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 Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 12:38 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 12:43 pm
Chosovi had been through a lot the past couple months probably a lot more then anyone else especially for her age. She was young and had been through so much heartache she never wanted to feel a pain like that again. She still had no idea where Gareth was or where he had run off to and the worry that hit her was enough to cripple her for the rest of her life. She was afraid he would never come back and it was starting to look as if that might happen. She had so much to tell him. Whether or not it would be in a series of yells, growls, or sobs was up for debate. Her emotions were temperamental and she couldn’t quite figure them out. She knew she loved Gareth and she knew she wanted to be with him forever, but she felt conflicted. Would he even want her after the things she has to say? After everything she had done to him? It was probably going to break his heart. Just the thought of doing that to him brought tears to her eyes. Tears she didn’t want to shed. She wanted to be a strong mare and right now she needed her mother badly. She needed to know what to do and how she was going to face Gareth if he ever showed up again.
The road home was a long one and in order to ease her mind, she left little breadcrumbs for Gareth to follow if he wanted to. It was her way of letting him knowing that she was still looking out for him. He was her weakness and would always be. He was the one thing that brought down her walls and showed her what it felt to be loved. She couldn’t believe they had come such a long way from their first meeting. The events they had gotten themselves into and how she treated him at first…it was all meant to be. He was sent to her as if fate was actually doing good things for once or maybe it was the spirits that guided him. A very old strong belief that most of her family still followed. She knew it was something her mother would say since she was so in tune with spiritual energy.
Even if Gareth followed her trail, she needed to tell him what happened. How could she tell him she failed as a mother? How two foals died and only one survived? She never told her daughter the truth because it was so hard for her to face. She could remember her heart breaking the moment she looked upon her two dead sons. Hex was a constant reminder of that time and it was probably one of the reasons why she didn’t see her daughter all that much. Not only that, but she was very independent like herself. Once she matured, she pretty much left to do her own thing. It was both good and bad because it left her with an emptiness that nothing seemed to fill. But then she was proud that her daughter grew up to be a strong mare like her even if she was more fascinated with the flock then she would have liked. She was going to let her make her own decisions.
She felt like such a failure. She hated feeling like this because she wanted to be perfect. She didn’t like making mistakes. She knew she had no control over her children dying, but it still broke her. She never had the chance to see them grow up and she kept Hex from Gareth letting her grow up without a father in her life. She would tell Hex all about her father, but not once did she take her to meet him. Even if she knew where he was she still probably wouldn’t have let her daughter meet him.
Letting out a small sigh, she walked down the path she remembered walking down when she was a child. She left one last feather on the ground so that Gareth could follow before proceeding into her mother’s territory. She didn’t see her father, which meant he was most likely out hunting or gathering herbs for her mother. She had missed those days when she was a child and things were so carefree. Now everything was complicated and if it weren’t for her emotions or that one stupid night with Gareth, she would probably be fine. She looked around peeking at her mother’s collection of herbs and feeling a bit of nostalgia sweep over her. She shouldn’t have left home. Her and her stupid independence got the best of her. She wished she could have just stayed home and helped her mother do daily things. She wouldn’t have minded the simple life now that she had a taste of what really was out there. She had been injured more times then she could count and had barely lived through some of the encounters. She preferred the dangerous life, but she had to tame herself down a little bit especially after having a child. She still couldn’t believe that. She was always the one that said she would never have children when she was growing up. Now she was the mother of a beautiful daughter.
Smiling slightly at the things she was seeing, she noticed that her mother had kept the baskets her and Awahi emerged from. It brought tears to her eyes seeing such a thing because it showed just how much her mother loved them. Even though they didn’t live with her anymore it was obvious her mother kept things to remember them by. This realization made her wonder what her sister had been up to all this time. They didn’t see enough of each other for being twins, but she always could feel the emotions Awahi was going through even if she wasn’t there with her. She missed her sister a lot and now the more she thought about things in the past, the more regret started to eat away at her.
She should have done things a lot differently, but before she could continue on in her thoughts, she heard a voice call out to her causing her to turn around. It was her mother and it nearly took her breath away seeing her. It had been so long and this was one of those moments where he really needed to see her. “Mom…I..” Her voice hitched in her throat as she took a step closer. She needed her help so much right now, but asking for such a thing was enough to cripple her. She hated relying on others even Gareth knew that. “I missed you..” She said softly as she blinked the tears in her eyes away. The look on her mothers face was pained, she could tell, and that made her feel even worse for not visiting so much before.
