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 Posted: Wed May 04, 2016 4:54 am
Lawr had been away on a mission, which left Melvin worried despite himself. Regardless of what their relationship was or wasn't, he had spent time, quiet hours, dangerous moments, and many months being with Jan. Switching to Lawr was a change, and he was trying to put his best food forward for both of their sakes and that protective drive didn't slip away.
When Lawr texted him, he was at first confused what he was even saying, not sure if he was even still at the mission until he decoded what was being said and found out he was in the infirmary.
Making a bag for the man with a book, two sets of clean clothes, and his journal and pens if he choose to want to write, he headed to the infirmary and asked around till he was given the room.
A knock was given, with a tentative 'Lawr?" before he stepped inside.
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2016 10:28 am
Lawrence did not look very great when Melvin entered. Butch had been working to haul his internal organs into place and mend up the damage done by a shield broken and a deep set of gouges into his soft and vulnerable parts and though progress had been made it was nevertheless slow and looked like it had to be getting slightly worse while it got better. He had a bandage with a runic sheen to it around his chest and had the sheets covering the rest of him. His hair was a wild mess but he didn't seem capable of being too concerned with appearances at that moment in time, giving Melvin a slightly wild-eyed look when he entered the room. He was still rigged up to an IV, no one willing to shove water or food into intestines not yet mended all the way.
He was holding an emesis basin in his hand (just in case) and had more than the usual shadows under his eyes. He looked older than he had, different even than when he'd left and it was possible it was the mess he was in, it was possible it wasn't.
"Hello Melvin." he said raggedly.
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2016 8:06 pm
When Lawr said the mission went bad, he didn't imaging it being THIS bad. At no point had he seen Ja- uh, Lawr this bad off. Despite being pale and skinny, recent strides to eat better had made the man look far healthier than he had been in some time, but it didn't seem like any of that had mattered. With holly features, pale complexion, and looking so worn that he looked far older than he was, Melvin took a moment just to take him all in.
Shocked, he moved slowly, speechless as he set the backpack on a nearby chair as he made his way over. "Lawr, you look ..." That wasn't going to help his mood. He probably knew how he looked. "...Are you okay?" He corrected, moving to his bedside and reaching out to touch his hair, pressing a palm to his brow to brush his hair back, and leaning in to kiss his brow only to jerk that reaction back and instead hovered there. It was too easy just to let his worry get the better of him, to see Jan still and want nothing more than to hold him and comfort his.
Instead, the hand on Lawr's brow moved to hold his cheek.
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 3:56 am
"That bad eh?" Lawrence asked with a wry smile as Melvin gave him a stricken look and made his way over. He assumed he did not look great but had been avoiding mirrors in a display of his usual avoidance in order to avoid verifying that suspicion.
He leaned into the contact in his usual cat like way and simply quirked a brow when Melvin stopped himself from kissing him. He didn't comment on it, leaning his cheek against the other man's touch again.
"It was pretty rough, I'll admit, but I survived. Other people didn't."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 4:16 am
"It's not good." His hand moved back to slowly comb his messy hair, moving his fingers slowly as to not cause Lawr any additional pain to what he was clearly going through. The man needed a bath and Melvin wished he could somehow clean him to help him feel more human.
"Nothing some rest and time won't fix. Then you'll be right back to your handsome self again."
Hair fixed as best as he could manage, he turned to drag a chair over and sat down beside him as close as he could. "I'm glad you made it. Can I ask what happened?"
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 9:35 am
Lawrence was just counting on not needing some sort of medical aid and retaining mobility, so the comment was met with nothing but flat determination. Butch had said he thought he could fix it, and that was as much as he could count on right now.
The idea of an interrogation however made that determination falter somewhat. Melvin liked his questions.
"I was sent to a routine investigation and clearance mission as a medic." he said almost robotically. "We were attacked, everyone but me and one other individual made it back, I was fighting to save them when this happened."
His temper was already rising even despite the weakness, irritation pent up at even something as small as the cessation of contact from the other man, finding his thoughts tripping up on arousal for no reason at all and finding that the simplest solution was to blame Melvin for it.
"I was being good." he said. "And now I'm older. The years I'd gained are gone. I will die Melvin, sooner than I would have, Jan will die sooner than he would have." because speaking Melvin's language was easier than trying to stress that Jan wasn't him.
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 9:48 am
Thentone was met with a frown. "I only asked because I was worried and wanted to know about your injuries. I didn't say you weren't being good." Being in a bed was makin him touchy. Did he think Melvin wasn't on his side anymore?
"You don't have to mention Jan again. You're Lawr. There isn't any point in Jan even if he came back unless you need him. I don't want Jan if it's just for me." The fact Lawr had to add that in bothered him and he leaned back, watching him.
"You aren't older." Though he did look it. "Age doesn't work like that."
"Is there anything you need?"
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 10:00 am
Lawrence's patience was fraying thinner and thinner and he wasn't even sure why this was. "Don't talk to me as if I am stupid Melvin." he said warningly. "And I can mention whoever I wish, when it is me I am referring to. You are taking advantage of an ill man to push your luck and I don't appreciate it." And he found himself filled with the urge to get up and leave, though completely unable to do so.
"I am older Melvin. It works like that. I know it does. There are ways to be younger and there are ways to have that gift taken away again. This is what happened to me." Melvin right now was good for nothing, nothing he really needed, withdrawn from him thanks to the sins of the past and wanting him to play silly games to win him back, games he didn't have the time or energy to play.
