is there a special occasion I should know about,” before settling more comfortably and kissing her cheek. “That’s fine with me love,” he said letting her know it was okay if she wanted to feed him, “just don’t get too carried away, we’re outside in a park.”
He knew how his fiance could get, she could become so absorbed in what she was doing and forget everything else. It was an endearing part of her, even if he knew it also could get her into trouble sometimes.
He wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her close laying his head on hers, “well tonight you shall get plenty of sleep. I have the next two days off and I was thinking maybe would could spend them at the cabin. I know it's a bit of a drive for two days, but it’s warm enough to swim now and I think we might enjoy some alone time. I certainly wouldn’t mind sleeping in till noon.”
He kissed her temple and started to chuckle, “I’m not starving I swear. I bring lunch, I always have plenty, between you and cook I’ll never starve. I'm honestly surprised I haven’t put on a few pound. I eat very well, we all do.” He was going to chalk that one up to genes because he wasn’t as active as he use to be, though he truly needed to find more time to swim.
He kept his arms around her wanting to be close to her, having missed sleeping curled together since he’d worked overnight. He loved her, his fiance, they had been through so much together and both of them had grown and change and it made them stronger, as people as a couple. They complimented each other well. He took her wine glass and sipped it, it was red wine, he preferred white, but honestly he was never the type for alcohol.
He chuckled at her question, “is there a special occasion I should know about,” before settling more comfortably and kissing her cheek. “That’s fine with me love,” he said letting her know it was okay if she wanted to feed him, “just don’t get too carried away, we’re outside in a park.”
He knew how his fiance could get, she could become so absorbed in what she was doing and forget everything else. It was an endearing part of her, even if he knew it also could get her into trouble sometimes.
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She set a bottle of water next to the basket. She brought that for him. It was originally brought in case they ran out of wine. However, as she pulled it out. It then occurred to her maybe he should have that instead of the wine. He was still on shift, and it probably wasn’t overly professional to return smelling of fermented grapes. Though fresh green grapes were the next thing she pulled out, and she plucked a few gently off of their branches. Scooting close, she grinned hard as she rubbed one on his lips before popping it in his mouth.
She was thinking to avoid commenting about the cook. The cook. That person she secretly considered a frenemy to herself. She both loved and hated them. They were one of the only non family members she had to talk to. Since the kitchen was the one room outside of the bedroom Lindsey cared to spend any amount of time in when Xander was away at work. She ended up loosely spending time in there with cook. Sometimes, she had glorious confrontations when she got it in her mind that Lindsey just HAD TO MAKE SOMETHING. Right then and there. She never cared that cook was doing whatever it was. Linds always feeling that whatever she herself might make; would of course be the best. Who wouldn’t want to eat her food over the cooks? It was a question she asked herself anytime Xander ate their food.
It was a thing she had been taking time to acclimate to. She always cooked at home. She rarely went to restaurants since you know; none of them ever made anything as amazing as she did to her standards. Even though her regular cooking wasn’t at the level as her baking; her vanity informed her that opinion was a fact that all should know.
She found at times that the mere idea of Xander eating food made by other people made her feel incredibly jealous. However, she had found since late last year that this growing and developing sense of jealousy and possessiveness in regards to Xander was something new as well. She had never felt that way about anyone before. Wanting to be loved most of all by him; more than he loved anyone else. She desperately wanted to always be ever on her pedestal she imagined he had her on; because why wouldn’t he?
She caught herself sliding on that mental slope. She plucked more grapes and fed them to him. Each one with meaningful eye contact. His promise of being home the next two nights. A wide grin and eyes that devoured those words.
“I am SO happy to hear that. Yes… going away might be ok. I daresay… it’s been awhile since I’ve been free to walk around naked. It’d be ok if I did that there; right?”
Yeah. She had never been one for subtlety where it wasn’t utterly necessary.
She was thinking to avoid commenting about the cook. The cook. That person she secretly considered a frenemy to herself. She both loved and hated them. They were one of the only non family members she had to talk to. Since the kitchen was the one room outside of the bedroom Lindsey cared to spend any amount of time in when Xander was away at work. She ended up loosely spending time in there with cook. Sometimes, she had glorious confrontations when she got it in her mind that Lindsey just HAD TO MAKE SOMETHING. Right then and there. She never cared that cook was doing whatever it was. Linds always feeling that whatever she herself might make; would of course be the best. Who wouldn’t want to eat her food over the cooks? It was a question she asked herself anytime Xander ate their food.
