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 Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2016 5:02 pm
He had not gone home.
The little apartment that Tolliver shared with Hitch, once upon a time, was no longer something that he could claim as his own. It was no longer a place that he felt welcome in, let alone anything more, and he couldn't go back, couldn't risk it.
He still remembered the look in Eurydike's eyes as he'd kissed his fingers and then left.
That had been the last day.
He'd stayed in a motel, instead. Something cheap and low quality, with itchy sheets and lazy maid service, but Tolliver didn't care. Anything was fine for now, anything was okay until he figured out where he was going from here. The nightmares that kept him habitually awake at night were not soothed by the unfamiliar surroundings, nor the distinct - and painful - lack of warm, strong arms around him.
For the first day, he'd just stayed in, sobbing into his pillows for what seemed like hours. It had dragged into the night and part of the next day, and Tolliver had wearily dragged himself to actually eat, his mind full of little reminders from Hitch, little smiles and teasing nags to get him to put food in his stomach.
When he went to sleep, he didn't want to wake up and remember that it was all real.
That Hitch was gone. He was gone.
Hitch didn't want him anymore.
The thought left him agonized inside, howling into his pillow to muffle the sound, gasping out screams that were ripped from his throat until it felt painful to breathe, to think, to exist at all. The blankets were discarded onto the floor, fingers clenched into the bedspread as he let everything out, until he was utterly, completely exhausted.
And try as he might, he could not stop himself from remembering what Eurydike had told him.
You chose her over me.
It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. Hitch had never lied to him, no; but he'd kept things from him, and wasn't that the same thing? But, then again, Tolliver had kept things from him as well, and now everything was in shattered remains at Tolliver's feet.
The thought ate at him, churning his stomach, until finally he gave in. Until finally, Tolliver left his apartment and powered up, somewhere in the park, in the shade of some trees. He stood beneath a thick oak and held the crystal still in his hands, his call to Cinnabar finished only seconds before.
Under the guise of handing over what energy he'd gathered, and his weekly report, he needed to know.
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Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2016 7:39 pm
When her lieutenant called, Cinnabar came, though she chided herself for how quickly she jumped to it.
She was the General here, he should be jumping for her... but after his capture and later rescue, she had been, just a little bit, worried about her first recruit. He was very personal to her, more investment than anything she had yet done. He was her responsibility... and she took responsibilities very seriously. Cerussite was soft and could be easily broken. He needed a controlled hand.
The park was dark when she arrived, but that wasn't surprising. It would have made Cerussite hard to pick out against the back drop of shadowy trees, if his suit hadn't come trimmed in fuchsia, or his hair a blazing red.
"Cerussite. Hard at work, I see. You're recovering well, I'm pleased." She pulled a hand from her pocket to offer it to him expectantly for his energy orb, coming to a stop at a comfortable conversation distance. "Have you run into any troubles, since the incident? Any Order people giving you a particularly hard time, or ones you recognize?"
It had been hard to track down the ones who had done it, despite her best efforts. It frustrated Cinnabar, who prided herself on her ability to find people, and deliver vengeance.
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Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2016 8:24 pm
She came rather quickly, and Cerussite turned, his heart clambering against his chest. She looked as though she was glad to see him; as always, he felt the smallest stirrings of apprehension when it came to his general, but Cinnabar had treated him kindly so far, and he had to try and remember that.
You chose her over me.
He dragged in a breath and then shook his head, a little too hastily, and almost dizzied himself.
"No," he said, and reached out, the little orb of energy bigger than it had the last time, and the times before that, growing more with each time that he gathered it. He turned it over into her palm and then dropped his hand back to the other, absently twisting his fingers together.
"Well, actually." Cerussite said tentatively, a breeze rustling through his hair. "I've had a bit of...I've had a run-in with one of the senshi who took me, and he said he ran into you..?"
He tried to make it sound casual, as though it was a simple inquiry, and very nearly succeeded, only the slightest wavering of his voice making him sound hesitant. Cerussite could feel the ring hidden beneath his glove and it made his heart give a painful twinge.
"I don't know his name," he said, "But he had, erm...like a toga...thing..? And black hair."
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Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2016 7:00 pm
The orb fell into her palm and she closed her fingers loosely around it, caging in the little spark of human life. Everyone he'd take from would get it back, with a little rest, but it would do so much good for their queen, and by extension them.
