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 Posted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 8:46 am
It'd been easier than Denebola had expected to get Celsus to follow her and get away from everyone, especially that knight who wanted to stick her nose in business that wasn't hers. The assumptions Bifrost had made, despite having no clue about her relationship with Celsus, had made her prickly even if her companion's willingness to come with her, without a fight, had helped to soothe her irritation.
Once they were far enough away from the chaos and commotion Denebola stopped, let go of her companion's hand, and turned to face him.
She pushed her bangs back, out of her eyes as she looked at him. Every time she saw him, he looked worse, and she didn't know what was more frustrating; his lack of self-care or his stubborn refusal to let anyone help him.
"You look like s**t," she told him plainly, arms crossing over her chest and brow arched. "What the hell Celsus, are you trying to kill yourself in the most painful and slow manner possible?"
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Posted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 4:28 pm
He followed along behind Denebola obediently, though his heart was hammering a mile a minute and his breath still seemed to be stuck inside of his throat. There had been so much that had happened already; his hazy mind seemed forcibly stuck in the mires of his thoughts, making it terribly difficult to comprehend anything.
Celsus came to an abrupt halt as Denebola's hand left his; he hadn't quite noticed that she'd stopped walking, and he stumbled a little, his face flushing.
"I..." he started, voice hardly above a mere croak, and then closed his eyes, giving a slight shake of his head, which only made the dizziness worse. Nausea was heavy in his throat, and Celsus swallowed painfully hard. He opened his eyes, cringing at the sight of the senshi's hard look.
"No," he said hoarsely. "No, I..."
But he trailed off, because there was nothing really he could say.
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Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2016 12:45 pm
Denebola sighed, pushed her bangs back out of her face and kept the heel of her hand pressed against her forehead as she looked at Celsus It was hard, looking at him, because he was so clearly on a self-destructive path and she didn't know how to lead him back to a road less broken.
Yet, she couldn't bring herself to give up on him, no matter how lost or violently he reacted to her. When the ginger cared about someone, she didn't give up on them even if they ended up hurting her. She didn't turn her back on people who needed her.
Celsus may not have needed her specifically, but it was clear that he needed someone. So here she was, standing across from what appeared to be a terribly broken man.
"Then why are you doing this to yourself?" She asked as softly as she could managed. "Whatever happened Celsus--" she inhaled sharply trying to keep her voice steady. Why was this so hard all of a sudden? "You're not a bad person, you're not worthless. There are people who care about you and seeing you like this-- it's terrifying because you won't let us help."
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Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2016 7:57 pm
He did not deserve the softness of her voice, nor the fact that she obviously was trying to help him. Celsus did not deserve the help, not after all that he had failed to do. Denebola's stubborn attempts at providing him with a assistance were better used elsewhere, on someone more worthwhile.
"I'm - I'm not - " he whispered, but it came out weak sounding. Celsus' defenses were crumbles at this point, and he shook his head against Denebola's words, the sound of them simply passing through his mind without sticking properly. He wanted to believe them, wanted to make them stay, and yet -
"How can - how can you even know that?" he asked her instead, a note of desperation in his voice. "You hardly - you haven't seen everything, you can't - I've been...I'm not worth all of...this."
Celsus gave a wave of his hand and closed his eyes.
But I want to be, came the pained thought instead. I want to be.
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2016 10:01 am
It didn't matter how many times Denebola spoke with him, nothing changed. It was both incredibly frustrating and worrisome which meant the redhead had to exert a tremendous amount of self control when it came to reigning her sharp tongue in. Celsus was not Gehenna, she didn't know him as well as she knew the Martian, so he needed a gentler hand and Denebola, she was trying.
"Because I have faith," she replied, sounding more sure of herself than she had in any of their previous interactions. It didn't matter that she'd only recently met him, she knew that he was worth so much more than he gave himself credit for.
He'd just hit a low and was struggling to pull himself out of the hole he'd fallen into. And, it appeared like he didn't have anyone to lean on-- Denebola had hit a low last year and it'd been miserable trying to cope by herself. She wasn't anywhere near Celsus' levels but if he needed someone to support him, she was going to be there.
"You might not think so, but Celsus," she stepped toward him, hands reaching for him before hesitating, pulling back into herself. "I think you're worth it." She watched him close his eyes, wave his hand, and she reached for it instinctively. Physical contact helped her, she hoped it helped him. "Let me stand with you until you find your worth again."
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Posted: Tue Feb 02, 2016 1:23 pm
He knew, on some level, that every time he met with Denebola, that he was somehow pushing her further and further away. That with each piece of himself breaking off, he was making it more frustrating to her to have to continue to try and put him back together.
And he saw, now, the way she started towards him and then stopped. Celsus felt his heart sink, felt the ache inside of his chest that reminded him repeatedly of just how little he was worth. The pounding in his head had reached a crescendo by now.
Denebola's fingers closed around his. He jerked, again instinctively, but did not draw his hand away, Celsus closing his eyes as if the physical touch was painful to bear, but he could not stand to let go.
"Why?" he asked quietly, and his eyes remained closed. "Why?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 02, 2016 2:01 pm
It wasn't that Denebola didn't want to touch him, it was that she was afraid that he would crumble beneath her gentle touch. And, she was busy trying to collect all the splintered pieces of Celsus that she could so that when he was ready, she could help glue him back together.
"Because, bearing it all on your own is a fate I wouldn't wish upon anyone," she replied feeling confident in her answer, even if she didn't know what he was say why to. "Because it's easy to forget your own worth even when someone else is standing there doing their best to remind you." Self-confidence, self-esteem was a fragile thing and so very hard to hold on to.
