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On February 17th, my GF of which we had been steady for nearly 4 years broke up with me. I assumed she was going through a stage and was bidding for my attention as she usually had in the past so I gave her all the love and attention any girl could ask for during the course of the next few days. She'd shown no signs of regret and immediately started flirting with one of the aides in her college.

She'd ask me every day for relationship advice on how to flirt with guys and it was annoying to say the least. It was at this point that I decided it would be best for me to start dating around. I had learned that an old high school sweetheart of mine had actually just split up with her BF as well at just about the same time. We had started talking and catching up and I was trying to rekindle the old feelings of love we had once shared those 8 years ago.

It wasn't long before I realized just how hung up on her ex she really was. She ended up breaking down and crying because she knew just how much I cared for her but she couldn't reciprocate those feelings. She was stuck in the past and refused to let go of a failing relationship. I thought things would work themselves out soon until I'd seen them together at the mall during my shift at work holding hands and realized just how far away she was from achieving closure.

Things will not work out between them and I'm sure she knows that just as much as I do. I had planned to just wait it out until eventually she got over him as I had done so many times in the past, but every single time I waited, she ended up with someone else. It's truly a painful thing to watch the one person that you've been waiting for your whole life continue to ignore your advances and seek meaningful relationships with others. This has been happening for 6 years now and it was at this point that I think I'm finally ready to give up.

I realize now that me waiting for her and hoping to re-ignite the spark that had once brought us so closely together is no different than her being so hung up on her ex constantly vying for his attention. Sure they've only been apart for a few days, but the amount of pain she is causing those who may truly care for them is completely unfair in my eyes. So I chose to move on.

Throughout this ordeal, the one person that I'd been able to confide in this whole time was a coworker of mine who I had actually hired once upon a time when I was the manager of the store we work at. We'd been acquaintances for almost 3 years and spoke from time to time about rather shallow things such as youtube videos etc. It was only within the last few months that we had started opening up and sharing more sensitive stories with each other.

Where I had confided in her about the relationship problems that I was having, she confided in me regarding hers. Her BF would rarely take her out anywhere and would barely put in any effort to maintaining their relationship. They had even made plans to see the new Deadpool movie for Valentine's Day to which he decided to see with another friend just 2 days before Valentine's. So distraught was she over this transgression that she made it a point to share it with all of us at work despite the fact that she is very soft-spoken and usually never talks about her feelings or personal life at all.

One day, after taking her out to dinner as I would do from time to time after work, I decided to bring her back home to meet my family. Unfortunately they were all asleep by the time we got back, so instead we spent time just talking and playing around. Eventually the conversation took a turn towards the way we feel about our current relationships once more and we both confessed that they were both going nowhere. Whereas my old high school sweetheart was still in denial over their breakup, her BF was completely indifferent and didn't seem at all serious about their relationship at all.

It honestly reminded me of a younger me when I was with an old ex of mine that we will call Nebby. She would always be there for me when I needed her and always knew exactly what to say to brighten even the gloomiest of my days. I would stay up until 6-7AM just talking to her back in my high school days until one day she just broke up with me from out of nowhere. I had no idea why she had broken up with me and it left me a very angry, hate-filled person. It took me 5 years to finally realize that the reason she left me was because I did nothing to comfort her in her times of need. She would never complain, never get upset, never show any signs that anything was wrong. So I assumed nothing was wrong at all.

I ignored the situation she was put in once she got out of high school and into uni life and continued wasting her time talking to her as if she still had all the time in the world to talk. It must have been so frustrating for her to have to deal with me constantly harassing her to chat about some random idiotic topic while she struggled just to make it to class on time. Her words to me when she broke up with me were "I wasn't ready to maintain a relationship due to college". The young college boy in me couldn't take the hint that I just wasn't providing her with the emotional support she needed during such a stressful time and assumed she was just a horrible person who was likely cheating on me the whole time.

That co-worker's BF is me back then. She is Nebby. I am a changed man who no longer harbors such feelings of hatred and despair who may finally understand what love truly is. Nebby may have truly loved me back then, but I was incapable of love. I could not have loved her in the naive state of mind I was in back then. I feel like I'm being offered a second chance to give that love to someone who truly needs it at this time and that is why she broke up with her BF to be with me.

The problem here lies in the fact that her now-ex BF is another coworker of mine. We'd been friends and hung out for years as well. While I never saw any of my coworkers as "friends", it now seems like he considers me one of his. The statements he made throughout the years implied he shared a similar mentality but now I'm beginning to see just how much he trusts me. Of all the people he could talk to and all the friends he has, he chose me to talk about his relationship problems. He chose me to break down and cry to in his time of need. I think I should feel bad about being the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. Perhaps I should feel good because I know that he will look back on this day with the same nostalgia that I had with Nebby and smile because he finally figured it out and was prepared to start a serious relationship with his future spouse. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel now; all I know is that I don't. The only thing I can feel is an irrational feeling of devotion and unrequited caring towards the one person who was there for me through my breakup. The only thing that matters now is her, regardless of all that has happened in the world around me.

Are we right? Was this how it was supposed to be? We each care for each other more than we'd cared for anyone ever before and have shared some very passionate times together (no sex if that's what anyone is thinking). But what of those who were left behind? What about her ex? What about my old high school sweetheart? They will each be left alone with no one to turn to in their time of need. Does this make us bad people? Are we as selfish as the ones we are leaving behind? Why do I even care? Regardless of whether we were right or wrong, I will still love her. Perhaps I just need some assurance that at least one of you would have done the same...

Whoaaa, this is a lot to take in (which is why the delayed reply!) so I'll just tackle it in bits.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a relationship expert and barely even know how to human in a non-romantic way. Keep it in mind!



