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 Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 9:28 pm
He wasn't aware of where he was going.
He wasn't aware of anything much for a long time.
Minutes passed, and then hours. It could have been days for all he knew, even weeks, as though the concept of time itself was now so splintered and fractured that nothing was truly coherent anymore in his mind. The night was still dark around him, the snow bright, and every part of him was chilled to the bone, snow sinking into his veins.
He didn't feel it. He didn't feel anything except the pain, and that came in droves, came in spades, until it crawled up into his throat and choked him with the force of it, until he was on his knees on the ground in a dark alleyway, gasping for breath, a hand at his neck.
He threw up, then, twice. Then stood, and made his way out, unsteadily, shaking uncontrollably.
He had to tell -
- no, he couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't -
(He would be hated. He knew he would be hated, he would be despised, and loathed, and it would be rightful, it would be earned, he knew he deserved it, felt it in his very bones that cracked and shattered under his skin.)
Sometime around three in the morning, though Celsus was unaware of this time, he found a playground. He sat on a swing and fumbled with his ring, dragging it out and trying to figure out what to say, what to do, what <******** thing he could do.
There was nothing at all.
He felt empty, drained, agonized.
The letter was delivered to one Eurydike, Super Senshi of Salt.
It was very short.
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 10:02 pm
It had been more or less an uneventful night. Eurydike had taken down a youma at least, left it crumbling into dust, although he really wished it was another officer. He hadn't felt as... effective, kind of, since the agents had been released from their prison. Like there he could actually do something, make a difference. Now he was more of less back to prowling the streets and trying to pinpoint both chaos and order, trying to make more friends and take out some more assholes.
Better than getting his a** knocked around by another general though, he guessed.
He'd been about to head home when he got an unexpected buzz from his phone - not a whole lot of people really reached out to him, so he fumbled with it, almost dropped it - and almost did again when he saw who it was from.
Celsus.
The last time Celsus had sent him a message, Tolliver had been kidnapped.
The last time he'd seen him, there'd been something so visibly wrong, something so off about him, and he'd be lying if he said he hadn't been worried as <********> for the past week since he'd last seen that a** of a knight. Hitch had been struggling with it ever since - did he try and reach out to Fritz? Did he say something to Tolliver? Would that make Fritz hate him again? Did it matter? What if he did something or -- ?
But maybe this was it. Maybe he was actually reaching out to him for help? God he hoped so. The wait, the stress would be worth it if it meant -- if he could even ******** do anything. But he wanted to try, he really did.
Eurydike was there all too quickly, his sandals skidding on the gravel of the playground, his eyes wide as he caught sight of Celsus glow from the swings. It was so stupidly dark here.
Even in the dark, though - like last time, it was obvious something was wrong. Really, really ******** wrong. "Fritz, " and he didn't even bother with the powered name bullshit, not that he even realized it, quickly closing the distance between them, dropping down into a squat in front of him with his brows furrowed. "The ******** happened? Did you get hurt? What -- ?"
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 10:11 pm
Time seemed to go in and out of focus in the time it took for Eurydike to arrive. Celsus sat precisely where he was, on the swing, without doing anything else except leaning with his head resting against the chains, the metal cold against his temple. Minutes dragged on, stopped, started again, and seemed to twist and confuse themselves into different shapes before the world reformed itself once more.
There were footsteps arriving, a power signature. He knew the voice, knew the figure that came pelting up, knew the sense of urgency and confusion in the senshi's voice almost as well as his own by now. It had started out as such a grating sound, wearing on his nerves.
Now it just hurt. Now it just ached, a buzz against his skull.
Celsus did not answer immediately. Instead, he sat there, the swing moving slowly back and forth, the chains creaking a little on the metal frame. His green eyes, not quite as expressive as his brother's, were unfocused, staring at nothing, or maybe something.
Words failed him, lodging in his throat. The shadows beneath his eyes lent him an almost gaunt expression, skeletal.
"Tolliver," he said finally, pushing the word out, because it hurt. Because just saying it made it real, because just saying those three syllables made him feel as though he were being slowly submerged into an endless, cloying, clustering pit of blackness.
He tried to breathe.
(It didn't work.)
"The Negaverse." said Celsus, "They have him."
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 10:29 pm
Eurydike didn't know when his hand came to rest on Celsus' knee, trying to coax him back to reality, trying to take him back from whatever far off place he'd gone to. It scared him a little, not that he'd admit that either - but not so long ago, he'd watched someone he cared about waste away in front of him. (At the time, really, the only person he'd cared about.) Seeing the redhead looking borderline skeletal unnerved him, and somehow it was even worse than before. It was like he was already half-gone.
How and when had things gotten this bad?
Had it been because of him?
Guilt tugged at him like a hook from the pit of his stomach.
He'd been about to say Fritz's name again when the knight said Tolliver's instead. Those brown eyes widened, and he began to shake his head, not wanting to hear what he feared would come next -
They have him.