"I'm not going anywhere Celsus," she told him quietly. The dragonfly senshi had no intention of letting him suffer on his own, she wanted to, and was going to, stand by his side and help him recover from whatever it was. He could be stubborn about his views on himself, but the ginger was certain she was capable of being more stubborn than him.
“When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change," she said quietly, squeezing his hand.
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Posted: Wed Feb 03, 2016 12:34 pm
He felt a shudder pass through him; as though the weight of what she was saying was sinking into him, bit by bit, until he felt almost suffocated beneath it all. Celsus dragged in a sharp breath that felt painful in his throat, his chest aching.
I don't have any worth to forget, is the problem.
But he didn't say it, his mind racing, the pressure against his skull almost agonizing. Denebola's fingers squeezed around his and Celsus was looking at the ground instead of the sky, his heartbeat erratic and the whispers sifting through his thoughts like hissing snakes.
"What if - " His voice croaked out of him, a desperate note to it. "What if I - I can't change? What if this...this is all I can do..?"
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Posted: Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:23 pm
Denebola hated that she felt like she was making things worse than better whenever she spoke to Celsus. It was hard to watch as the guilt settled across his shoulders and he looked at her like he couldn't understand why she was still standing across him, like he didn't get why she stuck around, why she wanted to help. She didn't need a reason, but she knew he wanted one.
That was the hard part, because she couldn't explain it eloquently to him, not when he was only hearing half of what she said. From their last conversation he'd mentioned hearing whispers and she wondered if he was hearing them now.
With lips pressed tightly together, she tipped her head back, lifted her gaze up to the sky while he stared at the ground beneath them. "What if - what if - what if," she repeated softly, like the quiet intro to a song or story with someone wishing upon a star. "What if this is only temporary, even if it feels permanent?" She asked, chin dropping and gaze shifting to their joined hand. "There's a lot of what ifs to ask Celsus," she said, "and there a lot of things I don't have the answers to."
More than she'd ever admit.
"But, I believe in you. I have faith that you'll get through this and --" she paused, head tilting and red hair falling across her face. "If you, if we," she corrected, determine to show him that she was his friend and was going to stick by his side no matter what, "still feel lost, we'll work through it. Together."
She could be the strong one, until he found his strength again. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Let me help."
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Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2016 2:10 pm
He tried to focus, but it was difficult. Denebola's gentle voice was wafting through his head, and Celsus clung to it like a lifeline, his breathing shallow and aching. His throat still felt thick, rubbed raw, and each time he swallowed it felt painful.
What if it was only temporary?
It was hard to imagine. He felt drowned in the pressure of all that was atop him, because nothing could come to mind except for a constant, never ending pressure against his skull and soft, mocking whispers. He heard them now, hissing and laughing, a dull pounding.
Celsus shifted his feet, dragging in a ragged breath. Everyone else had left him. All were gone now, and he had no reason to believe that Denebola would stay by him, even after she had said she would. Too many times people in the past had told him that exact same thing.
Tolliver had he thought, and the thought was painful, because Tolliver was with Hitch now and they were perfectly happy without him.
Stop it.
Celsus closed his eyes.
"I'll need." The words came out halting, hoarse, childishly quiet. "Patience. I don't - I don't know how to let you help."
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2016 1:05 pm
The redhead watched, contemplatively, as he he struggled to hear what she was saying, as he moved while that horrible fog was still wrapped around his head. She didn't know what it was like, couldn't comprehend what he was going through and she hated it. Her ability to be empathetic came from a place of understanding and now - now all she had to work with was the concept of hope and believing that things would get better.
And she believed, the tricky thing was getting Celsus to believe.
But it looked liked she was getting through to him and that was what was important.
I'll need patience. I don't know how to let you help.
She could give him patience, that was easy. Knowing how to help him figure out how she could help was the tricky part. "Okay. I can do patience," she told him confidently, firmly. "How I can help is really only something you can answer but - " she paused, looking down at the frosted grass beneath their feet " - Let me support you Celsus, in whatever way it takes form." She could do supporting, she was great at being a support structure. "I'm not going anywhere okay? I promise."
When Denebola found someone in her life that she found worth keeping, she did everything she could to keep them.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2016 6:50 pm
It was like trying to walk fast through water, trying to breathe when his head was underwater. Celsus felt as though every step was costing him dearly, his chest too tight to breathe, his mind too muddled to make sense of anything at all other than his own hazy confusion.
He drew in a shuddering breath, and tried to focus on Denebola's voice, what she was telling him, Celsus rubbing fingers across his temple. She was telling him she was staying. She was telling him that she'd help to support him. She was telling him that it was okay to lean on her.
His head spun violently, and Celsus eased out the breath he'd held too tightly.
"Okay," he whispered, and gave a nod of his head, his eyes closing, his hands trembling.
"Okay. Just - be patient. I'm sorry - but - " His breath was ragged, but he forced the words out anyway, because they were necessary, and he had to say them aloud for them to have any meaning to Denebola. "T-Thank you."
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2016 10:08 pm
Denebola knew, at this point in time, this was the best she was going to get out of Celsus and, despite her wishing that she could get more, she was willing to take what she could get.
"You got it," she said firmly, reaching for trembling hands to grab and squeeze one. "Of course, we're friends. It's what friends do."
At least that's what Denebola did for her friends. Her list wasn't very long but she considered them very precious. Celsus was precious. She was going to stand by him no matter what. She was stubborn like that.
"Come on, let's get you home."
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