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 Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2016 11:55 pm
There was a remarkable benefit to the existence of light which Mimsy had not anticipated, and the effects were marveled at upon every opportunity. When she thought of this, she often likened it to the advancements in science that were discovered by accident - penicillin was her preferred comparison, given its capabilities as a treatment. Something used for healing seemed to suit it.
The side effect was a simple but curious one: the longer she deviated from darkness, the more she encountered paths that were newly illuminated. Directions once obfuscated by even the most intimidating of shadows were impassable no longer, and that came all through Robert's willingness to venture with her into the impossible.
It was regretfully tempting to feel as though they were venturing into that now. Dragging her mother out of the darkness - quite literally - had been one of the single most terrifying moments of her life. Fear rooted firmly in their history flourished so easily within the burden of being directly responsible for her safety, and Mimsy was certain that she could not have succeeded without him. But when she'd finally had a chance to get a good look at her, no longer hidden in her obscurity, it began to feel rather strange to discover that she had ever been fearful of such a sad and broken woman.
So in time, the fears of her childhood had withered away, but in their place were new ones sprouting. Her mother was an entirely unknown variable, and while she was no longer frightened of her, unknowns were still unsettling things. Now it could mean failure in so many ways, and she did not ever want to fail.
With her hand held tightly within Robert's and her body leaned against him, she appeared entirely confident in their ability to approach this together. There was nothing to be afraid of when she could face it with him, and the absently calm smile of contentment evidenced how doubtlessly she believed that.
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2016 12:46 am
To be frank and put it bluntly, this whole thing was scaring her shitless. There were so many levels of not knowing what to do that Caroline couldn't keep count of them, and even though meeting face-to-face was what she wanted, it sent her anxieties all spiking through the roof. Probably up into space, which she almost wished was true, because then Mimsy might be able to see them without her trying and failing to lay them all out coherently for her. She felt wrong immediately after thinking that, panicked that it might be suggesting that Mimsy was incapable of paying attention to anything but space stuff, and it didn't matter that she hadn't even said it, because she'd still thought it. She didn't know how to do this. She didn't, but she had to, she wanted to; she wasn't going to hide away and leave her own daughter out there again, believing the things her a*****e father said. No. The things she'd said. She buried her face in her hands and stopped before she ever made it outside, willing herself to remember to breathe. It was important to apologize for her own mistakes first. That needed to come first. They were already there by the time she made it, and she tried not to think about how long she might have kept them waiting. Compared to Mimsy, it was woefully apparent that she was barely keeping herself together at the moment - and in direct contrast to her, Robert's presence visibly unnerved her at the first sight of him. She hadn't imagined Mimsy to be so tall now, and it had thrown off the entire mental scale pretty significantly for someone so giant. She hadn't imagined her so tall... The panic in her eyes began to slowly and gradually subside as they settled on her, replaced with the clear threat that she might cry. Trying to keep herself from staring, she busied herself with fishing her weapon totem out of her pocket, then held it up and tossed it on the ground. "Hey, hey both of--um, and that's--it's my weapon...thing. Don't want to hurt you. I've already--I think I hurt you so much already and sorry, I don't want to hurt--" She was almost cowering by now, still at her nonthreatening distance, and she closed her eyes to try to focus. When she opened them, it was to look at Mimsy again, and there was no strength left to fight against staring. "God. I'm sorry, it's just...you look--" Normal. Human. Not scary. So much like him. "--happy. All grown and happy." She braved looking at Robert again, as if to wordlessly ask 'did you do this?'
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Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 2:23 am
There was nothing in this world Robert wanted to do less than what they were walking into, at that moment. He'd been raised with a very specific mental definition of what the word mother meant, and what a mother should look like. When they first laid eyes on Caroline, Robert's immediate display of discomfort was evident in the shift of his lumbering body, and the frown so rarely present on his face. She didn't look like a mother. She didn't look like she was worth the word, and he already knew that to be true. She was cowed, throwing her weapon totem out as a sign of peace, but he realized he was never really scared of the woman attacking them. An attack was something he could handle. Something physical, something familiar. If she was just an enemy waiting to attack, he wouldn't be worried at all. She had much more dangerous weapons at her disposal; weapons Robert had no means to fight against, except the tug of his hand against Mimsy's and his constant, overbearing presence. He looked like a bodyguard, but he was guarding so much more than his wife's body this time. The apologies came tumbling out in waves, but he said nothing. He was not the one she was apologizing too - and Mimsy deserved every single one of them, even if he personally thought they'd never be enough. That wasn't his call to make. But then, Caroline said the only thing able to get a reaction out of Robert. She said Mimsy looked happy. And damn, damn if he wasn't proud of that fact. When those eyes turned to look at him, she found him smirking in a cold, distant gesture that faded almost instantly. No, he didn't do anything. Mimsy'd done it all for herself.
