Hi everyone. I'm new to the guild but I really need help and you guys are the only people who could even come close to being able to give me realistic advice. I'll try to keep this short.

I have always known I was male, but I didn't fully realize it/understand it til about 2 months ago. (Yes, I'm new to this) I'm married to a straight cis-male, so my life is complicated at the moment. He's supportive and things have been great at home, and I've only come out to a hand full of people.
To the point: About 4 months ago my husband was hanging out with his friend Dan, who told him that his wife wanted to hang out with me some time. So I asked my husband to tell Dan to give his wife my number. I never heard from her so I contacted her on facebook. We scheduled getting coffee for tomorrow.
Well, clearly a lot has changed
between when we scheduled the date and now. So, I'm supposed to meet up with her for a "girls day out" when I'm not a girl. I have only met her twice and we didn't hit it off well at all. I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do here. I don't have any personal issue with her, but I was socialized as a male growing up, so my ability to communicate with women effectively is nearly non-existent. I don't even really want to hang out with her. BUT, all of the guys are getting together at Dan's house because his wife will be out and their daughter wont be home and if I back out, that ruins everything for everyone. This situation is triggering my dysphoria hard-core. I feel like I did back in school when my dad would make "play-dates" with other girls FOR me because I didn't have any girl friends and never wanted to. I don't know how to get my head in the right place to handle this situation well. I also know myself well enough, and at some point I'm going to get tired of dodging the "so what's going on with you" question and I'll just start telling her everything and make the situation even worse than it probably will be already. I might come out to her, because putting it off wont help me at all, but I really need help coming at this situation from the right state of mind so that I can even handle showing up.


Side note/other problem: I haven't come out to my mom yet and need to figure out how I need to handle that. I live one town over from her and eventually we're going to run into each other and I'd rather have this handled before that point. If you think you might be able to help with this please send me a PM, it's complicated and telling her could potentially end up involving the police.