And there was a steely desperation in his tone as he snapped. "Nothing you would give me."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 12:06 pm
He rose his hands up, showing him unarmed and not here to start anything. "I didn't say that. I just don't know a way a gift as abstract as actual time can be given and taken. Last I checked the archives, no one has discovered the fountain of youth. No need to get snippy." He pointed out.
Lawr was a big change from Jan and he still was figuring out the twists and turns of his personality. "I'd give you a lot but if you don't want me for anything, not even company, then I don't want to stay here and upset you when all I want to do is help." He rose up slowly.
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 12:13 pm
"Well it can." he said. "I killed a few people. A long time ago. In exchange for those people I got a few years of their time. Those years are now gone from what I can gather." and it just made him more tetchy to say it.
"I'm ill and in no mood for attitude." he said. "And you wouldn't give me anything sexual." he said, before adding. "Nor should you. I don't even know why you are here given what I told you. Do you enjoy being hurt?"
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 1:42 pm
He grew colder now despite the sickening twist at hearing him admit he had killed. Killed in some way for years. Without knowing how or why, he was left only with the base knowledge that he killed. And yet he told him. Was he so sure that even now he wouldn't turn him in or knew that even the confession of a drugged up patient without evidence wouldn't matter.
But the why and how still stood.
"I don't like being hurt." He eased out of his chair, moving over to him and pressed his hands upon the bed to lean in, fixing his hair slowly at first before moving to throw a leg over him. He didn't sit, but he hovered. "You've used my body for months under a lie and got bored when you said you wouldn't. For what?"
He eased his body to lightly hover on top of him.
"Do you think now that you'll even get America after all she knows about you? That you'll walk and claim that little house in town as your own?"
He moved those hands around his neck and wished it was all like before. "Tell me, do you like being hurt too?"
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 1:58 pm
Lawrence was a little more wary as Melvin's response to him sharply reprimanding him was to once again fix his hair, the gesture making his scalp prickle with the sensations, but he was tense and if he had been a cat, the fur along his tail would have been puffy and wary. When Melvin almost straddled him even the movement of his weight on the bed was enough to make the pain twist its way up like a hook in his innards once again, taking his breath away in a gasp.
And yet in amongst the pain was the persistent and relentless need that hadn't abated since he'd gotten back. "I wanted to change." he said. "I didn't want to use you any longer. You are not someone who deserves to be used." and then he revised even this. "Not that anyone should be used."
He relaxed a little when it seemed like Melvin wasn't about to put his full weight on him or his injury, though it was still with a twinge of pain he appreciated the warmth. "America will come around." he said. "She has to. I love her, I won't ever stop loving her."
"And I suppose it depends how hurt you mean. I can't be hurt mentally the same way. Even this lingering love doesn't hurt, it merely pulls, it's merely want. Pain, physical pain can be all right. It is something rather than nothing you understand. It was why I enjoyed not eating. It was a feeling."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 2:10 pm
He sat there, his fingers moving before he went over and pulled a glove off and then the other. What did it matter with him. The pair of them couldn't contract what they weren't already infected with, and Lawr was a murderer after all.
Gloves on the bedside, he let his hands move back to his hair, face, and shoulders as he thought. "You love her or you want her? Was your talk of not being able to love all a lie too or is this a new kind of lie? Trying to make her your wife is just using her like you used me unless you really mean it, and what will you do when she doesn't come around?"
Lawr sounded insane when he thought America woukd easy change her feelings for him.
He moved his hand down upon his chest upon the runic bandages and pressed slowly. Did he feel this too?
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 2:23 pm
Melvin taking off his gloves fascinated Lawr in the moment, aware of how important they were to the other man's sense of cleanliness and control and slightly concerned from a safety perspective about what it meant. He just had to assume the other man hadn't somehow snapped or that if he had it wasn't in his direction.
Still, the contact was nice, even if relentlessly distracting in his present state, permitting and leaning into the contact. "I love and want her." he said. "Because I can't stop thinking about her, all day, every day. Its constant and sometimes it makes it difficult to think. Maybe its not love as some people know it but there are so many definitions these days. I think I'd make a good husband, she'd make a good wife. I just want stability. I've hurt her, but I can't leave her, I can't let go, it never stops. With you I can set you free, I could let you go without following you, without chasing you down." And even as he said he wasn't sure if he could.
He winced and hissed through his teeth as Melvin pressed on the injury. "Ouch!" he exclaimed, looking scandalised. "Stop that!" He was trying to avoid scarring and here was Melvin just touching things and not the right things at all.
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 2:38 pm
He stilled the hand but didn't move it back, looking up to stare right into his pale eyes. "Did you think I wanted to leave you at any point? Did I ******** anyone else? Did I even look? When everyone came against you, I defended you blindly because of that lie I loved. That person who kept me going because I didn't have anything left for a monster like me. I wanted to stand by you each and every time I found something to the contrary. The videos. The incidents. The tumors that you and reports backed up. The things you held from me and only later let me find out when everyone else on the island knew - like I was some idiot you couldn't trust. I let you have Horace and whoever you want understanding that thinking I could fix you made me just as worse as Mia. I didn't want that for us."
He turned his head and spoke to his ear because every thread was pulling in him. "I - wanted stability too."
He pressed again, curling his fingers against the bandages. "And you didn't know because you don't understand how that feels."
"I gave up everything for you. You think I did that so I could leave. That I just needed an excuse when I had so many? You think I'd give that up. You think I didn't think of you constantly all this time? Jan? Lawr? Do you think that just goes away with a confession? "
He released and looked back at him. "Maybe it's not love.." He started with Lawr's own words but stopped.
"...but it's what I have."
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