It was a thing she had been taking time to acclimate to. She always cooked at home. She rarely went to restaurants since you know; none of them ever made anything as amazing as she did to her standards. Even though her regular cooking wasn’t at the level as her baking; her vanity informed her that opinion was a fact that all should know.
She found at times that the mere idea of Xander eating food made by other people made her feel incredibly jealous. However, she had found since late last year that this growing and developing sense of jealousy and possessiveness in regards to Xander was something new as well. She had never felt that way about anyone before. Wanting to be loved most of all by him; more than he loved anyone else. She desperately wanted to always be ever on her pedestal she imagined he had her on; because why wouldn’t he?
She caught herself sliding on that mental slope. She plucked more grapes and fed them to him. Each one with meaningful eye contact. His promise of being home the next two nights. A wide grin and eyes that devoured those words.
“I am SO happy to hear that. Yes… going away might be ok. I daresay… it’s been awhile since I’ve been free to walk around naked. It’d be ok if I did that there; right?”
Yeah. She had never been one for subtlety where it wasn’t utterly necessary.
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He didn’t realize she was jealous of the cook, honestly she had nothing to be jealous of, but he certainly wasn't going to get rid of cook. He’d been with their family forever and Lindsey would appreciate him more when they had a young family of their own. They lived in a house where basically only she and Lily could cook and he didn’t want it to be Lindsey’s responsibility to cook for everyone, nor did he want his house burned down by someone's inability to cook. He of course understood love of cooking and her desire to feed them all, but he hope, one day she’d grow to love cook too.
He grinned as she fed him some grapes and chuckled at her running the one on his lips. The grapes were nice and fresh, much better than wine. He playfully nipped at her finger and looked over to her before laughing at her question. “Well we’ll be alone, so I don't see why not, we don’t really have any neighbors or anything, so feel free.”
He had a feeling that the weekend was going to be interesting and not really exactly restful. He reached out and pluck a grape from her hand and held up to her mouth to feed to her. “Open up, you should have some too.”
He was half tempted to tickle her, but refrained, “did you, Lily, Rose and Dessie go out for bridesmaid dresses yet? We’ve got barely a month left to square away the details. One month and then we will be Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs.” He chuckled, technically they would be the third set because of his parents and his uncle, though is aunt had passed some time ago.
It was still sort of like a dream to him, the whole of the past two years was really, so much had changed. He thought one his friends, something he never really attempted to acquire, but somehow had. His fiance and his family, things had done an almost 360 in a few short years for him. Joy and sorrow and so much frustration, but he would certainly do it again to get where he was right now.
He grinned as she fed him some grapes and chuckled at her running the one on his lips. The grapes were nice and fresh, much better than wine. He playfully nipped at her finger and looked over to her before laughing at her question. “Well we’ll be alone, so I don't see why not, we don’t really have any neighbors or anything, so feel free.”
He had a feeling that the weekend was going to be interesting and not really exactly restful. He reached out and pluck a grape from her hand and held up to her mouth to feed to her. “Open up, you should have some too.”
He was half tempted to tickle her, but refrained, “did you, Lily, Rose and Dessie go out for bridesmaid dresses yet? We’ve got barely a month left to square away the details. One month and then we will be Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs.” He chuckled, technically they would be the third set because of his parents and his uncle, though is aunt had passed some time ago.
It was still sort of like a dream to him, the whole of the past two years was really, so much had changed. He thought one his friends, something he never really attempted to acquire, but somehow had. His fiance and his family, things had done an almost 360 in a few short years for him. Joy and sorrow and so much frustration, but he would certainly do it again to get where he was right now.
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Her lips slipped around the grape and the tip of his finger. Her eyes and expression blissful and happy. The dresses? “Oh yeah. We got those. They are tucked away, but you can’t see them. It’s supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the bride’s dress before the big day.”