“I need your help mother…I…failed…I am a horrible mother..” She said softly as her voice started to break from the stress. She couldn’t believe she had lost so much in such a short amount of time. A part of her hoped that Gareth would show up like he always seemed to just to annoy her, but he wasn’t anywhere in sight. She felt her heart ache for him in ways she couldn’t describe. “I love him so much and I don’t know what to do…I don’t know how to face him…with this pain.” She fought tears trying so hard to be strong.
She loved him so much that it was killing her.
Astraea could tell her child was in some great deal of pain. She knew Chosovi was always the stronger child emotional and she knew that whenever she was truly upset she would break down, but never did she think it would be like this. It broke her heart to see her this way. It was shocking, but even more shocking to find out her daughter had children. An event that would make anyone happy and joyous, but here she was crying right before her eyes over this. How did she fail as a mother? Parenting wasn’t easy and by the looks of things there was no stallion in the picture, but she knew better then to judge or assume something like that. “Sweety…what is wrong..? How did you fail?” She spoke softly as she moved closer to her daughter. She nuzzled her gently making sure she felt as much comfort as she could from the gentle touches. “Your mother is here..” She wished there was some other way she could ease her pain. The tears in her eyes were making her upset and she had to remain strong for her as much as possible.
“Your not a horrible mother...raising children is not easy…and sometimes things happen to where it’s completely out of your control. Not everything can be perfect or set in stone.” She said looking at her daughter seeing that it must be something very troubling for her to be in this kind of shape. “You love a stallion? You were always so headstrong and fierce…you told me once that you were afraid of love because it was a weak thing to feel.” She said softly as she nuzzled her daughter once more. “But it’s not weak. It’s one of the strongest emotions you could ever feel, sweety. I know it’s scary and I can see your having a hard time with it, but you have to admit that you love him. You have to tell him..” She knew her daughter very well and knew already that she didn’t tell him. “What pain? Tell me what happened..from the beginning.” She was going to help her as much as she could.
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 1:40 pm
Steam blanketed his lathered frame in the early morning chill as he stood over the corpse of what had once been a Skinwalker. The gashes on his back bled openly but he felt no pain and no sense of urgency to have them sealed up. They would close up on their own, scab over and eventually become scars. Scars were his everything now, scars were what his life had boiled down to since the one he loved had left the biggest one imaginable on his heart. For a time he believed the wound would never cease bleeding and causing him pain but eventually it grew numb and tough, a scar.
He had spent so long searching for her that he had lost count of the days and the question of why she had left him burned in his mind every day. At first he had been concerned, his mind concocting numerous horrific situations in which she was either in pain or hopelessly lost. A hollow grin revealed his two sharp fangs at this thought. “Yea right,” he growled for the second time, “as though she would ever get lost.” After momentarily chiding himself for even thinking that to begin with he remembered instead beginning to wonder if she had decided he was not worth her time. She did often claim that he bothered her in one fashion or another; in that case what had happened was both inevitable and natural. But that had not eased his pain.
Regardless of what he did he could never stop feeling the hurt that had been left behind in the wake of her absence. Each night he would dream of her. Her scent would torment him and her voice would send him careening ever closer to his breaking point, but eventually the dreams fell silent and grew dim. He no longer smelled her, no longer heard her but he never stopped longing for her. Perhaps that was what had helped him to become numb, the reality that she was becoming more of a ghost in his mind with each passing day. Had they ever really been together? Or had he imagined the entire thing?
No, surely he would not have felt so strongly over something that wasn’t even real to begin with. She had been there, she had been with him. He had protected her, touched her, and loved her. It had been real there was no doubt about it. His eyes traveled over the contorted face of his former enemy and he allowed his head to droop. He had won again. “Gods,” he breathed, “when I want to lose I can’t.” He laughed humorlessly before turning away from his kill.
He walked on with no direction and avoided reflecting on how pathetic he had become. Even so, he could remember giving his dear, sweet, ignorant mother a lecture about how mourning the loss of a loved one who didn’t want to be with you to begin with was idiotic. He remembered how she would stare off into the distance even as she lay curled up next to his father. Always dreaming of the stallion that had left her behind. How he hated that stallion, but even worse was how he hated his mother for being so pitiful.
