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Name: Kane Jartson

Nickname: Raisin' Cain

Age: 17

Birthday: April 29

Sign: Taurus

Gemstone: Diamond

Blood Type: A+

Fav. Food: Seafood

Hated Food: Soy (he doesn't like what it does to him)

School: Meadowview

Hobbies:
Gardening -- Kane has taken up gardening in and around his adopted mother, Laurie's Floral Shop. She pays him a little - but she doesn't have to, although Kane saves the money for college. Kane enjoys doing it, and getting his hands dirty. He does it 6 days a week, and wants to do it Sunday too, but Laurie won't let him. Just to touch something alive and help it grow. The amazing life around him, and he can help it grow and live.
Reading -- When Kane is not gardening, or doing his homework, or taking care of others, he can often be found reading novels of all sorts. He feels that he can learn many things about life and right and wrong, from any kind of book - fantasy and sci-fiction included. He's been known to get in trouble for reading as well.
Virtues:
Always Looking Out -- Kane may be a quiet guy most of the time, but he can be very verbose when it comes to those who can't look out for themselves, and those younger than him. Other times when those younger than him need looking out for, he hangs out with them, or tries to be their friend. Some have described him as an older brother. For one thing, he will stop people from picking on those that can't protect themselves, then later help them learn to protect themselves. He will also help others to study and help them learn study skills, in the case that he can't be there to help them study himself. At times this will extend to those older then him, however, since the coincidental fact is that almost all of his friends are younger than him, this is rare.
Studious -- Kane seeks to be a Doctor. As a junior next year, his grades really matter - He has no known family accept for Laurie, who spends most of her little money raising him and various foster children. She can't give much. To just go to college, he must save as much as he can, as well as study hard and get the best scholarship he can. To be a Doctor...He doesn't know if that will happen but he will do what he can to make that happen, by studying. If he stops studying for a week though, his grades will drop by half a letter grade. He also studies outside of school - he already speaks Spanish quite well, though not fluently, through a free online course, knows all the plants that his foster mother sells by their leaves and/or petals by memory (which helps him both in working as a clerk and also learning herbal remedies for sickness and/or injury). He is also learning to play the keyboard. All of which, could not be learned without his studious nature.
Flaws:
Crude -- Kane feels this trait should be called 'all natural'. Whenever Kane farts or burps or makes some kind of biological noise, he ignores it and goes on with his day. No 'excuse me' or 'pardon me', he just acts like nothing happened. Laurie, his mother has been trying to break him of it for ages, but to no avail. Most adults are disgusted by it. His friends are split. Some don't like it (the more adult ones), bu the younger ones (a small group) like it. It's not like he'll purposely make the sound, or eat or drink the right amount of the right food or drink to be super nasty though. Then there's the things he says. No he doesn't swear or insult others. The times when there's something wrong going on, and there's something that needs to be said, but everyone is too polite to say it, that's when he will speak up and say in clear plain speech (which is usually taken as rude by others) what is wrong and how to change it. A lot of times this is taken as offensive.
Stressed -- Kane can be great guy most of the time, but with all the energy that he is putting into studing, his job, and all his other activities, he can get very stressed, and lash out at those he cares about. In fact, lately, he has became very stressed out and is starting to feel rage. It may have something to do with the fact that Laurie (his adopted mother) just sat him down with an heart-to-heart talk to let him know about his background - his biological mother abandoned him at the hospital, the day he was born. That's stress. Laurie had told him that she had adopted him, but not about his family until now. Pretty stressful.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Almond Shaped Black eyes.

Hair: Cornrows of hair down to the middle of his back, black as night, and filled with dark beads.

Face: Middle-Eastern or North African descent. Oval, little ears.

Clothes: School Uniform

HI Hawk, first I want to say good luck on Anubis.

Okay now then, to the school kid.

My question for Kane is why is he at Hillsworth? This is a private school that costs money but also for troubled teens, that can't be handled otherwise. By reading his profile I don't really see a reason for him to be in Hillsworth, I doubt he'd get in any serious trouble if he wants to be a doctor; that said he maybe more fitting of Meadowview.

I feel like his traits need a little bit of work. Something that helps me often when I'm writing profiles are a couple of questions.


How does this (positively/negatively) affect my character?
Does it help/hurt my character? How?