Cinnabar tucked it carefully into her pocket as her brows rose, thinking over his question... or prompt, maybe. A question suggested a request and something for her to fulfill. The uplift at the end of Cerussite's statements suggested question, but there wasn't really anything he was asking. The General eyed him, her head tilted in speculation.
"I have run into a lot of people, and fought a lot of them. I don't necessarily remember every single one that happens to brush elbows with me, but..." She fiddled with the pair of starseeds hidden in her pocket, a stab of hunger making her jaw clench before she pushed the feeling away. "There aren't a lot in togas, though. Was it sort of pink? Did he have a red... scarf, around his shoulders? I might remember a senshi like that. He was basic level, when I ran into him, which was frankly idiotic on his end. I'm hoping you have far more sense than he did... you don't take on someone who is so far above your own level. They've proven themselves, to have made it so far without being killed."
She shrugged loosely. "What did he say about me? Nothing good, I assume."
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Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2016 7:14 am
He felt, strangely, a sense of satisfaction in giving Cinnabar the energy; a sort of nervous thrill that he was doing something, that he was helping. Cerussite's gaze lifted to meet his general's and he shifted from one foot to the other.
He'd known Cinnabar to be powerful and strong; knew that she was probably familiar with a great many people, surely she wouldn't have to deal with someone like Hitch - Eurydike - who was quieter and too good for her. Surely she had just...skipped over him.
Surely she had not attacked him.
But the more Cinnabar spoke, the more Cerussite's heart began to sink. He swallowed hard and gave a nod, still maintaining his expression of hesitant curiosity.
"Nothing good, no," he said tentatively. "Which was why I was...wondering about him. He said you almost killed him, and said all of this nasty stuff about you and it made me angry, because you're not the sort of person he made you out to be."
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 11:49 am
As he spoke, Cinnabar smiled, but it was not a pleasant or happy smile. Rather, it was hard, showing a little fang, and held parts irony and weary acceptance. It was a complicated sort of smile, but it didn't hide anything from her lieutenant.
"Cerussite." She said after a moment, her voice edged with that weary note. "It is important for you to know that I am not a normal General. I want to disabuse you of any misguided ideas you may have formed about me. I lost my humanity a year go and all that is left now is a desire to serve the Negaverse and Metallia. I am, at my core, not a nice person... I'm not even a person, really."
Her postured relaxed as she tilted her head, the length of her tail curling comfortably behind her.
"What I do, I do because its for the good of the Negaverse and for the people in it. If it furthers our cause, I will maim and kill, without hesitation. To protect our people or serve Metallia, I will die if its needed." Her fangs flashed for a moment as her lips pulled wider. "I am not a senseless beast, though, even if I am a monster."
"This senshi... I gave him a choice. He could join the Negaverse, enjoy all the benefits of doing so, or I would kill him, because he is an obstacle in our path. The things he said about me..." She shrugged, but she didn't look away, accepting the poor light it cast her in. "They're probably true. The lines in this war are very clear, Cerussite. There is Us and there is Them, and its time you learned that we are the only ones that matter. They will join us, or they will die, down to the last man."
"If I happen to meet him again, he will have the choice to make again. Join us, or I will kill him. You remember what I taught you? In this war, like in Krav Maga, the end result is more important than the method of getting there. When winning means you live, and losing means you die, then it doesn't matter how you win, just that you do, because you can't afford to lose."
The general watched him carefully with her red-black eyes, studying his face for signs she had scared him off. He had been with the Negaverse for long enough, it was time to lay bare the truth for him. He didn't need shielding from it any more, and it was better if it came from her than from someone else.
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 1:54 pm
He felt, as he looked at her and saw the expression on Cinnabar's face, a strange and unpleasant sense of foreboding start to creep into him; an ominous sort of foreshadowing, because the look she was giving him was not a kind one.
His mouth opened, and then shut again. He had to listen, not speak.
But he didn't want to listen. The more that Cinnabar spoke, the more that Cerussite wished he had never asked the question in the first place. A heavy weight was beginning to sink into his stomach, as though he'd swallowed something painfully thick, his heartbeat quickening.
I'm not even a person, really.
He knew that, knew that she was part youma, that she had done something to make her the way she was - but that couldn't mean that she was evil. Cinnabar had guided him, given him a chance to prove himself as strong.
Or had she?
