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 Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 1:46 pm
By the time the sun rose that next morning, Michael and Peter had spent another few hours making sure everything had been cleaned up from the ordeal of Caspian being wounded and needing help. The leather seats in Michael’s car had been scrubbed clean, as well as the couch, and any blood that had dripped onto the floor. The first aid kit had been cleaned up and put away, and Michael took an inventory of what was needed to refill it. And then, after driving around the city for a while, Michael finally found a store open where he could stock up on medicine, not wanting to end up in that situation again. Caspian would probably need medicine the moment he woke up, so he wanted to be prepared for that.
He’d tried washing Caspian’s shirt and his own hooded sweatshirt, but they might have been too bloodied to get all the stains out. The outside of the sweatshirt was fine, but the inside still had some bloodstains that were probably going to remain.
An email was also sent to the principal of Azure Valley to let him know that neither he nor Peter would be able to go into school that next morning. He explained it was a ‘family emergency’ which made sense for both of them to be out. Thankfully, it was the last week of classes and there was little left for the students to do other than sit around and goof off with their yearbooks.
Finally ready to go to sleep, Michael had the choice of sleeping on the couch, or even sharing a bed with his brother. Since Peter was already asleep by the time he was ready to settle down, he went to lay on the couch. But that didn’t last long, as Caspian’s vague request for him to not go anywhere bothered him. For all he knew, Caspian just meant not to leave in general, which he had no intention of doing. But Michael also kept in mind that Caspian would be waking up to a strange place and in a lot of pain.
Michael eventually left the couch, bringing a blanket and pillow with him, to take up residence in his own room where Caspian slept, but on the floor next to the bed. He’d laid both Caspian’s blood stained shirt and the hoodie with a design of outstretched wings and a centralized shield above an anchor decorating the back at the end of the bed.
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 2:07 pm
Caspian slept hard, though not necessarily well. A combination of the alcohol and sheer stress and exhaustion had kept him asleep, but his dreams were plagued by images of knives and flashing grins in the dark, and a great deal of pain. Black shadows twisted themselves around him, curled through his thoughts and invaded his mind, until he felt almost suffocated by them.
He jerked unceremoniously and abruptly awake, gasping and tangled in the sheets.
He did not know what time it was. There was a vague, dim light that seemed to be behind the grey curtains that indicated it was sometime in the early morning, though he wasn't sure when. The room he was in was unfamiliar and all in shades of the same grey as the curtains, with minimal decorations and not much else.
Caspian rolled over, let out another gasp, this one of pain, and almost fell off the bed, closer to the side than he'd thought. He clutched at the side of it to hold his balance, his chest heaving painfully, and he stared with wide eyes at the figure sleeping curled up on the floor beside the bed.
Michael. This was Michael's room. He'd come to get him, had helped him, and...
Slowly Caspian lowered himself back down, pressing his forehead to the edge of the bed and exhaling slowly. His back was throbbing, and so was his arm. His chest ached, but wasn't nearly as painful as his other injuries, and Caspian's head was spinning dizzily.
He lifted it again and looked back over the side, trying to make sense of the confusing mess in his mind. Caspian stretched out a hand, but at the last second pulled it back, rolling away with little hisses of pain in the process. At the foot of the bed was his own shirt and a sweatshirt that had to be Michael's, and it was the latter of these that Caspian stretched out and reached for. With slow, painful movements, he slid it on, ignoring the fact that it was at least two sizes too big, and curled back up on his side.
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 2:21 pm
Although he’d slept for only a few hours, it didn’t take much for Michael to stir from where he slept on the floor, the noises and hisses of pain alerted him to someone else in the room. With his eyes open and remembering why he was on the floor, it was easy to realize that Caspian must be awake by that point.
With a groan himself, Michael slowly pushed himself up. He thought he’d be fine with sleeping on the floor since he was used to such conditions in the Navy, but after years of being a civilian again, he’d forgotten how used to his own bed he was.
“Hang on,” he mumbled groggily, pushing himself up so he could take the bottle of medicine from the bedside table, as well as the the glass of water he’d brought in preparation for Caspian waking up. “Take this. It’s supposed to be fast acting,” he explained through a yawn as he broke open the seal for the gel tablets. He swayed slightly on his feet and then sat down at the edge of the bed so he could collect the right dosage in his palm, and waited for Caspian to turn back so he could give him he medicine.