These two questions often help me at the very least get a starting point that I can expand on better.

That said I'd love to see more information on Always looking out, as it reads Kane's protective of the younger people he knows. What sorts of things does he do to be protective? Will he stop someone if they're picking on one of his friends and they don't want that person to be picking on? Is it just those younger than him, or could this extend to any of his friends?

For Studious, this isn't really a virtue. This is something he does, much like his crude and isolation traits. All of these are unfortunately need to be written so they're traits.

Studious, could become more of a trait, if you explained what sort of short term positive effects there are with his study habits. Does he grades wavier if he's not studying? How does studying help him beyond school?

A trait shouldn't be part time, a trait must be something that effects him every day in all types of scenarios, not just one.

Now then with Crude - if you really want to stick to this, besides what Kane does bodily . . . are there other ways he's Crude? Does he crack immature jokes? Does he act rudely and state his thoughts very plainly and blunt?

Honestly, Isolation isn't a bad thing, so I'd suggest this one be replaced completely. Just because someone doesn't like people around them sometimes, doesn't mean they're a loaner or trouble. It just means they enjoy me time and that's not bad.


Now then for his Senshi side. Could you please link your sphere's plant? I've found two different things for Deadnettles. One of them is the american weed Deadnettle and one of them is a Genius.


He can't use his uniform to grow the flowers needed for his attack. If you want him to use his uniform, it should be a charm or something that he touches; to start the attack. Also any flowers or vines used in attacks should be purely energy based flowers and vines and not real ones.

Once you link me the deadnettle information we can get into the attacks and work on making them more solid okay?

Just quote me back and let me know if you need any help or anything else~!

That's fine dear.

Okay so before, I can actually further comment on the attacks, I want to apologize you cannot use a Genus of a plant as your senshi's sphere. It'll have to be narrower since there are a lot of plants under the Lamium Genus. You can stick to the Lamium Genus but it needs to be one of the specific plant species.

Also, Yes Hillworth is for disadvantaged backgrounds. However, these typically are kids that have behavioral problems, are bounced around in the system from place to place and can't find any where steady to live and be actually wanted and loved.

So then answer me this, because I want to make sure that I'm clear in understanding you here; and I'm a little confused now by his profile. If Laurie took Kane in at birth, instead of actually adopting him she just fosters him? Wouldn't there be check ups on a foster child to make sure the family can handle and support him and be very obvious that he's a foster child? His Foster mother wouldn't be able to hide that information until he was 17 in this case.

Where as an adoptive mother would because she wouldn't have to deal with constant check ups and other people dropping in on them to make sure Kane is being cared for correctly.

Both of these scenarios I agree would cause stress and come with other complications such as anxiety, feeling of not belonging in some cases, etc. Specially since kids are able to tell much easier that there is something right and a feeling of 'this is wrong' when being lied too.

So honestly, if he's been with Laurie all along and not known that he wasn't hers, he should be adopted and Laurie should be his adoptive mother instead of foster. Where as if he's constantly being checked on and both him and Laurie have to deal with the system and proving that Kane is being taken care of and has a non-abusive home; he can be a foster child, but he would've known much sooner in life because of the constant check ups.

Laurie sounds like she should be financially stable enough to adopt Kane straight out and not deal with the system at all beyond the adoption process. If Laurie has then hidden the truth from him all these years, then he'd probably have trust issues and other flaws/emotional distress which would in that case be enough to warrant him being in Hillworth. However, this still wouldn't be considered disadvantaged, it would in fact be troubled because he's had to deal with the feelings that he didn't belong with Laurie despite the fact she obviously loves him and wants to take care of him, and he may love her too but have his standoffish moments. Especially since children are far more able to tell when something's off even if they can't explain it.

Which ever one you choose to do, would you mind tweaking his profile to clarify which way you prefer? This way other players won't be confused either when trying to plot rps with you.

Just quote me back and lemme know when you've made the tweaks and we can go from there to get Kane ready for a stamp!

Okay, so I've been looking at the attacks and sphere. The Deadnettles actually don't have any healing properties, they're a ground cover. In the spring they're a particularly tall ground cover.

We encourage people to stick with attacks related to their sphere. With this particular case, I'd suggest if you want to continue with deadnettles as a sphere, to make use of the fact they are a tall ground cover.