She sighed happily repeating with a slight tweak. “Dr. and Mrs Jacobs... “ While she had always been the social type; this was something surprising as well. She had been the love em and leave em sort. The kind who never made real commitments to anyone. She’d engage herself, but she always left herself an easy out. However, she’d made a deliberate choice of him over everything else in her life. She had no regrets. Still, if someone told her two years ago that she was about to get married; she would have laughed and found that utterly ridiculous.
Despite how selfish and conceited she still was; she had grown and evolved quite a lot. In fact to go from being a workaholic to picking up volunteer work and things that benefited other people. It was a new life entirely.
“But you know….” Then, a loaded glance pointed straight into and deep into his eyes. “I’m not nearly excited about the ceremony as I am for the honeymoon after. Won’t it be nice to not have to share you with anyone else. In fact, I was thinking… why don’t we just not bring our phones while we’re away?”
She sighed happily repeating with a slight tweak. “Dr. and Mrs Jacobs... “ While she had always been the social type; this was something surprising as well. She had been the love em and leave em sort. The kind who never made real commitments to anyone. She’d engage herself, but she always left herself an easy out. However, she’d made a deliberate choice of him over everything else in her life. She had no regrets. Still, if someone told her two years ago that she was about to get married; she would have laughed and found that utterly ridiculous.
Despite how selfish and conceited she still was; she had grown and evolved quite a lot. In fact to go from being a workaholic to picking up volunteer work and things that benefited other people. It was a new life entirely.
“But you know….” Then, a loaded glance pointed straight into and deep into his eyes. “I’m not nearly excited about the ceremony as I am for the honeymoon after. Won’t it be nice to not have to share you with anyone else. In fact, I was thinking… why don’t we just not bring our phones while we’re away?”
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He raised an eyebrow at his fiance, “that grape was really good, huh?” He was joking, he was use to the expressions she made. She was very much an open book, wearing her heart on her sleeve so to speak. He honestly loved that about her, it wasn’t hard to know what she was thinking and he understand now how clueless he could be now, but he was getting better.
“Getting married on a beach, but still sticking to traditions, huh?” He gave a chuckle and kissed her temple. “I will patiently wait to see it all come together. Just another thing to look forward to this month. Seeing my beautiful bride in her dress and knowing that’s my wife.”
His wife, man that was really something else. Of course he knew he would marry one day, he wanted to, but he just didn't think it would sneak up on him that way it did. It was good, so good, still surprising.
“Dr. and Mrs. Jacobs,” he said his chuckles continuing before picking up her wine glass and handing it back to her. He reached to see what else she had packed for lunch. He paused however when she suggested they not bring their cellphones on their honeymoon. He of course understood the notion, but because of what they all were he wasn’t keen on the idea.
“I don’t think that’s the best idea … I mean I think we should have them.” He dropped his voice, “our entire household is fighting this nighttime war and I’m … we’re responsible for them. I … Dessie may be 16, but she still 16 and I’m not comfortable not having my cellphone in case something happens. Then with Lily, she was already hospitalized for a half a year.”
He looked worried, he was really attached to his little makeshift family and felt very responsible for all the people in his house, they people who would also be in their wedding. “Can we agree to have them, but not to use them if necessary. Emergencies only, yeah?”
He hoped she wouldn’t be too bummed, but this was apart of learning their family dynamic more.
“Getting married on a beach, but still sticking to traditions, huh?” He gave a chuckle and kissed her temple. “I will patiently wait to see it all come together. Just another thing to look forward to this month. Seeing my beautiful bride in her dress and knowing that’s my wife.”
His wife, man that was really something else. Of course he knew he would marry one day, he wanted to, but he just didn't think it would sneak up on him that way it did. It was good, so good, still surprising.
“Dr. and Mrs. Jacobs,” he said his chuckles continuing before picking up her wine glass and handing it back to her. He reached to see what else she had packed for lunch. He paused however when she suggested they not bring their cellphones on their honeymoon. He of course understood the notion, but because of what they all were he wasn’t keen on the idea.
“I don’t think that’s the best idea … I mean I think we should have them.” He dropped his voice, “our entire household is fighting this nighttime war and I’m … we’re responsible for them. I … Dessie may be 16, but she still 16 and I’m not comfortable not having my cellphone in case something happens. Then with Lily, she was already hospitalized for a half a year.”
