The taxidermist’s was called Mount Me, which Finn spent an inappropriately long amount of time standing on the curb giggling about. It had been a long week and he was tired and ready to laugh at anything, especially double-entendres in otherwise unassuming store names. Based on his brief interactions with Alois, he was sure it was intentional.
When he regained his composure, Finn got the bouquet out of the back of his jeep and headed into the store.
“Hi,” he said, holding the arrangement of calla lilies out to Alois like a peace offering. “Thank you for saving Aleksy’s life. I thought you might like these.”
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”No good goddamn worthless piece of s**t…” Alois muttered to himself with dental floss clenched between teeth. Both hands worked at the knot that formed in the middle of his stitching practices, jutting out of the a** of the bird he currently stuffed. The night grew long, well into day, and he was exhausted past all use of caffeine. Tea gave way to coffee, and coffee fell away for sheer exhaustion going beyond the ability to sleep. He had, unfortunately, many orders to catch up on after his three-day ‘recovery bender’ from being trapped in the university.
Sighing, he stood the foam-stuffed bird on its wire-strung feet and sighed at it. “I can sleep when I’m dead,” he muttered to the beady resin eyes. “I wonder if all ghosts are really just insomniacs.”
The bell tied to the top of the door rang, announcing another gawking a*****e customer to waste time asking inane questions before they tried to lowball him on one of his more impressive pieces of art. Tired eyes glanced up from his work (and for a moment, he thought he didn’t need eyeliner or eyeshadow anymore with dark circles so thick) before he sighed through his nose. “Please tell me you’re just lost-
“... Oh. Ranger Finn. What are you doing here? I can’t mount those…” His attention dropped to the bouquet of lilies, looking remarkably fresh amongst the crinkling green wrapping. Golden stamen peeked out from their crisp white petals in a rather phallic show of beauty. And then his exhausted mind caught up with the words coming out of Finn’s mouth and pared them with the object in his hands.
He blinked several times. He looked to Finn, blinked again, looked back to the lilies, then back to Finn, and a last time at the lilies. “Uh.” Was there something he was supposed to say in this situation? No one brought him flowers before and no caustic, snarky remarks came to mind.
“s**t.” He finished at last, accepting the bouquet. He felt heat starting to warm his face and told himself that it was just the air conditioning kicking off again.
Sighing, he stood the foam-stuffed bird on its wire-strung feet and sighed at it. “I can sleep when I’m dead,” he muttered to the beady resin eyes. “I wonder if all ghosts are really just insomniacs.”
The bell tied to the top of the door rang, announcing another gawking a*****e customer to waste time asking inane questions before they tried to lowball him on one of his more impressive pieces of art. Tired eyes glanced up from his work (and for a moment, he thought he didn’t need eyeliner or eyeshadow anymore with dark circles so thick) before he sighed through his nose. “Please tell me you’re just lost-
“... Oh. Ranger Finn. What are you doing here? I can’t mount those…” His attention dropped to the bouquet of lilies, looking remarkably fresh amongst the crinkling green wrapping. Golden stamen peeked out from their crisp white petals in a rather phallic show of beauty. And then his exhausted mind caught up with the words coming out of Finn’s mouth and pared them with the object in his hands.
He blinked several times. He looked to Finn, blinked again, looked back to the lilies, then back to Finn, and a last time at the lilies. “Uh.” Was there something he was supposed to say in this situation? No one brought him flowers before and no caustic, snarky remarks came to mind.
“s**t.” He finished at last, accepting the bouquet. He felt heat starting to warm his face and told himself that it was just the air conditioning kicking off again.
“Sorry,” said Finn awkwardly, as Alois finally took the bouquet. He’d thought he was being nice, but now it was dawning on him that this was like, not normal human male behavior. Guys did not give each other flowers. Even as thank you gifts for dire circumstances. “I - I thought you’d like them? Lilies. They’re, um, funeral flowers, normally.”
s**t. s**t. He’d made this even WEIRDER.
“I’ll get you a nice bottle of, um, do you like vodka?” he asked. “Since this turned out to actually be a really lame gift in practice.”
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Alois dismissed the stammering and awkward backpedaling in an emphatic wave of hand. “It’s embarrassing to not have something to say.” In looking around, he found no traditional vases or cups to use for stashing the flowers, so he slipped them inside the mouth of a mounted moose head that was waiting for its owner’s pickup. They stayed put quite well, to his surprise.
“I think Aleksy said he was a botanist, yes? Or a florist? I remember talking to him about a parasitic fungus on an oak tree…” And weird dreams, but even that portion of the conversation seemed a dream. “So then, it wouldn’t be terribly out of the pale to have flowers for a gift.” And by that token, a florist might get offended when given a subpar bouquet as a sympathy gift in the hospital.
