Ella wasn't happy. She hadn't been for awhile. Her childhood, up to this point, hadn't been the easiest. Sure, she had a home and a wonderful sibling. Her parents loved her dearly. But, she was the child of a teacher, which meant other kids didn't really... take to her. Friends were hard to come by, and she had given up trying. The only two friends she had even made had... become weird. One left, and the other? Well, she wasn't sure about him. In the back of her head Ella worried. Was she good enough? Was she funny enough? What was special about her? She had, technically, walked in on their friendship. She was the outsider, and now.... well, she just didn't know.On top of that, Ella wasn't exactly the best at school. She seemed to struggle with almost every subject, despite who her parents were. Her parents never once demanded much of her, but deep down? She was sure she had to be a disappointment. She was one to herself, anyway. Her parents were fairly clever; one was a teacher and the other an artist. Then, there was her, the child who excelled at nothing except sports. Something that was useless compared to the skills her parents had. She didn't contribute to the world. She just helped herself; that was it. Yet, it was the only thing she really enjoyed. Especially running.
When she sat down and considered her future, it was black. She was nothing. She had nothing to offer. Nothing to give. There was running - there was always running. The only future she could consider was that one, and it was selfish. It was a life dedicated to her own goals and accomplishments. She wasn't teaching or enriching the world with beautiful art. She would just be running towards a goal she had personally set.
Yet, was that so bad? At such a young age Ella had fallen into depression, and, honestly? Running was the safety she needed. It made her feel alive. Nothing mattered. The world faded. When she ran she belonged to the earth. She felt whole. That was what mattered. Could she pursue that in her future? Was it selfish to find a way to bring yourself happiness without really extending it to others? Did it matter? No one wanted her help, and no one expected it, either. She was clumsy. Foolish. Childish. She had nothing to give, and no one ever asked for anything. Running was hers and hers alone, and if she didn't at least try for a future that would be vaguely happy for her.... then she wasn't sure there was any point in anything. She didn't want to be miserable. She didn't want one of those jobs that sucked the soul out of you. She wanted to at least be able to smile in the future, even if it was a selfish smile.
Maybe she could train from then on? Run everyday. Truly immerse herself into it. Maybe, somehow, she could wiggle in a way to benefit others. Right now? Right now, she just wanted to be happy, that's all. She was just a child, and she deserved to pursue something that made her smile.