A horrible, empty, emotionless sound came exploding from his chest as he leaned against the crooked trunk of a dead tree and laughed. He laughed at how fate had placed him in the very same situation as the mother he had scorned, he laughed because he knew there was no way out, and he laughed because he knew he would never find her again. Chosovi. The name had once meant a great deal to him but now seemed so distant, so far away. Perhaps he would end up just like his mother. Going around attempting to fill the void in his heart with the company of numerous mares before once again resuming the search for the one he cared for above all else. He would leave them sad and alone, with children that would hate them and eventually become exactly like them. What a cycle that would be…What a cycle.
After the wave of madness had passed he found himself still leaning against that tree but with tears wetting his jowls. This angered him more than anything and he soon pushed himself up from his slumped position and drove his forehead straight into the hard trunk. He was losing himself, no, he lost himself when he lost her. “Another,” he mumbled before backing away from the tree, “I need to fight another.” He needed to drive her from his mind, needed to keep going until his breath was finally taken from him. It was the only way he knew how to cope.
As he walked he scanned the area for any telltale signs of a potential foe lurking in the shadows. The surrounding wilderness was quiet and at peace, nothing like the stallion noisily treading through it. He wanted to be found, wanted to be attacked but nothing even lifted its head from what he could tell. Eventually his stomping came to a halt as a splash alerted him to the fact that he had stepped into a shallow stream. As he looked down he was met with the sight of a ragged stallion who had obviously been neglecting his health. When had he last eaten? Had he even taken the time to bathe properly and cleanse himself of the blood left behind by his battles? The answer was no, and even now he felt like doing precious little about it.
The sound of brush being disturbed up ahead caused him to jerk his head up and his ears to p***k. His eyes met with those of a bear that had stopped for a drink. It stared at him a moment more before taking completing its mission and once again vanishing into the foliage. Gareth stood trembling in place. This savored bitterly of the day he had first met Chosovi.
Before he could be overcome by emotions he backed out of the stream and turned his back to it entirely. “Another.” He murmured but was once again stopped by the sight of something he never thought he would see again. A feather so unique and beautiful lay peacefully in his path. Had he not gone up and stroked it with his nose he would have believed it to be nothing more than his seeming madness pressing in upon him once more, but the scent was the same and it sent a wave of mixed feelings through his body. He backed away from it, feeling trapped and confused only to see another not too far off.
He hesitated only a moment before picking up the trail and following it. With every step he fought himself. He was torn between ignoring it and finding another foe to battle, or potentially seeing her again. But no matter what thoughts rumbled in his mind his legs never stopped moving and those feathers never left his sight.
After an indiscernible amount of time Gareth finally reached the end of the trail though he could see no one in the vicinity immediately. Rolling his eyes and chalking it up to his moronic heart giving him fits he turned his back and began walking away only to hear a familiar voice that froze his entire being. Chosovi. She was here. For fear of being fooled he did not turn to look but instead kept his back turned, debating his next move. Should he even speak with her? Or should he just turn away and go battle another Skinwalker. Was she even real? His mind buzzed and whirred so loudly that he began to feel dizzy.
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Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 3:45 pm
Usually Chosovi would have noticed Gareth, but she was so off tilter right now that she didn’t notice anything around her just her mother. She heard her caring and concerned words which only made everything worse. She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to relive those moments that broke her down from the very core of her soul. She took a deep breath and started from the very beginning. She told her mother about her adventures with Gareth. She told her about everything they had been through and everything he did for her. He was her light in the darkness. He was the only thing that mattered and the only thing that would ever matter. Of course she loved Hex dearly, but Gareth always could calm her down even on her worst days. It was one of the things she loved about him. “I don’t know where he is now..” She said softly after getting to the end of the story. “I feel horrible for leaving him and separating myself from him…he never met his daughter…he doesn’t know anything about her..” She said lightly feeling her chest hurt at the realization that he would probably be angry with her. She told her mother about the other two children that had died. She blamed herself of course, but in reality it wasn’t her fault at all. “They died because of me…I wasn’t strong enough…” She said holding back her tears as she looked to the ground. She felt worthless. A complete failure to the family and it was eating away at her so much.