Assuming Alois did such things.
“Vodka is also acceptable. It doesn’t last as long as flowers, but…” Alois shrugged. It’s certainly more enjoyable.
“So I take it he survived without sepsis then?”
“I think Aleksy said he was a botanist, yes? Or a florist? I remember talking to him about a parasitic fungus on an oak tree…” And weird dreams, but even that portion of the conversation seemed a dream. “So then, it wouldn’t be terribly out of the pale to have flowers for a gift.” And by that token, a florist might get offended when given a subpar bouquet as a sympathy gift in the hospital.
Assuming Alois did such things.
“Vodka is also acceptable. It doesn’t last as long as flowers, but…” Alois shrugged. It’s certainly more enjoyable.
“So I take it he survived without sepsis then?”
Finn considered the moose, and then gave it an approving nod. “That looks good,” he said. “Very suitable. And yeah - he’s a florist. Has a shop over on Cabot - Pocket Full of Posies, maybe you’ve seen it? Window display looks like a garden? Lots of potted plants.” It was kind of a town staple, and had been for decades - Aleksy had bought it from the previous owner.
“He’s gonna make a full recovery,” Finn added, eyes shifting to the stuffed bird on the counter. “We’ve, um, got some old hunting trophies up at the park,” he said. “Stuffed deer from like, the fifties. They’ve seen better days. Do you do, uh, house calls?”
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”I’ve been by it a couple of times, yes.” Alois was reminded of the black death at every pass, and thought it a strange connotation to have for one’s flower shop. Perhaps conjuring up thoughts of plague doctors and massive death tolls and the near end of Europe was good for business. If he felt particularly jointventurous at a later date, Alois considered pairing a plague doctor theme with Aleksy’s merchandise over October or something. It felt like a big if, though; he figured it more likely to team up for creation of an accurate museum exhibit.
Alois folded his arms on the counter next to the half-finished bird - a cockatoo, pure white with sunny gold plumage, commissioned by a particularly beleaguered pet owner. “Maybe I will pay Aleksy a visit then. Which hospital is it?
“Oh, and I don’t do house calls, but I’ll make an exception if you’re willing to send someone for me. Are they damaged or just aged?” Suddenly the lack of a car appeared a serious business limitation.
Alois folded his arms on the counter next to the half-finished bird - a cockatoo, pure white with sunny gold plumage, commissioned by a particularly beleaguered pet owner. “Maybe I will pay Aleksy a visit then. Which hospital is it?
“Oh, and I don’t do house calls, but I’ll make an exception if you’re willing to send someone for me. Are they damaged or just aged?” Suddenly the lack of a car appeared a serious business limitation.
“He’s at Ashdown General,” replied Finn, looking for somewhere to lean that was not the counter (to forward, could be construed as flirtatious) or the side of a taxidermied display animal. He failed, and shoved his hands awkwardly into his pockets. “Probably for another week. Room 287.”
He then pulled his hands back out of his pockets, now holding his cell phone. “Like ninety percent old ten percent damaged,” he said, showing Alois a photograph of a pair of taxidermy deer. “Got ‘em behind a velvet rope but that doesn’t stop little kids from like, hugging them. They’re kind of big and heavy, so - I just figured it’d be easier to have you come to them than the other way around. If you need a ride, yeah, I can make that happen.”
He just so happened to have a Jeep that never ran out of gas - might not have even run on gas anymore, to be honest. But it meant he wasn’t too bothered about his mileage.
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Alois pulled a legal pad from the desk drawer to his right and jotted down the number. Afterward, he accepted the photograph from Finn and donned his jeweler’s eye to peruse the damage more thoroughly. “That’s not hard to fix. I’ll bring my airbrush set for it. My car got totaled, so you’ll have to pick me up. Wednesdays and Sundays are my days off, so any other time should be fine.” If he wanted the wood restored, that might require going to an antiques dealer over a taxidermist, but the animal head itself looked perfectly within his skills to restore.
At least it wasn’t a jaguar with faded spots.
“I’ll give you a 25% discount on the final price if you take me into Other Ashdown this Saturday. Fair?”
At least it wasn’t a jaguar with faded spots.
“I’ll give you a 25% discount on the final price if you take me into Other Ashdown this Saturday. Fair?”
Finn had been planning to expense it to the department’s budget, anyway, so it wasn’t as though the discount made any difference to him personally - but he could appreciate stretching a dollar, even if it wasn’t his own money. “You’ve got yourself a deal,” he nodded.