"No, " he half-hissed, half-moaned without being able to bite it back, pained rage flashing in his eyes. Not again not again he's still not over the last time no goddamnit why why how could this happen how the ******** could this --
He opened his mouth like he wanted to yell again, like he had the last time, his eyes briefly too intense as he looked at Celsus - but seeing him, seeing him like that, broken and vacant and withered -
The senshi looked down and squeezed his eyes shut, willing his temper into submission. It was no easy struggle, every muscle tense, his breath rattling in and out between clenched teeth.
He squeezed Celsus' knee. The closest he could get to reassuring. "Where? - do you know where? We can call everyone again, get a search party out, he'll be okay, he'll be fine - " Who exactly was he soothing then?
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 5:46 am
He should have known which way Eurydike would take it. He should have guessed it, but it still sent a ripple of ridiculous, manic laughter bubbling up inside of Celsus at the sheer outrageous nature of it all. He bit it back, swallowed it, so that his face remained still and gaunt, the light that had once been in his eyes ebbing into a dullness that mocked the transcendence markings across his face and neck.
(He wished he could hide those, wished he could rid himself of them.)
(His fingers were still shaking. He couldn't stop that either.)
He had to speak, but words were hard, feeling as though they were being dragged from the depths of somewhere dark and terrible inside of himself. Dimly he was aware of Eurydike's hand on his knee, and under normal circumstances, he would have pushed it off in irritation. Under less-than-normal circumstances, he would have jerked, the touch burning into him, every part of him lately averse to any and all kindness shown to him.
(He didn't deserve that, had never deserved that.)
Celsus found he had no energy to do it anymore. He sat there and knew that his world was crumbling around him, and that he was going to have to watch as it crumbled around Eurydike's as well, and that it was his own fault, all of it, was because of him.
Every last part of this is my fault.
His mouth opened, then shut. Then opened again.
"No," said Celsus quietly, in a voice that sounded strangely distant to him, entirely unlike his own. Each word was slow, as though it was painfully difficult to get them out in the first place, as though he had lost the ability to formulate them properly. "That's not...what I meant."
He closed his eyes against the expression on Eurydike's face.
"I should have said...he has the Negaverse."
His hollowed face stood out starkly in the moonlight, as white as the snow that fell softly around them.
"He's one of them, now."
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 5:31 pm
His hands were shaking - all of him was shaking, really, quivering with some barely pent up. Eurydike couldn't tell whether he wanted to laugh or cry, and he wasn't even sure why it'd be the first, but - there was a minute, a terrible minute where he was deathly afraid that Celsus was going to say something like it's too late for a search party. That Tolliver was already dead and gone and there was nothing at all they could do, and tonight he'd go home to an empty apartment followed by a funeral he didn't have a suit for anymore because it got wrecked when they met for the first time and no no no no --
"Fritz."
He fumbled for a hand, because he just didn't know what to do - maybe he needed it more than he was trying to give any kind of comfort, or maybe he just thought it'd jar the knight back to reality, or -
"Fritz. What - "
Talk to me goddamnit.
Then, finally, the start of an answer. An answer that at first, didn't help at all. Eurydike looked all that much more confused, his eyes still wide, his head canted to a side. So what the ******** did he mean, then? - don't say he'd dead, god, please, PLEASE -
The other shoe finally dropped. There was a long moment where Eurydike did nothing but stare at him, his eyes going from wide to narrowed. His hand slipped from Celsus', and the hand was gone from his knee just that quickly, the super senshi easing back onto his heels.
"That's - is that supposed to be a ********' joke, man?" He'd thought Tolliver was dead - he'd just let Hitch sit here and think Tolliver was ******** dead. Then he tried to feed him a line like that? "It's not funny. That's not ********' funny, Fritz."
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 5:50 pm
The first sound of his name felt like a paper cut across his heart, opening his chest.
The second, a deeper wound, as though the knife was sticking just a little bit harder pressing until the first beads of blood began to show along the blade.
The third time, the last time, was the dagger pushing inside, turning, twisting, until he was half dizzied and dazed with pain, until the world around him blackened in and out of focus. And he couldn't think, couldn't even breathe beyond the unsteady, ragged sounds ebbing out of his lungs.
The words pierced him through like agony, like acid. Celsus slowly lifted his head away from the cold metal of the swing chain, and the ground was dropping out from beneath his feet, everything tilting, swimming in hues of gray and black, shadows coiling up and down his hollowed face.
"I - " he started, and it came out a choked sound, half strangled, his mouth dry.
"I'm not...joking," he said slowly, and he wanted to disappear. "Eurydike, Tolliver, he - he joined the Negaverse."
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 6:02 pm
Eurydike's eyes tried to find the knight's, trying to make dull green meet too intense brown, trying to find the hidden, sick smile that had to be behind this. He saw none. He saw nothing. Beyond Celsus' eyes, there might as well have been emptiness.
He traversed a plethora of emotions in that moment, too many to name, too many that were too much like fear, like heartbreak, like - there was no way. There was no way Tolliver would ever do that. He was wrong. He had to be wrong, Tolliver couldn't do that to people. He couldn't be that. He knew Tolliver. He laid with him almost every night, he -
Strange bruises. More nightmares.