An example of possible attacks for Anubis; could be that he ensnares/tangles up someone for basic and super making it difficult for them to move, trip them up, etc. for a set amount of time. And his Eternal attack following that sort of line up, the deadnettles could tire someone if they had to struggle against it long enough but order attacks should not drain energy from anyone.

Also, just to reiterate, his uniform should not sprout deadnettles for Anubis to use, any flowers or what not on his uniform should be purely decorative. However, if you wanted him to handle something to activate the attack he simply touch his choker or some sort of motif of deadnettles.

Alright, when you get the attacks written let me know so I can take a look at them and either help you tweak the attacks or stamp them.

Okay, so I'm sorry to say I don't think the Eternal will work for two reasons, one of which is where does the water come from that Anubis uses; his sphere wouldn't just provide him water. Secondly, we don't have characters that actively poisons other characters where they need or require an antidote. So this attack, while an interesting concept; I'm afraid won't get used in this setting. If there are characters that poisons others, it's such a small time frame that an antidote wouldn't be effective and wasted.

I suggest sticking to other forms of healing.

Now then, the Super attack is close, what qualifies as a large energy? I see you mention minor breaks or battle cuts, can you explain that a bit? Both of these are really board and can include a wide range of things without being specific. Battle cuts in game terms here can range from a shallow, paper-cut-like cut, to deep gashes, then sometimes and very extremely (and rare) loss of limbs. Breaks could mean breaks in skin or bone breaks.

Also, for Basic could you clarify/expand what you mean by Minor Sprains and Nasty Scrapes? What counts as a minor sprain or a nasty scrape?

Also for both basic and super, it'd also be good to clarify that it could work up to x amount of healing. That way even if it's something smaller than what's described here the player knows that he can still use either of his attacks on smaller wounds too.

Okay so we're headed in the right direction with basic and super. Both of these are wayyy to large and over powered on their healing effects, also this is too specific.

If you want complete healing they need to be scaled by a lot, a five in by three inch wound is actually really large, it's bigger than a human hand! Usually more specific but not overly specific include something like "paper cuts" "1st degree burns" "Sun Burns" which gives people about a visual idea since sometimes it's easier to mentally picture descriptions like this vs "A thin wound 1/2 an inch long." Heck I've ended up with bruises the length of my finger or the size of a hand because of work (Boxes are brutal when they decide they have a grudge).

That said, you could scale back the amount of healing it does if you want to heal completely (re: smaller scales), be a temporary pain relief on a set amount of time and after that time the pain comes back, or accelerate healing - if accelerating the healing, you could put a time limit and percentage limit so that wounds aren't completely healed but they are better. Something with a time limit and percentage limit basically means if he used his attack on a life threatening cut, it would be less threatening but should still be problematic and need stitches but it would buy them more time to get to somewhere to get it properly treated.

- - - - - -

Now then for Eternal . . . . to me right now without actually seeing an attack write up for this it sounds way too close to Purification; and only Princes(ses) are allowed to purify anyone. So if you can write it and it not be like purifying someone, I'd love to see what you had in mind. Otherwise, if it's going to turn into an attempted purification, his Eternal needs to be something different for the attack.

So, I noticed your space object and link to it are missing.


Also, a couple of things I might have missed previously, I do apologize but these really need fixing. For his second stage attack you mention he makes a pot of this creme. Where does the pot come from? Why does he even have a pot? The magic is about the cream that the marigolds make not the pot, so really I don't think he needs a pot at all.

I also noticed that the attacks are in minutes. Those should be in seconds, and less than a minute.

For Super however, you cannot heal concussions, however you can provide relief for them.

Also within your time limits please, make sure to note that if there's cream left unused that it also disappears when the attack ends.

So, now then for eternal; I'm sorry but that's not how shields work. The shield either blocks all attacks, or doesn't block any. They don't function where they absorb attacks in this manner and they shouldn't really be able to choose who to shield from, considering if it were to absorb a blow from a sword, it would still feel like the sword is hitting a physical shield, despite the shield being energy. There would be a certain amount of pressure placed on the shield from blows like this.

That said and just so we are clear Chaos is not an infection, it can be metaphorically called an infection. However, it is not an actual infection, and should not be treated as a physical infection.