He looked worried, he was really attached to his little makeshift family and felt very responsible for all the people in his house, they people who would also be in their wedding. “Can we agree to have them, but not to use them if necessary. Emergencies only, yeah?”
He hoped she wouldn’t be too bummed, but this was apart of learning their family dynamic more.
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“Lots of people get married on beaches. That’s not quite so untraditional anymore. It falls into the group of ‘destination weddings’.” She made little air quotes with her fingers around saying destination.
She sat back. Her gaze fixed on his at first. She wasn’t sure what she had expected of him from asking him to do that. She should have known he’d be like this. She pursed her lips together. Her eyes then rolled around to look at bushes, blades of grass.
“I’m not sure I’d call my side as agreeing. I mean.. If you’re taking yours anyways… regardless of what I think or feel. I mean… how ridiculous of me to want my first week with my husband to be all to myself. But… I should think that if during our honeymoon; you were to up and disappear for anything besides an utter life and death emergency; that… you will have worse problems than just an air of disappointment. I mean…. When we’re here… I have had to come to accept these long shifts at the hospital. That’s a part of your job. It’s just a part of the deal.”
She paused as she felt her stubbornness kicking in. Hmm. She had the best of intentions coming here. She had intended it to be a pleasant visit. Just as she was about to launch into the second half of what she had to say. She stood up with her fingers flinching with emotion and objection.
Even though things had been mostly great since they got back together, she had a lot of instances since that and the time he took in Dessie. There was Dessie, Lily, and all this other stuff he did. At times, she felt like she had to just take a number and get in line for his time. SHE HATED THAT. She found herself fueled by her selfish nature. She gave up her entire life. All she felt was that she had him. Just him… Yet, for his part, it often seemed as though it wasn’t even close to the same for him. Her sacrifice of everyone she had ever loved or known… For him.. And yet… it was so hard to have times when she could absolutely have him to herself.
Then, she was about to launch off on a note about how this stupid nighttime war was. It had clearly been waging for longer than they were alive. Would it ever end? Did anyone really ever win? Of what she’d seen since waking up in Shangri-La, she doubted it greatly. Maybe that had been part of the real reason she hadn’t powered up in forever. She felt a duty to noone but herself really. Then again, that was who she was. At the end of the day, she mostly cared about herself. Now also him… but she did still care an awful great deal about herself. Far too much to be willing to sacrifice and give up anything beyond what she had already. What she had was monumentally generous to a point of being outside of her wheelhouse. Choices driven entirely by love and passion.
“As for me, I’m leaving mine here. I’m sure there isn’t anyone who would need me so badly. A honeymoon is a week meant for us. I mean… what’s the point of leaving town if you’re so unprepared to disconnect for a week. You can do it well enough when you go on the big family vacations your parents organize. That’s like two weeks to a month. I was only asking for a week.”
Deep down, a part of her was fighting to just run off and go somewhere right on that impulse. The other was fighting to not give into such a brash and childish feeling. That’d be hella rude to leave him like that when he still had some of his shift left to work. Ugh. She was still not always very good at being considerate of others. If only he could understand really the effort it took to be so good natured about some things some times. How much she gave and pushed of herself.
She sat back. Her gaze fixed on his at first. She wasn’t sure what she had expected of him from asking him to do that. She should have known he’d be like this. She pursed her lips together. Her eyes then rolled around to look at bushes, blades of grass.
“I’m not sure I’d call my side as agreeing. I mean.. If you’re taking yours anyways… regardless of what I think or feel. I mean… how ridiculous of me to want my first week with my husband to be all to myself. But… I should think that if during our honeymoon; you were to up and disappear for anything besides an utter life and death emergency; that… you will have worse problems than just an air of disappointment. I mean…. When we’re here… I have had to come to accept these long shifts at the hospital. That’s a part of your job. It’s just a part of the deal.”
She paused as she felt her stubbornness kicking in. Hmm. She had the best of intentions coming here. She had intended it to be a pleasant visit. Just as she was about to launch into the second half of what she had to say. She stood up with her fingers flinching with emotion and objection.