“I love him so much…he is everything I need…everything I want, but how will he forgive me..? How will he be able to even look at me when I tell him I killed his two sons? When I was the one that ended their lives?” She said knowing full well it wasn’t her fault. They died shortly after being born. They weren’t strong enough to survive in the world and it happened. She knew this to but she still felt horrible for not being able to save them. She couldn’t get over it. “I left him…when I was with child and…he may never come back…” She nodded curling her limp tail around her back leg.
Frowning at her daughter’s words, she didn’t know how she was going to comfort her. There was, however, something she did know. She knew that Chosovi needed to speak with this stallion and clear the air. She knew they needed to discuss everything and it was obvious he could very well be the thing that saves her from herself. “Sweety..you need to settle this with him..beating yourself up over something like this isn’t going to make it better. You don’t know how he will feel. For all you know, he could love you just as much and you should tell him. If he means that much to you then I think it’s something you need to face. You can’t keep running from your feelings. I learned that when I fell in love with your father. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and I think this Gareth is the best thing that could have ever happened to you. You have a child together, even though two passed away; you have to remain strong for your daughter. One day I want to meet my grandchild because I know that if she has a mother like you then she is probably just as strong as you.” She said lightly as she gave her daughter one more nuzzle. “You didn’t do anything wrong..your sons died of natural causes that were way out of your control. You can’t save everything..” She said softly as she looked to the forest seeing the back of another Soquili.
She didn’t know who it was or if they were friendly so she took a step towards them leaving her daughter behind her. “Hello there. I’m sorry for not seeing you before…is there something I could help you with?” She said with a gentle tone before turning back to her daughter. She was trying to compose herself now that there was a stranger in their presence. “If you need herbs or anything of the sort, I can offer you some.” She said in a slightly cheerful tone. She had no idea that this was the stallion Chosovi was speaking of.
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Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 11:13 am
Between the thundering of his injured heart, the white noise of confusion hazing his thoughts, and the sheer disbelief that she was actually nearby Gareth only caught a few words here and there of their conversation. He felt shaky, uneasy and completely frozen in just that moment. He wanted to run to her, to pull her close and never let her go again but he also found himself to be gun-shy in that he knew not what he would do should she tell him she never wished to see him again. Perhaps the feathers were her way of telling him she wanted him there, or perhaps they were not. Around this mare he could never be sure of her intentions and his trust in her had been severely rattled since her disappearance.
His breathing was slow and shallow and the armor on his chest began to feel stifling, almost too heavy for him to bear in this moment. The wounds on his back began to ache and a twisting sensation had his gut all in binds. For so long he believed he would never see her again, that he would just go on picking one fight after another until he was eventually killed. But there she was. He could hear her voice and sense her nearness which only seemed to confuse him more.
She was hurting, she had a child, she needed help. That was the summation of the conversation he had gotten and his mind went to work sorting it out. Perhaps she had left him and found another stallion who had given her everything she needed. It pained him to think of that, but if she had a child with him and needed to rekindle the relationship he had already lost out. He hadn’t even known the original reason for her leaving, perhaps she had already loved another and her time with him just affirmed that knowledge. Shaking his head he attempted to avert the swarm of thoughts attacking his exhausted mind. He needed to leave. He had to get out of there before any more damage could be done.
Herbs? Someone was speaking to him about herbs? Finally he was able to grab onto a soft, calm voice and pull himself from the trenches of confusion. Turning his head slowly he looked over his shoulder at the lavender hued mare. He opened his mouth to respond but stopped short when he saw who was standing beside her. All of the dread he had felt at seeing Chosovi again mixed with a sensation of joy he had not felt for a very long time as he looked at her for the first time in over a year. She was still the strong, gorgeous mare he had known before though he could see a deep sorrow buried within her normally fiery eyes. He wanted to move, wanted to get close to her but it was as though ice were slowly spreading from his veins to his muscles. He was in shock.
“I-Uh…” was all he managed before falling completely silent. What on earth was he going to say? What could he say? Would he yell at her for leaving him and breaking not only his heart but his soul? Or would he simply ignore all of that and say hello. Squeezing his eyes shut he began to breathe deeply in an attempt to calm himself, but when he opened them again they remained fixed on Chosovi and his words simply would not come.
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