Those meant nothing. Tolliver could be clumsy. Tolliver was fragile, sweet and wonderful and - there was no way. So why the ******** was Celsus -- ?
Anger, when he felt it, was clung to. It was familiar, soothing, and so much easier than anything else. Eurydike eased to his feet and glared down at the knight, suddenly feeling much less compassionate. "Y'know Fritz - I get that you don't ********' like me - I get that you're pissed at me - I get you don't think I'm ********' good enough for him, 'cause I know I'm not. I know Tolliver ********' deserves better than this, okay? I know that, but - "
His hands curled into shaking fists. "This is a new ********' low for you, y'know that?! It's one ********' thing to say s**t about me -- really, how ********' stupid do you think I am?! Tolli wouldn't! He would never ********' do somethin' like that, you -- that's ******** up!! You that ********' sick of me that you'd resort to that, huh?!"
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 6:37 pm
He had expected anger. Fury. Disgust at him for letting Tolliver make such a choice in the first place. He had thought there would be yelling, angry words spit out in his direction, loathing mingled with the despair of trying to figure out how Celsus could have let this happen.
He had not expected - this.
His heart felt outside of his own chest, as though it had blackened and died on the snowy ground at his feet. The words struck as though Eurydike had slapped him, as though Eurydike had driven the dagger further and further into his chest, until breathing felt like an obstacle, like a painful, dragging thing that he could not do properly.
It hurt.
It hurt more than he had ever thought it could, more than it ever could possibly have hurt, more than Celsus had ever believed. Losing Tolliver had been one thing, the most devastating and painful thing that Celsus had ever felt before. And he had thought that maybe, even if he was disgusted, even if he hated him, that Eurydike would help him figure something out.
How very wrong he'd been.
"You," said Celsus slowly, as though each word caused him physical pain. He was staring at Eurydike, snow melting into his hair. "You think I'm...I'm making this up..?"
His mouth opened and shut, cracked lips aching.
"Eurydike," he started, but nothing else came out, and the desperation began to grow, began to well in his stomach, churning, boiling, twisting him up inside.
"Eurydike - please - "
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 7:02 pm
"You can't - you can't just - say s**t like that! About your own goddamn brother!"
He knew, somewhere, that the odds the knight was lying were slim to none. Celsus had said many things, many bitter, guarded, angry, and even emotional things to him. This was what Fritz believed, and whether it was truth or not, it was no lie. But he couldn't entertain the notion. He couldn't stomach that this might be a Truth, unchanging and undeniable. He couldn't, this couldn't be happening - and he paced back a way, running fingers roughly through his hair, tugging at the long locks - and abruptly he whirled on Celsus again.
"We're gettin' married, Fritz."
It was the first thing to slip out of his mouth, and almost belatedly, he wondered if Tolliver had ever told him - he didn't think he had. He'd encouraged his fiance to, trying not to push him, trying not to - but it was out there now. The words had left him, and there was no taking that back any more than he could take back the way his voice cracked when he said it.
The weight of his own rage made his chest ache.
"Nothin's gonna get in the way of that. Nothin'. I - I - you can't change that." There was an almost hysterical edge to his voice he didn't realize he had. This can't be happening, this can't, it can't be real, this - no. "So just - just ******** off, man!" he snapped, taking another step or two back, shaking his head. "******** off already! I'm so goddamn sick of you jerkin' me the ******** around - you're stuck with me, okay?! You don't gotta ********' like me, just ********' deal with it!"
His nails bit into the soft parts of his palms and he whirled and turned his back on the knight. "Don't ********' call me again unless it's to ********' apologize you piece of s**t!" And this time, he was the one to run away.
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Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 7:33 pm
The first cut.
"You can't just say s**t like that about your own brother."
Across his heart, through his chest, a gaping wound that had started to bleed. He found it seeping across him, staining everything a brilliant scarlet that made the rest of the world seem duller in comparison. That made the breath leave his lungs entirely.
The second cut.
"We're getting married, Fritz."
Across his chest, below his heart. He found the world dimming, as though it had shrunken in size, as though the rest had muted so that there was a muffled sort of ringing in his ears that had nothing to do with the snow that fell softly around them.
The third cut.
"Don't ********' call me again unless it's to ********' apologize you piece of s**t!"
Inside of his stomach, the pulsing blood draining him until he was entirely empty of it, until he was hollowed out, lost, drowning, dying in everything that he was and no one cared. No one had ever cared, not even Tolliver, not Hitch, not -
- not Eurydike, whom he'd thought, maybe, just maybe, would set aside his differences to help him. Who, in spite of his anger and furious loathing, would be able to push it at least temporarily aside and help him to save the one person more important to them than anything else.
Eurydike, his last hope.
It was extinguished now.
Celsus stayed where he was a long, long time after Eurydike had gone.
Everything was dark and quiet.
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