“Feel like s**t, huh?” he asked, although it was rather rhetorical. Of course he’d feel like s**t after the night he’d gone through. He could have been a lot worse off, so he had that going for him.
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 2:39 pm
He was somewhat aware that Michael was stirring, and Caspian, for the first time since he'd met him, felt a twisting of anxiousness in his stomach. He suddenly felt exposed, as though all of his secrets were out in the open, and the peculiar feeling did not help the pounding in his head.
The bed dipped as Michael sat down, and Caspian twisted to sit partially up, wincing as he did so. He could not quite look Michael in the eyes and instead reached for the water and the medicine, downing it with a gulp that made his throat a little sore.
"Thanks," he mumbled, pressing his hand to his temple, though the sweatshirt's sleeves were overlong and covered his fingers. "And yes. I think maybe if I got hit by a truck right about now, it would hurt less than how I feel."
Caspian rubbed at his eyes with his sleeved hands and then glanced down and around.
"...am I in your bed?" he asked, somewhat belatedly. "********. Sorry."
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 2:50 pm
Only half awake, Michael rubbed at his own eyes as Caspian took the medicine, sure that being on the floor left sleep lines over his face and his hair, despite being short, was probably a mess. He didn’t quite catch that Caspian wasn’t looking at him, but he could imagine that his strange mood had to do with being in pain.
“Don’t worry about it,” Michael shook his head. “I could have slept on the couch, but you…” he stopped, staring ahead at the far wall and feeling rather silly for listening to someone who’d been drunk off alcohol and pain. Him not going anywhere, as he continued to debate, was probably more of a general request, and not for him to actually be there. “You were going to need medicine,” he finished his sentence, disguising the hesitation with a forced yawn.
“You’ll probably do better off in your own bed. I can drop you off or… call a cab if you’d prefer,” he offered, wanting to make sure Caspian knew he had options. For all he knew, the other would not want him knowing where he lived. Michael didn’t want anyone to know where he lived, but s**t happened and sometimes you had to bring people over for one reason or another.
“I wanted to make sure your stitches were okay, but I can wait until later. Or if you want to keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t start looking inflamed, that would work too,” he shrugged, taking another moment before standing from the bed and collecting the blanket and pillow he’d had on the ground with him.
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 3:02 pm
"But you..."
But I what, Caspian thought, trying to finish the rest of the sentence that was answered a moment later. But it didn't quite make sense; he could have given him the medicine later on, he could have come in to check on him, he didn't have to actually sleep on the floor beside the bed.
What did I say? What did I do?
He sort of remembered. He remembered being in a lot of pain. He remembered Michael carrying him to the bed, remembered...not a whole lot else, other than the twisted black dreams that still haunted him. Alcohol was a bad mixture with exhaustion, and his head kept spinning.
"No, I - " Caspian started, and then stopped. He rubbed at his temple again. "I'm fine, I don't - can I stay here for a bit?"
He hadn't quite meant to say that, but it came out anyway, even though he was pretty sure he was intruding. Caspian winced. "I mean...it's early, I think, and I don't want to wake Cassie up and let her see me like this. But if I'm like, you know, in the way..."
He trailed off, feeling absurdly uncertain for once. Belatedly, Caspian said, "Oh, stitches, right, that was...something, yes. You can take a look, it's hard to see my back, obviously."
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 3:16 pm
Michael frowned, hearing the stress in Caspian’s voice, but he wasn’t quite able to figure out why or what was causing it. Sure, the pain and exhaustion was there, but this was something else. Almost like a panic.
He straightened back up with the blanket and pillow in his arms, frowning as always from where he stood away from the bed. There was something strange going on, although he couldn’t quite place his finger on it.
“Of course,” he said softly, hoping he didn’t sound too concerned by Caspian’s request to stay for a little bit. He gave him an odd look, and moved away to put the extra blanket and pillow away in the closet. It wasn’t as though he was doing anything that day. He’d already called out of work to make sure Caspian was okay, so it didn’t matter if he stayed all day or not.
“If everything still looks okay, and you wanted to, you can borrow the shower or bath. I bet Peter has some sweatpants or shorts that would fit you,” he offered, knowing it was probably very disconcerting to be in someone’s house that he didn’t know after being cut open and having to get stitches by someone who wasn’t even a doctor. “You’ll just have to take the bandages off. The medical tape will just need to be replaced once you’re done,” he explained, mostly for when Caspian left to go home. “I got some extra supplies, so you should be good for the next two weeks. Hopefully it won’t take that long to start healing on its own.”