Even though things had been mostly great since they got back together, she had a lot of instances since that and the time he took in Dessie. There was Dessie, Lily, and all this other stuff he did. At times, she felt like she had to just take a number and get in line for his time. SHE HATED THAT. She found herself fueled by her selfish nature. She gave up her entire life. All she felt was that she had him. Just him… Yet, for his part, it often seemed as though it wasn’t even close to the same for him. Her sacrifice of everyone she had ever loved or known… For him.. And yet… it was so hard to have times when she could absolutely have him to herself.
Then, she was about to launch off on a note about how this stupid nighttime war was. It had clearly been waging for longer than they were alive. Would it ever end? Did anyone really ever win? Of what she’d seen since waking up in Shangri-La, she doubted it greatly. Maybe that had been part of the real reason she hadn’t powered up in forever. She felt a duty to noone but herself really. Then again, that was who she was. At the end of the day, she mostly cared about herself. Now also him… but she did still care an awful great deal about herself. Far too much to be willing to sacrifice and give up anything beyond what she had already. What she had was monumentally generous to a point of being outside of her wheelhouse. Choices driven entirely by love and passion.
“As for me, I’m leaving mine here. I’m sure there isn’t anyone who would need me so badly. A honeymoon is a week meant for us. I mean… what’s the point of leaving town if you’re so unprepared to disconnect for a week. You can do it well enough when you go on the big family vacations your parents organize. That’s like two weeks to a month. I was only asking for a week.”
Deep down, a part of her was fighting to just run off and go somewhere right on that impulse. The other was fighting to not give into such a brash and childish feeling. That’d be hella rude to leave him like that when he still had some of his shift left to work. Ugh. She was still not always very good at being considerate of others. If only he could understand really the effort it took to be so good natured about some things some times. How much she gave and pushed of herself.
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He didn’t want to fight, but he was stupid, he saw this for what it turn into which was unfortunately just that. He sighed, Xander wasn’t the one to really put his foot down, obviously he was learning because his adopted daughter had been a handful at first. He wasn’t going to budge on this though. He wasn't going to leave his cellphone, at all, he was fine with not answering unless it was an emergency, but since they lived in Destiny City that sort of stuff did just happen. Was he going to be on his cellphone all the time … no. No one would even call him unless it was a dire emergency.
“I’m not leaving it and I’m not going to argue with you about it. I understand the week is for us, so I won’t be using it. No one will even call unless it's an emergency because it is our week. My family nor my job is not so selfish as to ruin that for us.”
He looked her and looked to the picnic and just shook his head. “Let's go home and pack for the weekend. I’m actually done for the day and personally I would rather not discuss this in the park.”
The mention of his job was another thing. The hospital was always understaffed so he did work very long hours, but he was trying make sure he communicated with Lindsey and if he was free to go he would leave more often than not now. His hours weren’t honestly nearly as bad, as when they first met, things had changed a lot since then, but there was always going to be 12 to 18 shifts and even longer sometimes.
The comment about family vacation made him feel like he was being selfish, when he didn't feel he was being selfish or even unreasonable. He wanted to have his phone, he didn’t feel comfortable being without it. There we’re too many hospitalization among they, himself included, though mostly Lily where he just wasn’t comfortable not having it. So everyone in his house, except Dessie was an adult, didn’t make his feel any less responsible for them all.
“Vacation is different and you know that. The whole family is on vacation, but I still have my phone. I always have it.”
He stood and held out his hand to her before taking a different approach. “Around Christmas when we all went to England we had so much time together, just us even though the whole family was there. My family they knew I was going to propose and everyone just let us be and we had time to explore and just do things together. I had my phone then, but that doesn't mean it will take away from us, our time, our honeymoon.”
“I’m not leaving it and I’m not going to argue with you about it. I understand the week is for us, so I won’t be using it. No one will even call unless it's an emergency because it is our week. My family nor my job is not so selfish as to ruin that for us.”
He looked her and looked to the picnic and just shook his head. “Let's go home and pack for the weekend. I’m actually done for the day and personally I would rather not discuss this in the park.”
The mention of his job was another thing. The hospital was always understaffed so he did work very long hours, but he was trying make sure he communicated with Lindsey and if he was free to go he would leave more often than not now. His hours weren’t honestly nearly as bad, as when they first met, things had changed a lot since then, but there was always going to be 12 to 18 shifts and even longer sometimes.