My condolences, man. That situation always sucks big time, especially if it was for that long a time period. :<



... Just annoying?! That sounds downright infuriating. Like salt in a wound.



This line in particular hit home. Truth, right there...



In a way they are pretty alike, yeah. Both dwelling on things that have long since passed and can't really be salvaged, it sounds like. It's good that you could acknowledge that though. From the sounds of it she hasn't, which means things will continue in a cycle of sucky situations. It takes a lot of emotional strength to just let go, even if your logical mind knows things are hopeless deep down, y'know?



The thing about relationships (... in my woefully under-experienced opinion, anyway) is that there has to be an equal amount of effort from both people involved or it won't work. With younger people in particular, I see a lot want to be able to say that they're in a relationship with someone. But once it starts one or the other or even both are unwilling to put in the effort it takes to actually make it last beyond that initial rush of "new relationship feels". Like, it's not as if it should be treated as a job or a chore or anything like that. But if someone really cares about the relationship they should act like it and tend to it like they would anything else that's important in their life, y'know? If someone feels like their time is being wasted in any way by being with the other person, it's going to lead to an end sooner rather than later.



..... Eeeeeyikes. Okay, yeah, that is super-sticky. I don't think I should comment too much on this part, except to maybe wonder if you consider this guy a friend even now? And does he still regard you the same way for that matter? I mean, clearly there's a priority list and he's not the top, but if this guy is a friend of yours, shouldn't he be somewhere kinda close? ... Of course if he isn't, then the numbed sense of concern makes more sense.



I guess we get to the heart of the post with this, gotta say there's some mixed feels here. As to if you're right, I can't say. You're doing what you think is best for you and for her, so in that sense yes. For the two of you, that is right. But if by doing that you're hurting other people outside your relationship, is that still such a good thing? I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm thinking from a place of bias, as I am perpetually the person that is left behind in this scenario. While I don't think it necessarily makes you bad people (you can't help how you feel or the circumstances surrounding the situation, after all) it is, undeniably, a selfish thing. That sounds bad I know, but it isn't inherently a terrible thing though! Anything anyone does has at least a bit of selfishness behind it, in my opinion. We all think and behave in selfish ways, no matter how "good" or "bad" a person may be. It's a natural part of being a human. It's only bad when it actively and knowingly hurts others. So I guess the question is, is it? And are you okay with that if so? Only the two of you would really have the answers to that one. Of course, if the guy cares as little about his former relationship as your post seems to imply, maybe it's not hurting him anymore? Or even at all? In that case, there would be no need to feel bad about any of it!

Anyway, sorry for the kinda rambly and likely nonsensical reply, just my 2g.

I've scouted things out. We've discussed the whole relationship thing already and I think it's safe to say that we stand in a comfortable spot. The coworker on the other hand, not so much. He's already openly admitted that he's jealous of the time we spend just playing retarded steam games together. I highly doubt he would be "fine" with is.

I'm not really doubting myself as I've said. The only thing I question is how this looks to others. We've already established a rather warm bond with those who we're working with and I'm not entirely sure on how we should let them know about us. That's probably the biggest issue. So long as I know that there are people out there who may understand the plight we are going through, I can have confidence in the idea that they may understand as well. Regardless of what happens, we will stay together. I just don't want to make things any more complicated than they need to be. I'm not one to ever care about the opinions others have of me, but this time, it's not just me who will be judged.

I'm beginning to find more and more that I hate dealing with so-called "friends". I seem to find it easier to converse with strangers of whom I know nothing about than I do to speak to those that call me their friends. Talking through text to pixels that represent people I've not even met and can't pretend to know anything about. That is an easier alternative for me who shuns the real world and the fakeness within it. It is only through the veil of anonymity that our true colors come forth. I think it's better this way for me to never know or get too close to those who I speak truthfully with.

I can say with all the confidence in the world that I've only ever had myself to turn to in dire times, or rather that I would prefer to consult myself in these times. The conversation starts out with self-loathing which evolves into anger, then to hatred, to passion, to motivation, to success. It is only through my hatred of self turned to hatred of the world that I have been able to succeed in all that I have. My motivation has always been to surpass all those who had pushed me to the brink of my emotional limits and it has worked for the past decade.

This has given me excellent anger management as well as apparent immunity towards all emotional states. The impression is always external of course. I'd like to believe I feel all the emotions normal people do. But perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps this is the reason that I can never seem to hold a stable relationship.

Regardless, all I can do is to keep moving forward. I can't help but hold onto the past though. I've made a promise to myself to always carry the heavy burden of my troubled past until the day I finally meet someone strong enough to help me carry my heavy heart alongside them. Perhaps then I can finally release these shackles that have burdened me for so long, and yet it is those very same shackles that have hardened my spirit to the unbreakable point that it has now reached. A double edged sword I suppose, and perhaps it is better that I drag these chains through this cold, dark, empty cellar known as life. They may be all that keeps me within this prison and away from the freedom known as death.

I've decided to close this chapter of my life indefinitely. I was made to quit the job that I had with them by upper management for my other job. I'll be leaving everything that I once knew from radio shack behind and starting anew. If there's one thing I learned from this whole situation, it's how easy it is for me to throw relationships away and start again as if it was nothing. It's so relieving and feels so good to lose everything and start all over. It used to hurt and make me scream internally, but now it just feels like freedom. At last, the final bolt holding me down and keeping me from moving forward in life has been jarred loose. There is no longer a reason for me to work this dead end job.

I've been able to get over these things very quickly for a while now. It took me years to get over my first love. I did all my grieving back then. I've since learned to channel my sorrow into anger and direct that anger as hatred to motivate me to better myself. Hatred of self and hatred of the world that made each of us this way is what drives me to be the best person I can.