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Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2016 2:27 pm
The passive smile on Mimsy's face became more intentional. It was not through pleasure at the sight in front of them, though there was a time in her life that she might have responded in such a manner. It was for the recognition of her happiness; then for the realization that there wasn't fear in Caroline's eyes when she looked at her. Not any more.
"Thank you." The smile carried over to her words. "I am very happy."
A deep breath was drawn in very slowly, the evidence of which was only available to Robert as her chest expanded against him. She was happy, but it didn't seem like her mother was at the moment. This was much more similar to the woman she knew. How had she ever been afraid of this?
Then it felt like the first pins of a lock were clicking into place, and she finally began to remember.
There was never any inherent concern within her when she approached the closed door to her mother's room, nor much of any feeling at all. The wailing and screaming and sobbing did not distress her in any way. If anything, she was exceedingly curious about the woman and her inability to contain her emotions, and had never been independently frightened that she might cause her any harm. She could not immediately recall any instance in which her life was directly threatened, though she was often referred to as 'gone' or 'dead'. Their exchanges only left her afraid of herself, if only her solitary opinion on the matter was consulted.
"Father said that you would kill me, not hurt," she slowly offered. It had never been her own judgment that mattered, and the one time she allowed it, she'd been so alarmed by the subsequent events that she had unquestionably believed him. Believed everything. "Was this another of his lies? You remarked that he was a subject you wished to address."
She focused on her, squeezing Robert's hand at length as she waited for her to answer, not allowing herself to consider if her immediate attention to the matter was due to an effort to get it out of the way or a lingering importance that she pretended did not exist.
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Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2016 3:32 pm
Seeing that smirk from Robert wasn't very comforting, and Caroline hoped to god or whatever else that Mimsy made the right choice. It always sounded like she had, from the way she saw her talk about him; maybe it was fear messing all of her thoughts up. Yeah, had to be that. She felt sure of it when Mimsy spoke and she saw the way she was smiling, really smiling, not like the way she'd seen her face split open with teeth like a shark and dark things spilling out of it. Really, really smiling, and she touched her hand to her heart - in a good way, not defensive of it. But the smile that had emerged to mirror hers disappeared as soon as she heard the word father. She could barely keep herself from interrupting, and the surge of anger that she redirected into strength helped her stand up straight and bold. "He said a lot of things. A lot of really ******** up things." Her voice still wavered, but it sounded more like fury this time. "If he said that, he knew better. He knew--Mimsy, I really thought--I thought you were dead." If she was going to get through this part in any kind of coherent way, she didn't think it could happen while looking at her. As much as she wished it didn't have to be like that, she kept her eyes tightly shut anyway. "Don't know how much you know about this, so...you had to come early--had to or you wouldn't make it. You still didn't. Not long though, I know you're alive now, I--they brought you back. But we were split up so long in there. Or long enough neither of us felt like you were really my baby. You wouldn't cry or look at me when I held you--none of that. Like you just weren't really a baby, and I guess--no, know something's wrong with me. 'Cause I believed that. Started seeing that. Not now, now I've got--getting help, but I did." A long, rattling exhale before she could continue. "Those things I said. No excuse. Not trying to excuse it, and I'm sorry, god I'm sorry, I just--I believed it. Truly believed it. I need you to know that. Swear on all my lives I honestly believed that." She'd opened her eyes again in hopes of proving her sincerity, but they darkened just as quickly when she tried moving on. "That's what I realized. The thing a few days ago. I thought you were something replacing my daughter. Maybe--I'm sorry--I think I made you think that. So we were there believing that. But you know who knew you weren't a monster? Victor ******** did. He ******** knew, and...did he ever tell you different? He let me keep thinking it. Think that and so much other s**t. I think he knew I--we needed help, and-- god, that a*****e, he just lied to keep us believing it."
