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 Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2016 4:50 pm
He was... done. Just... done. As scared as he was, he was done with that. Done with all of this. He shouldn't have come here in the first place- he knew he'd just make a mess. Maybe Rasiel had been getting better. And if he hadn't shown up-- well, he wouldn't have felt a need to kiss Andy and potentially blow his cover. His anger was quickly fading into guilt, which would eventually turn into regret. But no, he couldn't go back. He wouldn't go back.
He made his way down the path to the main building, figuring he should at least tell Delilah where he was going. There was a part of town that seemed to have more nonhuman inhabitants that he could probably ease himself into... At least for a little while.
Once inside the building, he readjusted his bag, and made his way to the front desk... "Delilah...?
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Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2016 8:21 pm
 Delilah was sitting at the front desk, working on the computer to input data, typing quickly as she seemed very focused. She was concentrated, her mask off as her eyes scanned over the information on the screen, she hadn't noticed someone walk up. As Deskri spoke, her eyes slid over to him, almost as though annoyed at first until she realized who had called for her attention. Her face softened, a smile forming across her lips to see him. "Oma.." she responded but then her eyes caught sight of the backpack and her eyebrows furrowed into deep concern. "Is.. e-everything okay?" she returned her gaze to Deskri, looking into his eyes, reading his emotions. He's in pain..Delilah moved to stand, searching for words that could accompany her growing worry. Something had to have happened, she dare not linger on the thought too long in fear that it may reach deep enough to pull at her anger that lay dormant, fueled by Rasiel's recent behavior behind a composed emotional wall. Her voice lowered, "..deskri.." she whispered. She was terrified of what he would say, but she needed to hear it. She needed to know.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2016 9:32 pm
'Is.. everything okay?'
Internally he couldn't help but laugh at the question. He was there, in front of her, with all of his worldly possessions in a back slung over his shoulder... of course things weren't okay. But Delilah wouldn't know that- not yet. So instead, he shook his head slightly, chewing his lip a little as he thought of the words he wanted to use.. How to explain this...?
"I..." He started, then paused - how did he want to phrase this? What had he even done? Already his memory was foggy- hastily wiping away the bad in a desperate attempt to pretend things were better than they really were. No... he'd pretty much ended everything, there. Barely leaving himself a crack to come back in through, but not... not in that way.
"I'm... leaving, for a while... I can't--... I can't do this, not... right now." He shook his head again, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair nervously. "It's not... healthy. Or safe. For either of us." He swallowed, hoping she'd understand... Then again, she'd asked him if Rasiel had hit him before, so she would probably assume it was worse than it really was.
"Seeing-... what happened, it... Mm.. I just, can't. And I don't know if I ever really could... You know? I can see now- that... we weren't ever meant to be happy. Together. So I'm leaving for a little while. Cool down... Stop being so angry. It's better this way." He nodded, hoping that made sense.
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Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 1:51 am
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xDelilah was torn to hear that Deskri was leaving. ".. leaving.." she repeated softly, the word itself hanging in the air as it threatened to stab deep into her heart. She listened to his words, watched his behavior. She knew he was covering up something more, making it seem less of a big deal for her sake. She'd make her own assumptions later, in private, where she could truly let her emotions take hold of her ever-growing resentment of Rasiel. "...i d-don't blame y-you.." she whispered, a frown permanently on her face as she shifted her eyes away for a moment. "I wish... th-there was anything I c-could do..." she then sighed. "S-somebody very i-important to me.. o-once said.. D-don't force yourself to d-do anything you d-don't want to d-do..." she spoke calmly, a slight twinge of defeat in her voice, like sadness was just at the edge of showing. ".. if t-there is anything that I c-can do for you... p-please let me k-know... now.. or in the f-future..." she offered, willing to do almost anything for Deskri. At least he seemed to care about her. No, he did care, or else he wouldn't be here, telling her that he was leaving. Giving her at least the chance at a goodbye, unsure if this would be the last time they saw each other. She certainly hoped that wouldn't be the case.
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 8:19 am
She seemed... fine, for now... but Delilah always seemed 'fine, for now', so it wasn't really all that comforting. Still, at least she hasn't asked him to stay. He didn't want to argue about this. It was better for him to leave and... well, he'd always planned on returning, it just was a matter of when. "This isn't forever." He finally stated, as if he'd only just realized that he'd sort of made it sound that way. "I... I'll come back when I can handle things." He nodded again, glancing off to the side.
