It was no longer about neutrality.

Neutrality was certainly a good cover, and reason, but her drive was no longer to become something outside the war. Yet neutrality meant she stayed out of conflict, like Hvergelmir did. That wasn’t going to protect anyone, much less herself. Besides, she’d never been really that neutral.

Andronicus just never approved of the methods Order used.

She ascended the stairs in her tower to the archives, curiosity on her mind. No, now it was about becoming something more than she was, something beyond Order and Chaos and the hazards that connected her to both. She would not relinquish her power as Andronicus, but she would not be bound to the laws dictating the war either. The Andronicus was too much a part of her to abandon now; it was also not enough anymore.

(If she was truthful, she missed part of the power the Negaverse had given her in the future. She missed the purpose, the blade, the benefits. She missed feeling powerful.)

Andronicus found the Code Piece where she’d left it, minus the creepy flower face. The orb of light bobbed in greeting, casting the alcove in moving shadows.

Andronicus Squire.

“Code.” She paused, organizing her thoughts. The Code bobbed, waiting for her to speak. On one hand, she wasn’t sure how much she could trust of the Code’s words, not after the meeting on Mars. On the other hand, it was her only source of information about the cosmos that wasn’t written in fourteen dead languages and denied to her. You’d think that if the Cauldron didn’t want history to repeat itself, they’d get access to all that information. Much like the American Education system, they only taught the good parts of history.

"You never did answer my question on Mars, now that I think about it. Is there a way to be neither Order or Chaos? I get we need to stop looking at it as black and white, so how do we become that gray middle in between?" asked the squire, curious. Andronicus suspected it was too a controversial topic to be talking about in a group of rather opinionated knights. Given Zirconia’s existence, the existence of the Dark Mirror, as well a few other anomlies in the city, it wasn’t out of the question at least.

Order and Chaos are labels. If you want to avoid them, stop powering up. Andronicus rolled her eyes at the Code. Labels helped understand things that couldn’t possibly understand. She almost made a remark of how ‘sorry she was that she wasn’t a semi-phenomical cosmic being who could understand the entire cosmos,’ somehow holding her tongue. Somehow.

Humans are an inferior creature. You need to give something a title and you think that a label helps you understand. Of course there are things between. In this universe there are all shades of 'Order', and all shades of 'Chaos'. To be honest, I'm surprised only these few have wound up on Earth. To become the gray between, you must tread both walks of light. Take what you can of Chaos, or join them and take your Order with you. You can walk both paths, or neither, but you must accept both before you can become new. The Code bobbed again, settling on the flower’s face for a moment.

At that, the squire tilted her head, exceedingly curious now. So to become gray, she had to become both. She rolled the last sentence in her head. Perhaps that was why knights who were almost forcefully corrupted lost their memories. One had to accept both Chaos and Order in order to see the void between them. It made a lot of sense, as she thought about it. Not that she was going to go out and try to be corrupted to see if it would work. Something told her it was much harder than that.

“You said we're knights, no matter what powers our purpose. You said that your power runs through us, not the same as the senshi. How can we differentiate that? We feel a difference between us and Chaos; it is there, yet we feel no less like senshi.” asked Andronicus, moving on for the moment. She understood that there were shades of either side; that of course made sense.

The Code was less than helpful with it’s response.

What is the point of differentiating the powers? You feel a difference because your powers come from different sources. The light from a candle is different from the light of a star, yet you can see by both. It almost sounded annoyed, as though it was obvious and Andronicus should just accept the fact and move on already. She frowned at it, annoyed herself. It also told her nothing she didn’t already intuitively know. She’d hoped it would reveal some idea of what its actual power source was, some clue as to what the Code really was. Nope, nada. Okay then, time for a different route then.

“Then… What can I do to become more powerful, and shed the tethers on me? Other than trying to purify the Academy out of the Rift. I get it's important, but in all that supposed wealth of knowledge you have there... there has to be something else.” Andronicus crossed her arms, shifting her weight. There was a heavy sigh to her voice, a quiet and hidden question of things that she didn’t want to focus on. Desires and temptations in the deep recesses of her mind she desperately wanted to ignore.

The Code stilled for a moment and shifted, the carved eyes of the flower looking like it was glancing to the side. It was a long moment before it spoke again.

If I told you there wasn't anything else, would you give up? …Power comes in many shapes, and many forms. It depends on what you want. I cannot push more power into you. I am not like Chaos. Metallia can push power into her subordinates. If you want instant power, perhaps you should seek her out. It fell silent after that, as if watching to gage her reaction.

Andronicus shook her head. No, instant power was not what she wanted. Turning to the Negaverse was not the option she seeked. She missed the benefits with a longing she dared not admit, but there were some things she’d never give up for their price. Like the Andronicus itself.

No, she would fight and search and pursue power for as long as she had to. The easy way out was never really her MO anyway.

“No… I would not give up, nor go to Metallia for power. I know that taking the quick solution never gives you what you want. You say to accept both the light and the dark to become the gray in between, then that’s what I’ll do.” Andronicus bowed her head in thanks to the Code, who spoke no more to her other than to bob in some sort of gesture.

It had never been about neutrality, she realized. It had never been about being the ‘Switzerland’ of the war. It had always, always been about taking issues with the methods Order used, the fact she was lumped into that title, that label. The assumption she was fighting for ‘good’ and for ‘the light’ and that ‘chaos was evil’ because she felt of light.

She was done fighting for assumptions and labels.

Andronicus was going to fight for herself, and to protect those who got caught in the crossfire.

No matter if it meant fighting Order in order to do it. No matter if it meant looking like she sided with Chaos. The Code was right; it was merely labels to help define something. Shades of gray were present everywhere.

She was going to be a shade of gray, because at the end of the day, she did have a side in the war.

Her own.

[ WC: 1323 ]