I will maim and kill without hesitation.
I gave him a choice. He could join the Negaverse, or I wold kill him.
It was like the rug being dragged out from beneath him. Like the world had tilted on its axis, disconcerting and unbalancing him from an already precarious position. Somewhere, Cerussite thought that he probably should have known this.
Somewhere, he should have known that Hitch would never have lied to him.
This woman - Cinnabar - was everything that Hitch had said. She spoke of Eurydike as an insect on her shoe that she was simply going to scrape off if it got too troublesome. An irritant, an obstacle, something that she could have cared less for.
She had almost killed Hitch.
And I threw it in his face. I attacked him.
He was right all along.
Cerussite suddenly felt violently, horribly nauseated. His face, already pale, was now flushed, his pulse rapid beneath his skin, and it always showed too much, his eyes blinking rapidly to try and stay calm. Cinnabar was looking at him, and he swallowed hard, Cerussite giving a wordless nod of his head, his lips pressed tightly together.
What have I done?
"You're - " His voice caught. He tried to remain steady. "You're right."
Cerussite took a deep breath.
"The end is what matters...right?"
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 2:19 pm
She saw the panic rise up in him and with it, she felt... sadness.
She'd told him the truth about who she really was, what she had become, but there was a bitter note to it. Cinnabar didn't know what she had expected, really. Of course you couldn't reveal yourself as a monster to someone and have them feel anything but fear and revulsion about it. She had meant to make him realize what she truly was, but... she hadn't anticipated that strange, painful jab as he believed her. He'd been so... fresh faced and innocent, this whole time. So trusting. She'd almost thought... but that, truly, had been her own stupidity.
This was why she had stopped seeing Kam. This flash of weakness right here was why she was trying to purge herself of the last lingering bits of Ariel. They made her feel things she didn't want to feel any more. Things she couldn't afford to feel any more. Having a lieutenant of her own, that she'd recruited herself, did not give her a free pass. This was as much a lesson for her as it was for him.
Her face eased into a cold, neutral expression and her gaze grew more impartial and distant.
"Yes." She said finally, her voice flat. "Don't forget that. As long as Metallia is served, nothing else matters. Did you have any other questions? I have work I need to get back to."
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 2:57 pm
She had been kind to him.
The thought went through his mind, twisted and curled through his thoughts, because it was true. Cinnabar had been kind to him. She'd given him strength, she'd propelled him forward, she'd encouraged him. She'd taught him how to fight, she'd taught him how to have courage.
She'd tried to kill Hitch.
Cerussite swallowed hard, fighting against the rising panic, the fear, the mingled emotions that seemed to war inside of himself. If it wasn't for Cinnabar, then he would haven ever gotten to where he was now, more confident than he had been in years.
She had tried to kill Hitch.
Slowly, he nodded. The dismissal felt cold, like the chill air around them. Cerussite twisted his hands together, hating the way he felt suddenly, horribly exposed. His fingers were shaking; he tried desperately to remember what he was doing.
"No," he said quietly. "No more questions."
There was a pause, and then he said, in a soft, pained voice, "Thank you, Cinnabar. I am...truly grateful for your help."
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 3:15 pm
It was probably better this way, really. Innocence wasn't something that lasted long in the Negaverse and it could get you hurt when lives were on the line. He'd get over it, hopefully, and they could settle into a better working relationship. She had to tell herself that knowing would make him stronger. You had to go through tempering to make a stronger blade, after all.
Cin dropped her eyes to where his hands twisted together, but she didn't remark on it.
"You're welcome, Cerussite." She said as she shrugged her coat to settle it more comfortably around her. "I know this is a lot to take in. Our society places so much emphasis on a certain moral structure... learning to step outside of that can be hard. It doesn't make what we're doing any more wrong than anything else. What we do, we are doing for the greater good. To fight back against the invaders and bring peace. It requires sacrifice on our part, but in the end, the world will be better for it. The people we care about and want to protect are worth the sacrifice, I think. You've come so far since you joined us... I thought you were strong enough to take off the rose-tinted glasses now."
"Take the night off and think about it." She said as she turned, her focus leaving him. "Consider what you're protecting against the sometimes harsh things we have to do. It is worth it. Let me know if you need to talk again."
Cinnabar left him standing there alone, blinking out of existence as she returned to the halls of the Citadel and her own empty rooms.
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