Michael paused once the blanket had been tucked away where it belonged, and turned back to rub at his face again. “I’m gonna make breakfast. Do you feel like you can stomach anything?”
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 3:26 pm
He felt relieved, somehow, that he was allowed to stay. Caspian was looking away from Michael, but it showed on his face, his eyes closing momentarily as he eased out a breath. Maybe it was the fact that he had had such a terrible night, dreaming of darkness; he still felt partially trapped in those dreams, as though Michael would turn into a silver eyed monster at any second, all glinting steel and pain.
"Shower would be good," Caspian mumbled, inching his way awkwardly over to the edge of the bed. It felt weirdly tense in the room, and he disliked it. His head was pounding painfully, and his back was throbbing, and a part of him longed to just get away from everything and everyone.
But the other part of him wanted to stay and make sure that he was still awake and that he wasn't stuck in that damned alleyway bleeding out, or in that bus depot with Harmotome's hand deep in his chest, fingers around his starseed to yank at any moment.
"...something simple would be good," he said, after a second.
Caspian's legs slid over the side of the bed, and he paused there, unsure of what to do.
"Did you...want to check s**t now or after I shower?" he asked, and could not for the life of him figure out why that question made him feel, if possible, even more uncertain of things.
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 3:59 pm
There had to be something more going on. Caspian wasn’t like this. Even when Michael was giving him a hard time about things, like snapping at him to be more careful, or just brushing off his jokes or sarcastic comments, Caspian never seemed to take it to heart and rebounded quickly.
This… this wasn’t like him at all.
Michael stared at Caspian as he inched towards the edge of the bed. He looked jumpy, nervous even. Did he think something happened to him while he was drunk and passed out? Did he think Michael could have done something to him? Or maybe Michael was just being paranoid, but… it was hard not to be when Caspian was being as serious and quiet as he was.
“After is fine,” he said, failing to do a good job with hiding his concern. “I mean, if you notice anything strange, I can look after you take the bandages off, but there should only be light bleeding. Are…” he hesitated, grimacing at his own uncertainty at the situation. “Are you okay? I mean… you’re acting strange. I… nothing happened… after you went to sleep… or before… if that’s what you’re worried about. I swear,” he said, probably sounding a little desperate at that point.
He kept his distance, wondering if his misinterpretation of Caspian’s request that night was another thing bothering him, and Michael shuffled his feet, feeling more awkward now than he had in a long time.
“Does it bother you that you… slept in my bed, or… that I slept in the same room? Because nothing happened,” he reiterated, wondering if Caspian’s jokes about him taking off his shirt and whatnot was just a defensive mechanism to try and keep him away through reverse psychology.
“Or… did I do something else that’s bothering you? You’re just… I don’t know… If I did anything, I’m sorry. I might have gotten carried away with wanting to help you last night. I… I was scared that you could have been killed. Or, if you need some time alone, that’s fine. You can stay, of course, but I’ll leave you alone.”
Maybe he should have taken him to the hospital, after all. Let someone completely removed from the whole situation take care of him. kuropeco I think Caspian broke Michael...
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 8:23 pm
He forced himself to look up, to look over at Michael, and saw the incredulous confusion in his eyes that did not make much sense. Caspian opened his mouth and then shut it again, trying to clear some of the sleep haze from his brain as he rubbed at his temple.
Except -
- except Michael's question, his obvious concern and the worry behind it made him snap his gaze back to him, Caspian's eyes widening, mouth slightly open.
"No," he said, a little too quickly, and tried to stand, failed, and fell back onto the bed again, legs unsteady. Maybe sitting was better. "No, that doesn't - I'm not bothered by that at all, I - no, no." It was said firmly, in spite of his haziness, Caspian's fingers curling around the edge of the bed. "Not that. I don't care about any of that, and you're far too good a guy to do anything, I know that."
He closed his eyes, trying to steady himself, hating how vulnerable he felt. They opened after a moment, gaze directed at the floor.
"I had...dreams," Caspian said quietly, not looking at Michael. "About last night, about that...that woman's hand in my chest, trying to get my starseed out, and I was having a hard time with...with reality. With making sure that I'm actually okay."