The comment about family vacation made him feel like he was being selfish, when he didn't feel he was being selfish or even unreasonable. He wanted to have his phone, he didn’t feel comfortable being without it. There we’re too many hospitalization among they, himself included, though mostly Lily where he just wasn’t comfortable not having it. So everyone in his house, except Dessie was an adult, didn’t make his feel any less responsible for them all.
“Vacation is different and you know that. The whole family is on vacation, but I still have my phone. I always have it.”
He stood and held out his hand to her before taking a different approach. “Around Christmas when we all went to England we had so much time together, just us even though the whole family was there. My family they knew I was going to propose and everyone just let us be and we had time to explore and just do things together. I had my phone then, but that doesn't mean it will take away from us, our time, our honeymoon.”
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She had stood there as her mind and will turned into a small fiery inferno. In a time before very recent, she had always been the plucky sort. She would just think quickly on her feet. While this didn’t apply to fighting normally, she had the occasional participation in bar fights. The clubs used to be her scene. Every now and then just had to be someone who was pushing things too far. She would suddenly be ready to throw down. Still, she stood frozen as she attempted to calm her mind. She reminded this wasn’t some stupid dumb drunk idiot. This was Xander. She loved Xander. Loved him with her life. If that wasn’t obvious.
At his suggestion to pack it up and go home, she immediately launched into packing it up. “Excellent suggestion.” Part of her felt deeply sorry. She didn’t even know where it had all came from. She certainly hadn’t come intending to start all of that. However, the past month or two had her feeling a tremendous sense of loss. As the wedding drew near though, she began to reflect. She knew her father wouldn’t be walking down the aisle. Because he thought she was dead. It had her thinking about him and her mother quite a lot. They were the only people before Xander came into her life that she acted unselfishly for. Her selfishness was so blindingly dominant in her personality. She wasn’t ever motivated by anything that didn’t have to do with herself.
Self pity was such a trap that way though. The more she thought about it; the more she grew unsettled. She felt all the time she gave up everything to have the life she really wanted with him; while he gave up nothing. He only gave the exact same as he would have before. To her, her own sacrifices grew in size and value given that she wasn’t that person who did that sort of thing hardly ever for any reason. She always served herself first and foremost above others. That was who she was. Who she turned into when she powered up for the other side; she didn’t really feel that was truly who she was anymore. That’s who she was a lifetime ago. She wasn’t ready to reconcile any of that.
Then, she remembered that she had left the car she arrived in back at the hospital parking tower. She finished packing the basket and took off walking towards the hospital.
“See you later Xander…”
Off down the street she walked. Her emotions so in a whirlwind. Carried about with whims of not really sure what she was doing or why.
At his suggestion to pack it up and go home, she immediately launched into packing it up. “Excellent suggestion.” Part of her felt deeply sorry. She didn’t even know where it had all came from. She certainly hadn’t come intending to start all of that. However, the past month or two had her feeling a tremendous sense of loss. As the wedding drew near though, she began to reflect. She knew her father wouldn’t be walking down the aisle. Because he thought she was dead. It had her thinking about him and her mother quite a lot. They were the only people before Xander came into her life that she acted unselfishly for. Her selfishness was so blindingly dominant in her personality. She wasn’t ever motivated by anything that didn’t have to do with herself.
Self pity was such a trap that way though. The more she thought about it; the more she grew unsettled. She felt all the time she gave up everything to have the life she really wanted with him; while he gave up nothing. He only gave the exact same as he would have before. To her, her own sacrifices grew in size and value given that she wasn’t that person who did that sort of thing hardly ever for any reason. She always served herself first and foremost above others. That was who she was. Who she turned into when she powered up for the other side; she didn’t really feel that was truly who she was anymore. That’s who she was a lifetime ago. She wasn’t ready to reconcile any of that.
Then, she remembered that she had left the car she arrived in back at the hospital parking tower. She finished packing the basket and took off walking towards the hospital.
“See you later Xander…”
Off down the street she walked. Her emotions so in a whirlwind. Carried about with whims of not really sure what she was doing or why.