"When I came... I was in a really bad.... place. And I stupidly clung to the first familiar thing -- person -- that I could... and now I made a big mess of things. So... It's better if I step away for a little bit, now that I sort of have my head." He knew some responsibility lied with him, though ultimately Rasiel's actions were Rasiel's and he couldn't -- wouldn't -- fully take the blame for everything that had happened. Only some.
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Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 10:01 am
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xDelilah seemed to be a bit more relieved that Deskri didn't intend for this to be permanent. Though, with the state of affairs out there beyond the gates, it was never a sure thing that one would be capable of returning. Though, she had a flicker of a smile when he explained he'd come back when he could handle things again. A good decision overall despite forcing his hand into leaving a place he was supposed to consider safe, to consider home.
Her eyes narrowed in a slightly twinge of pain as Deskri seemed to shoulder at least part of the blame. A tactic of a self-blaming victim, an idea that threatened to make her skin crawl in disgust over what Rasiel could have done to bring this out of him by this point. Step away, yes that appeared to be the best options, though she had wished it could have been Rasiel to step away for a little bit. "It's o-okay... Y-you didn't c-cause his mess... He was f-far beyond being s-stable enough to c-cling to a l-long time a-ago.." she spoke, seeming to confess her own intentions to do the same upon first meeting him again. "... c-can only hope h-he gets b-better.... but I'm n-not holding my b-breath..." she blurted out, then blinked in reconsideration of her words, but ultimately left it at that. "Y-you will always h-have a home h-here... I'm s-sorry it h-had to come to t-this..." she frowned lightly. "I w-will patiently a-await your return o-one day... I have c-confidence that y-you will find something b-better out there... You deserve b-better than t-this."
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 10:10 am
"Maybe I didn't cause it... but I added to it." He sighed and shrugged a little. Likely she wasn't aware of what they had pretended to be for a few weeks - as if either of them could ever really go back to being together. They hadn't even really talked at all since before the greeting party. He blinked at her insistence that he somehow deserved better than what he'd gotten so far in life--
Did he? If he did, why were things so consistently terrible? What had he ever done to deserve better? As much as he realized that a good portion of the bad things that happened to him were not his fault, he could also see now where he had gone wrong - what parts of life he should have done better...could have done better. The people he hadn't valued enough- the ones he'd pushed aside in what he thought was an effort to protect them -- no. He'd done his fair share of "not good" things that brought him some of the bad in his life...
"Thank you..." He replied after a few moments of silence. "I don't... know if I believe that, but it's nice to hear." He might as well be truthful with her. He'd long since been conditioned to believe the best he'd ever get was a couple of days of no pain. "I should go, before he decides to do something stupid like come after me." He sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'll check in when I'm able. Take care of yourself, Delilah... Don't.. let him take advantage of your kindness, okay...? I don't know if he's going to make a lot of sense for a while.... I said some... Not good things. Some hypocritical things." It hadn't escaped him that he'd been the one to insist Rasiel was different with the mask on -- but he had an explanation for that, just like he had an explanation for everything, honestly...
"So I'm sorry if he causes problems because of that." He stepped away from the counter, once again shifting the bag on his shoulder.
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Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 11:17 am
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xDelilah nodded in a sense of allowing an agreement to his statement about adding to Rasiel's chaos. She would allow that much. She appreciated his honesty about how he didn't believe her comment about deserving anything, and accepted the statement for what it was. "t-thank you.. f-for thinking of m-me... to s-say goodbye." she muttered, forcing a smile as she listened to his advice about not letting Rasiel take advantage of her. Normally she would have retorted something to make a jab at Rasiel, but she didn't have it in her at the moment. As Deskri mentioned that Rasiel might not make sense, her face shifted into curiosity and confusion, but fell into understanding after a moment. She didn't need to know what was said to have a good idea what it might have been about. A fact that she had come to realize, maybe she didn't help on that front either. She shook her head with a smile. "I c-can handle him... So d-don't worry about m-me..." she wanted to hug him, but she refrained, giving a single nod to him. "T-try to b-be careful out t-there.." she spoke softly. Delilah thought about the goodbye, the word stinging her mind as she searched for a better thing to say before settling on the next best thing, "...Until w-we meet a-again..."
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Broken_Illumination Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 10:19 pm
He nodded a little, "of course... You deserve a goodbye, at least.." If it could even be called a goodbye. He'd come back... he was sure of it. "I will.... take care of yourself." He managed a small, fleeting smile, and then turned to shuffle on out.
It would take a bit of time to score a place to stay, but.. it wasn't like he hadn't slept out on the streets before. He'd figure something out...
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