A slightly bitter laugh escaped him, and Caspian glanced up, giving a slightly self-conscious half shrug, and for the first time, there was a very faint pink to his cheeks, a flush of shame and embarrassment. He was still wearing Michael's sweatshirt, and he curled his fingers inside the overlong sleeves.
"I'm not used to...any of this," he said, sounding rueful. "I was afraid. I'm never afraid."
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 8:46 pm
Caspian was convinced that he was a good guy, and while he’d helped him and offered words of advice when asked, and sometimes when he wasn’t asked, he wished that Caspian was so much less trusting than he was. A few things that he did might be considered good, but they’d known each other for all of a month, if that. No matter how often Caspian said it, Michael couldn’t convince himself that it was true.
This time, he didn’t comment on it, and instead frowned sadly as he listened to what was really bothering Caspian. He could understand. He knew it was difficult. And he knew how horrible it was to feel afraid.
Michael stood there for a few more moments, before cautiously taking a step closer to the bed, and then when he reached it, he sat down along the edge. He was far enough away from Caspian to give him some room, but not far enough not to catch him if he tried getting up and ended up falling.
“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid,” he said, although he doubted it would cheer Caspian up any, knowing that he was entirely normal. “And just because you’re afraid doesn’t mean you’re not brave.” Michael paused, his hands on his knees as he sat next to Caspian, although he stared somewhere midway between the bedroom wall and himself, unable to really focus on anything in particular. “Maybe you’re just starting to learn more about yourself. Being forced into these situations isn’t easy, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how you feel.”
He paused again, not really wanting to get into details about his own life, since he avoided that as much as possible, but he did repeat what he’d said just before. “I know it’s not the same, but I understand… I was afraid for you. Afraid I wouldn’t get to you in time. Or that maybe that Captain who hurt you was still waiting around to see who would come for you and we’d both be in trouble.”
For a long moment he continued to sit there, and then lifted his hand to place on top of Caspian’s head in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “You also have the choice not to do this. To not power up. You’re stubborn, so you probably will continue to do so, but… it’s an option.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:10 pm
He wondered whether Michael would think less of him for this inane fear. Caspian wasn't the type to get afraid, the type to back down from a fight, the type to be anything less than his usual snarky, sassy, confident self. And yet here he was, feeling unsteady and almost shaky, as though he couldn't quite pull himself back together.
A few small encounters that ended with him having nightmares and injuries, and he felt pathetic.
The bed dipped as Michael sat down beside him, and Caspian listened silently, staring at the floor in front of him. It didn't matter that they'd only known each other for a month; a month was still long enough for him to have started to feel comfortable in his presence, even with Michael's consistent scowls and Caspian's stubborn refusal to walk away.
The feel of Michael's hand on his head made him lift it slightly, and it was a startlingly comforting gesture coming from a man who rarely seemed to want any sort of physical contact. But Michael had already seen Caspian at his worst and was now trying to reassure him, and it felt...he didn't know how to feel.
A small laugh escaped him.
"I'm sorry I made you worry," said Caspian, and he turned slightly to look at Michael, resisting the urge to lean closer. "You really helped me out a lot last night, even though I only remember half of it, but you didn't have to, and...really, thank you."
He closed his eyes again and gave a small shake of his head, looking back at the floor.
"I have to keep powering up," Caspian said quietly, and he knew it was the expected answer. "I have to keep going forward, I just..." He lifted a hand and scrubbed at his eyes with his sleeve covered hands, letting out a low groan. "I just have to stop acting childish or something."
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:28 pm
Michael kept his hand on Caspian’s head, using his fingers to massage gently against his scalp, although the gesture may seem as though he were resisting ruffling his hair outright. But no, he didn’t, and after a few moments longer he withdrew his hand as Caspian looked down and used the sweatshirt sleeves to wipe at his face.
“You’re not acting childish,” he said quietly, watching Caspian and smiling softly as he indeed admitted to wanting to continue powering up. It was to be expected, after all. Five years and even he was still powering up. “And worrying is what I’m here for. I told you I’d help you, didn’t I?” he asked him, shifting his weight just enough to lean back on his arm closest to Caspian, turned slightly towards him to watch his reactions.
If anything, Michael felt a bit embarrassed that he guessed that it was something he’d done to cause such a shift in attitude with the other. He knew it was probably weird to end up in a stranger’s house and be given alcohol to get drunk on, and then put into that stranger’s bed, but he didn’t know what he would have done if he found out that Caspian had died due to him not being there to help.