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Posted: Fri May 06, 2016 6:12 am
He couldn't help but physically stiffen when Mimsy reminded her, however calmly, that her father had been specific about killing, not hurting. He tried not to react past that, despite how easy he was to read. And he listened, despite it all, because he never could understand what drove Mimsy's parents to act the way they had. He craved that knowledge, that tiny piece of understanding that would unlock whatever ******** up puzzle this was. Caroline tried, for all that was worth, and he listened. The explanation she gave him sounded plausible, but only if Caroline herself had issues with reality before Mimsy had ever been born. Despite how desperately she tried to explain, Robert couldn't help but keep some of the blame on her - just not all of it, this time. She did a convincing job of betraying her husband in the hopes of her daughter's forgiveness. Robert was easily swayed to hate the man even more than he already had (which was a surprising amount.) He wanted to say something. He wanted to snap out at the woman and tell her that she wasn't a child, she could have done something, she could have stood up to him. He held his tongue for Mimsy's sake, but his expression didn't look friendly about it. It was the idea of Mimsy being stillborn that finally wiped his sour expression away. His breathing quickened at the idea of her, an infant, quiet and in danger, and his thoughts strayed to Peter for a moment before his brows furrowed in distress. The hand holding hers let go, if only because he needed his arm around her, desperately. Caroline had a lot of apologizing to do before she deserved Mimsy's attention, but at least she'd started. Without saying a word, he made it a goal to keep count. One. Two. They needed to keep coming.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2016 11:01 pm
Hearing her mother recount the start of her life was not the first Mimsy had heard of this, but it was the first time that she had ever heard it in her voice. She was patient, even opting to withhold her typical acknowledgement of 'I know' - a choice she was grateful to have made, as her mother's words ventured into something that she most certainly had not known.
Though she had not felt them, she had learned to identify emotions and qualify their key markers and all that was symptomatic of them. Categorizing each allowed the comfort of her own sense of simplicity. There was nothing - not at the time - that more adequately dispelled the discomfort of finding herself incapable.
There had always been such disgust and terror in the way that her mother said the word 'monster'; that her mother screamed the word was more accurate a description of that particular vocalization. But when she tried to recall it in her father's voice, she heard it only in tones that were impassive, insincere, smugly condescending.
Her mother was telling the truth.
Confusion crossed her face, then hurt, and she pressed in search of answers until something broke. From the fractured pieces came Revenge, spilling its shadow over what she'd been looking for, twisting the memories until they were nothing but splintered points and sharp edges.
"No." The response snapped harshly through clenched teeth, and only the feeling of Robert's arm firmly holding her near him kept her safely within the realm of level-headed thought. Her freed hand clutched a fistful of his shirt, and in her eyes was a look that was rightfully frightening. "No, he did not tell me differently. I asked him. I asked him often."
A sharp, venomous snort of laughter came as she worked to align the recollections in order.
"I asked him if you were correct in identifying me as a monster. He confirmed that I was. On occasion, he reminded me that I would only survive if I followed his instruction in feigning humanity. If I requested his time, he reminded me that he did not have time for a monster. He was adamant that you did not love me, and that he did not love me, because I was a monster incapable of love. I was told that his rules for my behavior were how a human was supposed to behave. I followed them in hopes of achieving that status, so I might be--"
Her hand relaxed, releasing Robert's clothing, and she closed her eyes and leaned against him, remaining just like that as she spoke up again.
"Robert has shown me that those rules were untrue. He loves me without requiring me to achieve and maintain conditions, and I am capable of the love that I feel for him in return. Father is a liar, and those were his lies. I was unaware of the extent of his dishonesty, but this does not change the good that I have, or learned, or know."
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2016 12:00 pm
Going into this, Caroline knew that what she would probably hear would be bad. Not this bad. "He--he what?" She was so furious that it blurred her vision if she didn't blink it away, and the surge of hatred was dizzying. "That lying piece of s**t. a*****e. a*****e. ******** when the anger won against her efforts to contain it, she laughed incredulously without meaning to, shook her head, and laughed even louder. This was unbelievable. Except it wasn't. It was exactly the kind of bullshit she'd have expected from him, and she hated it. She should have seen it, instead of seeing what she did. She should have done something, not folded to fear. She shouldn't have let him in her head, even though she still wasn't sure how it happened. "No. No. I'm gonna kill him. I'll ******** kill him." A hurried glance darted to Robert. "Not you, don't think that I mean you, I mean that--s**t, sorry, s**t. I'm sorry. I should be...okay, no, this should have been first." Calming down didn't happen easily, now or ever, so she tried anyway without waiting for it. The smile was out of place at first, but the longer she talked, the more it eventually began to match the rest. "Sorry he told you all that. More sorry that I didn't ever tell you it's wrong before. He's so goddamn wrong. I didn't mean--I didn't plan on, um. Us staying. But I'm glad you know--glad you found someone who did tell you. Who loves you. Glad you're not letting the past get you, 'cause it's hard sometimes. And." She looked to Robert again, reflexively shrinking back as she did every time she had to look at him directly. "Thanks. For seeing her like you do. Not like I did. Not like he said. Thanks for not--for not letting me or that a*****e ruin this. She doesn't deserve that and glad you know it." Her smile stayed just the same as she took a breath and slowly nodded. " I'm gonna kill him."
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