Back in the far corner of the cafe, next to the storefront windows, Hannah hadn’t realized just how long she had been staring outside till she took a sip of her coffee. Cold as the rain that slid down the transparent surface she put the mostly untouched drink back down on the table. Save for the flashes of moments that transpired both in the Rift and on the Moon Hannah’s mind was completely blank.

Her own shift had ended about forty minutes prior yet with the rain outside and her current lack of umbrella she had thought to wait it out. But with the silence that followed, save for the patter of water against the, the time spent sitting back allowed her mind to wander to darker places.

What Delilah had confronted her about was completely true, Benitoite was not who she believed him to be and the warnings she had received of him were true; he was a monster. Despite the number of times he had saved her life in the past, the image of him had been permanently shattered. Covered in blood with a look of joy splayed across his red painted face with his blond hair slicked back by the once life giving liquid, it was clear just how much he truly enjoyed the act of murdering.

I trusted you… and you used me. For two years he had preyed on her generosity and willingness to help anyone under the guise that he actually cared and for a long while she actually believed that to be the truth. But then, right in front of her, he savagely attacked Sidouer then ripped a starseed out of another senshi’s chest and ate it. There was no telling how many minutes passed after the senshi’s body hit the ground that she stared at the boy in horrified shock. How could you?

It was true, they had been the ones to invade the Negaverse stronghold under Cadeus’ suggestion. But every one of them stepped in their willingly and with the knowledge that things could turn south very fast. Starseeds and the Code were both reclaimed by order, and while Benitoite and his allies might see that as theft; those items never belonged to Chaos in the first place. How many of those starseed did you take Benitoite? With how easy it had been for him to rip one out of someone’s chest it left little doubt in her mind that the answer to her question had reached a number where he likely stopped counting.

Hannah’s heart clenched in her chest like a vice remembering the surprised yet pained look upon the nameless senshi’s face as the spark of life faded from his hazel eyes. She sat there helplessly watching, knowing there was absolutely nothing she could have done at that point to save his life; he was dead and no amount of magic she possessed could bring him back. All Acrucis could do at that point was pray he felt little to no lingering pain

That’s the bitter reality of it all. Gifted with these abilities but when it comes down to it rarely is it enough to do much of anything. So many limitations, what was the point? Senseless numbers of Senshi and Knights were killed as were officers of the Negaverse; no one came out of that fight unscathed. Why have the ability to heal if I still have to watch people suffer? Hannah mused at the bitter irony. Leaning her head to the side she pressed her forehead against the cold glass like a compress as if would somehow numb the thoughts that ran through her mind or at the very least make the pain of it all go away.

Then there was Phact.

Once upon a time it was going to be you and I… The absolute feeling of abandonment hit her heart like a frozen lance remembering the way her sister ran off to that young senshi in red. But now I’ve been replaced. True her sister did stay with her till sleep overcame them all in a wash of yellow light before being teleported to the Moon. But when they were out of harm's way not a word between them was spoken before the Senshi of Doves ran to her new teammate’s side.

In the days that followed their return, Hannah had been trying her hardest to maintain that mask she wore when things began to feel like they were falling apart. That cheerful smile as if nothing was the matter and all was well and normal. True to her word she continued to show up to Delilah’s studio twice a week but lately all she truly wanted to do was be alone to fade off into the background like a forgotten memory; it’s not like she hadn’t done it once before. All that stopped her from doing just that was Sheena and Tristan.

The little cat had so much faith in her abilities as the Senshi of Prayer it actually hurt at times because of Hannah’s lack of self worth and acute awareness of her own shortcomings.

Then there was Tristan… since even before they had started dating he had been supportive and caring, thoughtful and considerate; and all she offered him in return was deceit, lies, and only a shadow of the person she use to be. He deserves better than me... I’m nothing… I’m broken. Hannah absently reached up to wipe the tears that slid down the side of her face but it did little to stymie those that followed immediately after.

Frustrated that she could not seem to calm herself down, her lips pursed into a thin line as her frown deepened. I have to go… she all but commanded herself to finally get up and gather her things. The last thing Hannah needed was for Tristan to worry or for her to have to lie to him again about what was truly going on. And so she pulled her long coat on and tied the belt around her waist then grabbed her side bag, with her work uniform and two textbooks in side, then slung the strap over her head.

Perhaps the rain could hide her tear stained face, either way it mattered little; she would pull what comfort she could from the weather and drown herself in the the white noise if only to make the sounds of the battle fade back into nothingness even if it was only temporary.