“Becoming a knight saved my life,” he said softly still, figuring Caspian probably wouldn’t really care, but if only to fill the silence and try to prove that he related. “I was in a really dark place after I left the military. There were things I thought of doing then that I don’t think I could ever think again. The nightmares nearly drove me to a point that I couldn’t return from. And then I was caught up in a youma attack and found a small glass vial. I still have nightmares, of course. About my life before and now, but,” he paused, lifting the hand that was still resting on his knee to stare at it, as if he could see something that no one else would be able to. “I kept fighting and grew in my abilities. I don’t claim to be the strongest or most experienced, but… at some point I realized I was at peace with myself.”
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:59 pm
Now he was really, really resisting the urge to lean closer; to simply let himself feel warm and secure through Michael's gentle and unexpected ministrations. But that was a bad idea on many levels, and when Michael drew his hand back, Caspian remained where he was, staring at the floor.
I told you I'd help you, didn't I?
He turned his head at these words, glanced sideways at Michael, reclining next to him. Caspian had thought that whatever had happened in his past would have stayed there, but the more that Michael spoke, the more that it felt similar, in an abstract sort of way, to what Caspian felt, even if they were nowhere really near the same thing.
But he was not the only one who felt things deeper than he let on.
"And then you came across a stubborn-as-s**t new senshi and agreed to mentor him even though he knows jack s**t about what he's doing," said Caspian, with a trace of his old, familiar sarcasm, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he looked at Michael. It faded after a few seconds.
"I thought that maybe if I just kept going, I'd never feel that fear again," he said. "That if I pretended that woman didn't almost yank my starseed out, I'd be just fine, but then I ran into that Captain and everything got worse, but..."
Caspian was quiet for a moment, then asked carefully, "Do you...still have nightmares?"
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 10:14 pm
“You’re not that bad,” he said, thinking Caspian was being hard on himself. He was enthusiastic and ready to take on a challenge. Michael didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. It was dangerous, yes, but people did dangerous things all the time and didn’t get hurt or killed, and others stayed cautious their whole lives and end up a victim in an accident that was entirely not their fault. There was just no way of being able to determine what will happen.
“You’re the one who helped me first, remember?” he pointed out, twisting his right arm to show the scar where he’d been cut and Remus had helped him tie it off. It was just by chance that their paths crossed then, and then months later they were where they were now.
He watched Caspian as he joked lightly and then went back to that sad, almost fearful expression. Michael didn’t know why, but he felt his chest contact, as if a strange wave of unidentifiable emotion washed over him. He knew what Caspian was going through, even if it wasn’t exactly the same, or anything close.
Michael paused for a few moments, debating on whether he wanted to tell Caspian that it got a lot better and one day he wouldn’t have any more nightmares, but that wasn’t the truth, and he couldn’t bring himself to lie, or to sugar coat it. He was now part of this war and he needed to be prepared for everything that was going to come his way.
“Yes,” he said softly, his own expression falling just a little, but only because Caspian looked miserable. “Sometimes I go without having them for weeks. Other times it’s every night.” He paused again, before figuring he might as well fill Caspian in on some other things he might end up hearing eventually.
“A couple years ago, everyone seemed to be plagued by nightmares of a future taken over by the Negaverse. Our dreams all intertwined and those of us who could remember the details could piece together our lives as they would be in this future. My family’s identities were compromised. Mine was as well. A few of us faked our own deaths to try and throw off the trail, but that meant I wasn’t able to see anyone I knew again. I lived with a few others in a cave trying to work on a resistance against the Negaverse. I still have nightmares about it, but it's not as vivid any more. Sounds kinda cheesy, doesn’t it?”
“But in the end, they’re just dreams. For me, at least,” he continued, looking up at the ceiling as if it was going to reveal some important message. “I’ve never had someone try to take my starseed, so I can only imagine how it felt, or what you must be feeling. I’ve had my close calls with death, but no one has had their hand inside my chest, threatening to wipe out my entire existence. No one would blame you for being afraid or for having nightmares. There are other survivors, you know. Others who have survived through the same thing you’ve gone through,” he explained, and then suddenly paused, looking a bit sheepish.
“Sorry… I didn’t mean to keep talking like that,” he mumbled, realizing it was probably the most he’d said to Caspian in such a small amount of time. And yet, it was somehow easier to open up to him now that he’d heard just a bit of what Caspian had gone through.
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